CHAPTER 18 – A Matter of Trust

Back from a routine patrol, Jag lowered himself hand over hand out of the cockpit until his feet met the floor of the hangar. Once down, he moved with a quick but efficient stride in the direction of the debriefing room. The time in the cockpit had been a welcome distraction from waiting for the Jade Shadow to return. His step faltered slightly as he caught sight of the running voxyn adorned snubfighter parked near the back of the bay.

He quickened his step, arriving at the debriefing room in half the time it should have taken. The door slid open, and Jag passed through, pulling up short when the smiling face of not only Tycho Celchu, who usually conducted the debriefings, but Wedge Antilles as well, greeted him. Wedge spoke to his nephew as he motioned for him to take a seat.

"We'll make this quick. I am sure you have more pressing matters to attend to."

Jag remained serious as he took a seat despite his uncle's apparent relaxed attitude. "Nothing unusual to report, sir. Vanguard Two reported a point four decrease from nominal shield efficiency. Vanguard Three…"

Wedge raised his hand as he interrupted, addressing Tycho. "Is he always like this?"

Tycho responded with a succinct nod accompanied by a mischievous grin. "Strictly business."

Jag watched the two men curiously. Wedge waved his hand. "Leave it at nothing unusual to report. Then I assume you want to get out of here and see Lieutenant Colonel Solo."

"I don't want to shirk my duties sir."

"Sithspit Jagged! Cut the sir garbage out. Haven't you learned when to turn it off?"

"I apologize. I suppose not, si-. I mean, I suppose not."

Wedge and Tycho both chuckled. "Well, if you want to get certified for flight status in the X-wing, as you requested Tycho here to help you with, then you better learn how."

"I'll work on it."

Wedge leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. "So any particular reason you made this request before leaving on patrol today?"

Jag gave no outward indication of the discomfort he was feeling from the line of questioning he knew had been inevitable. "Just trying to broaden my horizons, expand my skills. I believe you both flew TIE fighters at some point. You must have learned something from the experience."

"Why don't you ask Jaina to train you then?"

"I don't want her to know. Besides it wouldn't look right, not with all the Rogues thinking we have the makings of a couple."

Wedge leaned back. "I see. I've authorized Tycho to proceed. I am sure it won't take you long."

"Thank you."

An uncomfortable silence fell over the room until Jag broke the moment. "How is Jaina?"

"She'll live. I'll let her explain the specifics of her bumps and bruises. She didn't look so great when she reported in, but she brought back some valuable data she swiped from a Peace Brigade Intelligence officer after she introduced him to the hot end of her lightsaber. It could really turn this war around. Anyway, she's resting in her room. I told her I would send you there as soon as you got back."

A puzzled expression crossed Jag's face. "You mean you didn't lay into her for running off?"

"Is that what you were hoping for, seeing that she wouldn't listen to you?"

"No, it's just that I know about the ultimatum."

"Oh, you were worried I would send you off to one of the farthest corners of the galaxy?"

"The thought had crossed my mind."

"No, I didn't lay into her. Technically, she is a Jedi, and I have to make concessions when Jedi pilots are required to uphold their other responsibilities. Jaina was the only one with the ability to rescue Tahiri. She did an admirable job of using the resources available to get the task completed."

"Oh."

Tycho interjected. "He's just in a forgiving mood because he had the excuse to fly Lead for Twin Suns since we were short pilots yesterday."

"Says he who flew Lead for the Dozen."

"Okay, so we're both a little giddy about the whole thing. I, for one, enjoyed the opportunity to get up there, even if it was for a day. Mara really has those guys hopping."

The good humor finally infected Jag. "If you're in a forgiving mood, I hope you will pardon my behavior from earlier this morning."

"I think the reaction was understandable in light of the situation, nothing to be excused. I hope Corran was able to offer some insight."

Jag's face became reflective. "He was quite helpful."

Wedge studied his nephew for a second, searching for the meaning behind the words, before rising. "Good, now go see that beautiful woman of yours."

Jag rose to match him. "Thank you, uh, Wedge."

Wedge grinned. "Now you're getting the idea."

Jag exited the room with a nod to both officers, foregoing his usual bow. It was a short walk to the commander's barracks. Instead of taking the lift to the fifth floor where his room was, Jag walked along the corridor of the main floor until he reached Kyp Durron's room.

After glancing both ways to ensure the hall was clear, Jag keyed the door comm. The door opened almost as soon as his hand left the button. "Fel, come in."

Kyp, standing in the doorway, appeared tired, with lines of worry etched around his eyes. He stepped back to allow Jag into the room. Jag waited for the door to shut before speaking.

"How is she?"

Kyp headed for the door that joined the two rooms as he replied. "She's suffering from aches and pains from spending a few hours in an Embrace of Pain and nauseous from sucking down a little too much ysalamiri toxin, nothing a healing trance can't fix."

"Why do all Jedi treat such occurrences like another day at the office?"

Kyp chuckled at the thought. "I guess because it is all in a day's work."

The Jedi opened the door, and the two men entered Jaina's apartment. Jag followed Kyp across the main room to the bedroom. The light from the main room filtered in softly illuminating Jaina's sleeping form on the bed. Even in the dim light, Jag could see the sickly pallor of her skin and the bruises that marred her bare arms.

"Shouldn't she be in the medward?"

"Probably, but Jaina wanted Cilghal to focus on Tahiri. The poor girl took quite a beating at the hands of the Peace Brigade. I guess without her powers it still took all four operatives to take her down in the marketplace. Jaina's parents tried to convince her to go to the medward before they left for Naboo, but she would have none of it. I think she was more concerned about seeing you, so I convinced her to go into a healing trance by agreeing to bring her out when you got back."

Kyp started for the bed, but Jag stopped him by gripping the Jedi's arm. "Leave her. She needs to get better more than either of us need to see each other."

"Are you sure? She really wanted to talk to you."

"I'll take full responsibility when she comes looking for blood. Can I have a few minutes alone with her?"

Kyp nodded and turned to leave the room. He stopped at the door and glanced back as the young colonel eased onto the bed and pulled Jaina into his arms. This was the way it was meant to be. Kyp's shoulders drooped as he activated the door to shut off the sight.

Jag waited for the door to shut before propping his head up on his hand to gaze down at Jaina, who was cupped against his body. He brushed the stray hair off her forehead with his free hand before dipping down to place a kiss on her cheek. Jag pulled away and returned his head to his hand. Using his free arm, he pulled her closer still, then spoke.

"I want you to get better quickly Jaina Solo. I fear we have a rough fight coming shortly, thanks to some brilliant work on your part. I don't know all the details yet, but I have been figuring out a way to make this all work. I promise to try harder to trust in your abilities just like you trust me. Hopefully, you haven't decided to dump me, based on my past performance."

Jag took a breath and laid his head down on the pillow next to hers. He inhaled the scent of her freshly washed hair as he shut his eyes. It felt so good to hold her again after the events of the last two days. Their first night spent together seemed like a lifetime ago. That night aboard the Talion had been so right, but ever since then everything had been so wrong. Jag swore to himself things would be different from here on.

"I love you Jaina, from now until the end of time."

Jaina stormed across the hangar bay with Kyp close at her heels. "Jaina, I'm sorry but you weren't ready to come out of the healing trance until now."

Jaina spun around in mid-stride and confronted the Kyp, who required Jedi reflexes to keep from running over her. "You promised me that you would bring me out early."

Kyp lowered his voice to a discreet level. "I told you, I was asked to leave you be so you could get better quicker. I don't see what the big deal is."

Jaina emitted an agitated moan as she threw her hands up in the air, before pivoting and continuing across the bay in the direction of her X-wing. Kyp followed close behind until he veered off heading for his own fighter.

Jaina had been agitated ever since coming out of the healing trance. She could not point to one specific thing that bothered her, but several things definitely contributed. It had been almost a day and a half since she had slipped into the trance. More time missed with her squadron, lost opportunities to train, improve, or just fly. The last week had been a flurry of events, all distracting from her true goal - beating the Vong. It was time to sharpen her focus.

Most importantly, Jaina had expected to wake up to Jag, but he had come and gone, not wishing to see her. Horrible thoughts had been nagging her ever since. How could a man of such ideals stay with a Rebel like you? Maybe the events of the last few days had driven Jag to reevaluate their relationship. Maybe he had not forgiven her for using her Jedi skills against him. Jagged Fel would never stay with a Jedi.

Jaina directed her ire on a mechanic working on one of the lasers mounted to the wing of her snubfighter. "What are you doing?"

The young mechanic jumped at the sound of her voice. "Adjusting the laser to specs ma'am."

The enlisted man cringed as he met her glare. "Do I look like a ma'am?"

"No ma'am, I mean…"

Jaina was in the poor man's face. "See these bars." She pointed to her shoulder insignias. "No ma'am earned them, so I will appreciate if you address me accordingly."

The man replied weakly. "Yes, sir."

Jaina ripped the hydrospanner from his hand with the Force. "And I would appreciate it if you leave my ship as is, specs or no specs."

The mechanic was scrambling off the wing as fast as he could. "Not a problem, sir."

The happy toots and whistles of Trick, seated in the astromech socket of her ship, interrupted Jaina before she could dispense any more venomous words. Jaina's mood lightened immediately with the distraction. "Hey Trick. How's the ship?"

Trick spun his head as he piped out an informative chorus. Jaina scrambled toward the cockpit. "Hold on. Hold on." Jaina read the datascreen. "Okay, looks good. Just keep the mechanics off the ship from now on."

Trick whistled inquisitively.

"Oh, I don't know, zap them with your arc welder or something. Or even better, activate the repulsors and dump them off."

Jaina laughed as Trick trickled out a series of hoots while pivoting his head to and fro. Her laugh ended abruptly as the sight of twelve clawcrafts settling into the hangar. Jaina slid down to sit on the wing, watching as the ships powered down. Her heart pattered in her chest at the sight of Jag climbing out of his cockpit. She was amazed that the sight of him could send her senses reeling.

He probably could not see her yet, but he would have to pass by her ship to go to the debriefing room. Jaina brushed a stray tendril of hair, which had slipped from her braid, back behind her ear before sliding down off the wing.

Jag was walking across the hangar when he caught sight of Jaina hitting the ground ahead of him. He caught his breath for a moment. A smile was about to break from his lips when he spotted a pair of Rogue Squadron pilots sidling over from where they were prepping their X-wings. The two pilots were studying Jag intently, obviously hoping to capture some inkling of emotion between the pair. Jag quickly stifled the smile and reverted to his usual impartial face.

Jag approached Jaina and met her eyes without a hint of joy. His heart sank as the disappointment washed across her face. "Lieutenant Colonel Solo."

Jag dipped his head as he continued past, never stopping. Jaina managed a weak smile before spinning back to put a hand on the ladder to her X-wing. She paused a second, dipping her head before beginning to climbing up. The Rogue pilots looked as disappointed as she did. Jag frowned as he made his way out of the hangar.

Kyp knocked on Jaina's bedroom door as he called to her. "Come on, Jaina. Open up."

She released her Force hold on the controls, and the door slid open. The room was dark, but Kyp could make out the form of Jaina lying on the bed in her flightsuit. Kyp stayed in the doorway.

"Why aren't you dressed?"

"I'm not going."

"Is there something wrong? Are you sick?" Kyp headed for the bed, probing Jaina in the Force. He did not perceive anything amiss other than a gloomy edge to her mood.

"No, I just don't feel like going."

Kyp sat down on the bed next to her. "Why not?"

"I don't want to talk about it. I just don't want to."

Kyp was silent for a moment before continuing. "Don't you think you should be there for the reception? Two of your best pilots were promoted today. They deserve your support."

Jaina rolled over on the bed so her back was to the Jedi Master. "It's called disappointment; they'll get used to it."

Kyp had not seen Jaina this depressed in a long time. He frowned as he puzzled the reasons. "Jaina, what are you not telling me?"

Jaina rolled back over so her back was flat on the bed. "I think Jag decided he's had enough of my Rebel tendencies."

No matter how much Kyp would like to agree; he knew it was not true. "What are you saying? That's ridiculous."

She pulled her knees up. "No, it's not. Did you see the way he looked at me yesterday in the hangar? And he hasn't tried to see me since I got back."

Kyp placed a hand on her knee. "Yes, he did. He just thought it best that you got better. I explained that. It was a good thing, too. We've been nonstop since you came out of the healing trance, with all the sims and training Wedge has been dishing out the last couple of days. If I had to venture a guess, something big is coming."

Jaina nodded. "We have been busy, but you would think he could find time…"

Kyp stood up abruptly, tired of trying to convince Jaina of something that he wished were not true. "It's pointless to argue with you about it, Jaina. You believe what you like. I'm going to the reception to support Lowie and Tesar. Don't go anywhere while I am gone. Although with the mood you are in, I suspect you wouldn't want to be seen in public."

Kyp strode to the door. "If you change your mind, let me know." The door slid shut as he exited the room.

Kyp finished congratulating Lowie and Tesar on their promotions and then made way for the wave of well-wishers. The reception, held in the Ackbar Water Gardens, was to honor numerous pilots who had distinguished themselves in Starfighter Command, some received promotions; others were singled out for acts of distinction in service. It was another attempt at bolstering morale.

The open-air park was overflowing with uniformed pilots and well-dressed dignitaries all waiting to have their turn with the honorees. Kyp strolled along the wandering paths through the nebulous forms of waterfalls and streams interrupted by the various water sculptures and ponds with odd arrangements of aquatic plants.

While admiring one such sculpture another presence eased up beside him. "Master Durron, enjoying the reception?"

Kyp faced the young colonel, dashing in his stark black dress uniform with red blood stripes and an assortment of deserved medals. "I am. And you?"

"Not one for parties, but the sights make it worth while. So where is your charge?"

Kyp grinned. "I wonder if she was the only sight you hoped to see."

Jag returned the expression, a rare inside glimpse to his emotions.

"I hate to disappoint you, but she didn't want to come?"

Jag's grin quickly turned around. "She's mad I haven't had a chance to come see her."

"Not mad, more like feeling sorry for herself."

Jag's brow furrowed in confusion. Before Kyp could continue, a feeling in the Force distracted him. He snapped his attention back to the reception across the Gardens. There, exchanging words with Lowie, stood Jaina, her twin brother at her side. "So I lied."

Jag followed the Master's gaze to discover the same sight. The tension in his body was unmistakable. He turned back to face Kyp. "I would appreciate the chance to speak to her privately."

Kyp faced Jag. There was something earnest in the younger man's eyes. Kyp took a minute to think before making a decision. "Do you know where the Oceanview Outcropping is at the far end of the Gardens?"

Jag nodded.

"She'll be there in five minutes."

"Thanks, Kyp."

Kyp forced a smile. "Don't mention it."

Kyp started to turn when Jag interrupted his departure. "Kyp, do you think you could avoid any Rogues following you and Jaina back?"

The Jedi raised an eyebrow. "Problems?"

"It's a long story, but the jist of it is, I think the Rogues are on to us. They have a pool to predict the date of our eventual coupling."

"Hmm. I'll see what I can do about that – muddle their minds or something."

The two men parted ways, Kyp heading back toward the crush of people, Jag heading in the direction of the Outcropping. The Corellian pilot was so immersed in his thoughts that he almost ran into another man on the path. Jag rocked back in a start as he lifted his eyes to greet the face of the person he had almost leveled.

Jag gave no indication of his surprise when he recognized the face of the Jedi Zekk. Jag drew up his barriers, returning to his strict emotionless demeanor instilled by years of military training. The Jedi stood his ground. Jag chose to do the same, so the men where face-to-face in a standoff.

"Colonel Fel, I believe it has been awhile." No hint of warmth came to Zekk's face or to his voice.

Jag studied the man for a second, trying to discern the Jedi's intentions. "Yes, I believe the last time we spoke was on Hapes when you were preparing to leave with the other Jedi."

Zekk forced a grin despite the pointed reminder that he had left Jaina during her time of need. "Yes, I believe that is right. I believe you stayed on Hapes and helped with the fight against the Vong. It's a shame about Ta'Chume trying to off you when all you were trying to do was help." There was no sincerity to his words. On the contrary, they leaned toward sarcasm.

So the Jedi is laying his cards on the table. Jag should have felt threatened by the Jedi Knight, but he gave no indication to the fact. Contrary to Zekk's expectations, the young colonel leaned even closer. "Yes, Zekk, I stayed and helped."

Zekk grinned before he stepped back bringing his hand to rest on his lightsaber clipped to his belt. "Nice party."

Jag tipped his head.

"I came to congratulate my friends, Lowie and Tesar. We Jedi have to be there for each other. We are one big family. People without Force powers can't seem to understand us."

Jag eyed the Jedi. "Tesar and Lowbacca are exceptional pilots. We've interacted on several occasions. I don't think they feel isolated from the other pilots. In fact, I found the Jedi were open to outside ideas when we were developing the Force-enhanced fighting techniques in Twin Suns."

"Some Jedi mistakenly think that the Force-blind can understand what it means to be a Jedi, but they all eventually learn the harsh truth."

"Or is it that some Jedi hold themselves above the Force-blind and precipitate such misunderstandings?"

"I don't know. From what I hear, you're pretty smart. You tell me, Colonel Fel. What are you learning from your experience with the Jedi?"

Jag grew tired of the younger man's game. He stepped to the side and started forward. "If you'll excuse me I have somewhere I need to be."

Zekk stepped over to block Jag's path. Their eyes locked in a battle of wills. Before either man could make a move, a female voice came from behind Jag.

"Gentlemen, lovely night for a party." Jag recognized the voice of Mara Skywalker. Neither man moved. Jag could hear the woman approach. "Zekk, Luke was looking for you."

The Jedi reluctantly broke his stare and flashed a smile at the Jedi Master. "As you wish, Master." Zekk brushed past Jag, heading toward Mara. He stopped at her side. "It was a pleasure to be asked to participate in the Jedi mission to retrieve Jaina Solo."

Mara nodded at Zekk, her face not hinting at the whispers swirling in her mind. Zekk never looked back as he dismissed himself. "Good evening Master Skywalker, Colonel Fel."

Mara turned to watch him go, thoughts racing around in her mind. Ever since the incident on the Jade Shadow, Mara had some concerns about Zekk that she had kept to herself. Now she was inclined to discuss her concerns with Luke. Mara pivoted around to question Jag about the exchange, but the young man was nowhere to be found.

Kyp ushered Jaina by the elbow away from the reception, passing the occasional guest along the path. They stopped outside the entrance to the Oceanview Outcropping – a specially designed transparisteel sphere that extended out from the Gardens offering a spectacular unobstructed view of the ocean and sky. Jaina gave Kyp a quizzical look.

"So what is it you wanted to talk about?"

To tell you how much I love you. "Nothing." She cocked an eyebrow at him. How much I need you. "It's not me. Jag's waiting for you inside. He wants to see you."

Jaina's face actually fell. "Oh well, I guess this is it then."

I wish he would let you go. "I am sure it will be fine." Jaina shot him a disbelieving look. Jag please break her heart. "I'll be here if you need me."

Jaina heaved a sigh and started down the entrance to the Outcropping. "Jaina…" She stopped and faced him. Kyp strode over to her. He pulled her into his arms and held her tight against him. She clutched him back like she was sure the world was about to end. I love you. Kyp let her pull back. He cupped her face in his hands and leaned forward to place a kiss on her forehead. Forever.

"Now go to him." Jaina backed away, smiling at the Jedi Master. He locked her face at that moment in his memory. As he let her go, Kyp somehow knew in his heart everything would change tonight.

Jaina's feet felt like lead weights as she headed down the tunnel into the Outcropping. She stopped at the entrance to the sphere. Jag was standing by the transparisteel skin, his back to her. Any hope Jaina had for a joyous reunion was squashed when she studied him. Jag could erect barriers around his emotions, but Jaina had learned to read his body language just as well. The set of his shoulders and curl of his fists told of some tightly held tension buried deep within those barriers.

Jaina spoke, forcing the words out of her mouth. "Hello."

Jag pivoted to face her. His face started to soften at the sight of her. He dismissed his reflections of the altercation with Zekk as he turned his attention to the woman before him. Jag studied Jaina, dressed in her formal uniform, her hair pulled back in a tight bun of braids. She looked sad. There was a slight slump to her shoulders and shadows under her eyes. Jag's attempt to smile faded with his concern.

He motioned to the bench in the middle of the sphere, suddenly unable to enjoy the beauty of the panorama of stars and ocean that surrounded them. Jaina walked over to the bench, meeting Jag there. They both sat, Jaina sitting straight forward, Jag angled to her body.

Before Jag could speak words fell from Jaina's mouth. "I know why you want to see me. So I'll make it easy on you. I know what I did was wrong. I understand that a man of your ideals cannot tolerate such Rebel tendencies. I am sorry for throwing you in the utility room." She sighed. "I just wish you could understand I had no choice at the time."

"Jaina…"

"No, let me finish Jag." Jaina stood and walked to the transparisteel. "I am not sorry I am a Jedi, but I am sorry that being a Jedi will keep us apart. I understand why you have chosen not to see me anymore."

Jag, who had come up behind her, spun Jaina around, gripping her arms, his green eyes furtively searching her brown orbs. Brimming tears were shimmering in the moonlight, caught on her lower eyelids. "Is that what you think? That I brought you here to tell you I don't want to see you again."

Jaina wiped a stray tear away and cursed her inability to remain strong. "It's not like you have been jumping to see me since…"

Before Jaina could finish the sentence, Jag silenced it by claiming her mouth with his own. He branded her lips with the truth of his love. The emotion seared between the touch as they remembered the delicious taste of each other. Jag put his hands on either side of her just above the waist. He held her tight as she collapsed into him.

Finally, after too many days apart, Jag felt complete. He knew the path he had chosen was right. All doubt fled his mind. Jag pulled away, looking down as he did. Jaina's eyes were still closed and her mouth slightly parted, beckoning him back like they needed the reassurance one more time. A grin pulled at the corners of his mouth at the power she had over him.

"Is that the kiss of a man about to walk away?"

Jaina opened her eyes, then shook her head back and forth. "Uh, uh."

"Now that's settled, can we get on to better things?"

Jaina leaned her head against his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I am confused about the last two days then."

Jag wrestled her hands from behind his waist and backed toward the bench, guiding her with a gentle tug on her hands. Once they were both settled he spoke. "I had a long talk with Corran while you were gone. He informed me the Rogues are speculating in a gambling manner as to when we will finally become a couple."

The truth dawned across Jaina's face. "And the Rogues were there in the hangar yesterday."

"Exactly, after that I was honestly tied up doing my job. Wedge had me running around, programming sims and analyzing the data you brought back concerning Bimmisaari. Besides, I really think we need to be careful for a while. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it may require us distancing ourselves in public."

Jaina sat silently for a minute absorbing her change of outlook. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I didn't trust you."

Trust. Jag's mind chewed the word around determining the best way to show the strength of their bond. Suddenly, like some moves in Chadrapak, his gut told him what to do. In an instant, he considered all the ramifications, moves and countermoves, plus their consequences, until he was sure of the correctness of his gut instinct.

Jag took Jaina's hand. "Listen Jaina. I think that is where we have to work harder at our relationship. Corran put a lot of things in a different light for me. After we made love everything happened so fast that we never got a chance to balance everything. My whole life changed that night for me.

"It's like you are part of my soul now. Then you had the vision, my parents leave, Tahiri's kidnapped, and you are taken captive. It was all a bit much, even for me. What I forgot was that, above all else, I love you because of who you are - a Jedi, a fabulous pilot, and a strong-willed independent woman. All of those people are more than capable of taking care of themselves. As Corran so astutely pointed out, I let my own insecurities about losing you override that trust."

"I shouldn't have thrown you in the utility room."

Jag grinned. "It's not my first choice in accommodations, but I suppose I deserved it at the time, trying to pull rank on your girlfriend is pretty low."

Jaina grinned back. "Okay, you did."

"What I am trying to say Jaina is I don't want you to be less than who you are. If you were, you wouldn't be the woman I fell in love with."

"Better a whole me than a half of me." Jag's face became serious, and Jaina stifled a giggle at the quip. "What is it Jag?"

"It would be better if you don't interrupt me until I finish what I have to say."

"Okay."

Jag lowered himself off the bench so he was resting on one knee before Jaina, her hands still in his. He looked at their joined hands before meeting her inquisitive gaze.

"I know we probably have to both work on trusting each other, but so many other things about us are perfect."

"Like the way our bodies fit perfectly together when you lay with me in your arms." The corners of his mouth turned down.

"Sorry. No more interruptions. I promise."

"So many things about us are perfect, like the way we can talk about anything, or talk about nothing, or…" He smiled. "…the way we fit together perfectly. Every day I am with you makes me wish for one more day together, and at the end of that day all I can hope for is that the next day will not be cheated from me by the war. You have this power over me that leaves me breathless. You are the reason for which I live. I couldn't imagine the next day coming and finding out I couldn't spend it with you or at least knowing you were out there loving me.

"What I am trying to say, Jaina, is that I don't ever want to spend another day doubting or trusting that you will be mine forever. Although, I don't think forever will be long enough for me. I want to have a say. I don't want to be the one stuck in the medward waiting room if something happens to you. I want to be the first one by your side. I don't want to regret tomorrow what the war took away from me today. The way we live all we have is now, but I want to make the most of the it."

Jag inhaled deeply.

"Jaina, will you marry me?"

Jaina's head spun in a thousand directions all at once. Little voices whispered in her mind, urging her, guiding her to a decision. There were so many reasons to say 'no', but Jaina had a hard time cataloguing them. Her first thought was that Jag never did anything without evaluating all sides, like every choice was a move on a dejarik board. That was one of the things she loved about him and made her trust his guidance.

Then, there was the silent prodding of the Force, flashes of all the visions lighting up her mind. You…will share some of my path as well. This could have been the path Padme had foretold, a secret union, but would it be their downfall as well?

Most importantly was the memory that one thought alone had kept her going when she had been stripped of the Force days before – getting back to Jag. He was the reason she had kept fighting through all the pain and hopelessness.

Jaina made her decision. To Jag it had seemed like an eternity as Jaina sat in the moment of decision when in reality it was mere seconds.

"Yes."

The Force rushed through Jaina, sending her a glowing warmth, but the sensation was eclipsed by the pleasure of Jag's lips greedily devouring her own. Jaina invited him to taste her pleasure and tasted his in return. Her hands found their way from his shoulders to his hair then back to cup his face. Liquid happiness hit her thumbs, mirroring her own tears.

Finally their bodies both demanded oxygen, and Jag drew his mouth away reluctantly. His forehead came to rest on hers. Jag realized at some point Jaina had fallen to her knees before him.

There was something else he had to say. "There's one more really important thing we need to discuss."

Jaina looked up at him. "I don't think you can get more important than that."

Jag cupped Jaina's chin with his hand. "Marriage means trust, and we will never have to trust that the other wants out after saying our vows. I know there are times when I will struggle with trusting that you will be all right, just because I am afraid of what you are doing. Can you understand that?"

"Yes. The same goes for me."

"Jaina, you have to earn that trust too."

Jaina pulled away. "What do you mean?"

"I mean the visions you tried to hide from me. I can't go into a marriage if you can't share everything with me." Jaina could not hide her shock. "Yes, I figured them out, but before I could find a good time to talk to you…Well, you know what happened. Marriage means trust; trust means no secrets."

Jaina opened her mouth to speak, but Jag covered it with his hand. "Jaina, you are always running off saving this person or playing hero for that group. You are so strong, but you don't have to do it alone. Let me be your strength. Let me be your hero."

Jaina put her hand on his chest. "But you are my hero."

"Then lean on me once in a while. Don't hide things from me, ever."

She looked into his eyes. "I won't hide things anymore. I promise." He took a deep breath in relief. "How are we going to do this, Jag?"

"I have some thoughts."

"I am sure you have considered every possibility already."

Jag sat down on the floor with his back to the bench and pulled Jaina over so she was resting next to him; her head nestled against his chest. His arm curved around her shoulders. "I think we should ask my uncle to marry us as soon as possible."

To his amazement, she never batted an eye ay the idea, just blinked her agreement. "Who are we going to tell?"

He was certain his next suggestion would not fly past as easily. "No one."

Jaina knew it would have to be secretive, but the words surprised her still. She picked her head up to look at Jag. "No one?"

Jag's face was serious. "Too many people know our little secret as it is. I think we should just draw the line in the sand and decide not to cross it for any reason. Well, except for one person."

"Wedge?"

"Well of course, Wedge, but no – Kyp."

"Oh." Jaina laid her head back down on his chest.

"I just don't see a way around it. He's to close to our situation."

"You're right."

"Most importantly. I know you insisted initially on our secrecy, for my sake, but now I am going to insist for your sake. If someone finds out about us and tries to use me to get to you, I will kill myself before they ever get a chance." Jaina knew he was serious. "I will not be responsible for your death, nor will I permit someone to use our love against you like the Peace Brigade did with Tahiri. Do you understand me?"

"Yes. What about after the war?"

"We'll get to that when it comes. Can you trust me when I say that whatever we choose to do or where we live, I understand that being a Jedi is who you are? I will never ask you to compromise that."

"I trust that as long as we are together it will all work out."

As a couple, Jaina and Jag fell silent. The importance of the moment suddenly overpowered them. Above their heads, the stars filled the night sky; below them, the ocean whitecaps glistened in the moonlight. One perfect second in time spent in each other's arms.

Jaina spoke first. "I should go before the Rogues come looking for me."

"Unfortunately, you're right." Jag pushed Jaina up from behind. Jaina turned, offering her hands as a lever for Jag to pull himself to his feet.

"I don't think I can stay at the reception after this."

"You go. I'll come to you room later, so we can make plans and celebrate."

Jaina teased. "Be sure you shake those Rogues."

"I have had some training in covert ops. I can shake a tail well enough."

Jaina wrapped her arms around Jag's waist and looked up at him, smiling. "I'm sure you can. Can I have a kiss goodbye?"

Jag leaned over and placed a tender kiss on her lips, then he straightened back up. "That's all you get, for now." He pushed Jaina towards the exit.

Jaina waved back as she trotted along the ramp. Ahead Jaina could see Kyp standing guard at the entrance to the Outcropping. She was about to say something when she hear another voice out of view. Jaina's step slowed as she listened.

"Why don't we go down to the Outcropping and enjoy the view?"

Kyp responded. "I can't right now."

Jaina edged up next to Kyp, and Drue Glentaw came into view. Realization dawned across the pretty blonde's face. "Oh, you're working. I see. I'll leave you then."

Jaina sensed something from the woman, envy possibly, but she brushed it off. Instead she made a decision. "Drue, don't leave on my account. I was just coming to tell Kyp that Jacen can walk me back, so he's off the hook."

Jaina felt ecstatic so she missed that the somber mood of the other Jedi did not sway. Drue's expression did lighten though. "Good. Kyp you can show me the Outcropping then." She put her arm around one of Kyp's arms.

Jaina winked at Kyp mischievously. "You know, Kyp, you might want to show Drue the rainbow water orchids exhibit first. I hear it's quite a sight to behold."

Kyp took the hint, but did not run with it. "Are you sure? It's not a problem to take you back."

"No, go have fun. Show Drue the sights."

Drue tugged Kyp's arm, pulling him toward the Outcropping's entrance. Kyp flashed a charming smile at the insistent blonde before affecting his voice with the power of the Force. "Let's see the orchid exhibit first."

Drue allowed him to lead her away from the Outcropping entrance. "Sure, let's go see the orchid exhibit first."

End of Chapter 18
TKL/jj