CHAPTER 21 – Doubt and Certitude

The medward aboard the Ralroost was quiet except for the activity of medical droids performing various duties among the bacta tanks. Jaina knew instinctively which way to turn once entering the front door. She passed by a couple of tanks occupied by other casualties of the day's battle.

The next tank held Rane Fel, floating in the healing fluid, his mind still unconscious from the effects of the ion blast. Jaina reached out for him in the Force, comforted by the degree of healing already apparent. She was sure the recovery would be a serious obstacle, but not beyond the gumption of a Fel.

Jaina left the tank and proceeded on to the next. Between the two tanks, Jaina came upon the sleeping forms of Wedge and Iella, nestled together in chairs provided for concerned parties. Jaina tiptoed past, approaching Jag's tank. At first, she was surprised to see his eyes open, but then she reconsidered. Jag knew she would come later, when the medward was empty, so he had simply willed himself to stay wake until then.

Jaina knew from experience that everything appeared distorted from inside the tank, so she sidled up as close as she could get. She smiled as her eyes were drawn to his finger pointing at Rane. Jaina held her thumb up, the pilot's symbol for "all is well." She put her hand back down and stood uncomfortably still, wishing she could communicate all the thoughts spinning around in her mind.

Then an idea came to her. Jaina leaned forward and rested her forehead on the cool transparisteel, bringing her hands up to press on the tank to take some of her weight. She closed her eyes and opened the bond she shared with her husband. It was not hard to connect with him, because Jag was as eager to communicate with her. Jaina was positive he had predicted she would try something like this since he never balked at the invasion of his mind. Instead, he guided her in.

Jaina deepened the connection, falling into the Force. She felt the complete immersion in the liquid, surrounding her in a comforting sensation. Jag was next to her as the fluid deepened into the blues of an ocean, rocking all around their bodies. Jaina imagined the feel of Jag's arms around her as he wished it so. Within the rocking of their bed of water, Jaina's body became intertwined with Jag's, no part separate from the other.

Above them, a sky opened up to a sea of stars shining down with all the love shared between the couple. Jaina could feel Jag's kisses all over her body as if they were real, sending a tingling sensation to every nerve. Her hands roamed all ever Jag, touching his shoulders, his chest, his face and finally the wound in his side.

There was no pain in this dreamscape, just the healing touch of Jaina's fingers caressing the edge of the injury. The broken flesh was a reminder of what she had gained in one day and almost lost. Her husband had risked his life for her, and then, his only desire was to see her before he welcomed the rest his body desperately needed to heal.

Jaina brushed her lips against his lips in a soft kiss. Through the kiss she sent settling thoughts of the ocean warm and rocking beneath them. She willed the stars to dim and blanket them in darkness. Jaina enticed Jag's heart to slow and his breathing to ease its rhythm. Finally, Jag fell asleep in her arms.

Jaina stayed in the comfortable bliss of the joining of their minds for a moment before withdrawing to return to the harsh reality of the medward. She stepped back from the tank, leaving one hand on the transparisteel, as her shoulders heaved a sigh.

Jaina started at the touch of a hand on her shoulder. She was so attuned to Jag, Jaina had not felt Wedge come up beside her. She turned to acknowledge him, glancing past at his still sleeping wife, now stretched across the chairs. Wedge squeezed her shoulder warmly.

"Not exactly the ideal way to spend your first day together, hmm?"

Jaina smiled wistfully as she looked back at Jag. "What? Raiding a Peace Brigade base, saving your new brother, tag-teaming Nom Anor and then sharing a night in the medward. I'd say we are off to a fabulous start."

Wedge donned the serious face he saved for special occasions like these. "Jaina, you know I am concerned for you. If there is anything you need…"

Jaina patted Wedge's hand on her shoulder. "Everything I need is right in front of me. I'll be fine."

Wedge furrowed his brow like he was not convinced. "If you say so. They'll be letting Jag out in the morning. Rane will take about a day longer. Then, he is in for a long haul of rehab for that ion blast."

Jaina frowned. "I can't stay even if I wanted to. We'll be getting to Naboo some time in the morning. Twin Suns will be escorting the refugees down. Later in the day, Mom wants Jacen and me to assist her in some of the administrative duties. Jacen gets to act as a liaison with the refugees; I get to handle logistics."

Wedge chuckled. "I see she is sticking with your respective strengths."

Jaina shrugged. "I know she wouldn't ask if she knew about us, but she doesn't and won't. I know Jag will understand."

"Well, if it's any consolation, Iella and I will still be here. I'll let him know you are thinking of him."

Jaina recalled their brief joining minutes before and smiled wistfully as she watched him bob in the bacta. "I think he knows." She faced Wedge. "Are you shirking your duties, sir?"

"The great thing about being in charge is the power to delegate when the need arises. Tycho is more than capable of dealing with anything that comes up tomorrow. I know he turns down the promotions we offer him, but he is more of a general than most of the ones I know. Besides, family is my priority right, now. It's hard to imagine that Syal almost lost two sons today."

Jaina felt the pain radiating off Wedge, similar to her own. The pain derived from the knowledge of how fragile life had truly become. "Thanks, Wedge. Please tell Jag I love him, and that I'll find him when my mother releases me from my servitude later tomorrow."

"I will."

Jaina started out of the medward, but turned back. "Oh, and Wedge, tell him we decided it best that he took it easy tomorrow."

Jaina parted with Kyp at the door to her temporary quarters aboard the Ralroost. The strain of a day spent escorting refugee convoys down to the surface of Naboo followed by working with her mother well into the evening had taken its toll on both Jedi. She lifted a weary hand to offer him a wave. Kyp stopped at his door, just past hers.

"I'll see you in the morning."

Jaina glanced up from her access panel and smiled as a thought struck her. Onboard the Bothan cruiser, she did not have to run her every move by Kyp. He probably would enjoy the break as much as she did. She was certain, though, she was never far from his thoughts. Jaina realized she could actually search out Jag this evening without a shadow.

"In the morning. 'Night, Kyp."

"Goodnight, Jaina."

Jaina spared him a tired grin as her door slid open. She shook her Jedi robe off and entered the room. Jaina was unfamiliar with the layout, so she reached out with her Jedi senses after the shutting door plunged the room back into darkness. Extending her awareness out, Jaina discovered a familiar presence.

Jaina smiled to herself as she let her eyes adjust to the minimal light provided by the field of stars outside her viewport. Jaina could make out the shadowed form of Jag propped up on a pillow, leaning against the wall. His eyes were closed in a peaceful slumber, indicated by the rise and fall of his bare chest.

Jaina tiptoed over and kicked off her boots quietly before slipping onto the bed. She leaned forward and trailed her finger along his white line of hair to the path of his scar ending at his eyebrow. Then she eased her face forward and tickled a kiss on his eye below the scar and equaled the task on the other. Next she pecked his nose and moved on to his lips. As Jaina's lips met his, she felt the reciprocation of the action. She started to smile, and Jag's tongue used the opening to slip into her mouth to tease her teeth. Jaina accepted it whole-heartedly.

Suddenly, his arms were snaking around her, pulling her body on top of his as her palms fell to the heat of his bare skin. Their kiss deepened, each demanding more of the other – tasting, nipping, sucking. Her hands trailed down from Jag's hard chest muscles along the ridges of his stomach, then swept out to encompass his waist. She halted at the feel of the bacta bandage taped to his injury site.

Jag moaned ruefully as she pulled away. "What is this?" she questioned him.

"They pulled me out a little early so they could use the tank for someone else. This is just to make sure I don't get a scar, everything else is healed." Jaina furrowed her brow. Jag peeled away the bandage to reveal the pink healing skin underneath. "See for yourself, if you must."

Jaina pressed the bandage back and smoothed the adhesive. "I see. You are not perfectly healed yet husband of mine. I think you should get some rest while I get cleaned up."

Jaina pushed away from the bed, but Jag caught one of her hands. "I've been resting all day on your orders, and I've spent all day dreaming of making love to my wife for the first time."

Jaina grinned. "It's a good thing Mother needed me down on the planet, or you wouldn't have gotten any rest." Jaina tugged her hand free. "Now be a good boy and work on getting better while I get a shower. Time enough later after you are healed for fulfilling your fantasies, Jagged."

Jaina headed for the refresher, hoping that by the time she returned, Jag would have fallen back asleep. If not, she could lull him into a drowsy state like the night before. Just short of the refresher, Jaina was being spun around by a tug on one of her hands, so she ended up wrapped in Jag's embrace. One of his hands clutched her arm, pinning it behind her back, and the other hand wrapped around the nape of her neck, his thumb resting on the pulse beating wildly along her throat. His eyes were dark with smoldering desire.

"I have waited long enough for this moment, Mrs. Fel. I will not be denied." He smiled. "Nor will you trick me into falling asleep."

Jaina's mouth fell open at the accusation. "I would never…"

Jag raised an eyebrow at her. Jaina's mind knew Jag needed to rest, but her body could not deny the press of his body against her, accentuated with each of his breaths. Besides, Jag knew she would not struggle and risk hurting him. Jaina was at a loss, so instead she melted into his arms.

"I think you enjoy saying that too much."

Jag kissed her temple. "What?"

"Mrs. Fel."

He kissed the other side. "Hmmm…"

"You know that is still negotiable…" Jaina gasped as he nipped her earlobe on the same side. "What if I want to keep Solo or Solo-Fel?"

Jag released her ear and brought his face so it was peering down at her. "So what do I have to do to convince you Mrs. Fel is the way to go?"

Jaina grinned. "The other ear would be a good start."

Jag complied, inspiring a moan of delight from Jaina. He moved his thumb off her pulse point and sucked on it, trailing lower and lower until he paused and brought his head up. "What's this?"

Jaina brought her free hand up to the healing wound on her neck. "Just a present from Nom Anor."

Jag freed her other arm still pinned behind her back and grabbed her chin gently, twisting her head so he could see the wound better. "Don't you think you should get that looked at?"

Jaina knew he was right, but too many concerns had priority over a minor injury during the last day. Now that she thought about it, the wound should have healed faster than it had so far. "I hadn't planned on it. The medward has bigger concerns, but if it will make you feel better, I will have it looked at tomorrow."

"It does." Jag's hand strayed from her chin and thread through the hair at the nape of her neck, until it was caught up in the brown braid. He tugged gently, pulling back her head to expose the silky skin of her neck. "Now where was I?"

It was early morning by ship's time, when Jaina keyed the door announcer to the physician's office. She did not really expect an answer, judging from the lack of activity in the surrounding medward, but at least she could say she made an attempt when questioned later. Jaina was surprised when she sensed a life form approaching the door. The door slid open to reveal a young man, not much older than Jag, with a mop of red hair and hazel eyes, peeking out from behind a pair of spectacles. He was not much taller than Jaina, and his face lit up as he greeted her.

"Lieutenant Colonel Solo. To what do I owe the honor of your visit?"

"I am sorry for not making an appointment. I know you are busy, but I have a minor wound that doesn't seem to want to heal properly. I have a patrol later this morning and commitments with the Jedi well into the evening, so my options were limited."

The small man beckoned her inside his office. "No trouble at all. Anything for the Trickster. Come in. Come in." The man gestured to another door. "Let's go in the exam room, and I'll have a look."

Jaina followed the doctor into the second room and climbed up on the exam table. She turned her head so he could get a better look. The doctor pulled out a scope and a medical scanner, running each in turn over the injury site, making a series of sounds each time he did so. Then he put both instruments down.

Jaina turned to look at the doctor as he finished. "Well?"

The man was jotting some notes on a datapad. He glanced up, peering over his rims. "Some questions first. You got this when?"

"Two days ago on Bimmisaari."

"I see, and how did you get it?"

"Well, there was a Yuuzhan Vong operative in the Chiss fleet…" Jaina stopped and frowned. "To make a long story short, I fought with Nom Anor, and while I was about to throw a leg lock on him, he stabbed me with one of those strange living attachments the Vong are so famous for."

The doctor looked up from his dictation, totally unaffected by her proclamation. "Well, I don't see anything unusual about the wound. It is healing at an acceptable rate for a human…"

"Not for a Jedi."

"I wouldn't know much about that, but if it would make you feel better I'll take a biopsy and blood work to forward back to your Jedi healers on Mon Cal."

Jaina tipped her head. "It would."

The doctor shuffled around the room until he found what he needed. He came back over to Jaina. "Okay, this will sting a little." Jaina never batted an eye as he prodded her once in the neck at the injury site, taking a decent chunk of flesh and a second time in the arm, drawing blood. "Done." He stopped what he was doing, apparently pondering an idea. "On second thought, just to be sure, I'll ask one of the techs to do an analysis on the blood before shipping it off. It won't be for a couple of hours though. The lab is backlogged as it is with all the casualties."

Jaina hopped off the exam table. "Thanks. You'll let me know if you hear anything?"

The doctor finished preparing the samples as he spoke. "Oh sure. If any thing turns up on the blood work, I'll let you know. Have a nice day, Lieutenant Colonel."

Jaina flashed him a polite smile as she exited the exam room. She passed through the outer office before reaching the medward. Jaina paused in the ward and checked her wristchrono. She still had a half hour until she needed to be in the hangar. Jaina decided to pay Jag's brother a visit since he would have come out of the bacta tank in the early hours of the morning.

Jaina cut through the medward, heading for the recovery suites. After a couple of tries, she found the right room. She stuck her head in the door and found Rane propped up against a pillow, staring intensely at a datapad. Jaina knocked on the door opening, and Rane looked up.

"May I come in?"

Rane put the datapad down on his lap as he flashed a charming smile. "Sure. It would be nice to talk to someone other than the medical droids."

Jaina floated into the room and took a seat in the chair next to the medbunk. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel great. I guess when you run into an ion blast there are certain protocols to make sure your circuits aren't fried." Rane fingered the datapad. "I was just reading about all the tests I have to pass before they let me fly again."

Jaina grinned. "Ah, typical Fel, studying your enemy to find any weaknesses."

Rane grinned then his expression grew serious. "Listen, Jaina. If you hadn't…"

Jaina stopped him by resting a hand on his. "Don't mention it, and don't worry, your brother thanked me on your behalf more than once."

Rane eyed her mischievously as Jaina winked. Then the look in Rane's eye changed, but he was no longer looking at Jaina, rather at some point past her. Without needing to turn around, Jaina greeted the new arrival.

"Hello, Tahiri." Jaina heard the padding of bare feet coming up behind her.

"Hello, Jaina." Tahiri stopped beside Jaina, who yanked a chair over using the Force for the younger Jedi to use.

"Have a seat. Stay a while. I'm sure Rane would love the company."

Tahiri gave Jaina an evil eye as she took the seat. "Hello, Rane. How are you feeling?"

Rane's face seemed to grow brighter with each passing second. "Never better. I was just trying to thank Jaina for her part in my rescue."

Tahiri giggled. "Did she give you the typical Solo brush-off?"

Her laugh infected Rane, and he mimicked the sound. "Well, if the brush-off is normal, then that makes me feel better. I thought maybe it was the whole Goddess thing going to her head." Rane was rewarded with another trickle of giggles from Tahiri at Jaina's expense. Jaina eyed her unknowing brother-in-law, but he persisted despite warnings of her sharp tongue from Jag. "Or maybe it isn't the Goddess act, but rather the fact that Jag actually let her fly his precious clawcraft."

Jaina cocked her eyebrow inquisitively. "So, it was as big a deal as I suspected."

"You bet it was. They were probably talking about it on the Talion the whole way back to Mon Cal. Didn't Jag ever tell you how he got his scar?"

Jaina shook her head. Rane suddenly looked like he was caught telling on his big brother for stealing a slice of ryshcate. Jaina scooted forward to the edge of her seat. "Now you have to tell me."

Tahiri, shifting anxiously in her seat, appeared as eager to hear the story as Jaina, but Rane was no longer paying attention to either woman. Both Jedi turned their gaze up and were greeted by the sight of Jag's stern expression directed at his younger brother.

"You might as well tell her now that you let the tusk-cat out of the bag. She won't stop until she hears it."

Rane actually looked like he turned two shades paler than his already sickly hue. "Why don't you tell them? It's your story."

Jag put his hand on the back of Jaina's chair. "If I had wanted to tell it, I would have already."

Both Jaina and Tahiri stared at Rane with pleading eyes, despite Jag's obvious reluctance about airing the truth. Rane swallowed and then began. "When Jag was twelve, after his first year at the Academy, Father gave him a new speeder for finishing at the top of his class. Jag was always a little particular about his stuff, and he was no less protective of his newest possession. No one was allowed to touch it, drive it, look at it sideways.

"One day, during a particularly rough game of Dredgeball – that's a Chiss contact sport – Davin stopped Jag from scoring the winning point by tackling him into the goal post head first. Jag was in no shape to drive the speeder home, but he would never admit to Davin he was hurt, especially not to ask him to drive him home in the precious speeder. Jag gets in the speeder, blacks out and crashes into the base of a glacier on the way home."

Rane stopped and looked up at Jag. "So how am I doing?"

"True to the facts so far. Go on. You're driving the ladies crazy."

"In the hospital, Jag wakes up with a gash from above his right eye into his hairline. Father won't speak to Jag after he is sure he will live. Father wouldn't even let anyone else visit him. You see there is nothing the Baron hates more than foolish pride. As his act of penance, Jag refused the bacta treatment, leaving the scar as a permanent reminder against hubris. When Father saw Jag the day he got home from the hospital, he broke down in tears and forgave him on the spot."

Jaina pivoted in her chair so she was looking up at Jag. "That wasn't so bad. I guess you learned your lesson; you let me fly your ship."

Rane chuckled behind her. "I think if it had been any one else, he would have taken another scar. No, I think love won over foolish pride."

Jaina grinned at Jag. "I like the scar; I think it's sexy."

Jag could not help himself when he reached over and brushed a stray hair out of her face. Jaina looked away as he did so, fearful she would blush if she maintained eye contact.

"Oh, my. Look at the time. Got to get to the hangar." Jaina spun to face Rane again. "Get better. I'll check back on you."

Jaina jumped from her seat and brushed against Jag seductively as she made her way to the door. She was surprised to hear footsteps behind her. Jaina pivoted to face her follower.

"Jag, shouldn't you be spending time with Rane?'" Her face read more like, Are you out of your mind following me?

Jag glanced around. "I just wanted to ask how your appointment went."

Jaina absentmindedly brought her hand up to the wound on her neck. "Oh, the doctor said everything looked normal. He took a biopsy and blood to send back to Cilghal just in case. I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

Jag let out a breath in relief. "So it sounds good?"

"Yes, it does." Jaina motioned over her shoulder. "I really have to go."

Jag smiled. "Go. Be safe."

Jag strolled through the streets of the refugee camp set up along the outskirts of the city once known as Theed. The camp was beginning to look like a town and not a temporary base, more and more everyday. Jag could not believe they had only been on Naboo for two weeks. It was a tribute to the resiliency of the refugees and even more so to the Jedi.

The Jedi never saw things as obstacles to prevent success rather as a challenge to be overcome. Jaina epitomized the philosophy, but she took it one step further. She crushed obstacles into pebbles and then grains of sand before going on her way.

Jag smiled as he recalled the previous two weeks spent with his wife. There were four squadrons left behind with the small fleet spearheaded by the Ralroost - Twin Suns, Vanguard, Blackmoon and the Dozen. They would remain until the planet was able to establish its own defense force. The other squadrons all had Jedi; Jag was sure his uncle had been instrumental in keeping Vanguard in the mix. Three squadrons really should have been satisfactory. Four squadrons ensured that no squadron was overtaxed.

Luke and Mara had opted to take either of the evening patrols, saving the daylight for Jedi Council business, so Jaina and Jag had the daytime patrols. Twin Suns patrolled in the morning, and Vanguards took the afternoon patrols. After Jaina returned from her Jedi duties on the planet in the evening, they were able to spend their nights as a normal newlywed couple ensconced in her quarters. Jag had barely seen the insides of his own quarters on the Ralroost, but he had no complaints.

Now, Jag was searching for his bride among the myriad of refugees. At the behest of the Council, all the Jedi spent time in the camp performing various services ranging from healing and counseling to mediating disputes. Jaina had drifted over the two weeks to helping out in the orphanage, healing or just spending time with a child in need.

Jag figured it was due to the fact she had become somewhat of a celebrity among the refugees, after one of the individuals she rescued on Bimmisaari identified her as their personal guardian angel. Now, every time Jaina went out in public on Naboo, a crowd followed her. Most kept a respectful distance, but others had taken to trying to touch her, a few had been bolder than that. The children in the orphanage did not seem to harbor the same mystique for the Jedi pilot known as the Trickster. As a result, Jaina had chosen to go there more and more over the last week.

Based on conversations with his wife, Jag had a fairly good idea of where it was. Unfortunately one street was difficult to discern from the next. He finally spotted a landmark Jaina had mentioned in passing. The structure housing the orphanage came into view around the next corner.

Jag approached the doorway and had to duck to get inside. He glanced around the vacant anteroom. Hearing a voice from one of the adjoining rooms, he drifted in that direction. The voice became clearer, and Jag smiled as he recognized the feminine tone. After peering inside, Jag chose to slip in and slide along the wall.

The room was full of children of all species and ages, enthralled by Jaina's story. Jag listened to the tale of Jacen and Jaina, along with their friends Lowie and Tenel Ka, fixing a TIE fighter at the Jedi Praxeum and the ensuing mayhem. Jaina finished and then asked the children to tell her the moral of the story. She patiently listened to each child in turn as they added their input.

Jag watched as she leaned over and pulled one of the more timid children, a blonde-haired human girl, not more than four years old, into her lap. Until that moment he had only seen his wife as a warrior and pilot like he was, all business. Something in the way she engulfed the child in her arms struck him as heartwarming; it stopped his breath for a moment. He snapped out of his reverie as a voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Kind of a bold move on your part, Fel."

Jag kept his eyes on Jaina as he answered the Jedi Master. "I don't think any Rogues are hanging out in orphanages."

Kyp chuckled. "If they were still here on Naboo, I would have challenged you on that. They are all still children. Aren't you going with the Solo clan out to the ruins of the Lake Resort? Couldn't wait until then?"

Jag was silent, his attention on Jaina.

Kyp nudged him playfully with an elbow. "Did you hear me, Jag?"

"Hmmmm?"

Kyp cocked an eyebrow curiously. "Can't get enough of her?"

"Not today."

Kyp sensed some underlying emotions boil off with the confession, forcing their way past the younger man's usually calm demeanor, but he did not press the matter. Instead, he tried to lighten his mood. "I, for one, will enjoy the chance to heal up after the pummeling she's been giving me every day."

Jag tore his gaze away from Jaina to grin proudly at Kyp. "She has been training hard since getting here. I guess it's beginning to pay off."

Kyp nodded. "She gets more powerful every day. She beats me half the time sparring now, and can take Corran and Jacen more times than naught."

"So why doesn't she look as sore as you appear?" Jag tipped his head at Kyp's shoulder, which the Jedi was unconsciously rubbing as they talked.

Kyp dropped his hand to his side. "Jaina has not only worked on her fighting skills, she had doggedly pursued improving other aspects of her Force control, including healing trances. She seems to have mastered the ability. She practices," Kyp held his fingers up to form quotes around the word, "every day after we spar. I, on the other hand, eagerly stand guard and fret over whether or not I am the right man for the job of guiding Jaina on her path of discovery. I fear she is becoming too powerful too fast. At this rate, she will be a Master in no time."

Jag's expression mirrored the serious tone the conversation had taken. "You worry about her not being able to deal with this newfound power and that you'll miss the signs of her turning back down the wrong path."

Kyp nodded.

As Jag spoke, he turned back to watch Jaina set down the blonde-haired child. "Maybe just the fact that you worry about it is proof enough you are the man for the job. I mean, self-doubt is not usually mentioned in the same sentence as you."

Kyp, who had followed Jag's gaze, silently absorbed the colonel's words. Kyp pondered over the fact that despite all the reasons he should despise Jag, especially for being the one holding Jaina's heart, he truly liked and admired the man. Jaina deserved no less than what Jag was able to give her, most importantly his depth of wisdom for a man so young.

Jaina's eyes came up and caught the attention of both men, flashing them a half smile before turning her attention back to the orphans. Jag pushed away from the wall he had taken up residence against and faced Kyp.

"There's no doubt on Jaina's part, so maybe you should follow her lead. I know I can trust you to be there for her."

Something in Jag's words caught Kyp's attention. "Am I missing something, Fel?"

The expression on Jag's face was filled with sorrow for one fleeting second, and then he was back to his unreadable façade. "I wish I could say no, but it's Jaina's news to hear first. I'm off. Tell her I'll see her at the Falcon in an hour."

The door creaked open, protesting its lack of use over the last forty years. Jaina peeked her head through. Despite the dust on everything and the decay evident on some of the furnishings, the room was straight from her memories of Padme. Jaina made her way from the veranda overlooking the lake into the room and spun slowly to absorb her surroundings. Jaina was glad she had left Jag with her father to tinker with a speeder boat they had found in the boathouse.

A flood of memories washed across Jaina, overwhelming her senses. The onslaught brought flashes of color to her eyes. The bedspread brightened to the deep blue hue it had once been. The stains and holes in the curtains disappeared to reveal a sheer white material flowing in the breeze. The wood of the furniture slowly returned to the polished stain of freshly-worked craftsmanship. Suddenly the room was alive as it had been all those years ago. A knock on the door caught her attention.

"Milady. I came as soon as I could."

Padme propped herself up on the bed, resting against a set of fluffy pillows. She pulled her knees up as she smoothed out the bedspread over them. "Come in, Obi-wan. I am sorry I can't get up to greet you properly, but I have not been myself lately."

Obi-wan entered the room and bowed politely. "I am sorry to hear that Senator. Is there anything I can do for you?"

Padme motioned to one of the chairs by the bed. "Please, just Padme. I resigned my seat in the Senate. Why don't you have a seat, and I will tell you why I asked you to come all this way to Naboo."

The Jedi strode over to the chair and settled into it, adjusting his robe as he did so. After she had his full attention, Padme began.

"Master Kenobi, I need to ask you two questions. You may or may not choose to answer them, but they need asking." Obi-wan leaned forward in anticipation, resting his elbow on his knee. Padme took a deep breath. "Is Chancellor Palpatine the Sith Lord the Council has feared is manipulating the Senate?"

Obi-wan leaned back with a start. "What brings you to that conclusion?"

The corner of Padme's mouth turned up ruefully. "I have my reasons, but you have answered my question without needing to."

"I would like to answer your question. We have had our suspicions, but the recent turn of events has made that fact evident."

"Thank you for your honesty, Master Kenobi. Hopefully, you can be as truthful in your next answer." Padme radiated nervous anticipation and dread as she rubbed her knee. She ventured to match his stare. "Is Anakin under the control of Chancellor Palpatine? Has he turned to the Dark Side?"

Obi-wan's features told the entire story, emanating his own personal demons that haunted his every waking moment. "Although my every hope would be it were not true, I am afraid it is."

Padme's face blanched with the acknowledgement of the awful truth. Her knuckles turned white as her fingers clutched the bedspread. Obi-wan leaned forward and grasped one of her hands. "I am sorry. I know you thought highly of him, Padme."

Padme's liquid brown eyes blinked back tears. "Then that creates a serious problem requiring your assistance. I fear there is no where else I can turn now."

Obi-wan's thoughts spun in a thousand directions. Confusion tainted his voice. "What is it, Milady?"

"Anakin is more than a friend, Obi-Wan. He is my husband."

The Jedi pulled his hand back like he had been bitten. "How can that be? He took an oath to the Jedi Order. You both knew that!" Obi-wan was out of his chair, pacing the room.

"Anakin needed something more than the Order could give him. He was so unstable after his mother's death. I seemed to help anchor him."

Obi-wan lashed out at Padme. "If the Order could not give him everything he needed, Anakin should have left. He made a vow and chose to honor it only as he saw fit. Anakin won't be the first or last Jedi to question his vows, but he should have made a choice. Don't you see his deception alone is a seed of the Dark Side?"

Padme defended her husband passionately. "How could you understand what he was going through or what I endured…"

To Padme's surprise, Obi-wan flew at her, so she was forced back against the pillow. "I understand more than you know. Anakin is not the only Jedi to wrestle with the question of whether to choose a life filled with love, or to follow the calling the Force has given us. It takes courage to choose one or the other, instead of hiding in some middle ground, not true to either."

Padme's wide-eyed orbs softened as she determined the hidden meaning behind his words. "I'm sorry Obi-wan. I spoke out of turn. Obviously you have endured the same struggles. I did not mean to belittle your choices. I fear neither of us were as strong as you. We succumbed to the calling of our hearts, but chose to deceive the people who trusted us. In the end, I fear I have failed everyone."

Obi-wan walked away and sunk into a heap at the foot of the bed, his back now to her. "I would have chosen love, but she could not deny her people, nor would she have been able to live with me giving up my duty to the Force."

"What was her name?"

"Keira. Her name was Keira."

"She must have loved you dearly to give you up to a mysterious Force she could never understand."

Obi-wan's head fell into his hands as memories overwhelmed his heart. "She was Force-sensitive like me. That's why she did understand."

Padme cringed at the pain in his voice. She pulled back the covers and swung her feet off the bed. Her intention was to make it the short distance to his side and comfort him. Her legs, not having supported weight in more than a day, failed her, and Padme ended on the floor in a pile of robes. Obi-wan came to her side instantly. His voice had softened as he helped pull Padme to her feet.

"I am sorry for my harsh words. The memories can be overwhelming at times. I did not mean to add to your burden." He put a hand around Padme's waist to steady her, when he met the bulge of two unborn children expanding her slender form. "Forgive me Padme. Now I see the marriage was not the problem."

The touch of a hand at her waist and another at her shoulder were based in reality. The fading of the colors signaled the end of the vision. Jaina leaned against the support offered in the touch.

"Did Dad finally scare you off with some lecture about treating his little girl right?"

"Your father only cleaned his blaster the whole time." Jag could feel Jaina giggle against him. "No, we got along fine. I wanted to give you time to explore on your own without treading all over your memories."

Jaina spun in his arms so she was peering up at him through her thick lashes. "That was sweet."

"However, I couldn't stand to stay away any longer." Jag glanced around the room, hearing the voices of Jacen and Leia nearby. "Can we go somewhere private?"

Jaina grabbed his hand as she put a finger over her lips. The couple slipped out the door to the veranda. Jaina led Jag over to a flight of stairs. At the bottom, a path into the woods beckoned to be explored. The couple wandered along the path as it meandered next to the river, which emptied into the lake.

Jaina noted Jag's solemn demeanor and mused over the reason. She was glad he asked for some private time because she needed to talk. Jaina did not want to needlessly concern her husband, but she had decided that her concerns had grown enough over the last week to deserve sharing. Although the fleet physician had found nothing of note in her puncture wound inflicted by Nom Anor, Jaina had a distinct suspicion that something was amiss.

There was nothing Jaina could pin it to definitively, but everyday she sensed a subtle change here or there in her body. She probably would not even noticed, chalking it up to the usual aches and pains from training, except she had been making a concerted effort to practice her healing trances. Each time she came out of the trance, the feelings were gone, but would return shortly thereafter, even when all she did was eat a meal and go to bed. Jaina had meditated and scanned her body in the Force to no avail.

She had even returned to the fleet physician, who tried to allay her fears, assuring her nothing appeared wrong. The initial blood tests had all been normal. All Jaina could do now was wait for word from Cilghal. For Jaina, it may have been a specter with no merit, but perhaps the unknown would be more bearable with Jag to share the burden. She had promised him to not keep secrets, and she intended to honor that promise.

The path ended, opening into a field of tall grass bordered by vast waterfalls in every direction, save one. The sound of the crashing water had been like a white noise all along the wooded path, but here it controlled the air.

Jag took the lead, and Jaina allowed him to guide her through the field, her hand brushing along the top of the grass. He stopped at a large boulder and sunk down to the ground. Jaina lowered herself down into the grass as well, so she ended up with her head in Jag's lap, facing up to the sky.

Jag smiled down at Jaina as he brushed the hair off her brow tenderly. The sun was low on the horizon, forcing Jaina to lower her lids in order to shield against the blinding rays. The warmth of the sun on her face, combined with the rhythm of the waterfalls, lulled her into a moment of pure bliss, highlighted by the fact she was sharing it with her husband. The war seemed like just a bad nightmare here in the comfort of Jag's presence.

Jaina kept her eyes closed as she spoke. "I think our lives have been about as close to normal as I can imagine over these last two weeks. Right now is so perfect, I have even forgotten to be upset about losing Lowie and Tesar to the Naboo Defense Force today."

Jag was silent, absorbed in soaking in the beauty of her face, captivated by the movement of her lips. Jaina reached up and thumped him on the chin lightly with a finger, opening one eye to look at him. "Don't you think these last two weeks have been wonderful?"

Jag nodded. "Mmm-huh."

She rolled up and spun in the grass so she was facing Jag cross-legged. Something about his reply startled Jaina out of her reverie. "What is it, Jag?"

"We need to talk. I have something to tell you."

"Okay, I have something to tell you, too."

Jag's eyes lowered to her hand as he picked it up, cupping it between both his hands. Jaina's eyes never left his face, waiting for him to bring his green-eyed gaze back up. Her heart pounded in her chest drowning out the humming of the waterfalls.

"It has been as perfect as I can imagine." He forced a smile, but the sparkle in his eyes was not for joy, rather the highlights of forming tears. "A message came from Csillia today."

"Is something wrong with your family?"

He forced a smile at her concern. "They are all fine." His smile faded. "No, this message contained orders for Vanguard Squadron." He paused, but Jaina already knew what he was going to say. "We've been recalled home."

The weight of the words sucked the remaining air out of Jaina's lungs, making it hard for her to breath. This was an eventuality they had discussed, but she never imagined it becoming a reality. Jaina could only choke out one word. "When?"

Jag's eyes turned down. "Tomorrow."

Jaina yanked her hand away as she leapt to her feet. She ran away as fast as her legs would carry her, running from the awful truth. Jag's arms were around her suddenly and together they stumbled to their knees. Jaina could not see beyond the tears flooding her eyes as she flailed her arms, crying out, "Nooooo!"

Jag wrestled her arms under control, pinning them in an embrace. He fell to the grass, taking Jaina into his lap, where she clutched his shirt and buried her face in his chest. Jag rocked her and whispered soothing words into her hair as she released the onslaught of pain welling up from deep within. The sobs subsided, giving away to sniffles and finally Jaina slumped in Jag's arms, the only sign of life her fingers clutching his shirt.

Jag could not find the words to make her feel better. They just did not exist. Jaina stirred and picked her head up. Paths of tears stained her cheeks red and white, and her eyes were puffy.

"I'm sorry. This must be as terrible for you as it is for me."

Jag brushed the back of his hand across her cheek. "I may not express it with the same flare as you, but yes, I believe so."

"Do you know why?"

"Why we are being recalled?"

Jaina nodded.

"My guess is that these pilots have been here for so long, it was decided to bring them home. I have no way of knowing the truth until I get there." Jag gripped Jaina's chin, locking her eyes in his stare. "I will come back as soon as possible. If they won't send me back, I will resign. I won't leave you here alone. I promise."

Jaina wrapped her arms around Jag's neck. "I know. I'll miss you desperately, but I'll eagerly await your return."

Jag pushed her away and held her at arm's length. "Jaina, it may not be quick. If I have to resign, I will have to denounce my oath of loyalty to the Chiss. It is a complicated process. I owe the Chiss the respect to do that properly. Does that make sense?"

Jaina nodded, biting back more tears. She suddenly recognized the enormous sacrifice he might have to make on her behalf. Jag folded her back in his arms, unable to bear the sight of her tears. Jaina's arms clutched him fiercely, and the couple stayed locked in the embrace.

A voice broke the silence. "There you two are. We're ready to get going."

Jag looked up to see Jaina's father standing at the entrance of the path. When Han saw the bleak expression of the younger man, still clutching his daughter, he suddenly felt like an unwanted guest.

Jaina separated herself from Jag, wiping away the tears from her face, before facing her father. "We'll be right there, Dad." She somehow forced a smile.

Even so, her father frowned before leaving the couple to their privacy once again. Jaina climbed to her feet and took a deep breath to calm her rapid-firing emotions. Jag rose as well, grasping his wife's hand as he did.

"Was there something you had to tell me before we head back?"

Jaina thought about her unconfirmed fears, and all of a sudden, they felt inconsequential. It would be unfair to unload them on Jag, causing him to worry senselessly, or even worse, do something he would regret later. Jaina shook her head.

"It doesn't seem that important anymore."

Jag gazed down on the sleeping form of his wife and the empty space he had occupied until moments before and heaved a sigh. Every part of him ached to touch her one more time, but he knew if she woke, he would never have the strength to deal with the sadness in her eyes. So he chose instead to hold onto the memories of their passionate evening where they had crammed a lifetime's worth of loving into the span of one night.

Jag recalled laying with Jaina cupped in his body until she had finally succumbed to the exhaustion she had tried to hold at bay, desperate to spend every last moment with Jag awake. He watched the rise and fall of her breathing, so peaceful in its rhythm as he kneeled down by the bunk, which never seemed as small as it should have with two people in it. Jag reached out with his hand, but stopped it an inch from her face, holding it there before balling his fingers into a fist. He withdrew his hand and rose quickly.

With the speed of a driven man, Jag raced to the door of her quarters and sped down the halls of the Ralroost once free of the room, heading for his last stop before beginning the journey to Csillia. It took a minute to get to the medward. Jag strode down the empty halls, quiet due to the morning hour, until he reached his brother's room.

Jag activated the door and stepped inside. The noise of the closing door roused Rane out of his sleep. He propped up on his elbows, blinking sleepily. Rane stretched over and turned on a small light by the bed. His voice cracked with sleep as he spoke.

"Hey, Jag. You out of here?"

Jag walked over to the bed and pulled up a seat. "I plan on running a few checks on the ship before I head out, but yes, shortly."

Rane ran one hand over his face as he slid up to a sitting position, glancing at the wall chrono. "It's only 0400."

"I couldn't sleep."

Rane studied his brother's face; the usually unreadable features had a gloomy edge. "Are you okay?"

Jag sighed. "No. I need you to do me a favor. I need you to keep an eye out for Jaina."

Rane chuckled. "I don't think she needs protection from me, big brother. She could whip me up one side and down the other before you could say Yuuzhan Vong." When Jag's expression did not lighten, Rane grew serious. "This means a lot to you?"

Jag's green eyes locked onto his brother's brown eyes.

Rane tipped his head. "I'll look in on her when I can. I may get out today if I pass my last dexterity test, and then I will be shipping back to Mon Cal to meet up with the Spikes."

"I can only ask that you do what you can. Twin Suns will be shipping back to Mon Cal in the next couple of weeks with all the other squadrons when the Naboo Defense Force is functional."

"I am sure she will be fine, Jag."

Jag managed a weak smile. "Thank you. I hope you get back in the cockpit soon. Keep safe. I'll give your love to Mom and Briaun."

Rane laughed. "Have some of Mom's rhyshcate for me."

"I will."

Jag rose to leave when Rane asked, "Jag, is it terrifying to love someone that much?"

"Worse than flying into a squad of skips with your shields stripped."

"I hope I find that someday."

Jag grinned. "Maybe you already have."

Rane twisted his mouth; his eyes appeared reflective. "Tahiri, you mean?"

Jag nodded.

"I think I could easily fall in love with her; she's a special person – kind and warm. I am afraid, though, I'll never compare to Anakin, so I fight it every step of the way. If he's half the person Jaina is, I don't have a snowflakes chance in the desert of living up to his memory."

Jag put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "It's not about competing, it's about finding your own place in her heart. His memory will always be there, but their relationship is dead and gone."

Rane smiled wistfully. "The problem is, I don't think there is room left in Tahiri's heart for anyone else. I think Anakin took most of it with him when he died on Mrkyr. Now all that is left may be an aching shell."

Jag did not know what else to say. His experience in the romance department hardly deemed him a worthy counselor. Jag wished his mother where still here; she would have known what to say. At a loss for words, he squeezed Rane on the shoulder before removing his hand.

"Clear skies, brother."

"You, too, Jag."

End of Chapter 21
TKL/zr/h94