Psychiatrists and Girlfriends!

"Aaaah don't you just love mornings? Waking up to feel the sun on your face? Waking up to smell someone making coffee downstairs and possibly the smell of burnt toast? Don't you just love it all?" Busta sang as she introduced the story, standing outside the dark building of Devil May Cry.

"NO WAY! I'M A VAMPIRE DAMMIT!" Rayne roared angrily from beside her.

"Shut up, you!" Busta hissed. Rayne promptly started crying and ran away. "The sun was shining, and the grass was smelling nice…well to those who didn't suffer from hay fever. The birds were singing as well. It was a beautiful day and everyone was happy. Almost…"

"NOOOOOOOOO! I'M NOT GOING! NO WAY NO HOW!" Dante's voice boomed from inside the house. Trish stood, her hands on her hips.

"But you have to! You told the guy that you were definitely going to go." Trish argued.

"But he laughs at me! He doesn't believe what I tell him!"

Trish picked Arson up and plonked him onto the table in front of Dante. "Well this time you have proof."

Arson blinked at Trish's words, smiling wide. "Poof? Poof! POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF! POOFIE OOFIE FUN FUN FUN!" He babbled, clapping his hands and giggling giddily. Dante narrowed his eyes, bursting out yelling again.

"NO! I'M NOT TAKING HIM WITH ME!"

Aaah yes. Once again Dante had to go to the psychiatrist and unburden his problems. Or problem. Of course, he certainly didn't want to.

With another giggle, Arson stood up onto the table. "Moooooooooo!" he bellowed, pretending to be a goatling. This caused Dante to shudder at him.

As to not have any more argument from Dante, Trish quickly bundled him and Arson onto Dante's motorcycle, tying Arson to the back of it. As Dante started the engine, a long smile crossed Arson's face.

"Wow! It's vibrating!"

A large sweatdrop appeared on Dante's head as he wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Now that's just sick!" Trish said nothing, but walked back into the house to throw up. Arson looked up at Dante with a concerned look.

"Auntie Trishie isn't well, Gran'pa!"

"Don't call me that!" Dante growled. Arson blinked up at him innocently.

"But you're my Gran'pa!" he defended.

"Look. Call me sir! Okay? Or you can even call me The Godsend!" This earned Dante a big, cute smile.

"Okay!"

LATER

During the ride, Arson had fallen asleep on the back of the motorcycle. As Dante pulled up to the psychiatrists, he pulled Arson off the bike and lugged him along behind him as he went into the office.

The doctor poked his head from his office, looking in Dante's direction. "I'm ready for you, sir." Dante nodded and went into Dr. Chasm's room. Chasm sat down behind his desk, watching Dante.

"Now…"

Dante blinked and looked around the rather dimly lit room. "It's a little dark in here don't you think?" Chasm suddenly jumped up onto the desk top and pointed down at Dante as if to accuse him of something.

"WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?"

"Um…because it is?"

Chasm got down from the desk and sat down in his chair again. "Very well…" He clapped his hands, and the blinds went up in response. "Better?"

"Yep."

Rayne, who was also in the room, squealed as the light shone into the room. "NO!" He ran and cowered into a cupboard to sulk. Dante looked over to the cupboard questioningly.

"Don't mind him." Chasm assured. "He's suffering from PMS."

"What?" Dante asked, a funny look on his face.

"Never mind. He's another patient."

"What's he in for?"

"I'm trying to stop him from cracking stupid jokes that make no sense and offend people. He is showing a lot of progress…" Chasm explained. "but now I have to stop him from thinking he's a girl."

"Oh."

"Now enough about him! Let's talk about you." Chasm stared forward at Dante. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

Once again, Chasm jumped up onto the desk. "WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?"

"Because I am?"

"Very well…" Chasm took a seat once more behind the desk. "Who's that?" He asked, looking at Arson, who was still asleep. Dante sighed miserably.

"The cause of all my stress and problems."

"Your mother in law?"

"No! My Grandson!"

"I seeeeeeee. . ." Chasm grabbed up a notebook and began scribbling things down into it. "Why does he cause you so much grief?"

"Stress." Dante corrected.

"I said grief so it's gonna be grief, okay?"

"Okay."

"You seem to be of a nervous disposition, sir."

Dante cocked a brow. "What's a disposition?"

"A Mood." Chasm explained.

"I'm not in a mood!" Chasm stared at him in annoyance

"Anyway, he's just nuts. He goes crazy and he's so random!" Dante began to explain. "He likes to eat strawberries and he pretends he's a dog or that he's a demon! Well I guess he is…but he's an angel too."

Chasm had a confused look upon his face. "You're contradicting yourself."

"Wha-?"

"You're saying one thing and then another."

"STOP USING YOUR LONG WINDED WORDS!" Dante snarled in warning. Chasm quirked his eyebrows at Dante, who sighed and grabbed Arson. "I'll show you what I mean." He then picked Arson up and plonked him onto the desk. The boy woke up slowly, then looked around the room.

"Where am I?"

"You're in a psychiatrist's office." Chasm explained.

"I see." Arson's voice was calm and normal. "Why?"

"Your grandfather seems to be under the impression that you are crazy."

"But that's preposterous!" Arson defended. Dante stared at him, his eyes wide.

"He's just lying! He's as crazy as a hippo-eating chimpanzee!" Chasm looked over at him.

"You're crazy for even suggesting that chimpanzees eat hippos."

Dante ignored the comment and poked Arson. "Are you a dog or a demon?"

"I'm a teenager." Arson stated calmly. Dante now had tears in his eyes, and tried to figure out how he could make Arson act insanely. He got a plan.

"Do you want a pink marshmallow?" He asked, fishing around in his pockets until he pulled one out.

Arson smiled happily. "Yes please!" Dante gave him one.

Arson ate it calmly, and then smiled. "Thanks." Dante waited a moment, then stared wide eyed as nothing happened.

"B-b-but!"

Chasm sighed. "I think we've seen enough. Dante, I suggest you take these." He said, handing Dante a bottle of pills.

"B-b-but!" Dante protested.

"They'll stop you from hallucinating. I bid thee good day." Dante took them and walked out of the room, dazed as hell.

As they began to walk out, Arson blinked and smiled wide. "Ooooh…I'm feeling kinda tingly!" He started giggling again now, and Dante slapped himself on the forehead, knocking himself out.

Arson ran out of the psychiatrists office, barking and acting completely crazy. "WUF WUF WUF!"

"Oooooh…he's so kawaii!" Someone squealed happily.

Arson stopped running and began sniffing at a hotdog stand. "Hungwy!" Suddenly, someone hugged him and he blinked. "Wuf?"

"You're so cute!" the person said, hugging onto him tighter.

"I know!" Arson said, preening and making cute, adorable faces.

"What's your name?"

"….Um….uh…I dunno! Sometimes known as Arson, arse-wipe, arse, arse munch, arse bandit,"

1 hour later

"and arse-hole…but you can call me The Great Mootah!"

"I'll just stick with Arson."

"Okay."

Five minutes passed, before the person began to speak again.

"Aren't you going to ask me my name?" She asked.

"No…I'll call you The Great High Jazz."

"I'd rather be known as Ara."

Arson shrugged. "Okay."

Five more minutes passed, and it was Ara again who broke the silence.

"…..you wanna do something?"

"Yeah I wanna scare something." Arson replied.

"Okay."

Arson looked around, then picked up a bench and chucked it at a cow, who just happened to be standing in the middle of the street.

"Moooooooooooooooo!"

"The Godsend hates Goatlings like you!" Arson yelled, thinking the cow was a goatling. He danced and pranced about, then headbutted into a wall.

"Isn't he cute?" Ara asked herself, watching him. "Who's the Godsend?" Arson pointed over at Dante, who was sitting on the ground, then the boy got a concussion from hitting the wall.

Dante sat there, swearing and cursing. Ara blinked over at Arson. "That's the Godsend?"

Arson had a crazed look about him. "You heathen!" He yelled before attacking a shopping cart. Ara watched him, smiling.

"Awwwwwwwwww!"

Arson was still mauling the shopping cart, and jumped back, yelling at it. "I hate you Al Bheds! I hate you! I've lost every single game I've ever played, nah? Yah? Nah? Yah? Nah? Yah? Heathen!"

Ara said nothing, but quickly ran away before she got hit with a blitzball.

Dante got up and walked over to Arson, then slapped him. The boys eyes welled up with tears. "They used to call me Mr. Glass!"

"I knew we shouldn't have taken him to see Unbreakable…" Dante grumbled.

"I'm an art professor!" Arson yelled, spearing a sausage from the hot dog stand with a fork, and then started swiping at random people with it.

"Or X2." Dante groaned as Arson began to slobber all over him and make cute faces. "Or Lilo and Stitch…"

"Whooooooooooooo!"

Dante sighed and grabbed Arson, tugging him along. "Time to go home, Arson." As they passed the psychiatrist's place, Dante grinned, snickering. "Or time for me to go home!"

Back in the office, Chasm was sitting at his desk, drinking a cup of coffee and looking at Rayne. "Are you a vampire?"

"Yes." Rayne nodded.

"Are you a guy?"

"Yes."

"Are you funny?"

"Yes." Rayne perked up. "Have you heard about the rude pirate movie? It was rated Arrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

Chasm was silent through the bland joke. Rayne decided to try another one.

"Why was the lady chasing after her nose? Because it was running!"

"I see we still have a lot of progress to make." Chasm sighed. Suddenly, there was the sound of shattering glass as something smashed through the window and bowled into Chasm. Needless to say, it was Arson.

Arson made numerous cute faces and slobbered all over Chasm. "ATCHUPUKKA!"

"……..Euw!" Chasm yelled, pulling him off and chucking him at Rayne.

"My precioussssss-sssssss-sssssss! My own!" Rayne hissed, running of carrying a ring made of candy, stroking it the whole time.

Arson jumped up and stared at Chasm, pointing at him. "I'm Sonic the Hedgehog! You faker!"

Chasm said nothing at first, but all the way in England a scream could be heard.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! STOP THE MADNESS! STOP IT!"

"That's what psychiatrists are for!" Dante snickered.

Trish grinned at him and giggled. "Oh Dante you are so droll!"

"Wha-?"

Trish sighed. "Never mind…."