Chapter 7

When Lily woke up, she heard the soft breathing of someone next to her. She turned around and found James sleeping on her chair.

She smiled. "He's cute when he sleeps," she thought. She then mentally kicked herself for saying that. She got out of her bed and shook James.

"Get up!"

He stood up fast. "Mooney, it's Saturday. I don't want to study," he mumbled. Lily laughed. James rubbed his eyes and grinned sheepishly. "Morning, luv."

"Morning. Can you get out so I can get dressed?"

"What if I want to watch you dress?"

Lily grabbed her pillow and hit James with it.

"Fine, fine!" he said, putting up his hands. He walked out of her room.

Lily hurriedly got dressed, putting on a pair of shorts and a green tank top. She tied up her hair in a lose bun. She opened her door and James was still standing there. But he had changed his clothes already.

"Is Miss Evans ready to go downstairs for some breakfast?"

Lily gave him a small smile and took his extended arm.

--

Even if Lily always seemed to have a smile ready for everyone, she was extremely distant over the next few days. She would hide out in her room, reading or studying. Sometimes, she would go outside and sit by the willow tree. She would have a book or sometimes a pen and paper. Everybody associated her behavior with the funeral, and, except for James, thought it best to leave her to herself. James was sad for Lily. She was closing up again. He tried cheering her up, and it worked sometimes, but then Lily would go back to her depressed self.

--

Lily flung open the doors to the balcony in her room and sat down. It was raining hard, and Lily was in her nightgown.

Lightning flashed across the sky as Lily broke down and cried. Lily had always been a strong person, but she couldn't do it anymore. Years of hatred and insults thrown at her, rejection and taunting were poured out of her eyes.

She had never cried when she was called a Mudblood.

She never cried when Bella hit her across the face.

She never cried when her friends had dates to Hogsmeade, but not her.

She never cried whenever someone rejected her.

But yet, here and now, under the pouring rain, all the tears she should have shed all those years ago were coming out.

Lily cursed everything and everyone.

James had rejected her once more.

Flashback

Lily knocked on James's door. She heard him say "Come in", so she did. She was prepared to lose herself tonight to James, whether he wanted to or not.

James watched her strut in, wearing not much more than her nightgown. He stared at her curvy body before regaining his ability to speak.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Not much," she replied. "But I need you to do something."

James was puzzled. She whispered in his ear her demand. James was shocked. "Lily, didn't we already have this conversation a few weeks ago? I'm not making love to you until you're ready."

Lily was growing angry. Why wouldn't he just do it and get it over with? It was obvious he wanted her, and Lily didn't want to die a virgin. She pushed him on his bed and began to take off his shirt.

"Whoa, Lily," he said, gently taking her off of him. "You're too special to me to have this rushed."

Lily looked him in the eyes. "So that's it! You are willing to shag any girl that's ready to give it to you, but yet, I'm not good enough. Don't give me that crap about being 'special' 'cause I'm not! Damn it James, just do me already so I can die!"

Luckily, she had put a Muffliato spell on the room before entering.

James lowered his eyes. "You want to die?" he asked in a low voice. Lily looked away. "You do don't you?" Lily did not reply. "Damn it Lily, answer me!" he said, shaking her lightly.

Yet, Lily just lowered her eyes, not willing to reply. "Look at me!" he said sharply, lifting her chin up so she could look him in the eyes. "Why?"

"Because I'm already dead on the inside," she whispered.

James was hurt. He let Lily go and turned away. "Is that why you tried killing yourself?"

"I just didn't want to die a virgin, but it looks as if I have to."

She headed towards the door but James stopped her. "Lily, please don't try and harm yourself," he begged.

"Get out of my way Potter," she growled.

"No," James replied stubbornly. She slapped him hard across the cheek.

"I said Move!" she yelled at him. She shoved him out of the way, and made her way back to her room.

Lily couldn't believe she had fallen for James's lies. She thought he wanted her, so Lily was willing to give him herself. But all this time, James didn't want her. He just saw her as someone who didn't want him, so he had to have her.

Lily looked over the balcony. The lake passed under it. She tried seeing the bottom of the lake but couldn't. This was good, she thought. She walked back into her room.

Lily passed by her mirror and stopped. She glanced at her reflection, her wet, plastered hair, her green eyes, her pale freckled skin, and her dainty lips. She was pretty, she realized, and no matter what anyone thought or said.

Her mother had told her that beauty wasn't everything, that it's what was inside that made a person beautiful or not. Lily suddenly understood that even if inside she hurt, outside, she wasn't showing it. She could get through this, she realized, with or without the help of James.

Why should she throw away everything just because her life was spiraling?

Lily returned outside, to catch one last glimpse at the lake, and to finalize her decision. A bolt of lightning struck the railing and Lily was lurched forward, falling over into the lake with a scream.

--

James could not believe Lily. She had once more came into his room, expecting him to make love to her. He wanted to, badly. But he knew he'd be taking advantage of the grieving girl. With one last sigh, he decided to go talk to Remus. Maybe he could talk some sense into Lily.

He knocked on Remus's door, which was just down the hall. He heard his friend get up and grumble. Remus opened the door and ran his hand through his hair.

"What do you want, Prongs?" Remus asked.

"I'm worried about Lily," James replied.

"Well, come on in," Remus said.

James sat on Remus's bed. He noticed that Remus's stuff was all over the floor, which was very un-like Remus. But these days, everyone had been un-like themselves.

Well, everyone except Sirius that is.

"What's wrong with Lily?" Remus asked. James told Remus everything, from the first time Lily asked him to sleep with her, up to this time. Remus just nodded his head.

"Lily does seem to be depressed," Remus stated, after James finished his story. "But I never thought she would think suicide an option."

James nodded. "I know. I'm terribly worried that she might hurt herself again."

"Did you go check on her?" Remus asked.

James shook his head. "She slapped me, plus it's raining, so jumping from her balcony is probably out of the question. I also had asked the house elves to take away anything that might be sharp from Lily's room," James said, counting on his hands all of his precaution measures.

"James, you do know that even if it's raining, Lily could still jump from the balcony?" Remus told James. "I read a book once that said that those who really want to end their life don't care about the weather conditions."

James was in shock. "I don't want Lily to kill herself," said James.

Remus patted his friend's hand. "Neither do I. No one in this house wants Lily dead."

All of a sudden, the two boys heard a scream and what sounded like someone falling into the lake. Luckily for them, Remus's room was on the same side as Lily's.

Both boys rushed over to the window just in time to see red hair disappear underneath the lake.

"Lily!" they both cried.

The boys rushed towards the stairs as Sirius came out of his room. "What happened?"

"Lily!" exclaimed Remus, as they passed Sirius. Sirius followed them in confusion.

The three boys rushed out of the house. James dove into the water in search of Lily. He did not know how long she'd been under. Hopefully, he could find her and save her.

He quickly found her red hair plunging deeper and deeper into the lake. With one last effort, he kicked his feet violently and was able to grab Lily's arm. Her eyes were closed and tiny bubbles were escaping from her mouth.

As James pulled her up, he noticed that her eyes remained shut. "This is not good," he thought to himself.

He finally broke the water surface, with Lily at his side. She was unconscious. He laid her down on the grass and checked for a breath.

"She's not breathing," James said.

-­--

Author's note: Cliffy! Oh, I know I promised myself no cliffies, but I couldn't resist! What do you think of this chapter? Dark, I know. I like this one. Please Review!

Contest: Okay, so I'm having a small contest. Whoever wins will get their name put into the story! I would like to ask that with every contest entry (just add it to the review) that you put a name, yours or someone else's, that I can add to the story. Or just your last name.And if you don't feel comfortable with that, well then I'll try and do something with your pen name :)

Question: What is Ron's middle name?