Okay, I'm back! Here I am with a new chapter! And thank you to my lovely reviewers! Your reviews are the catalyst that makes this reaction possible! Onward ho to Kenpachi!

Disclaimer: It's used to clean clothing, but I don't own a single gallon of Bleach.

The Day in the Life of Zaraki Kenpachi

Time: Early Morning

Yachiru's mood: sleeping

I always have to wake up obscenely early if I want to write in my diary, um, I mean, Bingo Book of Death. At least my stuffed animal Captain Miniminiminko-chan the squirrel is outside guarding the door. I think I smell something burning…hold on.

Time: Not so early morning

Yachiru's mood: just woken up and cranky

Guess what I found in the kitchen?

Eyebrow-boy's eyebrow burning.

Yachiru and Baldy were already there trying to put out the miniature forest fire with a wet towel and fan. Yachiru wasn't really helping by fanning the flames, so I removed her and told her to go change into uniform and make her bed. That really helped the situation.

Time: Morning

Yachiru's mood: full

If you haven't noticed already, diary/bingo book, Team 11's a big-ass, dysfunctional, retarded family. This is Yachiru's idea. She says I'm the dad, Eyebrow boy's the younger sister, Baldy's the oldest brother, and the rest of the team is also brothers and sisters. She's the mom. Sometimes I wonder whether I should've kept her the day I found her in the woods, because she says the weirdest things and tells me about the strangest stuff. Okay, like this morning, an hour ago. After the eyebrow incident, the team shuts up and we're eating instant noodles for breakfast. Then the girl whispers in my ear, "I caught Eyebrow wearing a purple miniskirt yesterday on duty." I choke on the ramen and start pounding the wooden table. WTF? Team panics. Ikaku is about to kill everyone since he's flailing his frikkin pike.

Note: inspect Yachiru's teeth after brushing, find and burn alleged miniskirt, pack everyone's lunches, fix the hair

Team needs: toothpaste, eyebrow tweezer ( I swear to frikkin God I bought the guy a pair last week!), fire extinguisher, more ramen, and a new wooden table. Oh, and Baldy needs a tea towel to shine his bald head.

Time: Late Morning

Yachiru's mood: happy

Yachiru's on my shoulder playing with her flamingo, Morris. I should probably—

Oh shit. Where is she?

And where's Miniminiminko-chan?

Time: Later morning

Yachiru's mood: bouncy

I cannot believe that my vice-captain can be so suicidal sometimes. Guess where Yachiru was? Asking Soi Fung about Yoruichi. Did she want me to get fucking killed? No, let me rephrase that: does she want Team 13 to be killed? Luckily, I dragged her away before Soi Fung gets into the part of her speech when she screams and curses Yoruichi and starts attacking anything nearby. Crazy woman. I tell Yachiru not to hang around the freaky old lady. Currently, she's on my right shoulder tapping my ear with her stuffed flamingo. Where the hell did that name Morris come from? Team's done with warm-ups, gotta go delegate jobs. Did I put Captain Miniminiminko-chan back on the bed? He mentioned to me this morning that he saw Ichimaru's Kuroyan slithering around. That is one weird kitty.

Note: ask Yachiru where the name Morris comes from, finish writing report on mysterious bomb, meet with Mayuri to give him bomb found during patrol yesterday, give Yachiru educational book to read, tell Yachiru to stop tapping ear, tell Yachiru to STOP LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER WHEN I'M WRITING AND STOP SAYING OUTLOUD EVERY WORD I WRITE

Time: Afternoon

Yachiru's mood: unknown, but probably hyper

The only time Yachiru's out of my sight is during lunch. Not that I'm overjoyed, I'm a bit overprotective of her. But I don't think If Only Tonight is suitable for children, so I'm glad I sent her to the vice-captain table today. She can go bother Kira with his pretty lunches. I want a pretty lunch. Then again, I like raw egg and ketchup on rice, but nothing's wrong with variation.

Today Ichimaru had to give the report for the soap opera. I'm dying to know whether Tanya's pregnancy test came back positive, because she's an android, and that's impossible. Or is it? Mayuri had to be 'excused' because he began ranting about android rights and later started to sob when Tanya couldn't reproduce. Ichimaru Gin had Korean barbeque for lunch. Stupid lunch, stupid Kira. Hitsugaya had cheese puffs, and glared at Aizen, to a point at which I think the cheese puffs became ice cubes. Unfortunately, I don't know what happened at the end of If Only Tonight because one of Byakuya's bone clips broke and he screamed. Fruitcake.

Note: Abduct Kira and fight him. If he survives, he will make lunches for Team 11 FOREVER. Find out what happened at the end of If Only Tonight. Tell Hitsugaya to stop eating rancid cheese because stinks up the table. Comb Miniminiminko-chan's fluffy tail. Remove the horse tranquilizaer from Mayuri's ear.

Time: Late late late afternoon

Yachiru's mood: annoying

Yachiru's bouncing behind me as I do paperwork and is informing me the day's events. Eyebrow gave old Baldy the 'eye' to provoke him, and it turned into a street-side brawl. How embarrassing, I'll have to punish them by showing them how to really fight—I mean, by enforcing rules. Yes, rules. And since my team doesn't have duty tonight, we're going to order in food and watch If Only Tonight. Well, I'll watch if no one else will. And Captain Miniminiminko-chan has to do an inspection of the Acorn Scouts, which are all the other stuffed animal squirrels of Team 11. You should see Baldy's squirrel, it's bald like him. You don't want to know how that's done.

Note: Order takoyaki, one ketchup-flavored, one lemon-flavored, two pepper flavored, lots of churros, and nutritional gummy bears for Yachiru because I don't want her teeth falling out.

Time: Late night

Yachiru's mood: sleeping peacefully

I am grossly stuffed with junk food and ready to retire for the night. Miniminiminko-chan is already tucked in, and the rest of Team 11 is out cold. My report tomorrow at lunch will be outstanding.

Note: Tomorrow, find the miniskirt, and go buy previously recorded household items.

Zaraki Kenpachi

Tyme: latelatelatelatelatelatelate knight

Hi Ken-chan! Its Yachiru! I kant go two slep. Nex time, you shud hid yore diaree bedder. Butt don't worry, bekaus yor sekrets arr safe with mee and Morris and Miniminiminko-chan and his Akorn scouts, Sasukay, Kuro-yawn, Chikoo, Nightllee, Gregoree, Kurtzee, Komodoor As-a-zale Anglestar da Thurd and de oddur stuff animuls. Right morree bekaus all da odder books are boring or I kant reed them.

Yachiru

And thank you to Lil' Monk and Meghan for pointing out my horribly obvious mistake. Deeply appreciated!