Chapter 12: Dark Illumination

"I hope you find your new quarters acceptable."

"Do I have a choice?" Padmé's tone was snappish.

"Or will you cut off my hand, too?"

Vader paused, shocked.

He was wondering when Padmé would bring that up.

In fact, he was expecting a confrontation a lot sooner, although he was hoping against hope that it would not come up at all. Was she afraid of him, like everyone else, except the Emperor? He felt, at once, both pleased and saddened.

How really twisted have I become?

Vader gritted his teeth behind the impassive mask and waited for a further verbal assault from her. He was a bit surprised when she did not continue the discourse. They would discuss this at a later time, then. He was sure of it. Padmé would never let something like that go. As it was, he did not like to think of what he had done. Any of it.

Monster.

Padmé was being provoking, and she knew it. Being kept isolated grated on her. Even as Queen of Naboo, she had had more freedom! She wished she had at least one of her handmaidens for company. She had no idea what happened to them.

Are they even still alive? Padmé's train of thought was interrupted by Vader's hollow, clipped tones.

"I am leaving on a mission," he paused, his mask turned to her as if he were inspecting her reaction.

"If you need to contact me, I will leave an encrypted channel for you on the comlink in my chamber. The door will allow you access. And I will leave you a portable holo-unit and datapad for your own use. "

"Where are you going? How long will you be gone?" She was vaguely anxious that he was leaving and did not know why.

"I will return within seven standard days or send word through the droid."

With that, Vader exited her cabin without looking back.

Padmé sighed and slumped down onto the couch, her head in her hands.

She could feel the beginnings of another headache forming. It was going to be one long, tedious week with no contact except an unfamiliar droid unit for company. She shook her head.

It is moments like this when I really miss Threepio's incessant chatter.

She wondered what had happened to Anakin's protocol droid.

And what of Artoo?

She felt a pang of sadness. She was irritated that she was getting all misty over droids and rubbed her hands roughly over her arms to soothe her aching muscles. She was also hoping to stave off the chill she felt moving up her body.

How long am I going to be hidden away like this?

Taking the holoprojector in a shaky hand, she was desperate for any outside information that she could get.

x x x x

The next morning, like a well-tuned chrono, the droid entered Padmé's chamber with a meal.

It greeted her with the usual irritatingly idle chatter. "Lord Vader is on a reconnaissance mission. He is also to inspect the construction of the new space station. It will be the size of a small moon and the most powerful in the galaxy. It has been dubbed the 'Death Star'. He will not be expected back for at least a standard week."

I already knew how long he would be gone, she thought, impatiently, but the droid did tell me something I did not know…space station…'Death Star'.

She shuddered in revulsion.

Padmé remained silent. She went to her holoprojector to see what kind of news and archived information she could get, especially about this so-called 'Death Star'. She wondered if her holo-unit would be prohibited from even the most basic information.

She would surely go mad from boredom.

Her thoughts moved away from Anakin to her children. As of yet, she and Anakin had not spoken of them. It was too raw and difficult a thing to do at this time. She gnawed on her lip in consternation. She desperately wanted to see Luke and Leia.

If only I had a plan…

x x x x

She had counted six frustratingly long standard days and wondered when Anakin would return.

To help while away the time, Padmé thought of her nocturnal meetings with Anakin. She looked forward to being with him again, she thought with a blush. She felt a bit disgusted with herself, though. And, at this point, she would even welcome a day visit from Vader. He no longer repulsed her in that suit, but it was still an awful reminder of his wicked deeds. But she was so bored!

A small thought nagged at her. It was like the shrill buzzing of tiny wings.

There was something on the horizon of her consciousness. Something hidden, clouded. She could feel it- but what was causing her this growing uneasiness? She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, clearing her thoughts. She reached out with her mind and let her senses steer her. She felt light, floating.

Guide me.

She soon felt a coldness wash over her.

Like a fist in her stomach, Padmé suddenly and painfully realized why Anakin had asked for her forgiveness. She opened her eyes, trying to banish the vision. She felt sick to her stomach and she was trembling with anxiety. A cold sweat had broken out on her brow.

"No!"

He wouldn't- he couldn't!

She stood up and paced around the chamber like a caged animal.

He was returning soon. She knew she had to confront him with her newest suspicions. No more judiciously avoiding anything but the most superficial of conversations. No more trying to come up with a diplomatic way of discussing it. They would finally have it out.

Padmé resolved to seek him out in his chambers when he returned to his quarters.

She had to know.

He will tell me the truth.

x x x x

Vader had felt her troubled thoughts as he sought out her unique presence in the Force.

He had been doing that often, trying to regain their lost connection, but ever so subtly that Padmé would not know he was doing it. He did not like what he sensed. Sighing in irritation, he knew it was time for the confrontation. Padmé had always been direct and he did not expect her to change at this point.

He shook his head wearily.

x x x x

It was late when Darth Vader returned to the Executor.

The fact finding mission was a success. After briefing his officers, he immediately made way to his chambers. As soon as the outer door slid closed, the door adjoining his chamber with Padmé's slid open.

Although he was expecting a battle with her, Vader was taken aback when Padmé abruptly entered his chamber. He was expecting her to attack when he entered her territory. It came to him that she had never entered his chamber before.

Perhaps she missed me in my absence? He thought, mockingly.

He could definitely sense otherwise.

"You've tricked me!" She began heatedly, her fists clenched at her sides. For a moment, he thought she was going to pummel him, but she made no such move.

Vader remained aloof. He was in a fairly benevolent mood…for a Sith Lord. Things were going as planned. He would allow her to speak her mind- up to a point.

"You let Luke go to get my cooperation, but you were planning all along to capture him again and turn him over to the Emperor." Her eyes were fierce at the betrayal. How could she have trusted him?

He remained mute.

And so it begins.

"Anakin, you lied to me!"

Vader groaned to himself. She was far too smart for her own good.

Why did I think I would be able to keep anything from her? This is going to cost me some peace.

He rolled his eyes behind the mask, completely exasperated.

She could really be infuriating.

Somehow, after all these years, he had forgotten that. And he didn't think his old charm would work on her this time. He was really rather fatigued and had only wanted to look in on his Angel before resting.

He chose his words carefully.

"I did not lie to you, Padmé. I just left out some…details." Quite pleased with himself, a grin formed on his scarred lips. He had outwitted the Senator.

It was a good thing she could not see the smirk on his face behind the mask. She was already furious enough. She would have probably spat fire at him, if it were possible. She looked ready to claw him apart. He almost laughed aloud at that mental image.

"Details?" She was sputtering with her rage. "Like hunting down your own son? Anakin, you can't do this! This is your son!"

A tiny wisp of guilt curled in Vader. He squelched it immediately by concentrating on his irritation at Padmé's defiance. He stood there, towering over her. It made most people cower in terror when he did that. He would not tolerate her insolence. But, to his chagrin, she showed not one whit of fear.

They stood at an impasse.

Padmé had suddenly calmed her tirade, instinctively knowing that Anakin could shut down on her and block her out if she pressed him too much. He could be just as stubborn as she was, but had often let his anger get the best of him.

He was never as in control of his emotions as I was, she thought sadly, and that probably has not changed.

And she really did not think the years would have calmed him.

Is there any way out of this? Hopelessness welled up inside her.

Padmé knew she had to get through to him, to reason with him, but she was suddenly feeling a spark of desperation. What if she could not convince him to see reason? She had failed to do so, before, with catastrophic results. This brought her uncomfortably back to another place…long ago. She could not lose hope in him.

She drew near him, eyes glittering, her voice dropping to a painful whisper.

"Let's go away from here, Anakin. In some remote corner of the universe. Just us. Away from all of this."

Her chocolate eyes were large and liquid as they implored him. Vader was assailed by uncomfortable memories of long ago, on Mustafar. This conversation was sickeningly all too familiar and he felt tendrils of anger and grief rising in him as he looked down at her stricken face.

"It is too late, Padmé, " he began, haltingly. "There is no place in the universe where my Master could not find me…and you."

"I am tired of this." She hissed through clenched teeth. "I know our lives can never be 'normal'…but if I can't have my children with me, I want to at least live the rest of my life with my husband, in peace. Somewhere, anywhere. Please, Anakin."

She ceased trying to hold her emotions in check and allowed the tears to fall. Vader would not be moved. The tenderness he felt at Padmé's entreaty was strangled by a stronger, more powerful emotion of blinding rage. Did she think he was so weak that she could control him?

"Anakin is dead. I am Vader."

Padmé recoiled as if she'd been slapped.

"Don't you say that! Don't you dare say that to me!" Padmé screamed at him in exasperation.

A thought of them entwined in a recent intimate moment flashed in her mind, shaming her to no end. She would not, could not believe that Anakin was gone. She walked closer to him and put out her hand as if to touch his chest plate, her eyes boring into his behind the mask. Her hand hovered mere centimeters from him.

"Anakin, I know you are in there," her voice was low with passion, eyes boring into his, "I've known this all along…Come back to me."

She was pleading with him. His Padmé, who had never bowed down to anyone, was pleading with him.

How could things have gotten to this point? Anakin felt his eyes burning with unshed tears.

Instead of feeling triumph at her defeat, he was utterly miserable. Slowly his arms involuntarily moved from his sides as if to hold her to him; he was struggling with his demons. Her eyes looked up at him, beseeching. He lowered his arms again.

I can not give in.

Vader stared mutely down at her, seemingly without any reaction to her desperate words. His gloved cybernetic hands balled into tight fists. Outwardly, she could not see he was struggling, but she could feel the conflicting emotions radiating from him. Time stood still.

"I must obey my Master!"

He quickly turned away from her, cape lashing out behind him, and exited the room, appearing to be completely impervious to her sobbing. But her anguish cut through him deeply and he needed to seek out the sanctuary of his own chamber and lick his wounds.

Nausea overcame her; Padmé ran quickly to the refresher, where she promptly emptied the contents of her stomach into the basin. She lay on the cold floor, trying to calm herself.

Neither of them would sleep tonight.