Chapter Three

Yes, Chapter Three is finally here! I'm so so so so so so sorry that it took this long! School, vacations, holidays, etcetera eats up most of my time. Here is chapter three. I hope you like it!

I woke up the next morning feeling very happy. I stretched my aching back and looked at my calendar to see that it said it was Saturday. I jumped up and down in pure bliss and ran outside. A strange kitty that I had never seen before was looking around the town. I gasped, she was pretty! Except for the water faerie, she was the only pretty girl in town. All the other girls were ugly!

"Hello, you're pretty, wanna go out?" I blurted out.

The cat turned around and blinked nervously. She looked around, but didn't see anyone else, "You mean me?" she gasped, "Why me? I would think such a handsome boy such as yourself would be overwhelmed with plenty of girls. Where is the line of girls outside your house?"

I wiped the drool from my mouth and stood up straight, "Well, they always got in the way," I lied, "My name is Ty. What's yours?"

The girl purred in delight. Apparently she had never met a boy as handsome as me. "I'm Purrl," she replied, her brown and white tail swishing side to side.

My eyes looked at her brown ear, then at her white. This beautiful, multi-colored cat actually like him. He grinned like his Mother had when he had told her that he was going to leave home and move away from them when he was 24- just about a week ago. Now he was 24, but had the knowledge of how to survive Crapsville for a week.

"Well, I'll let a lucky lady like you cut in line," I said, "So, uh… do you want to be my lucky gal?"

Purrl purred, "Okay, but you need to but on some pants first."

I looked down at my scrawny legs and abless chest to see that I was standing in my tighty-whities and fluffy pink slippers. I felt myself turned as red as a robin's chest then had an idea, "Yes, well, this is the fashion here in Crapsville. We should meet like this at the beach in ten minutes. You wear you underwear, I'll wear mine."

Purrl purred, a glint of amusement in her eyes, "I think I'll be unfashionable and just wear this. Why don't you do the same?"

"Fine, fine. You'll notice that the other animals in Crapsville will soon be wearing their clothes again. Besides," I said, sounding as if I was a King, "Anything I do spreads fast in this little town. I will be ready soon."

Purrl smiled, "Okay, now go get ready."

I ran inside and grabbed a bunch of Pitfalls, a shovel, and headed for my door. Then I realized that I hadn't changed yet, so I ran back and put on a purple shirt and blue jeans. I ran outside and Purrl and I headed to the beach. When we got there, I started burying the pitfalls so that no one could sneak up on us.

"What are you doing?" Purrl asked me unhappily, "Don't you want to spend some time with me?"

"Yes, but I don't want my boss to sneak up on me," I told her, "I'm not working just so I can be with you."

Purrl started hyperventilating, "But then you'll get poor and our kids will get sick and they will all die! How could you do such a thing!"

I grinned, "Kids? I want some of those with you."

"Come 'ere and give Mama a kiss," Purrl meowed sweetly.

I patted the ground with my shovel and threw my shovel onto the beach. I jogged over to Purrl and kissed her on the lips. They were furry lips, but that's what you got when you lived in a town with animals. We started making out, then I heard a soft thud behind me. I stopped kissing Purrl and looked behind me to see Tom Nook on my side of the Pitfalls. I gasped-how had he gotten over them! Then I realized that it was very easy to jump over them and cursed under my breath.

Foam frothed out of Nook's mouth like an overflowing bubble bath and I stared at him.

"This is my boss," I muttered to Purrl, "He's kind of… forcing me to work for him."

I picked up my shovel and pushed Purrl away. Unfortunately, I pushed a bit too hard so she fell into a pitfall. I stupidly threw aside my splintered shovel to help my upset girlfriend. Tom Nook ran to the shovel on all fours and threw it into the ocean. I screamed like a little girl and started running away. I quickly climbed a tree, forgetting my fear of heights, the fact that I don't know how to climb trees, Purrl, and that raccoons can climb trees. When I got to the top, I looked down the trunk and laughed at poor old Tom Nook. He raised a foam-splattered eyebrow and started scrambling up the tree. I looked down at the ground, which seemed very far away to me, and screamed out in horror.

"I am a lion! Hear me roar!" I screamed.

I couldn't let Nook give me rabies! I had had rabies once, and I did not enjoy getting painful shots in my butt. I squeaked instead of roared and jumped out of the tree. Apparently I wasn't as nimble as- darn it, I forgot Purrl! I ran- or, stumbled- over to Purrl and pulled her out of the hole. She glared at me angrily and stormed off. Apparently my, er, sexy looks were too much for a peasant like her. I was too good for her.

"Come back!" I wailed. I ran after my girl, but Nook jumped on me when I asked him if he had seen her.

"Go to work," he ordered me, foam bubbling, "Or I will give you rabies. If you go to work, I will give your girlfriend rabies. If you don't, I will give you rabies, and I'll throw a stick at you."

"Not the stick!" I screamed, "Okay, okay, I'll work! Just don't throw a stick at me."

Nook scrambled off of me, and as I trudged off so that I could work, he squeezed me butt cheeks and ran away. Now that was weird…

xxx

I pulled out my watermelon stationary and sprayed it with my favorite perfume. The perfume was called Watermelon Secret, and smelled like watermelons. I pulled out my favorite pen. It was decorated with my prized possessions, watermelon stickers, and it smelled like (yes, you guessed it) old, dusty books.

I scribbled my message down:

Dear Purrl,

I know that you're very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very sad that you aren't as wonderful and popular as me, but get over yourself. If you continue to be my girlfriend, maybe just a little of my popularity will rub off on you, and you'll at least be a little bit happier.

I know that I couldn't rescue you soon enough, but my idiot boss was chasing me. Even such a muscular man like me could get scared. I hope you understand, because you're the first girlfriend I have ever had. No girls have ever gone out with me. I hope that we can lock lips for a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very long time. Even though you're a cat and furry and it feels like I'm kissing a man whenever I kiss you, I would still like to kiss you a million more times.

So please reply so that your beard-like lips will lock lips with my handsome lips sometime soon. Very soon, I hope. So please reply with a kiss on my awesome lips!

Ty

I quickly mailed my letter to Purrl and awaited her reply all day. Then a green elephant walked up to me.

"Who are you?" I asked her.

"I've been living here before you even came to Crapsville. You're telling me you're never heard of mwah?" she exclaimed in shock.

"Yup," I replied.

"Humph! I'm Opal!" she exclaimed, batting her eyes smeared with blue eye shadow, "I'm the prettiest, sexiest, and most popular girl in the world!"

"You sure fooled me!"

"What! Why you- you- you're stupid!"

"That's not a very good comeback."

"Why you little-"

"Little what? Tell me, Ahpaaal."

"My name is Opal, you idiot! I shall go home and PLOT MY REVENGE!"

"Whatever," I said. I turned around and opened my door. Something small hit me on the back of my neck and everything was black.