Chapter 14: The Darkness of Despair, Part II


No, Padmé.

The voice in her head was hauntingly familiar.

Do not do this.

She opened her eyes. She was no longer in her chamber, but on a snowy mountain impossibly high in the clouds. The sky was a vivid blue and the snow-dusted grass beneath her feet a deep, unnaturally lush green. Amazingly enough, she did not feel the cold as the wind whipped her cloak and hair wildly around her.

This can't be real. It's impossible.

A tall man stood with Padmé on the mountain top. Although his ruggedly handsome face was stern, his bright blue eyes were compassionate.

It was him.

"Master Qui-Gon?" Padmé tentatively spoke his name, disbelieving this vision.

The look he gave her was very grave as he gazed at her. Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn was just as she remembered, over thirty standard years ago, dressed in traditional Jedi robes. She could feel intense power emanating from his body. It surrounded her and comforted her. The wind gradually died down as he spoke and all was suddenly calm.

"Padmé, listen to me. Do not do this."

Padmé looked down so as not to meet his eyes. She did not want to hear a scolding. But she knew that she deserved it and that one was long overdue.

"You are his only link to his humanity," the Jedi Master paused, letting his words sink into her. She remained silent, her head bowed; she wrung her hands under her cloak.

"Do not give up hope. That is what Anakin did. You must live, and, by your living, you just may be able to change destiny." He spoke slowly, deliberately, and his voice was comforting to her, while his words were not.

Padmé's face twisted with anguish. She shook her head in denial. Tears sprung unbidden to her eyes.

"I can't do this, Master Jinn. I feel torn apart." She paused while she struggled to put her jumbled thoughts into words.

"I still love Anakin…but I hate what he has become. I hate him." Breathless, Padmé turned away from his piercing eyes, unable to bear his judgment.

"Do not give in to your hate. If you give in, all will be lost." He did not chide her, but simply stated a vital fact.

"Everything is lost, Master Jinn." Her voice was wan and far away, and she kept her face averted.

"Padmé, it is not like you to give in to despair." Qui-Gon Jinn was trying to reach her through her heavy armor of grief and despair.

She turned back to face him. "You know all that has happened…how can you still believe in him…in me?"

Once again, Padmé turned away from Master Jinn, unable to face him.

She had expected the Jedi Master to chastise both her and Anakin for going against the Jedi Code. They had fallen in love and acted on it, throwing caution to the wind. Their indiscretion had brought the Darkness upon them all. But Qui-Gon Jinn had a more important reprimand to give her.

"Padmé, listen to me, there is not much time for you to complete your purpose." He looked at her pointedly as she turned back to him, a quizzical look in her face.

"Nature will take its course. Of that, I am certain. Do not speed it along. Not even the most skilled Jedi healer can help you now… It is sadly too late. But I will do what I can for you."

Padmé looked blankly at Master Jinn, not completely grasping his words.

"There is still good in him Padmé, and you know this. You've always known this. Do not allow the Dark Presence to lead you astray. It wants you dead. And by your own hand would as traumatic to Anakin as if he had done it himself. Anakin will truly be destroyed."

"What must I do?"

"Just live, Padmé."

"I don't know if I can do this, Master Jinn."

"There is still good in him, Padmé. Never forget." His eyes sparkled at her with unsaid thoughts. The words died in the air.

Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, who had seemed so solid and real in front of her, gradually faded into nothingness before her eyes. She felt a profound sense of loss at his departure and tears burned in her eyes. All was silent.

Padmé remained on the barren mountain, head bowed, feeling truly alone.

x x x x

Vader's Imperial shuttle had just departed from the Super Star Destroyer, the Devastator.

He did not actually need to make the trip to the ship in person, but found that it was usually a better motivator to get his orders done. The communications officers were bending over backward to come up with vital information on both Rebel base outposts and the elusive Luke Skywalker. And he didn't even have to squeeze the life out of anyone this time, he mused with some disappointment.

Vader thoughts shifted back to Padmé. He wondered if Padmé had calmed down a bit. Of course, curiosity got the best of him and he yearned to see for himself and decided to gently probe her mind. She was far too strong-willed for him to read her thoughts completely, but he knew that he would at least be able to gauge what and how she was feeling.

He tentatively reached out his consciousness to merge with hers. Wary of being buffeted by her anger, he was immensely relieved to sense that she was at peace. But he was vaguely aware of something different. It felt as if her Force signature had changed in some slight way. It was as if there was another presence with her.

He frowned.

Impossible, he scoffed.

No one except for Luke knows she is alive, and Luke is nowhere near. It could not have been my Master, because the presence was not dark…or menacing.

When he once again attempted to sense the presence, it was gone. Vader shook his head, vowing to see her in person immediately after he arrived on board. Perhaps he could ascertain the anomaly in person. He put his shuttle on auto-pilot in order to meditate on it for the remaining part of his trip back to the Executor.

x x x x

Padmé slept completely through the night as she had not done since Vader had confirmed her suspicions of Luke's fate. She slept through the follow day, too and finally opened her eyes, feeling strangely peaceful and wrapped in a soft velvet coverlet.

She was not alone in the room.

Sensing her movement, the TeeSee-Fourteen, in hibernation mode near her bed, launched into action. She moved to push herself up from the bed and noticed that her hands were bandaged. There was also a bandage wound lightly about her neck. She traced one bound hand across her neck, feeling no pain.

"Milady, if you will permit me, I will remove your bandages."

Padmé sat mutely as the droid started to unwind the fine gauze first on her hands, then on her neck.

"Oddly enough, though," the droid explained, "Your wounds were closed and mostly healed when I found you. I took the liberty of cleaning off the…blood and applied a bandage to protect the delicate new skin."

Padmé's hand went instinctively to her neck. Her fingers slid across a slightly raised line of scar tissue. The backs of both hands and the palm of her right hand were also crisscrossed with pale scars.

"Those should fade in time," the droid supplied intuitively, in answer to her unspoken question.

"I also cleared away the broken glass from your…accident, Milady."

It did not add that it had replaced the mirror with an indestructible one made of duraglass, for good measure. And scanned the room for any more breakable items to reduce the odds of another 'accident'.

Padmé sat on the bed, wordlessly reflecting on her conversation with Master Qui-Gon Jinn. Trying to make sense of what she should do. She did not notice that she was dressed in a clean gown, and that her hair had been painstakingly washed and combed. Her thoughts turned to present concerns.

"Where is Lord Vader?" It was the first time she had said that name aloud. She spoke the name, surprisingly without any malice.

"He is on another expedition, but is expected to be back by tomorrow evening."

The droid was rolling up the bandages in preparation to destroy the evidence before Vader's return. It had already incinerated the grey dress, as the large bloodstain down the front had been impossible to remove.

Padmé digested that tidbit of knowledge. She might as well pick the droid's memory unit for more information. She needed to know what she was working with.

"Does he know of my…accident?" Her face was the impassive Senator's face that she had perfected.

"No, Milady. Shall I inform him?"

"No," she answered curtly. "Under no circumstances should this ever be discussed."

"As you wish, Milady." The droid nodded reverently in assent and continued to hover near her.

"Is there anything else?" Padmé really wanted to be alone, but she sensed that the droid had more to say.

"Yes, Milady, actually there is. I also took a sample of your blood. I was curious as to how your wounds had healed so quickly and completely…"

"And?" She was really starting to feel impatient. She wanted to be alone.

"There were some anomalies in the sample. I would like Two-OneBee to explain."

Padmé's curiosity was now piqued.

What is going on here?

The silver-grey medical droid glided into her chamber silently from Vader's quarters and paused in from of her. It spoke without preamble.

"What you have, Milady, is a disturbance on a cellular level. In other words, there is a rapid, unchecked, abnormal cell growth in your body."

Padmé was thunderstruck.

The TeeSee unit spoke up. "We need to know if you want to start nanotherapy for this. We can administer the treatment to you, or get you to a proper facility that can perform the weekly procedures."

Her thoughts were reeling. But something stopped her.

"Wait a minute…you said 'if'..." The severity of the issue was just dawning on her.

Two-OneBee was ready to supply the answer to her query.

"Unfortunately, your condition has progressed unimpeded for far too long for any treatment, even nanotherapy, to hope for a remission. That is quite out of the question. If caught early, your chance of survival could have been greater. Now, the sessions will only prolong your biological functions…for a period of time. Of course, there are many side effects, such as-"

She didn't want to hear those gruesome details and waved her hand impatiently at the droid.

"So, what you're telling me is that I am terminal, and nano- would only prolong my life…"

"Yes, Milady."

"For how long?"

"I would venture four to six standard months, the last few months of which you would need to be heavily sedated against the pain."

"And without the treatment?"

"Most likely no more than three standard months, at the most. At the least, a few weeks."

Qui-Gon Jinn's words came echoing back to her:

Nature will take its course. Of that, I am certain. Do not speed it along. Not even the most skilled Jedi healer can help you now. It is sadly too late. But I will do what I can for you.

Eyes wide, Padmé now knew what the Jedi Master had been alluding to when he had spoken those cryptic words. And it also explained the general malaise she had been feeling and had naively attributed to her coma. She knew what she had to do. Her face hardened as her resolve became strong.

"You must not tell him. I am giving you a direct order. And I am declining any treatment, even if it could be done without him knowing. It would be fruitless, anyway. But not a word to him!"

"As you wish, Milady." Both of the droid units knew she was speaking of Lord Vader. The medical droid exited her chamber, leaving TeeSee with Padmé.

The droid stood in near her awkwardly, awaiting any request that she might have. To the droid, Padmé seemed as if she had forgotten its presence, so, wanting to feel useful, it made an inquiry.

"Will you be requiring anything else, Milady?"

"No…thank you…" She was preoccupied.

The droid left, but returned shortly thereafter with a tray of food. It set the provisions down on a table for her in front of the view port. Her appetite had not been good for a while, and with this latest news, had fled altogether. A shock of yellow in a bowl caught her eye.

"Where did those come from?" Padmé asked, a bit sharply. She was surprised.

"I believe they are native to the planet Na-" the droid began, officiously.

"I know where they come from. How did they get here?" Her temper was short.

"Lord Vader instructed me to bring these to you."

Padmé's finger traced over an especially ripe small globe. She picked up the shuura fruit, and bit into it, not precisely sure if she was pleased or angry at this offering.