Chapter 15: Haven
Padmé's eyes fluttered open while she lay on her bed one again at the Lake Retreat.
She looked upward at the ceiling, formulating her next move. It felt like a rather warm day and, by the natural light in the room, it seemed as if it were late afternoon. She rose and moved quickly to her wardrobe cabinet, pointedly ignoring Anakin sitting quietly in the shadows.
His eyes did not leave her.
She used the door of the wardrobe for privacy as she quickly shed her clothing and changed into a dark blue silk long tunic and did the ties. She decided against the matching bottom. Grabbing two light blankets from the top of the wardrobe, she slammed the cabinet door, spun on her heel, and darted out through the heavy door to the veranda, leaving it ajar.
Anakin watched with curiosity and amusement as she used the wardrobe door to protect her modesty. But his amusement turned to alarm as she sped toward the veranda. He clearly expected her not to acknowledge him right away, but where in Sith hell was she running off to?
He jumped up to follow her at a discreet distance. Padmé was quickly making her way down the side of the terrace and descending lower by a barely discernable footpath through a thick undergrowth of greenery. By her sure-footedness, it was a path she knew very well. She swept past vines and blossoms as she determinedly made her way to…
Ah! I know…
She was going to the place she went when she was troubled and needed solace- to the lake. He did not want to alarm her and made sure that he stayed a bit behind her and she made her way to her favorite spot. Considering the warmth of the day, it was a fantastic idea.
Padmé stopped on the soft green area a few meters away from the pebbled beach, shook out one of the blankets on the grass, and dropped the other blanket in the center. She stood and braided her hair into a single heavy plait, and then she took off toward the shore and waded into the lake until the water was chest high. She dunked herself in the cool water and started swimming.
Anakin stood in the shadow of a large, leafy, vine-entwined tree and watched as Padmé swam away from him. He sorely wished he could join her, but he did not want to break the mood. As it was, he knew Padmé would not welcome his presence. He sighed his frustration. He would have to content himself with watching her until he could think of a way to woo her back.
His face clouded over.
They needed to talk. So much stood between them. It was like they were on opposite sides of a wide chasm with nothing to bridge the gap. She just did not understand him.
Had she ever?
He remembered with a painful pang in his chest how she had looked at him when he had told her they would rule the Empire together. On that hellish planet, she'd rejected him. She looked at him as if he were not the man she married. As if he had transformed into some demon in front of her. It had infuriated him then, and still angered him to this day.
But he just did not know how to get past the barriers. This was a delicate matter; she had to be made to understand things…to understand him. And he did not know where to start. And there were things he had done that he did not want her to know about. Things she could never accept. Things that would make her turn from him- completely.
In time she will understand all I have sacrificed for her. His jaw hardened.
I gave up everything for her- even my humanity! She must know that I did the right thing. I know she still loves me- she must!
His nostrils flared in indignation.
It cannot be otherwise.
Now that she was with him, they would have more time to reacquaint themselves. He would take things slowly because her reawakening into such a different would with a physically changed husband could not possibly be easy on her. He sighed and shook his head.
Thank the Force that we have time on our side.
He relaxed a bit, even though his thoughts returned to the past. His dreams had been prophetic. He knew it. Without him she would have died. It was odd now that he rarely dreamed at all. Of course, he never thought that he was the actual cause of her near demise. Not childbirth, not the baby. His son…they both lived.
If only I can make her see that I'd done it all for her. And I was right in doing it because she lives. I conquered the will of the Force.
It made every vile thing he had done worth it. The galaxy would be at peace and she would be by his side. He had lived only half a life when he thought her dead. Things would change.
All he had to do was to destroy his Master and take his place.
x x x x
Padmé turned over in the water and floated face up under the suns rays.
The water was soothing and she allowed herself to be carried away in the current. Floating, she could hear her heartbeat echo in her ears as well as the rhythm of her breathing. Time and all worries were slipping away. She felt a pang of regret that Anakin was not by her side, but she also really could not bear his company right now after she knew what he was going to do.
She knew he was watching her and she hoped he was suffering!
x x x x
The sun was warm on her face and she was growing weary.
She had tried to keep her mind at peace in order not to give in to the panic that hovered almost constantly at the edge of her consciousness. There were so many disturbing truths she had recently learned. She could not give in to despair. Her children needed her.
He needs me, too.
She felt relaxed and drowsy.
Was it because the warmth of the day or because this dream would be ending soon?
Either way, she reluctantly started swimming back towards the shoreline. In the shallow water, she waded back up to the beach to where her blankets lay. She slowly made her way up the beachhead.
Anakin watched as Padmé emerged from the water and walked towards his shadowed hiding place behind her blankets, trying to gauge her emotional state. He gaped at her graceful, insouciant movements. His breath caught in his throat as a wave of hot desire hit his body. His pulse quickened and pounded in his ears. His hands ached to touch her.
It has been too long…
Her garment was clinging to her form and he could see everything he wanted, but could not touch. His body responded with a painful quickness, and he was sorely aroused. His eyes feasted on her beauty feverishly and he ground his teeth, groaning in frustration.
A very dark, beastly thought entered his mind as his heart thudded heavily in his chest. His hands curled into fists at his side.
She's mine; I should take what I want.
Impetuously he took a step toward her.
She should not deny me!
Then reason overtook him. He shook his head in disgust. He knew he would lose her forever.
Padmé reached out to grasp the second folded blanket, sat down, and briefly toweled herself off. In this heat, she would dry quickly and decided to lie down to let the sun finish the job. She felt languid with the sun caressing her form, and she briefly thought about the warmth of Anakin's body against hers.
She quickly pushed that image out of her mind and let herself feel what seemed so real and tangible: the warmth of the sun, the sound of the lake, and the heady scent of the flowers in bloom.
How much longer do I have to enjoy this?
Her limbs felt heavy and she knew she was fading fast. A shadow passed over her face and blocked the sun, but she could no longer muster the energy to open her eyes. She heard a deep sigh and knew she was not alone…she had known that all along, but now he was very near.
She sighed deeply and let the darkness take her away.
Anakin stood looking down at Padmé's still form. He wanted to hold her. No matter what, she was his. He wanted her to look at him with love and tell him everything would be alright. She wanted her to tell him again that she loved him.
Would this ever happen?
"How long will we stay at an impasse?" he whispered morosely, dropping down and kneeling beside her.
The crushing sense of sadness and loneliness that had been his companions for so long were, once again, surrounding him and dragging him back down into the pit of despair.
x x x x
The lieutenant was nervous and trembling slightly as he approached Darth Vader on the bridge, even though he bore good news.
He had seen several of his superiors mysteriously choked to death due to Vader's displeasure. It was mystifying because the Dark Lord had never laid a finger on them. Who knew what kind of ancient wizardry Darth Vader and the Emperor were involved in? He, for one, never wanted to know. He cautiously approached his Commander's side as Vader stared out of the floor-to-ceiling view port.
"W-we've tracked down a Rebel base on the far moon of Endor, my Lord," the man stuttered in fear.
The frightening mask turned to him. Sweat beaded on his forehead and the Lieutenant's insides churned as the Sith Lord stood there looking at him. He thought he was going to pass out and hoped he did not soil himself in the process. Just as he was going to black out from holding his breath, Vader spoke.
"Good."