(Author's Note: I'm sorry my updates are taking so long! My life's very hectic right now. I'm sure you don't care but just to blow off steam, my current problems include: college, major debt, wrecked truck, gay relationships (are you really surprised, after "Grains of Sand?") and various life-threatening diseases (cancer for my ada, viral meningitis for a very close friend, and congestive heart failure for my gerbil!). Huzzah, life is fun. Also I still might change some of the things in this chapter… we'll see how Mugen-the-Geisha does in later chapters. If I can think of something funnier I'll do that. Don't be surprised if my updates are really spaced out. It's hard to be funny all the time.

To animelover: I wish that I had that kind of motivation in my everyday life! Please come to my house. "STUDY CALCULUS!" "SEW THE RIP IN YOUR TUNIC!" "STOP GOOFING OFF AND RETURN YOUR LIBRARY BOOKS!" Heh-heh, you're awesome.)

CHAPTER THREE

"You are getting sleeeepy… so sleeeepy…"

"I think that this is stuuuuupid. So stuuuuupid," sneered Mugen.

Fuu turned away so Jin wouldn't see her laughing.

He'd been on his hands and knees for at least five minutes, his face inches from Mugen's, waving a watch in front of him. Mugen was looking slightly uncomfortable and also extremely bored. The corner of his mouth kept twitching, like a dog that was being threatened. But Jin refused to back off and kept insisting that hypnosis "really worked."

"You have to follow the watch with your eyes!"

"I'm following it!" whined Mugen.

"Good. Sleeeeepy…"

"Boooring…"

"Sleeeeepy…" whispered Jin.

Fuu yawned. Mugen yawned.

"You can baaaaarely keep your eyes open…"

"You got that right," mumbled Mugen, reaching up to rub his face.

"How much longer before you give this up, Jin?" asked Fuu.

"You are drifting into a deep, deep sleep…"

"No I'm not. I'm being bored to death," muttered Mugen. "This is the stupidest—"

"You will fall asleep now."

Mugen's head dropped. Fuu blinked. "Mugen?" she said in surprise.

"Ugh," grunted Mugen.

"Ha!" barked Jin, sitting back on his heels. "I told you it worked!"

Fuu walked over and gave Mugen a cynical nudge with her foot. "He's probably just humoring you so he can laugh in your face later," she replied.

"He's really asleep," said Jin. "Watch. Hey, Mugen, there's a dozen really hot women here who want to touch you."

Mugen didn't move.

"Mugen? They're giving out baskets of free gold," ventured Fuu. He still didn't move. "Mugen, look, that guy over there is offering a year's supply of sake! Mugen, there's a magistrate here who says they want to make you emperor of Japan! Mugen! Mugen! Jin says he's going to throw down his swords and blindfold himself and let you take a few swings at him!"

Mugen didn't even twitch.

"Wow," said Fuu. "I guess it really does work."

"Told you," said Jin smugly. He rubbed his hands together. "Now, we can delve into Mugen's subconscious…"

"Hey, Mugen," interrupted Fuu. "Do you really think I'm unattractive?"

"I've seen bags of grain with more shape than you," mumbled Mugen.

Fuu's face fell. "Darn."

"Fuu!" cried Jin. "We're not supposed to be asking Mugen personal questions. We're supposed to cure him of his fear of clowns. It would be a very serious breach of Mugen's trust to—Mugen, am I really the most skilled swordsman you've ever fought?"

"Yeah," mumbled Mugen. "You're incredible."

Jin smirked.

"What's your favorite color?" asked Fuu

"Red."

"Hey, Mugen, what's your greatest wish in the world?" asked Fuu eagerly.

"I always wanted a pony…"

Jin and Fuu both burst into peals of laughter.

"…a little speckled gray pony…" continued Mugen. "…that likes to eat sugar right from my hand…"

Jin laughed himself onto the ground, and Fuu giggled until she began snorting and had to turn away before she could further embarrass herself.

"Mugen," gasped Jin. "Tell us the most embarrassing story from your childhood."

"One time when I was fourteen I dressed up as a chick for an older guy for a week for some money."

"Have you ever been in love?" asked Fuu.

"Yeah."

"Ever kissed a guy?" asked Jin.

"Yeah."

"What's your favorite color?" asked Fuu.

"Red."

"What's the most horrible, despicable thing you've ever done?"

"Murdered a sick orphaned child with a frozen halibut and then stole charity money from his blind, crippled sister."

"What's the most disgusting thing you've ever eaten?"

"Jin's herbal tea."

"Hey!" cried Jin. "At least I never murdered a sick child with a fish!"

"This is great. We can ask him anything at all and he'll tell us," said Fuu eagerly.

"When was the last time you cried?" asked Jin.

"Two days ago. Fuu called me annoying and it really hurt my feelings."

Fuu and Jin stared at each other incredulously.

"But Mugen, you act so tough," said Fuu.

"It's all an act. I'm actually a really sensitive misunderstood person who longs for true friendship."

"Whoa. You were right, Jin, this hypnosis thing is dangerous."

"When was the last time you wished on a star?" asked Jin.

"Three weeks ago, I saw a shooting one."

"Did you wish for a pony?" asked Fuu.

"No, I wished that me and Fuu and Jin would stay best friends forever."

Jin and Fuu stared at each other again.

"Is he serious?" wondered Jin.

"This is getting too creepy. Let's just cure him of his clown thing and wake him up."

"Erm…"

"You do know how to cure him, right?" demanded Fuu.

Jin coughed. He pushed his glasses up and mumbled, "Actually I never got this far…"

"What!"

"But I'm sure I can figure it out," said Jin hastily. "I'll just, um, run a few practice rounds first."

"Practice rounds?" repeated Fuu.

"Like this." Jin cleared his throat. "Mugen?"

"Yes?"

"Whenever you hear the word 'Gordon,' you'll think I'm Fuu and Fuu is me."

Fuu raised an eyebrow.

"Watch," instructed Jin. He cleared his throat again. "Gordon."

Mugen didn't move.

"How do we know if it worked?" asked Fuu.

"Mugen, who am I?"

"Fuu," mumbled Mugen.

"Ta-da!" cried Jin. "I am the hypnosis master!"

"Let me try!" cried Fuu. "Mugen, whenever you hear the world 'Momo,' you will think you're a dog."

"Momo," said Jin.

"Ruff," said Mugen.

Fuu and Jin both grinned at each other.

"Whenever you hear the word 'Takeda,' you will fall at my feet and grovel."

"And whenever you hear the word 'sunflower' you'll start singing."

"And if anyone says 'sake' you'll think you're a geisha."

"And the word 'quest' will make you say all your sentences backwards."

"Wait," said Jin suddenly. "Why did we hypnotize him again?"

"Oh… yeah," said Fuu. "The clown thing."

"And you won't be scared of clowns anymore," said Jin. "Got all that?"

"Yes," mumbled Mugen.

"Anything else?" asked Jin.

"What's your favorite color?" asked Fuu.

"For the third time, red."

"Yeah… I'm done."

"Mugen, you can wake up," said Jin.

Mugen started. "—load of crap," said Mugen. "It's a bunch of bull. Only total losers like you would believe in it." He glanced from Fuu to Jin. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Erm… don't you remember?"

"Remember what? What are you talking about? What's the matter with you two? That's it, this is stupid." Mugen climbed to his feet and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "No offense, Jin, but you're the worst hypnotist I ever—"

"Takeda," said Jin.

Mugen dropped to the ground and grabbed Jin's ankle. "—the noblest, most honorable, best man alive," he said, kissing Jin's foot.

"I thought so," said Jin with a smirk.

"Ooo! Ooo! Sunflower!" exclaimed Fuu.

"Hey, hey, we're the Monkees!" belted out Mugen.

"Sake!"

Mugen picked himself up and put his arm seductively around Jin. "Hey there, hot stuff." He licked his lips.

"Momo!"

Mugen dropped to his hands and knees again, tongue lolling.

Jin and Fuu leaned against each other and laughed until they cried.

"This is great," sighed Fuu, wiping a tear from her eye.

"Wonderful," agreed Jin, sniffling. "But we've still got to get through this town. So let's get to it. Momo again, Mugen."

"Huh?" Mugen blinked. "What the… why am I on the ground?"

"You tripped," said Fuu.

Mugen picked himself up, looking confused. "Why are you guys smiling?"

"No reason," said Jin. "Let's go."

"What? But we can't go!" cried Mugen. "The clowns, remember!"

"I think you'll find they no longer hold any power over you," said Jin gravely.

"What? What are you talking about? You know I'm scared of them! I don't want to go!" protested Mugen.

"Don't worry, Mugen," Fuu reassured him. "Everything's going to be okay now."

Mugen looked doubtful. "But—"

"Trust us," said Jin, already beginning to walk toward the colorful, noisy bustle of the town's festival.

"Yeah, trust us," agreed Fuu, grabbing Mugen's sleeve and pulling him along.

"How do you expect me to trust you with that stupid balloon animal?"

"His name's Gordon," snapped Jin.

"Let go of me," cried Mugen, wrenching his arm away from Fuu. He pointed to Jin. "I'm not going through that town, and that's final! The only reason I agreed to help you find your stupid samurai was because of that coin toss! There's nothing in our contract about having to face clowns!"

"What that…? Mugen, I'm over here!" said Fuu, giving his arm a tug.

Mugen yanked away again. "If you touch me one more time, I'll chop your head off, you dirty ronin bastard!" he sneered.

Fuu's eyes widened. "Oh! We said Gordon," she realized.

"Besides, we don't have any passports, so we couldn't pass the checkpoint anyway," he continued.

"Um… Mugen?"

"What?"

"Who am I?"

Mugen gave her a funny look. "You're Fuu, O Chubby Annoying One."

Fuu sighed. "Okay, let's go."

"I told you, I'm not going!"

Jin made a clucking noise.

"Oh, you didn't!" Mugen's eyes narrowed.

Jin shrugged. "Fine. You can meet me and Fuu on the other side." He paused and added, "…coward."

"Coward!" shrieked Mugen. "I'll show you coward! Come on! Let's go!" He grabbed Fuu's sleeve and yanked her after Jin.

Fuu and Jin exchanged a smirk as they walked into the town. Everywhere, people were running around laughing and talking, occasionally ducking under a person on silts or changing their course to avoid bumping into a huge dragon.

Mugen glanced around nervously. "Right," he said. "Let's just hurry up and get out of here… you know, before I can cause a bunch of trouble like usual." He pushed Fuu along. She glared at him but obediently began walking down the road, weaving through the crowds and ignoring people who called out the prices of their wares to her.

"Now…" mused Fuu. "Let's see… we can probably sneak past the checkpoint in all this hubbub… but I'd still feel a lot better if we could get some passports."

"Surely there's a place we can buy some around here somewhere," said Jin, observing the crowds. "They're selling everything else, and only half of it's legal…"

Mugen stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Can we please hurry?" he begged, shifting his weight nervously.

"Aw, stop worrying," said Jin. "I guarantee you're not scared of clowns anymore."

"What're you talking about? Jin? Fuu, what's he talking about?"

She shrugged and smiled.

"I'll show you," said Jin, tugging Mugen's arm.

"Hey! I thought I told you not to touch me!" Mugen yanked away, but Jin was already leading him towards a man with a red nose, a pointed blue hat, and a small red umbrella.

Mugen took one look at him, went completely white, squeaked once, and dived under the nearest thing he could dive under, which unfortunately happened to be a woman's kimono. She gave Mugen a kick that sent him rolling; he scrambled away and disappeared.

"Jin! Jin, we lost Mugen!" cried Fuu. Jin ignored her; he was watching intently as the clown made him another balloon animal.

"Yay! It's a rabbit!" he cried.

"Jin! Mugen's still afraid of clowns, and he's disappeared!" cried Fuu, tugging on Jin's sleeve, while he introduced Gordon to the rabbit, whom he'd dubbed Quentin.

"Afraid of clowns?" repeated the clown. He raised his eyebrows, although it was hard to tell, since his real eyebrows were painted white and his drawn-on eyebrows were already permanently raised. "But we're just people in make-up and funny clothes."

"He knows. He's just scared," said Fuu.

"You know, I always wanted to be a clown," said Jin.

"Really!" exclaimed the clown, putting his hands on his hips. "What stopped you?"

"No one thought I was funny."

"Because you're not. Please, Jin, come on!" interrupted Fuu.

"I'm sure you're plenty funny," said the clown. "You can't let other people's opinions get in the way of your goals. Come on, let's hear a joke."

"Noooo!" cried Fuu.

"What kind of math do birds do?

"What?"

"Owlgebra…"

"I've never seen a clown cry before," said Fuu, peeking into a barrel.

"Am I really that bad?" asked Jin miserably.

"Yes. Yes, you are. Mugen?"

"Fuu? Is that you?" A familiar, shaggy head of hair poked out from under a pile of blankets in a stall that sold cloth. "Is he gone?"

"Yeah. He's gone," said Fuu. "I'm really sorry, Mugen. We thought it worked."

"Thought what worked?"

"Never mind." She turned around to face Jin. "Jin? Any bright new ideas?"

"Hmm," said Jin, playing with his balloon animals. "Well, we could try conditioning him."

"Conditioning?" repeated Fuu curiously.

"Oh, you know. Expose him to clowns a little at a time until he's not scared anymore."

"But that'll take forever!" cried Fuu.

"It's our only hope."

"At this rate, we'll never find the Sunflower Samurai!" complained Fuu.

"I'm not a girl… not yet a woman…" sang Mugen's morose, muffled voice from beneath his blankets.