Mélange

Author's Note: I'm can't say that I'm completely apologetic about the long wait. There were factors that were within and out of my reach. I have to say that I did finish this chapter by August. But being August, school started for both my beta and me. . . By the time my beta finished half of this, I guess it was inevitable that I'd find myself lacking time for simple pleasures as college advances. Just an FYI, I suppose, the non-betaed version can always be found on my LJ for those impatient ones who wanted to know what happens rather than to fully enjoy the stlysitic and literary aspect of my writing. Anyhow, before I get in trouble for having a note chapter, just look for how I'm doing on my livejournal and . . .

A note from her beta, concerning chapter fifteen's author note: Can I help it if I can't beta in Times New Roman? grumbles I'm just a little eccentric. That said, this chapter is lovely –

so review for my dear friend Omnifairyous!

Chapter Sixteen: Back an' Forth (first half to help with the wait for the second half – to be reloaded ASAP)

Lily felt her life instantly collapse around her. A world of ringing, instantaneous silence replaced one with much chattering and little peace. She wasn't sure if it was because she was temporary temporarily deaf or because her mind had shut down. The lack of noise did nothing to alleviate her fear. Unable to see, unable to hear… She was drowning in her worst nightmare.

"I knew you looked familiar! You are a model for Christian Dior!"

Andrea quite possibly ruined her life with that one exclamation. In all probability, the girl didn't mean to do so. After all, to her, a model was someone she looked up to, someone with a sense of style. With fashion as the one source used to define who a person was in her social circle, Andrea probably thought that connecting Lily with Christian Dior was a compliment, since it meant that Lily knew her fashion designers.

The redhead supposed being described as a model would be a compliment for most people - people who weren't actually in the field of superficial appearances. Average citizens had other qualities in them that were admirable and noticed first too. For models, it was rare that anyone would see beyond their outward appearance. At this gathering of young wizards and witches with the usual views on one's exterior, Andrea's announcement would throw Lily in the role of a model without giving her a chance to define herself as anything else. Then again, even before Andrea's remark, everyone already considered her as "the girl cursed by Dark wizards" rather than "Lily Evans: Hogwarts's representative."

"You're a model?" Mei interrupted the other girl's worried thoughts. Lily stirred in her seat, uneasily trying to find a way out of the spotlight. She needed to find an ambiguous comment to dodge the truth.

"Mei," she began, laughing nervously, "how many girls are there in the world with red hair and green eyes?" A murmur of consideration spread across the room. The explanation was logical. There were thousands of people with Irish characteristics just on the British Isle. Lily breathed a mental sigh of relief. For now, most of the people suspected nothing.

James snickered when the room full of representatives returned to its talkative state. "It's such an illogical pronouncement. I mean, why would Lily spend her time doing something insubstantial like that? She isn't one of those girls whose only concern is her hair!" Lily laughed along uneasily. James probably should not find out about her side career which involved a lot of makeup and worries about personal appearance. Even though her modelling career had ended with the onset of her education at Hogwarts, the last favour she did for Irena would probably make her a model in the eyes of everyone else. Like many former models before her had experienced, a model's upright posture separates her from most of society. Hence, once a model, always a model.

"One of the first comments they make to you is about fashion," James continued, directing chatter towards Lily. "It seems like they only talk about clothes and makeup, and it's like this at every party, afternoon tea, wedding, reception, and oh yes! Don't forget the baby showers. All Lisa and her friends talk about is how to look prettier. After sitting through that kind of conversation thousands of times, it's so infuriating. Do they have nothing better to discuss than fashion when parts of the world are hungry and in constant danger?"

With Aleia trying to reinsert reasoning and calm into her brother's thoughts so they could continue with Lily's eye care, Lily was left to her own devices. For a split second, she wanted to observe her fellow delegates to see what kind of a person each of them truly were, rather than listening to second-hand information tainted with personal biases from James and Mei. For practically every being in the world, there is a difference between the public and private persona. It takes careful analysis to be able to understand a person beyond superficial levels. Once Lily remembered her current situation, she felt her heart get absorbed by a black hole. She couldn't see, so she couldn't analyze the actions of those around her; therefore, she couldn't give everyone the benefit of the doubt that she wanted from others.

The weight of her accident grew heavier with her thoughts. How could she examine/survey and be aware of others when her greatest gift of observation was taken away? Never to have the ability to see people's body language – the most honest type of communication in the world? Never having the chance to witness the gift of nature? It was going to be a world sadly lacking in live pictures. As fear choked her senses, Lily vaguely felt the cloth enclose her head when her friends finished the wrappings for her eye care. Sadly, she couldn't notice any difference except the feel of the cloth. What was in her view didn't get darker or lighter. She couldn't even discern the common redness one "sees" with his or her eyes closed. It was as though there was no chance of seeing through her eyes. She was in a world of complete darkness, with no images except what her imagination could conjure.

The rest of the evening was a blur to Lily. Too engrossed in her worries, she greeted, smiled, bowed her head, smiled more like a robot programmed to be cordial. Eventually she was returned to her corner of the hospital wing where she was left completely along with her thoughts and concerns.

Lying in her bed, she felt confined. Thick covers to block the January cold did nothing to make her feel more human. After being led to places all the time, Lily felt like a puppet or a doll. If she didn't have a workable brain, she would be the perfect life-sized doll for whomever to play with. Of course, even with a functional brain, there wasn't much use for her when she still needed another person to guide her along, pull on her strings. Maybe if she took the initiative to live on her own, truly on her own, she would feel more like a useful person?

Instead of waking up to a brightened room, it was the sound of birds celebrating an abnormally warm January day that woke Lily. After being greeted by darkness for more than a week, she was no longer surprised by her dark sunrise. She found her clothes with the ease born from practice and began to prepare for the day. The Welcoming Gala officially starting the Youth Commission and Hogwarts students returning from their winter holiday to resume school, Lily no longer had visitors (other than the Marauders and the Chinese representatives) by her bed nearly whenever she woke up.

She wasn't sure what to think of the voice in her mind wondering about her lack of well-wishers, since she didn't really want attention anyhow. The shock she received from the American representative's pronouncement, although lessened by her concerns about blindness, still held Lily an antisocial state. She was more than glad that people seemed to have forgotten the possibility of her being a model for Christian Dior. But she did miss the endless entertainment provided by Sirius and James when they were just being themselves. They practically slept in the hospital wing next to her. Fortunately for the school nurse, neither James nor Sirius was actually injured in any way. Although on second thought, Lily pitied the school nurse since Sirius still hadn't accepted his punishment for his last prank. While he moaned about the unfairness of having to sort medical supplies – soreness for the healers' ears – he also convened with James about other plans for "fun," which cut off a decent number of years for all workers in the hospital wing, due to the immense worry.

She slowly walked herself towards the exit, one hand flat on the wall. Since the first day of the second semester, it had been a small source of entertainment to see what time James Potter would rush into the hospital wing, hurriedly apologizing for his tardiness. Sirius had secretly started his "prank" after the fourth night of sleeping over at the hospital wing. Getting bored of complaining about the healers in his free time, he enlisted in Lily's help to get his best friend out of that particular wing for as long as possible. Lily, feeling inclined to be alone (at least not attached at the hip with James) heartily agreed with Sirius's plan to annoy his surrogate brother.

First archway . . . second archway . . . third archway . . . tenth brick to the fourth archway . . .

No sound yet, Lily mused. Usually by the third archway, James would appear next to her to help her along.

Five bricks after the fourth archway . . .

"LILY!" the voice of a certain Gryffindor echoed in the halls of the hospital wing.

"What do you think you're doing?" James whispered into her ear, a mix of tenderness and annoyance plainly heard. "There's a cabinet just five steps away from you. Don't you remember what I've been saying for the past few days?" Lily inwardly shook her head.

For the past five days he had been telling her not to walk by herself because it was too dangerous. If she wanted to be independent, James had said, she needed to be taught the basic layout of the school and each of the rooms she wanted to be alone in.

"Ever since day one, there's been a cabinet there. That's why I've told you not to walk there!" James continued.

Lily's frown was unseen under the head wrap. When did he say that? Darned presumptuous, overly protective, extremely touchy James Potter!

"You've only told me to not walk by myself," Lily replied plaintively. She wished she could see James's reaction to her comment. Upon hearing no verbal reply, Lily tried to visualize a picture of a dumbfounded James Potter. All she could see in her mind was James messing up his hair in annoyance because he didn't like to be contradicted when he was acting like a mother hen. She couldn't envisage what his facial expression would be. She stopped her daydreaming when James started to pull her to the Great Hall.

"Are you ready for our first debate?" James asked. Lily nodded. After four days of intensive training on "adult" issues – basically problems that resulted in roundabout solutions making those solutions impossible to fulfil in real life – Lily was fairly confident in her facts. James, Mei, and Feng had been kind enough to take notes for her and recite them to her to help her absorb all the information. With her evenings spent reviewing with the Chinese representatives (and occasionally James, though he sometimes had his other social duties at school), all she needed now was the self assurance to question and negotiate. As long as she didn't close up from the rest of the world, she would be fine . . .

. . . which meant that as long as no one muttered a word about her and Christian Dior catalogues (or any other fashion catalogues), her blindness, or Lily herself feeling helpless due to her lack of sight, she would be fine.

"Muggle and wizard relations will be very interesting . . ." Feng commented once Lily (and inevitably, James) reached the representatives' breakfast table.

And then the discussion began. From her voice recognition abilities, the representatives from Russia, Spain, Egypt, Canada, and Brazil were also near. After what seemed like five hours of listening to everyone debating about which of the two possible topics – Muggle-wizard relations or international regulations of trade and commerce – was a more pressing matter, Lily felt someone sit next to her.

"They're still not done?" Mei asked with a sigh. Lily shook her head.

"I don't know how many times I've listened to this train of conversation. Even the "fashion-obsessed group", as James likes to call them, is discussing the topics. Amazing how one announcement changed the atmosphere! Everyone was vying for the chance to intern at the ICW for the summer encourages people."

Lily turned her head towards Mei, "You don't sound like you are striving for that position."

"My summer is already planned out. I'm working with a group of potions masters in China trying to revive traditional medicine - both magical and Muggle formulas. The Cultural Revolution destroyed many of the old books along with everything remotely resembling a time of inequality. The break-up of imperial China scattered imperial medicine books between mainland and Taiwan."

Lily smiled widely at her ambitious friend. She wasn't sure which topic Mei would represent her school in, but she was certainly prepared for both issues.

"So what's your take on Muggle-wizard integration?"

"Status quo."

Mei's answer shocked Lily. From what the girl was planning on doing for her summer, it would seem that letting the other side of the world know that magic insisted would be best.

"Why?" Lily asked, tilting her head.

"Because Muggles are raised with the idea that magic does not exist. Telling them that there is magic and, furthermore, people can control some of it… It's like the breakdown of a proven fact . . . like saying the world is flat when America succeeded in its mission to the moon. They proved that the earth was round. Of course, some people still believe the world is flat, I suppose."

Lily smile at Mei's tone of total disbelief regarding people's stubbornness. The smile quickly faded into a frown as she remembered her family's reaction to her Hogwarts letter. Everyone had been so adamant that it was a prank letter from some kids at school. . . or, no matter how unlikely it was for kids to play that kind of prank. With her parents working in the field of scientific discoveries, Lily grew up as a practical Muggle, one that never dared to dream about magic because it was a waste of time. She couldn't imagine making her family to even consider the existence of magic without the Hogwarts letter and their willingness to give in once in a while to a little eleven-year-old. Her parents wouldn't even take a haphazard trip to the Leaky Cauldron until Lily's stubborn curiosity infected them as well.

"I suppose that complete immersion between the magical and the muggle world is impractical at the moment," she conceded. "What about governmental connections?"

"Well, that's a political question that only the involved governments can answer, isn't it?" Mei replied with a jingling laugh. "But that's not my issue!" Lily tilted her head in confusion. "My brother is in charge of that, while I get to battle the capitalists regarding economic issues."

"Ah well. I had been hoping you would be in this committee with me since I'm quite comfortable with you, and it was decided that having me be the representative in muggle-wizard relations would be effective." Lily felt Mei pat her back in encouragement.

"My brother is reasonable. As long as you can convince him to be on your side, he'll probably be on your side. His only hesitancy is whether or not the proposal would work in the real world." Mei sighed and continued, "But I think he's going to be on your side right away because his best friend is a Muggle boy accidentally introduced to magic during one of Feng's temper tantrums. He likes the idea of integration."

Lily nodded and made a mental note to persuade Feng to help her garner the support of others. "At least I know I'm getting some support despite the fact that the conference is currently being dominated by traditional purebloods, as Aleia keeps warning me," Lily bemoaned. "It's just a conference, right? I mean, this isn't going to determine the course of my life."

The silence from Mei was disconcerting. Just when she wanted help, the girl wasn't about to give it.

"Well, it could determine the course of your life." The girl's response was, thankfully, mixed with giggles. "Lily, don't get so nervous. Just throw your point out there. At least you know that Feng's backing you all the way even if he's too quiet for his own good."

"You know, I had thought James and I would be together during the debates to support each other when I was first chosen to do this."

"We have less than two weeks for this conference. If the ICW wanted actual plans to be formed from this, we have to split up," Mei explained. "Come on, we need to get to the meeting rooms without the morning rush of the Hogwarts students."

As she got up, Lily wondered where James was, because he seemed to so dislike her acting independently. Even if they were going to be in different rooms, he seemed quite adamant about taking her to the hospital wing, though the Gryffindor tower was in the opposite direction. Seeing as she was dashing off with Mei as her guide . . . behind her, James was definitely failing his self-assigned job of being Lily's eyes – not that she minded, of course. When she first asked the Marauders for help, she hadn't expected their total take-over of her life. Actually, she did infer that she would be dependent, but she never thought James I've-got-a-busy-social-life Potter would be glued to her side. It felt quite refreshing to have Mei be her eyes for once. If the girl – or any girl – had been more available, Lily would have never encountered the washroom issue with Sirius. During times like those, Lily was willing to sell her soul so she could see and be rid of any embarrassment arising from living without sight.

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