Disclaimer…I don't own anything.
Author's Note…Just to clarify some things…Cuddy unofficially lives with House and during this chapter he is just…not there. Away, I guess. Yeah, not so chatty today…please review!
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Two years later (and some odd months)… (Libby is 14)
In her entire life, there were just a few incidents when Lisa Cuddy had been completely speechless. The first time was her fifth grade class president election, when she had to debate her opponent. The second time was when she got into Michigan University. The third time was after she interviewed House for a job.
And the fourth time was now, as she held a positive pregnancy test in her hand.
"Congratulations."
Cuddy's head snapped up as if she had been caught doing some horrible act to see Libby in the doorway, smiling. Cuddy returned it weakly. "Thanks."
The two girls stood looking at each other, silently, for five long minutes. As if triggered by some inner-timer, the duo simultaneously started screaming and jumping up and down. It was at that moment, Cuddy realized, that Libby stopped being just her (always non-biological) daughter.
She was also her best friend.
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"What are you gonna name it?"
"I don't know…I don't even know whether it's a girl or a boy…!" Both girls squealed.
"Well, what are your favorite names so far? Come on, I know you thought about it!"
Cuddy blushed. "Yeah, yeah. Ok, for a girl: Shauna. Or Louise, after my mom. Maybe Dana. Or Olivia! Olivia Louise…" Cuddy tried it out, experimented with the sound. She liked it.
"And if it's a boy…?"
"If it's a boy…oh my gosh I can't believe I'm even thinking about this…I haven't even told your father…oh, I could name it Gregory, after him…"
"That would make a good middle name, because what would you call it then? GJ?"
Cuddy considered this for a minute. "Yeah, you're right. Umm…Zachary? Justin? Brandon? Logan? Cooper?"
"Logan Cooper is beautiful, but Dad would never go for it."
"True. Well, what have you got?"
"Tyler Gregory, if you still want to do the middle name thing. You could call him Ty."
Cuddy's heart melted. She loved that name. She loved that Libby hadn't questioned anything, just let her revel in the news. House would be coming home in a week, and for now, everything seemed perfect.
She still hadn't learned that when everything seems perfect, things are most opportune to go wrong.
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The red stain in her underwear came two days later. She hadn't miscarried, just been wrong. Incredibly wrong.
So she had changed her clothes and went about her business. The idea of breaking the news to Libby split her heart in two. So, for now, she just wouldn't. Cuddy justified this; deal with your own loss first, you can be selfish for a little bit, you won't be any worse for it.
Turns out she didn't have to, anyway. That night, while Libby was collecting the laundry, she saw it for herself. Cuddy hadn't missed the look on her face when she ran out of the room. And she didn't miss the poignant look on her face when she came back with a shoebox full of papers. Libby sat herself next to a weepy Cuddy on the bed and placed the box in her lap. "I started writing these when I was four. Actually, Wilson wrote the first one for me, because I didn't know how to write, but whatever. These are…you can't ever show these to anyone, especially not my dad.No one besides me has ever seen these, and I want you to be the only person that will. You don't have to read it now; just…I thought it was an appropriate time to give it to you."
Cuddy cautiously opened the box and found what must have been 9 separate letters, although it was certainly longer than 9 pages. They were all handwritten, and the one on top was, as Libby said, in Wilson's handwriting. It looked as though Libby had organized it in age order, oldest on the top, most recent on the bottom. The paper was thin, as if it had been worried many times between someone's fingers. Cuddy noticed who they were addressed to. It made her cry:
Mommy
Deliver to: Heaven
Taking a deep breath, Cuddy started reading the first one, the one Wilson had interpreted:
Dear Mommy,
Having cancer stinks. I want it to go away.
I miss you.
Abigail Kayla House
She would read all of them, Cuddy decided. This one had been written by Libby herself.
Dear Mommy,
Uncl Jimy says your in Heavn. I want to go to Heavn, to meat you. Uncl Jimy says I might, cause of the cancer. He says he hopes I dont go for a long, long, time.
I think that maybee if I can stand not going if I can meat you some othre way. Or at leste hear some storys about you. Dad says NOTHING he wont even say your name. Aunt Lisa told me it was Allison. Thats a pretty name. But relly, I want to know what you were like.
Aunt Lisa says you would be prowwd of me. I don't no you, but Im prowwd of you, to.
I miss you.
Abigail Kayla House
This one looked like it was written in second grade.
Dear Mommy,
First, I want to say sorry for the really bad speling in the last letter. (It won't be perfect in this one either.)
Second, I want to say I'm not mad at you. The school psychologist (or psicolojist) said I am. She said this when in class, we were making cards for Mothers Day. I was just going to right my letter to you, like I do every year, but I got in trouble for not making a butterfly like everyone else. When Mrs. Robinson The Reading Teacher asked me why, I told her it was because I didnt know if butterflys could fly all the way to Heaven. I wanted to make sure. So she made me go to the psychologist (or psicolojist) and now for some reeson, she thinks Im mad at you for dying. But its not your fault! It wouldn't have been my fault if I died with the cancer, but whatever. She doesnt know what she is talking about.
Third of all, even thogh I'm supposed to be mad at you, I still love you. So does Dad. He still hasnt said anything, but I just know.
I miss you.
Abigail Kayla House
Cuddy looked over at Libby. They were both crying. Cuddy decided she would read the rest in private, and she skipped to the last one. In the back of her mind, Cuddy dimly realized that it was written three months ago, as a ninth-grader. On Mother's Day,
Dear Mommy,
Yeah, I know I'm kind of a loser for still calling you Mommy but whatever. (Wow, I say that a lot!)
So anyway, after surviving childhood cancer, a heart transplant, diabetes, and living with Dad, I am here to tell you about the absolute worst day in my entire life.
I don't know how to really start this so…I got it at Josh's house. We were just hanging out when suddenly I felt a…drip. So I ran to the bathroom and there it was. Just sitting there, in my underwear, like some sign of a bodily transgression. I was horrified…I only learned about it in Health Class, no one told me about it. Not Dad. Not Aunt Lisa. Actually, I wasn't so mad at Dad, because if he had brought it up, we probably would have both just been embarrassed, but I was furious at Aunt Lisa. I don't know why; I guess I had just…I don't know. So anyway, as soon as I realized what had happened, I told Josh that I had to go home. He asked why. I told him I didn't feel good. He said I felt fine a few minutes ago. I said I didn't feel fine anymore. He asked what was wrong, and to tell the truth. I blushed and just couldn't look him in the eye, but he figured it out. Then, proving that he is in fact my one and only, he hugged me and told me it was ok, and all this sympathetic stuff. I love that guy. I just know…but I'll save this topic for later!
So then he gave me some toilet paper to…I don't know, hold me over or something while I walked home. He offered to go to the store with me but I was just so embarrassed, I couldn't. So I go home. Dad's there, and as soon as I see him, I burst out into tears. Darn hormones. And then he asked what was wrong. I just cried harder. Then, during a temporary stroke of genius, I asked where Aunt Lisa was. He said she was at work which made me cry even harder and then…well, that was all he needed to figure out what happened. So then he told me to go to the bathroom while he got some…supplies…and I just waited. Finally, after the single longest fifteen minutes of my life, he came home. I'm gonna spare you all the horrifying details and end my embarrassing tale with the embarrassing conclusion: Dad ended up reading the directions on a box of tampons while I sat on the lip of the bathtub, with the shower curtain very closed.
Yeah, so I definitely could have used you that day (it was three months ago). I love Aunt Lisa, but…she's not you. And it's stupid, but I just know in my heart that if you were alive, you would have been there. You would have known. Mother's intuition or something.
That sounds incredibly selfish. I am so grateful for what I have, but I miss what I don't.
I don't want to end this year's letter like this. I'll tell you something nice…ummm…oh, dear, this is awkward. Ha ha, just kidding. Ok, how about this: Josh told me he loved me. It was about a month after the "incident" I mentioned above that I never want to talk about again (except to maybe my daughter, one day.) I thought it was so romantic. It was a Sunday and somehow, we managed to convince Dad that we could go to the public beach. ("What could we do there on the public Jersey Shore?") It probably also helped that Dad forgot that Josh is legally allowed to drive. I guess he thought that his parents would be driving us. Oh well! So anyway, on the way there, it started raining. It was just a little drizzle but enough to keep the crowds away. We decided to wait for things to clear up so we stopped at this little place for lunch. It was called The Fork and The Spoon. I remember exactly what we had: I ordered a fruit salad and he ordered a hamburger. I know; try not to swoon. Anyway, turns out the serving portions there are huge, so we shared. It was just like that scene in The Lady and The Tramp where they're eating the spaghetti and they're each eating the same strand and their noses meet…except this was much neater. And not so corny. But you know me; I love corny! Ok, so after that we go to the beach which is like, totally deserted. It's too cold to go swimming…I hadn't even brought my bathing suit so I don't even want to know what Dad thought we were doing but whatever (there it is again!). We took off our shoes and just walked down the shore together, kinda fooling around, you know, he would pick me up and pretend to throw me in the water, I would fake-push in the ocean…and anyway, all the sudden he grabbed me and picked me up (it used to annoy me but not after that day) and I thought he was going to mock-toss me again but he hugged me and…that's when he told me he loved me.
I started crying, I was so happy. Seriously, I never even knew a person could achieve such a…state of ecstasy. It was euphoric. Apparently you don't need drugs to get like that. I can't even describe it.
At first, I just kept saying thank you…I guess I was too elated and shocked to get anything else out. He started to stay something, (after, he told me it was that I didn't need to stay anything…oh well!) but then I blurted out that I loved him too.
I always pictured that when I said it, it would sound like something out of a song or something but this…this was absolutely perfect. I wouldn't have it any other way.
So yeah, I'm growing up. Don't think that I'm too young for this because, well…when you know, you know. I know.
Until next year...I love you…and haha, try and imagine what Dad would say if he knew about this. Oh man, I've had nightmares.
I miss you.
Abigail Kayla House
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Cuddy put the letter down. "Oh my gosh, Libby!" She eclipsed the girl in a hug. "I…I had no idea you and Josh were this serious! And the other thing…that…I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you, I mean…"
Libby smiled. "No, no it's fine. Now that it's…now that I've had time to think about it, it was probably better that way."
Cuddy shook her head. "I mean…oh my gosh! You guys love each other!"
Libby gave a little squee. "I know!"
"And you've kept it a secret for so long, I mean…wow! I wouldn't have been able to."
"Aunt Lisa, I would have told you but I know you would have wanted to tell Dad and…he would probably make me stop seeing him. I'm sure if I told you and asked you, you wouldn't have said anything but…I didn't want to…this isn't a good word for it but burden you with something like that because you guys tell each other a lot. I don't want to be the thing to stop that."
Cuddy nodded because truth be told, Libby was right. House would have made Libby end the relationship and because she was Libby, she would have ended it and it would have broken her heart. And if she had told Cuddy, she would have loved hearing the information but she would be burdened by it.
But she wouldn't be now. Hearing about it now, in this way, was just right.
And suddenly, Libby's 5:1 figure seemed that much taller. For a moment, Cuddy was thankful that she didn't have to go through another baby growing up before her eyes. She didn't know how much more she could take.
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Author's Note…I wrote that all in one sitting! Man, it's kinda tiring. But awww, how sweet are they? So anyhoo…I think next chapter I'm going to fast-forward to Libby's senior year in High School…write about acceptance letters and graduation and whatnot…it might take me a while to get up, though. Oh well, I never wait too long! Please review!