A Fool To Think

Chapter Six

The next week and a half went by fairly smoothly for Martin and Samantha. Luckily for them, Jack seemed content to always partner Samantha with Danny and Martin with Vivian. So there was very little interaction between Martin and Samantha, and the little interaction that did occur was always professional.

But just because they weren't arguing it didn't mean that they weren't emotionally drained after work. For Sam, she found that being around Martin was proving more difficult than she initially thought it would be. She knew that it would be hard to see him everyday, but she wasn't prepared for the constant barrage of memories that flooded her consciousness whenever they were in a room together.

She'd see him across the bullpen eating a sandwich and remember lunches that they had together in the past. She'd see him laugh or smile at something Danny said and she'd get a glimpse of his dimples. The same dimples that she loved. There was a time when she'd do anything, no matter how silly, just to get him to smile so that she could see them again. But those days were gone.

She hated him, or at least she wanted to. She really wanted to and tried hard to achieve her goal. After everything that he put her through she wished she could hate him. But the truth remained that she didn't hate him. She hated his actions and hated the fact that he hurt her, but found it hard to hate him—especially now that she had to work with him and see him so much.

It was easier to put him out of her mind when she was in Florida. Sure she remembered him. He never fully left her mind the memories they created were still fresh in her mind. But she could separate the memories from her daily life and set aside a special time to indulge herself in happier times.

Now though, seeing him so much was taking a toll on her. She hated feeling like this. She hated the fact that she missed him and she hated the fact that she still loved him. It wasn't fair.

If she had never found out, would she have been happier? It was a question that she had asked herself millions of times, and usually the answer was yes. If she had never found out about his exploitation of her, she could have lived a happier life. They say that ignorance is bliss, and in this case they would have been right.

Sometimes she dreamed about what their life would be like right now if they had gotten married that day. She always envisioned having two children, a boy and a girl. The boy would look like a miniature version of his father while the girl would look just like Samantha, except the girl would have the same piercing blue eyes as her father.

She'd dream that they were together, watching their children play in the backyard of their house and enjoying the fact that they were a family. It was a good dream. Too bad it couldn't have worked that way.

Martin glanced up from his computer, taking a moment to look at Sam. She wasn't paying attention to him so he felt safe looking at her. If she saw him looking at her she would probably start yelling at him and he didn't want that.

He felt like he was on an emotional rollar coaster that never ended and never took a break. One minute he would want to try and to work things out with Sam, to at least try and repair the friendship that they once had. But then he'd remember how much she hurt him by leaving him at the alter and how angry he was with her for leaving him without so much as an explanation. It was in those moments that he wanted to hurt her as badly as she hurt him.

He didn't want to fight with her but knew that if they talked about anything other than work-related items, they would fight. So he found it best that he didn't talk to her at all. But he wanted to.

Ever since their argument that first night in the car he wanted to talk to her again. Obviously she was still mad about something he had done. But what? What did he do to her that was so bad that she would hate him like this? He's been wracking his brain about that for nearly ten years now and still didn't have an answer. Would he ever know the answer or would it be one of life's great mysteries?

Jack was thankfully still oblivious to the tension between him and Sam. Unfortunately, Vivian and Danny weren't and although he could see the questioning looks they passed his way he did nothing to fill them in on his past with Sam.

What would he tell them anyway? He couldn't tell them the whole story because he didn't even have the whole story himself. All he knew what that one minute he was getting ready to marry his best friend and then the next he was trying to pick up his shattered heart from the gutter that she drop-kicked it into.

Jack came out of his office with Danny trailing behind him. "Ok guys. Looks like Danny may have found a lead on our missing person. Judging from the phone records and credit card statements, it looks like Josie might have been having an affair with her husband's boss."

He handed the address to Martin. "Martin, Samantha, I want you two to go interview the boss. Try to see what you can find out from him."

Danny knew that Martin and Sam didn't want to be partnered with each other and decided to step in and help. "Uh Jack, why don't I go with Sam to interview the boss?"

"Because I need you to go back over the rest of those credit card statements." Jack replied, turning around and heading back to his office.

Danny gave an apologetic smile to both Sam and Martin before heading back to his desk. He tried, but it was no use. It looked like Sam and Martin were going to be stuck with each other for a while.

"I'll meet you at the elevator." Martin told her. "Don't take too long."

Sam sighed as she picked up her jacket from the back of her chair. On her way to the elevator, she stopped by Danny's desk. "Thanks for trying." She quietly told him.

"No problem." He smiled. "Too bad it didn't help."

Sam chuckled. "Well what doesn't kill me will only make me stronger."

"That's supposed to be the way it goes." Danny chuckled.

"I better get going before Martin leaves without me, and I wouldn't put it past him." Sam commented.

"Good luck." Danny told her. This would be the first time that Martin and Sam had to be alone since the night Martin took her home. She had told him some of the general details about that conversation and he understood that it got ugly. He hoped that this car ride would be better than that one.

As soon as Martin got into the car and turned it on, he started playing with the radio. He thought that if they had music playing, then they wouldn't need to talk. And if they didn't talk, they wouldn't argue. It was a good plan until Sam abruptly turned off the radio.

"Hey!" He objected. "What did you do that for?"

"I don't want to listen to the radio." She told him matter-of-factly.

"Well I do." He told her, turning it back on.

"Too bad. Your choice in music is terrible." Sam reached over and turned it back off.

"There was a time when you loved my choice of music." He pointed out.

"That was a long time ago, and your taste in music has only gotten worse since then." She told him.

"Well I don't care if you don't like it. I'm the one who's driving so that means I'm in control of the radio." Martin explained, flipping it back on. "And I want it on."

"Fine." She didn't want to fight about something so trivial as the radio. "You win this time." She sighed and turned her head to stare out the window.

He sighed and turned off the radio. Arguing about something as trivial as the radio wasn't worth it for him. "Look, can we talk for a moment?"

"About what?" She asked, not taking her eyes off of the sidewalks as they drove by.

"I think you know what we need to talk about." He told her.

"We don't need to talk about that." She told him, finally looking over to him. "What's left to say?"

"A lot." He informed her. "Starting with why you're so mad at me. What did I do Samantha? What did I do to you that was so bad that you didn't think you could come to me and we could work it out?"

She stared at him in disbelief. "You're still playing the innocent, 'I don't know what's going on' card? You know what you did."

"It's not an act." He insisted. "I honestly don't know what I've done. Please tell me."

"I don't appreciate the fact that you keep wanting me to say it out-loud. Would it give you some kind of sick pleasure to hear me talk about it?"

"No." He sighed. "I…I just don't know how I can apologize for hurting you if I don't know what I did."

"You'd apologize?" She was caught off guard by that statement and was becoming more and more confused. He kept insisting that he didn't know what he did to her. Was it a ploy to avoid blame or was it possible that he wasn't the mastermind behind it?

"Of course I'd apologize." He kept his eyes glued to the road. "Contrary to your current beliefs about me, I'm not a horrible guy. I really cared about you. You keep saying that I hurt you but you hurt me too. You left me on our wedding day. How do you think that made me feel?"

"Martin…" She let his name linger out there, unsure of what else to say. She knew that it must have been hard to get dumped on your wedding day, but what else was she supposed to do? She found out about it the night before the wedding and she couldn't have gone through with the wedding and then broke up with him.

"Look, now probably isn't the right time for this because we're here." While they had been talking, they had arrived at the office building where Josie's possible lover worked.

Sam got out of the car and took a deep breath. She wasn't sure what to think anymore. Everything was a mess. She saw the concrete proof with her own eyes. She saw that Martin was the one responsible. So why was she starting to question Martin's guilt in this?