Disclaimer:

If you haven't watched the anime until the end, reading the comic number nine could help you to understand this story. But actually, if you haven't done those things, it's still okay. Just if you want to know the details, those things will help you a little bit. And, this chapter is a little bit related to The Heart of Ayanami chapter four, if you're interested to read this story from another version and POV. But, I must warn you that this story isn't same with The Heart of Ayanami chapter four. Just related…

Chapter three:

This is what I was afraid for long long time ago. But no one listened to me, they didn't believe what I've said. And Rei, the girl that I wish she could spend the rest of her life with me, had to be sacrificed, for the Human Instrumentally Project, and to complete what Dead Sea Scrolls had said.

It's started from my inability to prevent her sacrifice to NERV. It was still early in the morning, when I saw Rei was sitting on the pool side of NERV's park. Thinking something that it seemed not easy. I walked steadily to her, and sat next to her. I saw she turned her face and stared at me, then, she kept looking at the pool…thinking something.

"Good morning," I greeted her with a smile. "Good morning," she replied softly. "It's still early. What are you doing here?" I asked her. She glanced at me. "Nothing important," she muttered. I smiled again. She sighed. "You still can be happy, it seems there's no worried expression on your face. I envy you for that," she murmured. "Why do you think we have to worry?" I asked her gently.

"Because…can't you feel it? The time is coming. The end is getting closer. I can feel that since the longinus spear was used to attack the angel," she talked slowly. I smiled again. "Whatever will be, let it be…We won't be stressed if we think that way," I spoke confidently. She smiled too. "I think…I must have your thinking way…Henceforth, there are so many Reis in this world, if you know…so I mustn't be afraid of anything…There are still many successors of me," she mumbled with a unnatural smile.

"Even that…there are so many successors behind us, it doesn't mean that we may not have feelings and emotions," I mused. "So, you have seen the aquarium, full of my selves there…Of course you know how I'm not worth in front of NERV and Seele. They still have stocks…" she snapped. Silence…"It has been a long long time ago since we didn't chat like this," I gazed at her calmly. She just nodded and a little bit smiled.

And it began…the alarm rang everywhere, made ugly noises. "It's an alert. We have to go," she was back in her monotonous speaking way. She stood up and turned her head to me. "Don't you want to get ready too?" she asked icily. "Ah, of course," I got up too, and followed her behind. Just a moment ago I have discovered her truly heart, and now she came back into the monotonousness queen.

I met her in front of the locker room. That time, when she wanted to enter the room to wear the plug suit when I stopped her. "What?" she asked coldly. "Rei…I have finished discover the golden secret of Dead Sea Scrolls and Human Instrumentally Project. You mustn't fight this time, Rei," I murmured at her ear. "I can't do what you wish. I'm sorry," she murmured. "Why do you…with your smile hands…try to carry all these wounds on your back? May be you think you're strong enough to do that, but you are not that strong, Rei. You mustn't sacrifice your self and let your dream buried in order to finish your job," I talked to her seriously.

"You don't know anything about me. And I have no dreams, you know. And I have nothing to be sacrificed," she was still stubborn. "And why I'm feeling surrender when I knew that you have fought enough, and you don't need to harm your self more than this, but you still want to fight?" I whispered. "I wish I could avoid the war. But in the same time, I wish I could work at NERV too. Working here, being with him always makes me feel happy and tranquil," she responded.

Being with Gendou made her happy! "So…you still want to fight the angel now…I have a bad feeling about this war. Can you just care about your self at least once?" I muttered. I swore, I saw a little smile on her lips, but she could pretend well. It wasn't a happy smile, it was a sad smile. She was sad to think about her destiny, her fate. But, her smile vanished as quickly as it appeared. "You don't understand anything," she responded with a calm and icy voice, but in the same time, it sounded cruel too.

"You are still new here. You don't know much about us. That's why you still can talk that way..." she continued her statement. "And if you don't mind, I want to take my plug suit. You're blocking the entrance," she spoke calmly. "I don't understand Rei…you're right…I don't understand why you could betray your destiny…" I mused slowly.

"What do you mean with betray my destiny? I have my own destiny. I make my own destiny," she said monotonously. "Don't you want to know who are your parents, Rei?" I snapped. She stared at me. "I don't have any parents, if you want to know," she responded quickly and firmly, but there's a doubt in her voice. "That's what you know, right?" I had to tell her the truth…

"What do you mean with that?" she still didn't understand. "Why don't you coma back to your father and leave this cruel world?" I asked her again, as coldly as her. "Who is my father?" she muttered with angry but confused eyes. "Adam…" I answered it simply. "Adam!" she whispered, didn't believe what I had said. "You are drunk. Drunk and mad," she whispered again. "I'm not drunk or mad. You need to read more about Dead Sea Scrolls," I mused.

"Dead Sea Scrolls…" she mumbled. And I could saw and feel, a deep sadness painted her expression. "What is it?" I asked her slowly. "I know it, Kaworu…I know it even before you tell me now…I know that I'm gonna die in NERV. I'm gonna sacrifice my self here. That's why I was made. I was made to be sacrificed in the future, to fulfill the words of Dead Sea Scrolls… to lead them… to the Promised Land," she muttered tremblingly and tears fell from the corners of her beautiful eyes.

"Rei…do you really have to sacrifice your self?" I asked again, to reconfirm her decision. She nodded firmly, with a forced smile. "Yes…" then she turned back, and her hands touched the door handle. But suddenly, something made her turned her head back, and looked at me. Looked at my eyes deeply. "I'm not important for Dead Sea Scrolls. There are so many Reis here. They don't need to worry if they loose one. But you…there is only one Kaworu here. And Kaworu has an important role in Dead Sea Scrolls. So Kaworu must be careful. That's what Ayanami wants. She wants him to tell father that she loves him too if Kaworu meets Adam…" after saying that, she came in to the room. And I was standing there, didn't know what to do.

After we got in Eva, I heard Major Katsuragi's voice. "Okay…unit 0 and 2 will be sent out to the battlefield. Unit 0 will be the main fighter, and unit 2 will be the back up. Unit 1 will stay in cage," she said firmly. Shinji protested a little, but it didn't make any change. "Are you ready?" she asked for the last time. "You bet," I snapped and smirked. "Okay, go upside!" she commanded. And the elevator lifted us up to the ground, when we had to meet and greet with the angel.

On the ground, we could see the angel, it looked like a chain. "I warn you, it's not its constant shape. It can turn to any shape any time, so you have to watch carefully," Major Katsuragi's voice again. "No need to do that. Here it comes," Rei mused. She was right, the angel turned its shape into something like snake, and it attacked her. She was trying to shoot that thing, but it didn't work.

"Misato, the rifle is not enough to fight it. Give me the more gigantic weapon!" I yelled at her through the speaker. "I'll give you Dual Shaw! You come to C-883 now!" she ordered. I moved my Eva to the place she told me. I ran as fast as possible. Then, I saw an opened elevator, there is a weapon there. Like a giant hair curler. The angel came over me.

"Like the scenario…I am the one who will survive…and you will die here…" I whispered. Then, I held it between the sides of my weapon. And, that time, I realized a very important thing. This angel was an entering type…it would enter anything stopped it. And it started to enter my weapon. Oh shit! I attacked it once again….and it went away from me…I could feel a little bit relax after that, but not when I knew where was it going to….it was going to…unit 0!

It was like a nightmare. It attacked her, and she tried to shoot it by the rifle. But, like I knew, the rifle wasn't enough. Oh God, it was my fault. I let it attack her. Move, move! I shouted it at my self and my Eva…Move, move! I tried harder, but it didn't want to move. What happened, Eva? You wanted to betray Adam more….!

Then, I recognized that all I could do was just watching. But, I didn't want that. I didn't agree. I couldn't just stand there and watch her death. I saw it…a terrible view…the angel was spreading it disgusting roots to Eva, and to Rei too, I knew that….I knew the way it attacked. It seemed like a thousand years…My Evangelion didn't obey me and I had to let her survive alone.

Until I saw her out from the entry plug, climbed the iron Eva body. What was she doing? And…sarcastically, a memory reminded me about that…The conversation between me and Dr. Akagi Ritsuko.

"You are Nagisa Kaworu, right?"

"Yes, I am,"

"Good, now you are the fifth children. I'm gonna explain you about Eva system. First, if there's an emergency situation, you can use a bomb outside to explode something, outside the Eva too. But, it's not recommended by us,"

"Why?"

"You have to turn the bomb on manually. The bomb is outside and it will explode outside too. So, it's possible you're gonna be hurt or even died because of the explosion,"

So, that's what she wanted to do? Was she crazy! "Hey Rei! You better stop it. I've learned it from Ritsuko, the woman with blondie hair and lab jacket. It's dangerous to turn it on," I warned her. But no responds. And I realized that she couldn't be that dumb not to know that…she wanted to suicide? She wanted to sacrifice her self, just for them! "No, you Rei, come back now. You cannot do that. You cannot! Oh shit! MISATO, IS THERE ANY STRONGER WEAPON!" I shouted at the speaker. But there's no answer too. Everyone was too shocked.

Move, move, move, you fucking shit Eva! I kept trying to move this shit thing. But it didn't want to… Until at least I had to use that way…"Are you happy seeing her death, Ikari Yui?" I whispered slowly, 'til the speaker couldn't catch my words. "Are you enjoying this?" I still whispered. "It's not what I want…" a soft voice replied.

And suddenly, I could hear everybody was screaming. "Stop it REI! STOP! It's an order! DON'T DO THAT!" or "No, it's too dangerous! YOU CAME BACK NOW!". But it was useless. "Kaworu, can't you do something?" it's Shinji's voice. "Shinji…my eva…it doesn't want to work…it doesn't want to move…Shinji….what can I do!" I was hopeless and desperate to see her, struggled there.

And, suddenly, there's a very bright shine…a too bright shine….I had to close my eyes, and there were some screams. First, I didn't know it, what the hell was that. Until, a sound of big blast heard loudly. It could make you deaf. Everybody was screaming and shrieking. She had turned the bomb on…she had save everyone…she had died…Everybody still tried to call her name, but I knew that it's impossible….

Rei….Rei…!

"You still can be happy, it seems there's no worried expression on your face. I envy you for that,"

"Henceforth, there are so many Reis in this world, if you know…so I mustn't be afraid of anything…There are still many successors of me,"

"You don't know anything about me. And I have no dreams, you know. And I have nothing to be sacrificed"

"You are still new here. You don't know much about us. That's why you still can talk that way..."

"Who is my father?"

. "I know it, Kaworu…I know it even before you tell me now…I know that I'm gonna die in NERV. I'm gonna sacrifice my self here. That's why I was made. I was made to be sacrificed in the future, to fulfill the words of Dead Sea Scrolls… to lead them… to the Promised Land,"

"I'm not important for Dead Sea Scrolls. There are so many Reis here. They don't need to worry if they loose one. But you…there is only one Kaworu here. And Kaworu has an important role in Dead Sea Scrolls. So Kaworu must be careful. That's what Ayanami wants. She wants him to tell father that she loves him too if Kaworu meets Adam…"

to be continued

A/N

All the names of weapons, places, books, etc are based on Evangelion comic books. Thank you for reading.