Harry looked at the kitchen before him and found a scene of absolute chaos. Professor McGonagall appeared to have dragged the trampoline inside, and, looking very drunk, seemed to be doing an interpretive dance with Scabbers' tail tied around her neck. On the trampoline. Harry winced. Hagrid and Ginny were prancing around wearing Amazonian outfits, and singing, "My Wild Irish Rose" – rather tunelessly. Ron and Neville had not emerged from the living room, which Harry took to be a bad sign. Neither had Hermione or Malfoy, though he heard some giggling from the next room. Harry took that to be a bad sign, too. The Fangirls had disappeared, though he thought he heard some distant screaming from upstairs. Harry sent up a silent prayer for the ruggedly unwashed man's soul.

Severus Snape had, for some reason, showed up, and was demonstrating the Can-Can to some curious first-years. Harry winced yet again. He decided that he seemed to be doing a lot of wincing, lately. He barely had time to wonder what the first years were doing there when the door banged open, and a pair of rhinos waltzed in, followed by three girls on horses. They didn't appear to notice Harry, and kept muttering about some "Pony Pal Trail." Harry reached behind them, dazed, to close the door, but then some people dressed in Spandex cat suits paraded in, followed by a liveried servant, some random people carrying spears and wearing black veils (Harry caught the word "Aiel" a couple of times) and some lady who kept asking about a glass slipper…the line went on and on. When he was nearly run over for the fourteenth time, somewhere in between the dancing bears and the pride of lions, Harry snapped.

"OUT!" he yelled. "ALL OF YOU, OUT!"

The party fell silent, staring at Harry in stunned disbelief. Harry glared fiercely at all of them, indiscriminately. He saw Hermione's head peeking around the corner and glared at her, too. When he had been silent for a few moments, the noise began to build up again. "NO! STOP! OUT!" Harry yelled. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! OUT OF MY NEIGHBORHOOD! I DON'T EVEN KNOW HALF OF YOU!" There was some grumbling and muttering of, "I have an invitation," and "Completely mental…" Harry scowled at them some more. "Come on, move it. I haven't got all day."

With some more muttering, the guests began moving toward the door, when another figure burst through, and everyone jumped back with a collective gasp of horror. For there stood…Voldemort, in all his noseless glory. Harry winced and then rounded on the wizard. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" he yelled. "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! CAN'T I AT LEAST HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF A GOOD TIME? GET OUT NOW!"

Voldemort looked a bit taken aback. "Well, I wasn't exactly expecting a welcome, but…"

"OUT!" Harry roared. "OR I'LL SMASH THIS HOUSE TO BITS!" He raised his wand threateningly.

"Now, don't do that," said Voldemort soothingly, eying Harry's wild eyed expression slightly nervously. "I'll just…call back tomorrow. Yeah. I'll just be leaving…now…" He started to edge toward the door.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Harry growled, and waved his wand wildly, pointing it vaguely in Voldemort's direction.

Someone screamed. The house hit the ground with a thud. There was utter silence.

"What happened?" said Draco weakly. "Are you all right, Hermione?"

"I'm fine," the latter said woozily. "My head hurts, but…"

Harry pried several boards off of himself, along with a statue of a cherub. Harry scowled and rubbed at his arm, where he had no doubt several bruises would be developing. He looked around him and noticed that the landscape looked very…fake. Yes, fake was definitely the word. And…was that singing coming in through the doorway? Yes, it was definitely singing.

"What is that?" asked Hermione suddenly, in a very disgusted tone of voice. Considering, Harry decided that she was totally justified.

A little man had popped his head up to the window and was goggling in at them. He was wearing overalls, and a strange hat. Suddenly Harry realized where they were. "Oh no," he said, dropping his head wearily into his hands. "We've been flown to Munchkinland."

He thought that Hermione's screams were probably heard back in Kansas.