Harry moaned and rubbed his head as the reedy sounds of the chorus of, "Ding, Dong, the Wicked Witch Is Dead," wound into the room. "I want some champagne," he complained. "Or sparkling cider, or something."
"What the hell is going on!" yelled a Black Rider, coming downstairs. We were watching the "America's Next Top Model" marathon, and then there was this big bang and the TV just…fizzled out! What is going on here?" He looked outside briefly, and his hood wiggled oddly. "And what is that?"
"They're Munchkins," said Harry wearily. "And we're in Munchkinland."
The Black Riders gave him confused looks. "Well, anyway, you'd better come upstairs. There's some piggy human screaming his head off up there, and it's quite annoying, really," said the one that seemed to be their leader.
"Oh, bollocks on Dudley," Harry said irritably. "He can wail his little head off, as far as I'm concerned." He turned on Voldemort, who shrank back fearfully. "You just get your noseless little face out of here before…before…"
"What about the Munchkins?" complained Voldemort. "There's too many for me just to Avada Kedavra them all."
"Well, figure out something. Just go away! The door's over there, and…oh, no." The house was suddenly spinning again.
"I knew that today wasn't going to be a good day when those fangirls started blowing kisses at us," moaned a Black Rider. There was a loud sound of retching.
When the house finally jolted to a stop, Harry looked around and saw…nothing. Absolutely nothing. "Somebody turn on a light!" he yelled. There was the sound of a switch clicking up and down. "It's not working!"
"Oh, goddammit!" Harry swore.
"Unnecessary profanity, young man!" said Ron, and something whacked Harry solidly in the head.
"I think it must be one of those weird other dimensions," said Hermione's voice.
"Oh, darling, you're so intelligent," said Draco's voice.
"Well, how do we get out of it?" complained Harry.
There was a long pause. "Um…I don't know," Hermione admitted.
"Well, that's no good, is it!" moaned Harry.
"Break out the champagne!" yelled Professor McGonagall drunkenly.
Harry moaned again. "Shut up, all of you! I need to think!" There was silence, punctuated by a few titters. Suddenly he saw a glint of golden hair bouncing in.
"Are you quite done with all this crashing around? It's messing up my hair, and one of the dwarves has been sick on the carpet. It's very unpleasant." Said the elf in an annoyed voice.
One of the fangirls pounced out of the darkness with a cry of "Legolasie!" Legolas's scream was cut off in a very sticky sounding kiss. Harry winced. The noise was slowly building up again, but with cries of pain as everybody stepped on everybody else's toes. Harry thought he heard an Avada- cut off by a shriek from Dudley that sounded suspiciously pig like.
He scowled vaguely at the darkness and tried to shut out the noise. Unfortunately, Ginny had suddenly appeared and was trying to kiss him, very insistently. Harry continually had to pry her hands off of his shoulders. Finally, she gave up on stealth and pounced on Harry, viciously biting at his ear and clenching her nails into his skin. Harry gave up on trying to get her off.
Finally, Ron pried her off with an umbrella stand, then promptly started whacking him with it. Harry yelled in pain and raised his wand.
Ron promptly swiped it out of Harry's hand. "Now, that's dangerous, young man! No playing with sticks in the house! Like this, you see! Swish and fli-"
"No!" yelled Harry, but it was too late. The house was spinning again. Harry heard the sounds of splattering on the kitchen floor, then, "Whoops, there goes my wine!" from Hagrid. He winced.
They hit ground. Harry raised his head warily. He moaned again as he saw Ron holding Harry's wand, snapped in half. "Well, would you look at that," Ron said bemusedly. "It does break when you bend it, after all!" Harry winced.
Harry looked out of the window, and saw the familiar gardens of Privet Drive. He sighed with relief. "Well," he said wearily. "I'm glad that's over. Now you can all go home. All of you!"
There was no response from the already partying guests.
"Did you hear me?" asked Harry, almost shouting. "I said, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
"Someone throw out that party pooper," complained Scabbers.
"Wait!" yelled Harry as two rhinos picked him up bodily and swung him back and forth, counting, "One, two…" "This is my house! Don't-"
"THREE!" There was a sound of crashing glass, but the noise did not lull. Harry dragged himself up from the concrete, scowling at the house.
"SCREW ALL Y'ALL!" he yelled at the house before turning to look down the street. "Now what?" He glanced at the house, and winced.
The party continued, and the stream of guests continued to arrive. Voldemort was very drunk and was currently teaching some second years how to pull a rabid rabbit out of a car engine. Professor McGonagall was performing karaoke on the roof, seemingly unaware that her bathing suit had come untied. Harry winced and quickly looked away. The music got louder, the screaming rose in volume, and Harry scowled viciously before Disapparating. Nothing changed about the house. Except that now it was hovering about ten feet in the air.
Later, rumors placed the famous Harry Potter as working in Czechoslovakia as a fishmonger, under the pseudonym Georgina Fredrichs. All evidence about the whereabouts of the party indicates that it hasn't stopped yet. Fortunately, word hasn't reached Czechoslovakia.