Disclaimer: "There are two bad things in this world: not getting your heart's desire, and getting it."
(An: Let me just say before I start this: I am a YxU shipper. But I have figured since I started watching CL that SxU would work out if Sissi grew up a little (as she seems to have done in the second season) and something drastic happened to Yumi (as it does here). So I really would appreciate it if you read this with an open mind. Besides, this isn't really SxU, it's SxO. -wink- Oh, yes, this is set about five years after the show, making Sissi, Ulrich, and Odd all eighteen.)
I don't know why I was sitting there. God knows that just sitting at a bar, watching other people dance, wasn't going to make me feel any better. I should've probably gone home and layed down, had a good cry in private. It wasn't a strange reaction when you'd had this kind of thing happen to you. At least, I hope not...
It wasn't often one ended up with the love of your life.
I slumped my head over the bar. Somebody shoot me, I thought. Why was I so depressed?
The answer was obvious, I just didn't want to say it.
I closed my eyes with a sigh I thought would finally tear the crack in my heart far enough to make it break. I could still taste him on my lips.
I was second-best, and I had to admit it.
That's all he ever wanted, really, was her. And once I got over that... well...
O-O-O
Sissi propped her chin on her fist. She had resigned herself to a life without Ulrich, and really, he and Yumi did make a good couple- devoted and adoring, just like all young lovers should be.
It didn't stop her from wanting to gouge out her eyes whenever she saw them together, though.
Yumi rested her head on Ulrich's shoulder, yawning. He looked at her with the kind of smile he always had when he saw her like this, surprised and joyful and a little scared all at once.
Sissi sighed, knowing he would never look at her like that.
He didn't know these moments bothered her anymore, of course; she had buried her feelings somewhere deep when she was around him and pretended it had been nothing but a childhood crush, one to be outgrown with her penchant for heart-emblazoned shirts and teddy bears. This was a lie so blatant it made Judas Iscariot one of the saints, but it couldn't be helped. If she couldn't have Ulrich tied around her finger like Yumi, then she could at least have a friend who just occasionally happened to make her cry in the night.
Yumi stretched and Ulrich slipped his fingers into hers, starting down the path towards Sissi's bench. She quickly straightened up and pretended to be absorbed in her English homework. It was worth it, she thought, to lie and see Ulrich smile at her and give a small wave as he walked past, than to be truthful and have him scowl at her and brush her off like he used to.
They're even more sickening than Belpois and that Stones girl. When will it end?
O-O-O
I twisted one of the strands of hair that still always fell in my face, feeling monumentally sorry for myself. That was how the rest of my years at Kadic had gone, until finally we had all graduated and parted ways. I didn't keep in touch with Herb or Nicholas (as if) but I did keep up correspondence with Ulrich, and, to my surprise, got a couple of postcards from Odd, who had gotten his film career on the ground and apparently felt like he owed me something, since I had been in most of his early stuff. Not very flattering early stuff, but still.
I traced a circle on the bartop. Basically, I was doing whatever popped into my head, to keep me from thinking. It wasn't really working, but it was worth a shot, at least.
I closed my eyes again when the memories washed over me. It was a reflex, although if I'd kept my eyes open they might not've been as strong.
O-O-O
It was late at night when Ulrich called. Almost midnight, in fact. Naturally, Sissi was a little annoyed when she finally got her hands on the phone. "Hello?" she growled.
"Sissi?"
She almost dropped the phone. "Ul-Ulrich!" She scrambled for a better grip and found it, nestling the phone in the crook between her neck and shoulder. "What's the matter?"
"Yumi." Sissi would have instantly been mad, hurt, and jealous, except that Ulrich's voice was breaking. His pain was more important than hers.
"What's the matter? What happened to her?" She swung her legs over the side of the bed, holding the phone closer as though by doing so she could somehow do the same to Ulrich.
"Sissi- she... oh..." There was a little click as he set the phone down and Sissi could hear heavy breathing.
"Ulrich," Sissi said. "Please. Tell me what's wrong!"
"Yumi," Ulrich repeated. "She's dying." He said it very simply, his voice devoid of emotion. One never would have guessed that he was talking about the girl he had professed to love for years.
"Oh, God," Sissi whispered. She had always loathed Yumi, but still. She had known her for years and now she was dying? Yumi was barely nineteen. Barely a year older than her. Barely come into her full life. "Ulrich... what's wrong with her?"
"It was an accident," Ulrich sighed, his voice still blank. "Just something that happens every day, I guess. Yumi was driving... and..." His blankness gave out there and there was the sound of a soft gasp.
Sissi closed her eyes and bit her lip. "Oh, Ulrich..."
"The doctors say that even if she lives past these next few hours," Ulrich went on, obviously determined to finish, "she'll never wake up... Sissi, what am I supposed to do?"
"Ulrich, darling," Sissi sighed, "I don't know. Where are you?"
"Sacred Heart Hospital," Ulrich replied. "It's-"
"I know where it is, dear," Sissi interrupted. She didn't even notice she was using the old mannerism again. "I stayed there once, remember? I'll be over as soon as I can."
"Thank you," Ulrich whispered.
"Always, Ulrich, always," Sissi murmured back before hanging up.
O-O-O
The hospital was a bleak, blank place, just like she remembered... and, she realized, just like Ulrich. He was curled up in a chair beside Yumi's bed. It hurt to look at either of them, because it was easy to see Ulrich was as torn up inside as Yumi was outside.
On the other chairs in the room were Jeremie and Aelita, wrapped around each other. Aelita was crying quietly into Jeremie's chest and he looked like he was in shock. In the third chair was Odd, slumping back with eyes closed and arms crossed. Sissi quietly sat down beside him. He opened an eye, sighed, and slumped further down in his seat.
Sissi fought a flash of annoyance and looked over at Ulrich. He was hugging his knees to his chest and Sissi had never seen him so sad. Her breath caught as she looked at him, and she buried her face in her hands and resisted the urge to cry. I need to be strong right now, for the rest of them. They need somebody to lean on, and it might as well be you.
"Somebody make a joke," said Odd, out of the blue, "before I have a heart attack."
Aelita glanced over at him, giving him a watery smile.
"Isn't that usually your job?" Sissi said.
"I don't know about the rest of you," Odd sighed, glancing over at her and pressing a hand to his temples, "but I have never felt less like being funny in my life."
"Well, that's good, because you were never funny to begin with." The words popped out of Sissi's mouth without thought.
"Guys," said Jeremie, "please."
"No," said Ulrich. "Let 'em argue. Anything to keep it from getting so goddamn quiet in here again." He glanced over at Yumi, who was on a respirator, and shivered a little.
"Oh yes, I feel loved," Odd said, looking at Sissi with as much of an amused expression as he could manage.
"I don't care," said Sissi. "Do I look like I care?"
"No."
"Thank God."
Odd looked over at Yumi. "I'll miss that pink bra," said Odd. "Even if it was uncomfortable."
A laugh exploded out of Jeremie and he instantly looked guilty. Sissi was too busy staring at Odd to notice this, though. "Well, it was," he said when he noticed.
Even Ulrich was smiling a little bit now.
"You know, this just confirms what I thought," Sissi said. "No man can wear that much purple and still... you know."
"Only real men wear purple," said Odd proudly. He was still dressed in it from head to foot, although he had switched the gallon of hair gel style for a ponytail somewhere along the line.
"Right."
Ulrich still had the little smile on his face, and that made Sissi glad. Even when the quiet beeping from the corner ended and everyone quietly collapsed together, she felt a little joy inside that she had made him smile at such a time.
O-O-O
I could never decide whether that night was good or bad. It was the night when I was finally totally accepted among them (they were still as tight-knit as ever and it felt good to be included), but it was also the night one of their own died, and I couldn't help but get that feeling of being second-best for the first time. It was, after all, only when a vacancy opened up that I was allowed in.
But I was in the group, and I convinced myself that that was really all that mattered.
They all stayed in the same hotel for Yumi's funeral, and even that black event wasn't so bad...
O-O-O
"Well, here we all are again," Odd murmured at the wake.
"Kind of sad that we only really get together when something bad happens," Aelita sighed.
"It was always like that, princess," Odd replied, sounding cheerful enough. Sissi sighed. Even if she was "one of them" now, there would still be countless times when she would still feel like an outsider, and this was one of them. Odd glanced over at her and rolled his eyes. "Trust me, Sissi, you don't wanna know."
"Did your little get-togethers involve Yumi's bra, by any chance?" she snapped. Like the last time, this was an automatic response. She didn't know why she and Odd were always so rude to each other. It was just the way it had always been. Making friends with Ulrich had broken her heart, but making friends with Odd would just be weird.
Odd smirked. "No, that would be an occasion that you would want to know, Elisabeth."
Sissi glared at him.
"Actually," said Ulrich quietly, "I think it was an occasion we all could have lived without."
"It's just water under the bridge, Ulrich, water under the bridge," Odd replied, putting his hands behind his head.
Ulrich slumped down in his chair, returning to his depressed self he had been a few moments ago.
Sensing his mistake, Odd quickly stammered, "N-not that Yumi is. She was one of us. We'll never forget her." His eyes flicked to Sissi for an instant. "Or be able to replace her."
He put only a slight emphasis on "replace", but it was still enough to make Sissi bristle. "Odd, why don't you just not talk?"
"Because then I would have a heart attack," Odd replied. "Weren't you listening earlier?"
O-O-O
When they brought out the coffin, Ulrich looked so... I don't even know a word for how heartbroken he looked, only that it made me want to throw my arms around him right then and do whatever it took to make him feel better.
All of that alone was just more sorrow on top of what was already there, not the straw that broke the camel's back, though.
I ordered a soda from the barkeep, just to have something to stare at, but as I looked down at it, the last memory weighing on my mind seemed to be reflected in it.
O-O-O
After Yumi's funeral, Ulrich left the town he was currently living in, only to move into the one Sissi was in- the one that housed Kadic, no less. He started work at a local dojo and Sissi continued on with her schooling. Now that they were living in the same city, it was easy to cross each other's paths. And cross they did.
Ok, so maybe Sissi went a little out of her way to cross Ulrich's path, but really. He was heartbroken, and she had been in love with him since she'd first laid eyes on him. What was she supposed to do?
"I'm really glad you're my friend, Sissi," Ulrich had said, about a month after Yumi's death.
"Um..." said Sissi. She looked down. She had never been able to lie to Ulrich's face. That was just too much. "Yeah, me too."
Ulrich reached over and cupped her face in his hands. "Sissi," he sighed. Then he kissed her.
For a minute it was exactly like when she was thirteen and he had done that to her for the first time. It took her just as much by surprise, and it ended just as abruptly, but this time because she pulled away and not him. She shook her head. She remembered why she'd been kissed the last time- for Yumi.
O-O-O
Put in that light, it made perfect sense why I was sitting there. I sighed, looking down at my soda. Deciding that since I'd bought it I may's well finish it, I stood and turned around... and rammed right into the last person I'd ever expect to see: Odd Della Robbia, in all his purple-y glory, with a raised eyebrow at my soda spilled all down his front. I wasn't sure whether to apologize or if I could only gasp his name, so I compromised and let my brain do what it did naturally. "What the hell are you doing here?" I demanded.
Odd stared at me, and I realized that was a pretty weird question, considering the circumstances. "Is it a crime for me to be here?" he asked. When I didn't answer straightaway, he looked at the pastry in his hand and intoned, "Yes, officer, posession of cinnamon roll with intent to eat."
I frowned, crossing my arms. "You're drunk," I realized.
Odd shrugged. "Only a little."
I shoved him out of my way and stormed off.
"Now, now, watch it there, Miss Delmas," said Odd, stepping in front of me again. "Best be nice to me. I'm the best friend of your new," he leaned extra close and I could indeed smell the faint tang of wine on his breath, "boyfriend."
"He's not my boyfriend!" I shrieked. My voice was so loud and shrill I almost couldn't believe it.
Apparently, Odd couldn't believe it either, because he just stared at me.
"Ulrich doesn't and will never love me," I said. "I was always just a replacement. And you can just go screw yourself, Della Robbia, because I never gave a damn what you thought in the first place!" I realized as soon as the words were out of my mouth that I was speaking as much to myself as to him, and that was what made my eyes water.
"Now that's just not nice, Sissi," Odd answered.
"Didn't you hear what I just said?" I replied. "I don't CARE!"
"I think that's a lie," Odd said.
I sure hope he kissed me because he was drunk, because I can't handle it any other way.
So I slapped him and walked out, and decided to make the best of my bartop revelations.
Basically, I guess now all I'm hoping for is to start my life over. I'm going on to university soon and when I get there, I just want to forget all about Ulrich, Yumi, and the rest of them. They've caused me too much trouble. I'm tired of being second-best, a replacement. I want to be first in someone's heart, or nothing. I want to be accepted for who I am, not where I was at the time.
He better have kissed me just because he was drunk...
(Well, this -is- under angst/humor, so the tone is allowed to bounce like some perverse bouncy-ball... actually, it's just really late at night and I'm having trouble concentrating, but you don't need to know that. Ahem. Review, please!)