A Fool To Think
Chapter Twenty-Three
"Hey, I was beginning to think that maybe you ducked out the back and left." Martin joked when Sam came back to the table.
"No." She gave him a small smile. "There was a line."
"Oh." He picked up the napkin ball that he was rolling around earlier and spun it around on the table. "Danny called while you were gone."
"Is he on his way?" She asked, really hoping that he was. She wasn't sure that she could handle being here alone with Martin for much longer. The truth was that there was no line in the ladies' room. She had simply stayed in there for as long as she thought she could without making him worry.
Knowing that he still wanted to live the family life, but not necessarily with her anymore broke her heart. She was just so angry with Alex, and especially with herself, for everything that happened because of that damn website.
She had been having dreams lately, wonderful dreams that seemed incredibly real. But when she woke up and found herself alone in her bed, she always broke down in tears. The dreams were always about Martin and their children that only existed in her mind.
She'd dream that she was married to Martin and that they had a couple of kids. Usually there was one boy and one girl, and they both looked a lot like Martin—the boy especially. He always looked like a miniature Martin, just like he had when he was a child. The girl usually had blonde hair, but always had those piercing blue eyes and dimpled smile that she loved on Martin so much.
In her dream they were always happy and laughing. They were always having a good time, and she always felt complete. That's what made waking up so difficult. As soon as her eyes opened she would be hit with a sense of longing and emptiness that she had never been able to fill up. Everything she had tried to help fill the void in her heart that Martin had left never worked.
"Actually he's not coming." Martin told her.
"Too much work?" She asked.
"No. This was a set-up." Martin explained. "He orchestrated this whole situation so that we would have to spend some time alone together. He's on a date right now with someone named Diana."
"Oh." Sam replied. "He decided to go on another date with her. Good for him."
"Aren't you even a little surprised that this is a set-up?" Martin asked. She didn't seem surprised by Danny's trick at all.
"I'm not surprised that he planned this." She shook her head and laughed. "I'm surprised that we fell into his trap."
He laughed too. "I know. We probably should have seen this coming." Well he actually had, but she didn't need to know that.
"So…" She wasn't sure what to do now. She was pretty sure that he didn't want to stay and have dinner with her, and she wasn't sure if she even wanted him to right now. She was still feeling sorry for herself and mourning the loss of something that probably wasn't really hers to begin with.
"So…" He wasn't sure if she wanted to stay here and have dinner with him and wasn't sure if staying would be a good idea. But he wasn't sure that he could get up and leave her here. Danny had brought up some good points that he hadn't really considered.
He had been so involved in his own feelings about Alex's machinations and Sam's reactions to them that he had almost completely forgotten that she was a victim in this too. Like Danny said, he wasn't the only one whose dreams were ruined and heart was broken. Maybe giving her a second chance wouldn't be the worst mistake he could ever make.
"I guess we could always just pay for our drinks and go home." Sam suggested.
"Yeah, we could." Martin nodded. "Or we could just stay here and have dinner together. I mean we have to eat. Right? And we're already here."
"Yeah, but…" She wanted to find some reason to disagree with him but couldn't find one.
"So let's stay?" He asked.
"Ok." She relented. "Like you said, we might as well since we're already here."
"Good." He smiled at her.
"Was your chicken a little dry?" Martin asked when they were both almost done with the meal. They had ended up both ordering the same thing, the teriyaki chicken.
"A little." She admitted. Most of their dinner was spent making small talk about Danny, work, or other safe topics. While she was glad that they had gotten through the meal without arguing, a part of still wished that they could talk about something more significant than the weather.
He wanted to bring up their relationship but wasn't quite sure how to do that. He had enjoyed the fact that they managed to have a nice dinner together without any kind of argument. He never really thought that would be possible. But here they were.
Sure it was awkward at times, with the shadow of their past looming over their heads like a rain cloud threatening a Saturday picnic in the park. But he thought that they had made progress by being able to spend time together outside of work without any major incidents.
"But it's good." Sam continued.
"Yeah. It is." He nodded, pushing the plate a few inches away from him. "I don't think I can eat any more."
"Oh really?" She raised an eyebrow at him and chuckled. "I'm surprised. What happened to the bottomless pit that you used to brag about?"
When they were together he would always brag about being able to eat all the time and never really become full. He'd get a huge dinner and then order dessert, always making her have at least one bite. Usually he'd get something that she really liked and he'd end up feeding her practically the whole thing.
He laughed. It had been a long time since he had bragged to anyone about having a bottomless pit, although he still was able to eat more than most of his friends and co-workers. "Well, the bottomless pit apparently has a bottom after all." He shrugged. "Who knew?"
The waitress came over to their table and smiled. "Can I interest either of you in dessert? We have a wonderful new chocolate silk pie that is great, or I also recommend the apple crisp."
Sam looked over at Martin, while Martin looked over at her. "Wanna split the chocolate silk pie?"
"I thought the bottomless pit was full." She pointed out.
"There's always room for dessert though." He smiled.
"Ok." She couldn't argue with that. Although she did eat a lot and felt full already, she couldn't really resist chocolate. Besides, having dessert with him would allow her to spend more time with him. Being in this relaxed setting with him was nice, and although there were moments where it felt awkward, there were also moments where it felt like the past ten years never existed.
"Great." He nodded. "We'll split a piece of the chocolate silk pie then."
"Ok." The waitress smiled, picking up their finished plates. "I'll be right back with that."
"Thanks." He looked over at Sam and smiled at her.
She took a deep breath and then said what had been on her mind for a while. "I've enjoyed this."
"Yeah." He nodded. "This place is nice…"
"No." She interrupted. "I mean, yeah the place is great. But I was talking about the company. I've enjoyed being here with you."
He couldn't help but grin at her comment. "It has been nice to be around you without fighting or a bunch of tension."
"I don't want to ruin the good vibe we have going here, but I do want to apologize again. I guess it's sort of a blanket apology for everything that has happened. I know you're probably still mad at me and you have every right to be. I just…"
She paused for a moment, wondering if her next question should be asked. "Is it wrong to think that this could be a good first step to becoming friends again?"
Is that all she wanted to be? Just friends? The grin left his face. He didn't want to be just friends with her. After spending the evening with her he realized just how much he really had missed her. He missed everything about her, from the way she held her fork to the way she placed her napkin in her lap.
Maybe she just brought up the whole friends thing because she didn't want to hope for anything more than that. After all, he had been giving out the impression that he didn't want any kind of relationship from her at all. Maybe she was just trying not to assume anything.
Maybe they could just start to rebuild their friendship and see where it took them. Ten years is a long time to be apart. It could be possible that they have both changed so much that they are no longer compatible. He doubted that, but it was a possibility.
The more he thought about it, the more he realized that rebuilding their friendship would be a good first step to rebuilding their relationship. It would certainly be better than diving in head first.
"It's not wrong to think that way. I'd like to be friends again." He reached across the table and clasped his hand over hers.
She looked down at where his hand was holding hers and smiled. She had wanted to ask him if he could give their relationship another chance, but didn't think he would agree to that. Honestly she thought it would be hard to get him to agree to rebuilding their friendship.
But it seemed that he wanted to be friends again too, so maybe if they started out as friends again something more could develop from that. "Good." She whispered.
"So I guess now it's my turn to apologize to you." He said.
"For what?" She chuckled. "You haven't done anything wrong."
"Yeah I have." He nodded.
"No you haven't." She shook her head. What was he talking about? He wasn't the one that needed to apologize for anything. He wasn't perfect, but he definitely wasn't the one that needed to seek forgiveness.
"Yes I have." He insisted, giving her hand a light squeeze. "I haven't been fair to you." He could see the question marks forming in her eyes and decided to explain.
"When you told me about what Alex did and how he plotted to break us up, all I really thought about was how it affected me. I focused solely on how angry and hurt I was that you didn't trust me and that you left me because of what Alex did."
"I never once thought about what you must have felt when you found out about the website or even when you found out that Alex was the one behind it. I didn't really allow myself to think about how much it must have hurt you and I'm sorry about that. I know it must have been hard for you and I'm here for you if you want to talk about it."
She didn't expect him to apologize for that. She hadn't thought that his reaction was unusual. Although she had hoped that he wouldn't have been so angry with her when she told him, she had sort of expected it.
"That's really sweet of you Martin, but unnecessary. Of course you didn't think about my feelings when you found out. That's completely understandable. You were hurt and angry with me."
"That's not really a good excuse though." He countered. "I always promised you that I would be there for you and that time I didn't come through."
"It's ok." She assured him. "There were a lot of promises that we made to each other that have gotten broken."
"But I never wanted to break that one." He told her as the waitress came back with their dessert and two forks.