FAMILY MATTERS
Eyghon
Author's notes: I'm posting this on FF, SD-1, CIA HQ and AllAlias, but you all have more or less the same questions. So for those who asked, no, Vaughn is not dead. He's merely under investigation because he confessed he lied about his name and origins, among other things. You won't see much of Jack either, if not any, as he is shifting paperwork as a punishment for the 'escape' of Irina Derevko in Sovogda. I don't like him anyway, so there's very little hope for any J/I. Maybe in the end. I always have to please my readers, I can't help it, so hang on!
Chapter 5: Ask him"You have to ask him, Sydney," whispered Irina, teary eyed at not being able to take her daughter's pain away. She could, but it wasn't the right thing to do, and she didn't have all the facts. Maybe there was more than what she had read. No, she couldn't, period. She tried to chase the idea out of her head. It was unbearable to see first hand Sydney's suffering while knowing she might be able to alleviate it.
"I don't want to know," gruffly replied Sydney.
"Then why ask me?"
She sighed, her mother's logic quite exasperating. "How did you know he was lying to me?"
"I was a KGB officer for years, Sydney. I kept some friends in Russian intelligence."
"You had him checked out!" Sydney realised. She knew her father probably ran a background check on Vaughn the moment he knew they would be spending time together, but she had never expected her mother to do the same.
"Yes, I did, and I won't apologize for doing so."
"What did you find?"
"I'm not the person you should ask. It's not my place to answer your questions."
"I can't ask him. I won't."
"Why not? You want to know. He's begging you to listen to him. You can't avoid him forever Sydney."
There was a pause. Sydney rubbed her hands over her face and spoke up. "I can't trust him. I'm afraid he'll lie to me again. I thought I could tell when he was hiding something from me. I was wrong. He played me for a fool...as Sloane did…as Alison Doren did…as you did. Please, Mama, tell me the truth about him, please."
Irina sighed and lay back against the sofa's cushion. She had lied to her daughter. She was no better than Sloane or Vaughn. The idea of the three of them having something in common was disturbing but quite real.
Sydney had called her 'Mama'. She wasn't sure if it came from her heart or if it was manipulation to make her talk, but the name had rocked her to the core. It was the Russian word for 'Mom'. It was the first time Sydney had called her that.
She couldn't ignore such a desperate plea for help. Sydney had a right to know, she actually 'needed' to know because she must have made up her own reasons, false of course, and horribly wrong. Irina had to correct it. She owed Michael Vaughn nothing but she did owe it to Sydney and she was the one who had started everything in the first place. She gave up her previous resolve not to say anything before having all the facts. For once, she would not do 'the right thing'; she would answer Sydney's questions, to hell with the consequences.
"Bill Vaughn, the CIA agent I supposedly killed…"
"Supposedly? You confessed!"
"Sydney, let me explain, please. You asked for the truth, let me give it to you." Sydney nodded. "I did not kill Bill Vaughn, CIA agent. I killed Adrian Mikailovich, fellow KGB officer."
Irina paused for a few seconds. Sydney looked truly baffled. Worse was to come, though she didn't know it yet. Irina went on, hands clasped together.
"His mission was to infiltrate the CIA as an agent." Sydney was about to interrupt but Irina's look dissuaded her. She had never told anyone about what had really happened, about the circumstances surrounding Bill's death. "I received orders to fake his death so the KGB could extract him and bring him back to Russia. He had been in America far too long and our superiors feared he would be compromised in a matter of weeks. They didn't want it known that they had had an agent in the CIA ranks. There were others, and if Vaughn's status had been revealed, the CIA would have started a witch hunt for them."
"My God…" After a few seconds of reflections, she went on. "Then what happened to him? Why didn't he contact Vaughn?"
"Because I killed him."
"But I thought you said you 'faked' his death…"
"Those were my orders, which I disobeyed. I killed him for real. I had something to settle with him. A personal matter from back when we went to the academy together. Bill Vaughn was dead to the CIA and Adrian Mikailovich was dead to the KGB."
"What does it have to do with what Vaughn told me?"
"Your Michael was born six months before his parents moved from Russia to France, and then to the US. That's why he told you his name was not Michael Vaughn, indeed. He was born Vassili Mikailovich."
Sydney wanted to know more about her mother's and Bill Vaughn, or rather Adrian Mikailovich's involvement but more than anything, she wanted to believe Vaughn was not a bad man. "It doesn't make any sense, you were KGB, and that doesn't make me a bad guy…why did he say he was a bad guy?
"Because he targeted you. His mother told him his birth name and who his father was when he turned eighteen. From this day, he devoted his life to avenge Adrian Mikailovich's death. It started by joining the CIA, and then meeting you…"
"Oh God…" whispered Sydney as realisation hit.
"I don't know what he hoped to gain by getting close to you. My guess is he thought you would lead him to me, so he could get his revenge."
Sydney was beyond crying. She was in shock. She couldn't see, feel, or hear anything around her anymore. The only thing she was aware of was the words repeated in her head. He had used her all along. It was all a lie. Every moment was part of his plan. "It's insane! I didn't even know who you were until long after joining the CIA. I didn't know you were alive!"
"All I can tell you is that he knew I was alive before you did. He had had access to my KGB file, and got confirmation by the CIA. He just couldn't find me."
"So all this time, it was about you?" She asked, disgusted. "Was getting me into his bed part of his plan or was it an added bonus? Why didn't he just kill me years ago if he wanted to get revenge on you? You know, an eye for an eye?"
"I don't know what he had in mind, Sydney. That's something you'll have to ask him. What I do know is that he saved your life countless times…that he took immense risks to help you…"
"When did you…when did you find out all this?" Asked Sydney, ignoring her mother's attempt at defending Vaughn.
Sydney would hate her forever if she answered her question, but she had promised her the truth, and as awful, cold and hard as it was, Sydney needed to hear it. "After I…eluded the CIA. You two seemed so close; I was worried he might hurt you. I don't trust appearances. I wanted to make sure he was right for you," softly replied Irina.
"But it was…years ago! You could have told me! A phone call, an email…you should have told me. You owed it to me!" She was devastated. All that time lost, spent with a stranger, a liar. All those nights in her bed, with him laying against her, in her. What was the meaning of all this? Why had he stayed with her for so long if all he wanted to do was hurt her? It didn't make any sense. She needed to talk to him. She needed to face him and make him tell her his version. And her mother, how could she have just stood there and watched them get closer. She had seen it, she had seen how much Sydney loved Michael, and she had kept quiet.
"I owed you nothing Sydney. We were enemies remember? And even if I had told you, you wouldn't have listened."
"Well you proved before that you have the ability to make people listen to you even when they don't want to," spat Sydney, remembering lying flat on her back with her mother hovering over her, talking about her plans and how she loved Sydney. She had called Irina a liar and had ended up knocked out cold. She awakened a number of hours later with a significant bump on her head.
"You wouldn't have believed me; you would have thought it a manipulation on my part. And I didn't want to ruin what you had either…"
"But now it's okay to do so, yeah right…"
"He proposed to you right in front of me. I couldn't let you get married to someone you didn't know! Would you have preferred to stay in the dark forever?"
"No! Yes…maybe…I don't know…it would have been easier…" She plopped down on the sofa and started to cry. "Everything was so perfect! He ruined it! He ruined everything!"
Irina came to sit beside her and took her in her arms. Sydney let her head fall against Irina's shoulder and she breathed in her mother's scent. The position was so familiar and yet so foreign. It had been almost thirty years since her mother had held her like this. She was amazed that Irina still had the ability to comfort her just by holding her, after everything that had happened to her.
"Sydney he loves you. Even if the circumstances of your meeting were based on a lie, I know he loves you. I can see it in his eyes, in his actions. Just like Jack and me. We met under false pretence but we fell in love for real. That's what counts."
"I can't forget. I can't help myself. I keep going back over everything we did, every word said to each other, pillow talk, whispers while we were making love, and try to find the manipulation in it."
"I know sweetheart. That's how your father must have felt after…I left. But you and Michael are both here; you need to work out your issues."
She felt her mother kiss her on the forehead and they stayed like this for a few minutes, just holding each other. Sydney's cell broke the spell. She sniffled and moved away from Irina, who reluctantly relinquished her hold on her daughter. Sydney tried to compose herself, embarrassed at her meltdown.
"Hello? Hey Weiss. No, I'm okay, serious, just had too much to drink. What's up? Oh, sorry, I didn't see the time. Hey, you know why don't you crash on the couch. Trust me, it's comfy. I passed out a couple of times on it and got up fresh as a rose. Except for the pounding headache, but that was alcohol induced." She hoped the joke would make him forget about his remark that she sounded funny. "No, its okay, I wouldn't have offered if it bothered me. And tomorrow, I'll cook breakfast to make it up to you. Okay, waffles it is then. 'Night and thanks."
She hung up, and looked at Irina who was staring at her. "Sydney, I'm your mother. It's okay to cry in front of me; it's okay to tell me how you really feel."
"I know…I just…I'm not too comfortable sharing my feelings, you know that. Don't take it personally."
"All right, but if you need to talk, I want you to know I'm there for you. Promise you'll come to me?"
"Are we done here?"
Irina sighed, disappointed and a little bit hurt. "We still have a few things to clear up and then you should go home and get some rest."
"Okay, shoot, I'm listening." Sydney was glad her mother didn't comment on what transpired earlier.
"We were discussing Amelia Varnina. Hopefully, she has copies of all of Frankel's files. She last met him two weeks before Yelena had him killed so she will probably miss his latest data but whatever we can get will have to do."
"So we break into every Cadmus building she's been to until we find the files? It's like looking for a needle in a haystack!"
"Indeed. We have to find her, but then the problem is to get her to give us those files. If we confront her, she'll likely deny everything and might even destroy the files."
"How do you suggest we proceed then?"
"Well…that's where I need you, but you're not going to like my idea. Remember, you told me I could count on you, that you were willing to do anything to help Nadia."
"I did say that, and I meant it. I'm listening," said Sydney, kind of offended by Irina talking down to her.
"She has two children…"
Irina didn't get the chance to say more before Sydney waved her off, her tone leaving no place to negotiation. "No."
"Sydney…"
"It's out of the question! I don't even want to hear it!"
"Listen to me! Nadia is walking around your apartment like a zombie. How long do you think it will take before she hurts herself or you? It makes me sick to see her like that. I can't imagine how you bear it. We have a way to make it stop, to get her back to her normal self."
"But not at that price! I won't let you!" Sydney snarled, standing. "There has to be another way!"
"We wouldn't hurt them! For God's sake, Sydney, do you think I am a monster?"
"Well, I did find Elsa Kaplan and her six year old son chained in the bathroom of a bar, begging for their life because they thought I was there to shoot them!"
"I was not responsible for their abduction! I merely used Kaplan for a few days after his family was returned by you." Spat Irina, angry at the barely hidden accusation. More softly, she started again. "We just have to be convincing enough so the good doctor gives us the files. We won't even go near those children. They won't be hurt. You have my word, Sydney." After a pause, she added, "think about Nadia, sweetheart. It's all that matters. She's the victim here."
"How do we approach that doctor?"
"I'll take care of it. I'll set up a meet at her place of employment under a false pretense."
"And if she calls our bluff?"
"We'll take it from here, but I'll make sure she doesn't. We only have one shot. We have to be very convincing."
"Fine. Just tell me when and where."
"I still have a few things to sort out and preparations to make. It's our only lead, we can't waste it."
"I trust you'll contact me when you're ready then."
"Yes, and I'll give you two days notice so you can fabricate yourself a credible alibi."
"Why would I need such a thing? I can just say I'm leaving for a vacation."
"Even if we do get the files from Dr Varnina, it won't be enough. We will need ingredients to manufacture a cure. Maybe we will have to steal some of them. We may have to take a few trips outside the United States. I'm sure your superiors have you under tight surveillance after Sovogda and your supposed allegiance to me. The last thing we need is the CIA to get suspicious of you. Without you, I can't do anything."
"I'm working among friends; they'll cover for me. I'll figure something out, don't worry about it."
"Sydney, the last thing I want is for you to end up like your father, or to get thrown in solitary because of me. We're not even sure of what we'll find."
"It won't happen, Mom. I promise. But you are right, I should be extra careful with Chase constantly on my back. I can't imagine what would happen to Nadia if I was sent to prison."
"I wouldn't let you rot behind bars, nor would I leave Nadia in a mental institution, but I'm glad we agree on you not going to jail."
"Mom?"
"Yes?"
"Can we…go somewhere, for a drink? Now?"
Irina hesitated. Her daughter's request was odd, but she did not fear a trap. She was worried about being seen, but Sydney seemed so…hopeful, desperate for her to say yes, she couldn't deny her and accepted, somewhat curious. "Yes, sure. Should we take my car?"
"Yeah, I guess it would be safer. I just want a quiet place, to talk, you know." Feeling she owed her mother an explanation, she timidly started. "I invite Dad to dinner sometimes. We go out or I cook at my place or order Chinese. I just want to do something nice with you too. I know it sounds odd, considering the risk but…"
"We both need it. And I'd love to have a nice time with you. Let's go." They picked up their keys from the valet boys who were tipped generously when asked for the key to their cars. Sydney let Irina lead her to her car.
One of the reasons Irina had bought the club was that it possessed its own underground parking garage. Sydney's tails were probably driving around the city, looking for her car. It was safely tucked away in the parking garage, Sydney was safe and so was she. Irina had a car parked here all year, for her personal use only.
"I'm going to have a field day at the office tomorrow if someone saw me here," noted Sydney, grimacing at the thought.
Irina smiled, mocking. "I promise not to make you come here again, darling. How is that?"
"Sounds good to me. And you're welcome to my place anytime, provided you give me advance notice so I can clear the way for you."
"I'll be sure to take you up on your offer someday." Irina smiled, feeling better than she had in months. She had never been so close to Sydney, not even while on the mission to Kashmir, or on the roof of the CIA building where they had, briefly, hugged.
TBC
Next in "FM - Chapter 6: Reminiscing" (longer than usual), Sydney and her mother talk about Irina's rescue, the mission to Sovogda, their family and what Irina missed while in captivity.