FAMILY MATTERS

Eyghon

"There are things a daughter should never now about her mother, Sydney. I'm sorry, I can't answer your question." She left before Sydney could ask more or even wish her goodnight. She would have gone after her if she had thought it would give her answers. She was intrigued and vaguely worried, but it would have to wait until tomorrow.

Chapter 10: The ugly truth

The next day, breakfast was ready when Sydney, Tanya, and Amelia entered the kitchen, but Irina was nowhere to be found. Sydney asked a guard posted by the French doors but he shrugged, saying his boss was in her office and didn't want to be disturbed.

Sydney knocked on her mother's office door, ignoring the guard's earlier warning. Getting no reply, she pushed open the door and gasped at what she saw. Chaos. On the desk, on the table, on the floor…everywhere she looked, she saw shattered furniture and objects. Her mother was sitting behind her desk, facing the window with a blank look on her face.

"Mom?" Asked Sydney, carefully making her way to her mother's seat. She waved her hand in front of Irina's face but still obtained no reaction. She was worried now. She tentatively reached out to touch her mother's shoulder and was thrown backward as soon as she made contact. Stunned, she found herself flat on her back, not sure how she got there.

She felt pain, and blood, and did not at first understand. Irina regained her bearings and focused on her daughter. Horrified, she looked from her clenched fist to Sydney, who finally understood. Her mother had hit her.

"Oh my God, Sydney!" Irina rushed to her daughter's side, who was still sprawled on the floor, a look of bewilderment on her face.

"I'm fine!" She said, holding her hands up to keep her mother from getting closer. She refused Irina's help, standing on her own. Blood was gushing from her nose and was spilling on her chin, her clothes, and the floor.

"I'm sorry! My God, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to…" Irina was feeling sick and her head was spinning. She usually was not squeamish around blood, but she was the cause of it.

"I'm fine, Mom, really, I've been hit a hundred times like that. Mom? You should sit down!" Her mother did not look well, and that coupled with the fact she wasn't responding a few minutes earlier worried Sydney a great deal. "Mom, are you okay?" She gently pushed Irina back until she plopped down on her chair, a look of lost little girl on her face. "Mom, is there a doctor I can call?"

Irina seemed to snap out of it and looked at Sydney. "I'm okay, Sydney." Eyes riveted on her daughter's face, she whispered, horrified, "My God, what have I done?"

"It looks worse than it feels, really, just point me to the ice and I'll be fine," joked Sydney, hoping to relieve her mother's worry and guilt. She had never seen Irina look so desperate, so truly regretful.

Irina called for a guard to bring her ice and towels. She sat Sydney in her chair and took care of her bleeding nose. "It's not broken," she announced, more for herself than Sydney. She was relieved, but still felt guilty. "Sydney I didn't mean to do that, I swear it was an accident…"

"Of course, it was! Stop it, Mom, it's nothing! Really, I won't blame you for it, it's my fault, I startled you. It happened to me too you know, with a friend. She was trying to wake me up from a nightmare and I slugged her, almost fractured her jaw. I was worried about you; you weren't responding to me, did you even hear me? Where did you go?

Irina gulped, still shaking from the shock, she answered without thinking. "Lost in the past."

"It's about Bill's death, isn't it?" Asked Sydney, voice muffled by the towel full of ice cubes she was now holding over her nose.

Irina made her way to the liquor cabinet and fumbled with the bottles before she managed to pour herself a drink of vodka. "I knew you wouldn't let it go so easily," she muttered, gulping down the burning liquid.

"Tell me Mom, what did he do to you that you felt the need to cut him to pieces?" Asked Sydney, softly, mindful to not sound accusatory.

"Drop it, Sydney, I mean it," snapped Irina, swallowing her second drink.

"Mom, you want me to open up to you. You want to be a part of my life, but for this to happen, it needs to work both ways." Sydney realised appealing to Irina's reasonable side might not have been a great idea considering her current state of mind.

Irina threw her a murderous look, but Sydney merely stared back. "This is affectionate blackmail," muttered Irina reproachfully.

"Yes, I have no shame, so sue me," Sydney tried to remain light hearted. She stood next to Irina and fixed herself a drink, earning a raised eyebrow from her mother. She took a sip and smiled in appreciation. "You have the good stuff." She dipped her head, smiling.

"Yes. Not something you would find at your local supermarket." Irina sighed, knowing the small talk was only a tactic to get her to cool down and get on with the real deal. How considerate of Sydney to give her a ten second reprieve. She admired her daughter's tenacity, even if it was aimed at making her talk, irritating her in the process.

As expected, Sydney 'smoothly' slid back to what she had set her mind on. "Have you…did you talk to somebody about whatever it is that Vaughn's father did to you?"

"No. I'm not about to. It is my private life, Sydney."

"I understand that, but I'm your daughter, Mom…"

"Ever heard about that stupid saying, 'Curiosity killed the cat'? Asked Irina darkly.

"The hell with it, Mom. The cat had nine lives, and so do I," snapped Sydney, a predatory smirk on her face. She was getting closer, her mother's patience was wearing thin. She was either going to spill the beans or blow up.

"No offence but you are the last person I would come to with this particular problem."

"None taken. But, Mom, you know I'll find out, somehow, what you're hiding from me. I just want to give you the chance to tell me yourself, to give me your version."

"There is no version to give little girl!" Roared Irina, slamming her glass on the little table. "You will not research that matter further, and you will not mention Bill's name in my presence again, do you understand?"

Sydney couldn't help but take a step back and winced as Irina's face fell. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you," whispered her mother, turning away.

"It's okay."

"Just…some things are meant to remain private, and that's one of those things. Please, promise me you won't…just let it go Sydney. It was more than twenty years ago, it doesn't matter anymore."

"Okay, I promise I won't bother you with it again. I'm sorry I upset you." She slowly wrapped her arms around her mother from behind, careful not to spook her again. She had shed her share of blood for the day.

Irina pressed her hands against Sydney's and leaned back on her, closing her eyes. She knew Sydney couldn't help but look into it as soon as she would have the opportunity. That's what she would do, and that's what her daughter would do as well. They were made from the same wood. They were Derevkos.

"He took something from me. Something that was not meant for him to take," she started, still not opening her eyes. It was easier this way. It was easier to talk, to tell.

She felt Sydney freeze when she started to talk, but she didn't try to pull away from the embrace. For that, Irina was grateful. She would need all the support she could get. Never in over twenty years had she told that story to any soul.

"The KGB told me to extract Bill Vaughn, to meet him in a warehouse by the pier. They didn't give me his real name or his picture; it would have been too risky, in case I was compromised. When I saw him, my heart stopped at first. I immediately recognised him though he didn't me. He introduced himself with his Russian name, as per protocol.

Sydney had gone rigid at the mention of KGB and Bill Vaughn in the same sentence, but didn't dare interrupt from fear her mother would never pick up the story again.

"'Adrian Mikailovich'. All those years I had wondered about him, where he was, what he had become. I looked for him after the academy, but I couldn't find him. I was told he was in a long-term undercover assignment abroad. I let it go and subsequently, went to America. Little did I know he was living in Los Angeles too, with the same job I had. To become a good American citizen and to get information from the CIA. It's ironical I guess. That night, in the warehouse, all that rage I had bottled up for years rushed back to me. I destroyed him and I 'loved' every minute of it."

Sydney's hold on Irina only tightened as she counted her tale. She knew Irina needed the support, and she did too, in a way. After a minute of silence, she felt she had to say something, to let her mother know she was still with her. "That's why he had marks of torture…you didn't want information from him, you wanted revenge, for something he had done before you came to America," she whispered, suddenly understanding why Bill Vaughn's body was not identifiable.

"Yes. There was nothing recognizable left of him when I was done. It served my purpose. The CIA thought him dead and the KGB thought I had done my job of faking his death. When he didn't show up in Moscow, as he should have, they assumed he had fled and tagged him as a traitor. They never found him and never suspected I had killed him for real."

Sydney nodded pensively, coming back on every point of the story. Irina had left out something. A reason. She voiced her thoughts as delicately as she could, trying to keep the curiosity out of her voice. "You still haven't told me why you did what you did. Why you hated him so much. Do you want to?" She asked eventually, resting her head against her mother.

"I'm not ready for that, but I don't think I'll ever be. We might as well get it over with now, while the wound is still bleeding. I know you and I won't get any sleep until it's out."

Sydney chuckled, "yeah, I'm kind of obsessive about stuff I don't understand."

"I know, who do you think you get it from?" Irina extricated herself from Sydney's embrace and smiled at her reassuringly. "I'm not going anywhere. Not without you, don't worry. Come." She took her hand and led her outside, on the beach. She missed Sydney's warmth and strength but being cuddled by her daughter while she recounted this painful part of her story was not an option. She felt it would somehow taint their affection toward each other.

What she was about to reveal to her daughter was a major event in her life, though one she'd gladly forget, which she had managed to do, for years, until he reappeared in that warehouse. It was something that shaped her, something that made her who she was now.

She sat down in the sand and Sydney imitated her. They stared at the sea and said nothing for a few minutes.

"I was very proud to have been chosen to serve my country," started Irina with a strong voice. "As a woman, I had to work twice as hard to be recognised as a good agent, but it was my choice. I ended up being the top of my class at the Academy. The instructors would taunt my fellow comrades endlessly, because they were beneath me. A woman topping men did not bode well with the male students. Some of them were very radical about the role of women within the KGB. Adrian was one of them."

Irina stopped, mouth half open. There was time to still back out. However, there would always be this half-opened Pandora box between her and Sydney, and she didn't want that.

"One night, along with two of his friends, he decided to give me a lesson. To show me my place, to teach me what a woman should do, what she was for."

Sydney had a bad feeling she knew where this was going but wouldn't let her mother stop. She ground her teeth and kept listening. Her mother seemed lost in her thoughts, in her memories, and that's what was making her talk because she was too far gone to raise her walls. Sydney was not about to bring her back to reality by offering support. It would ruin everything and Irina would withdraw her story.

Sydney had noticed that Irina's Russian accent thickened when she was under stress. Her mother started talking again, bluntly. "They raped me that night. The three of them."

Sydney didn't know what to say, rocked to the core by the words she was half expecting, half dreading. She thought her mother was done but she wasn't.

"They sneaked into my room at the dawn of night. I heard them but…one of them covered my mouth before I could scream. They took turns. Two would hold me while the third would…force himself into me." She sighed. The hardest part was out of the way. She sighed and resumed her tale, more lightly. "I killed Adrian's friends shortly after, while still at the academy. The whole section was out for an exercise in the mountains. It was easy. There was snow and ravines. I made the bodies disappear. The instructors assumed they had fallen over a cliff and killed themselves. They were my first murders."

Sydney couldn't hold it any longer. "Mom…"

However, Irina couldn't stop, or else she'd never speak of it again. She went on as if Sydney hadn't interrupted her. "They took me by surprise, cowards that they were. I made sure each one saw me coming. They were so arrogant that they didn't bother to hide. My only regret is that I didn't get to make them suffer, but I caught up on that with Adrian. The bastard deserved it, as I understood it was his idea to rape me in the first place. The other two were not man enough to come up with something so vicious."

Sydney felt sick to her stomach but didn't speak.

"I think my enjoying staring at people in the face while I shoot them or slit their throats comes from then," she said pensively. "I didn't have enough time to go after Adrian before the exercise was over. I kept him last on purpose anyway, for the reasons I told you."

Sydney was surprised at the use of 'you', she thought Irina was lost in her thoughts and not aware she was talking to her daughter, but she wasn't.

"That evening, when we went back to the dormitory, his bed was empty, his belongings were gone. His father was a General in the Army. I assumed he made it possible for Adrian to be transferred to another section, in another city. Adrian must have known why his friends hadn't returned and he ran away from me. I more or less forgot about him, until he came to me in that warehouse by the pier, and dared slap me on the shoulder like an old buddy of his and kiss me on the cheek like it is proper to salute a fellow Comrade."

Long minutes of silence went by before Sydney, processing all she had heard, managed to speak without showing too much pity, or disgust. She knew her mother didn't want to be cuddled. Sydney had asked a question, she had asked for the truth, and Irina had given it to her. They would never ever speak of this again. But for now, something bothered her, a minor detail, but still, she wanted to clarify it. After everything she had been told, this was nothing Irina, or she, couldn't handle.

"Mom…when you said he took something from you…did you mean…"

"Yes. He was the first. The first among his friends and the first for me. That made your father the fourth." Getting up, she started to walk away, without offering to help Sydney up. "We should go; lunch must be ready by now."

Even though she admired her mother for being able to compartmentalise to such a degree, Sydney found it highly unhealthy in this case. But Irina seemed to live just fine with the way she handled herself and it was not Sydney's place to comment on it. She had her answer and she had reached a decision concerning Vaughn. Her mother's issue concerning Bill Vaughn, or rather Adrian Mikailovich was closed and life could go on as usual.

At noon, Sydney and Irina left the study after an extensive conversation about how to proceed from here. They met Doctor Varnina on the patio and told her 'the bad news'. That she would have to stay here with Tanya and go over the files she and Irina had recovered. She was not pleased with the news but didn't have much choice. And she was relieved the women didn't seem to want to take away her daughter. She arranged for her son, Rafael, to stay with the nanny until his mother and sister's return.

In the next few days, Amelia poured through hundreds of pages of blunt data and observations. She took notes and made a daily report of her meagre findings to Irina in person. By the end of the week, she had compiled a list of Frankel's collaborators and, more importantly, had discovered what all his work led to…a formula. The problem was, she did not recognise it.

The next Sunday, she met with the women whom she knew as Nina and Natalia. "I think I may have found something. Since the beginning, Thomas has been working on the creation of a substance, which I believe would counteract the effect of the contaminated water. He altered it time and time again but never quite got the results he expected. He was on to something though."

"That's wonderful news!" Said Sydney, looking over at her mother.

"Let's not get our hopes up," said Irina sternly, "what exactly is it that you found, Doctor? Can we use it?"

Amelia sighed, hating to be he bearer of bad news. "I'm afraid not. I have no idea what composes this formula, I don't recognise its components. And even if I could produce a substance out of it, there is no telling what the effects would be. Thomas tested dozens of alternatives before coming up with this last formula. There is no telling if he got it right, least of all its effects."

Sydney shook her head, on the verge of tears. Frankel's files and Varnina's expertise were their last hope and it didn't pan out.

Irina intervened. "Vaccines are often made out of the very string of bacteria they are supposed to eliminate, did you compare that formula to the papers I gave you?"

"I did, and it looks nothing alike. I'm sorry Mrs. Derevko, I looked over everything you gave me, I ran every test possible, twice. There is no cure."

"It can't be!" Raged Sydney, getting up as she slammed her fist on the table in anger.

Doctor Varnina looked as pained as she was but didn't offer any comfort. Irina did. "We'll keep looking sweetheart, I won't give up on your sister so easily."

"It's useless! This was our best lead!" She said, brandishing the sheet of paper on which was written the formula Doctor Varnina had dug up from Frankel's notes. She looked at it, disgusted, and as she glanced at the letters and numbers that composed the molecule, realisation hit her. She gasped and let herself fall down into her chair, stunned.

"Sydney?" Asked Irina, prudence forgotten as she stepped forward worried.

"I know what it is," she whispered, eyes glued to the black line.

"You do?" Asked Irina, skeptical.

Sydney gulped, trying to make sense of what she was seeing, of what that meant. "We have to break into the DSR," she declared, fixing Irina with a steely gaze.

TBC