Title: Tomorrow Never Comes

Disclaimer: Slash. Violence. Language. Angst.

POV: Delko

Chapter Twelve: Confronting Love

I sit in my car. The hospital building looms overhead. I should go in. I've only been sitting here for an hour. Maybe an hour and a half. I can't go in though. Can I? Will Speed read the guilt on my face? Will he remember what happened that night? If he does, what will he say when he sees me? Will he be mad or happy?

I rest my head on the back of the seat. In my right hand is a crumpled piece of paper. A note I found in our apartment last night. A note I want to discuss with Speed. He needs to explain it to me. When Calleigh called to tell me that Speed was awake I was torn. I am happy that he's okay. Yet, there are so many things that need to be talked about. Unpleasant things.

Finally, after about another twenty minutes I climb from the car. Might as well just get it done and over with. It's now or never. The inside of the hospital is abuzz. Victims from a ten-car pile-up are all over the news and the hospital. Damn fog. Stupid drivers need to learn to drive slower in the fog. I ignore them. I know that Horatio is out at the scene of the accident. There are no crimes. None. It's been oddly quiet lately. So H decided to see if he could figure out why the accident happened. I already know the answer, reckless driving.

Calleigh is standing outside Speed's room. Her blond hair in its trademark ponytail. She is dressed in varying shades of blue. Sitting beside her is Hagen. They're talking in low tones. About?

"Morning, Cal, Hagen," I greet.

Calleigh gets up and gives me a hug. "I'm so happy you made it. Speed will be happy to see you.

No he won't, I think. On the outside, I smile. "I hope so." Inside I'm fighting myself.

Hagen stands. "Hate to leave you here but H called us. He wants a little more help with the accident site."

Calleigh beams. "He says he found something suspicious."

I can't help but laugh. Calleigh loves a challenge. "You guys go on ahead. I'm here now so Speed won't be alone."

Calleigh hugs me again before leaving. Hagen appears as though he wants to say something. He doesn't, though. Something is bothering him. Right now, I don't really take too much notice. There are other things on my mind. Things I'd rather not have to think about. Things I wish would just go away. This is wrong. I can't do this here. I have to. It has to be done. And this is the only place to do it.

I enter the room. Speed is propped up in the bed. He looks so lively. So happy. As though he was never in an accident. How strange life is. He smiles when he sees me. I try my best to smile back. I think it came out more as a smirk. Or maybe a lopsided grin.

He frowns. "What's wrong, Eric?"

Where to start? I decide on a somewhat neutral topic. Something that he doesn't know. Something that will affect him but not anger him.

"Um, well, I'm not sure about this, so I don't want you saying anything to anyone, okay?" He nods. "I think Horatio is going to be leaving us. There was a letter of resignation on his desk."

His eyes get bigger. "H leaving? That doesn't seem right. It must have been a mistake. Maybe you read it wrong."

"I didn't read it wrong," I snap. My anger is trying so hard to force itself out. I have to fight it.

Too late, Speed is already alert. "Eric?"

"You know why he's leaving?" I ask, turning my back to him.

"Why?"

"Because of us. He's leaving because of you and me. Guess that's what happens when you feel like you're useless."

"He's not useless," Speed defends.

I turn back to him. "Put yourself in his shoes. He couldn't stop you from being kidnapped. Now he thinks you're abusing me and that I'm lying to cover for you. Things have changed."

Speed shakes his head. "H can't leave. He's great at what he does. So he screwed up once. I'm still alive, aren't I?"

"Not with any help from me." I bite my tongue. Damn it. I need to learn better control. Speed must have caught the odd tone in my voice because he's studying me with those beautiful eyes of his.

His hand clenches into a fist. "Eric, what aren't you telling me?"

Should I do it? Should I confess my guilt to him? He has a right to know. But then won't he leave me? This isn't fair! I flop down into the chair next to his bed. His eyes never leave me. He studies my every move. He knows me by now. He knows me so well. He knows me as only a lover would.

"I'm sorry, Timmy," I choke out. When did I start crying? The tears are there, running down my cheeks. I don't remember them. When…

"Sorry for what?" He asks softly.

"It's my fault. I got mad. The stress of everything, it finally got to me. I went over the deep end," I mutter.

"What are you talking about, Eric?"

"I turned the wheel, Timmy. I'm the one who drove us off the road. I was mad. I did it. There wasn't another car, no animals in the road. Just my anger. I'm sorry," I sob.

Speed is quiet for what seems like eternity. In reality it's probably only ten seconds. I feel his hand on my shoulder. A forgiving touch. The touch of a lover. I shrug it off. I'm not worthy of it. I never have been.

"It's okay," he soothes. "Everyone makes mistakes. I don't blame you. I would never blame you."

I choke back another sob. "That's not all. I went home last night, angered at myself. I tore about the apartment for reasons I don't even understand." I drop the crumbled note on his lap. "I found this."

The color drains from his face. "I…"

"I read it. All of it. Why did you hide this from me? Why?" I inquire.

Now he begins to cry. "I wanted you to think that I was better. I was afraid you'd leave." He looks at me with pleading eyes. "Don't leave, please, don't leave me."

Shouldn't I be the one asking him that? After everything that I have done? I take his hand in mine. I kiss him on the cheek. "We can't tell Horatio. He'll feel like he failed again. We have to keep this between just us."

He nods in agreement. I see the fear playing in his eyes.

"Don't worry," I smile. "We'll figure it out. We'll find the one who sent the note. I promise." I close my eyes and let the black words of the note run through my mind.

Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, how I torture you so. I loved kidnapping your. The fear and desperation on the faces of your friends, such a delicacy. I wish I could see it again. Maybe, just maybe, it's time for another game. What do you say? Do you want to play?