Disclaimer: I don't own anything (except a few original characters) and I'm not making any money off of this.
Ch. 12: Dreams of the Future
Sensing that Airiana wanted to be alone Obi-wan silently turned around and began walking to the door. Halfway there, he stopped and turned back around, "I'm not leaving. Not until you tell me what's wrong."
Airiana turned around to face him, "I told you – I can't."
"Can't or won't? I know you've been hiding something from me – from everybody – since you arrived here. And until now I've ignored the nagging feeling I've had to ask you about it. But I won't do so any longer," and he sat down on a chair with no intention of getting up again until he got what he wanted.
Airiana stared at him for a few seconds; he staring arrogantly back at her. She knew there was no getting out of it this time, so she slowly made her way to the sitting area and sat down across from him.
With an annoyed huff, she began, "I've experienced a lot more in my life than you may think and those experiences have led me to believe that the code is wrong, invalid, and just plain stupid. Now, before you say anything, I do believe the code was valid at one time, but that time has long been dead and the code should have died with it."
Airiana sat back, thinking she had satisfied Obi-wan's curiosity. Obi-wan allowed her to think this for a few minutes before saying, "I'm interested to know what those experiences were?"
Airiana glowered at him for a bit before continuing, "Let's just think logically here for a second. How can you not have any attachments? You have a padawan – that's an attachment; you have a master – that's an attachment; people have friends – those are attachments. How can the code say that attachments are forbidden when every Jedi has multiple attachments? And don't give me that crap about how 'those aren't the kind of attachments that the code is referring to' because it doesn't matter. The way I see it, an attachment is an attachment no matter who it's with and no matter what the nature of the relationship is. If you're going to react badly over the death of a husband or a wife, then, chances are, you're going to react badly over the death of a master, apprentice, or a friend too."
Airiana paused for a split second to take a breath, "Oh, and by the way, what do all those 'attachments' have in common? Love – the one emotion that connects every single one of those relationships. Love is what holds people together, what allows people get along…And yet the Jedi act as if love is such a bad thing; something to be shunned and discouraged, something that is poisonous and harmful. If the Jedi would just open their eyes they'd see how nourishing and rewarding it is. They might even find that they depend on it more than they think. You see, it's all a matter of point of view, really – if you see it as a bad thing, then it'll be a bad thing; if you see it as a good thing, then it'll be a good thing. And that is what the Jedi need to learn to see it as – a good thing. And possibly the strongest weapon against the darkside anyone will ever know."
Obi-wan waited a few moments and sighed before saying, "It's not as simple as that."
He then stood up and began walking to the door. Airiana got up and went after him, "What do you mean it's not that simple? Of course it is."
Obi-wan stopped and turned back to her, "Maybe in an ideal world it is – but the world we live in is far from ideal." With that he turned back around and left, leaving Airiana dumbfounded and more irritated than she was before.
After a restless night's sleep Airiana woke up early and went to see Master Yoda. She found him in a meditation room and when he didn't immediately acknowledge her presence, she sat down on one of the seats next to him and tried to slip into a light meditation until he was ready.
Try as she might, however, Airiana couldn't get her mind off of the argument she had with Obi-wan the night before. Actually, it wasn't the 'debate' that had her so worked up, but the way Obi-wan had reacted to it; he had left without even considering what she had said. That just didn't seem like him. After all, he was known throughout the Temple as a great negotiator. But Airiana sure would have been hard pressed to guess it based on how he acted the night before.
"Hmmm, troubled your mind is," Yoda acknowledged her.
Airiana sighed before opening her eyes and answering, "Yes, Master. I've been having nightmares about the battle."
"A horrible experience it was," Yoda replied gravely, shaking his head, "Much time it will take for the wounds to heal."
"I can't wait Master. These nightmares…I've had nightmares before after the war for Middle Earth, but…these are different. I can't sleep. And when I do, I awake from horrible sights, sounds, and feelings. And they're so real. Even after I wake up I still think I feel the sand on my face, the smoke in my lungs. Sometimes I even believe I have new cuts and bruises from the battle. I've never experienced anything like this before and I don't want it to interfere with anything while I'm out in the field."
"Much distress I feel in you. Help, I will. Now, let me see these nightamares," Yoda finished before closing his eyes.
Airiana followed suit and soon felt her master's familiar presence enter her mind. She then slowly lowered the wall she had built around her nightmares, letting them out one by one. Slowly, painfully Airiana relived each nightmare; the confusion, the determination, the shock, pain, death…Obi-wan, Anakin…fire…smoke…darkness…
Airiana opened her eyes to see Master Yoda standing above her, his hand on her forehead, "Master…what happened?" she asked hoarsely.
"Lost consciousness, you did."
"Why?" Airiana questioned as she sat up.
"Hmm, not sure am I. Very disturbing these visions are."
"Then you don't think they're nightmares?"
"No. Nightmares, they are not; nor visions. Something more are they. Very careful you must be until discover the true nature of these 'visions,' we do."
A little later Airiana was heading back to her apartment feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Together, she and Master Yoda had made a plan on how to figure out what the nature of her strange visions were and, if possible, how to deal with them. Their plan consisted of Airiana keeping a journal of every nightmare she had and meeting with Master Yoda every morning to discuss them and meditate over them. If no significant results came of this, then it was decided that Master Yoda would watch over Airiana while she slept so that he would be able to monitor not only her physical state during her nightmares, but also her mental state, watching and experiencing the visions firsthand.
It seemed like a good way of going about things, but there was no telling how long it would take. And since Master Yoda had also decided that Airiana shouldn't be given any missions until they knew what was going on, time was a major concern. At least for Airiana it was; Master Yoda didn't seem to be too worried about it – or the council for that matter. When she had asked him what he would tell them so that she would be able to stay on Coruscant, he had simply laughed and told her, "Worry not. Not known as the great Master Yoda for nothing am I."
When Airiana reached her quarters she found a message waiting for her on the comm unit. It was one of the Masters from the healer's wing, letting her know that they were grateful for her help and that her assistance would not be necessary anymore. Deleting it, Airiana was almost disappointed that the healers wouldn't need her help any longer. She had enjoyed working in the healer's wing and had thought more than once since returning from the battle that she would've liked being a healer had she had the oppurtunity.
At the same time, however, she also enjoyed the feel of her lightsaber in her hand and the way the Force flowed through her when she was in a duel or performing katas. Yes, she would have been perfectly happy as a healer, but she was also a warrior and knew she would never be able to live a quiet life on one planet or in one time. But who knew? Perhaps she would still be allowed to help out in the healer's wing every now and then.
As she was thinking about these things, her eyes came to rest upon her sword. It had been ages since she had held it in her hands. A powerful urge moved from her fingers to her toes to take it down off the wall and once again feel the cool, engraved metal under her fingers; to feel the weight of it in her hands and to see the glint of light dance along the blade as she swung it back and forth.
A smile crept up on Airiana's lips as she stood on tip-toe to take it down from the wall. Then, holding it gently, she pulled it out of its sheath, giving it a few slow swings and carefully looking over the shining white metal making sure it was exactly as she had left it. Satisfied, she slid her sword back into its sheath, strapped it to her belt and headed to the training rooms.