Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling deserves all credit

When Nightmares Are A Good Thing

Chapter 16: Ulcer Repercussions

"...honestly, Albus!...How could you not have...really bad shape..."

"...fail to see...notice...it would appear..."

"-Yes...we need Severus...potions..."

Harry cracked an eye open but quickly shut it, as the reality around him seemed to seep in. There was a bright light streaming in from a seam in one of the curtains covering the window that Harry thought to be in his room at Grimmauld Place. He wasn't too sure as he hadn't taken a good look and didn't want to try again. His entire body seemed to hurt in one way or another. There was a horrible taste in his dry mouth and his lips seemed to be cracked with the lack of wetness. His head felt dull and heavy with a pounding ache and the lasting dizziness. His stomach had the now familiar burning, more pronounced now than ever. The ribs inside of him were still ringing with the convulsing his body had done previously. Not only that, he felt as if he'd like nothing more than sleep but knew he shouldn't. It was lucky he hadn't had another nightmare while he'd been sleeping. He allowed himself to revel in the after bliss of a nightmare rest for a moment's time.

The thought of sleeping brought back the memories as to why he was there and what had happened that night during dinner. Harry assumed the current time to be anywhere from morning to the evening, judging by the fact the sun had been shining so brightly from the peek he had taken. He couldn't bring himself to raise his head to look at the clock. The pain was tremendous and the voices that were speaking urgently in the room with him were not helping.

So he lay there, hurting and fighting to stay awake, while the voices continued their discussion.

"Albus, I think we should take him to Hogwarts. I can keep a better eye on him if he were secluded in the hospital wing."

The tone had a stern edge to it. Harry recognized the tone rather than the voice as Madame Pomfrey, the school nurse. He briefly wondered what she was doing in his bedroom before he remembered retching into the toilet during his own birthday dinner as Remus held him till he fainted. He cringed inwardly as the reality completely dawned on him. They knew he was sick and hiding it. She was here to see to his health.

"We cannot risk transferring him to Hogwarts now. He is safe here and moving him in this condition would be difficult to do without raising suspicion. I also do not think it wise to remove him from his friends at a time like this." said the voice of his Grandfather.

Another voice spoke up, leaden with worry and sadness. "Poppy, what IS wrong with him? Please tell me it's just the wizarding flu or something." He wasn't sure but he thought that the person who had just spoken was Remus. His voice was coming from the other side of his bed, as if he were standing by the other side or even sitting.

"Remus, he has an ulcer."

A new voice, a woman's, joined in, "An ulcer?" What was McGonagall doing in his room? In fact, why were Madame Pomfrey, Albus Dumbledore, Remus Lupin, AND Minerva McGonagall gathered in his room discussing his health where he could hear it? Why were they discussing his health at all? A new thought popped into his head, pushing the previous one aside to give itself Harry's full attention. He had an ulcer? How had THAT happened? He'd heard of them and knew what they were but...

"Yes, Minerva an ulcer," Madame Pomfrey reinforced promptly.

There was a creak of door being opened and then shut. The tense and extremely concerned voice of Molly Weasley rang as she set something down on the bedside table near where Remus was and demanded, quite vocally, to know what was wrong with Harry.

"The kids are half out of their minds with worry that it has something to do with you know who. I had to put up some spells to keep them from sneaking up here and visiting Harry. No doubt they'll find a way to figure out what's going on if we don't tell them something before Fred and George get back from their store to help."

"It's an ulcer, Molly." Remus said tiredly. The lack of sleep and abundance of wearisome was evident.

"How in the world did that boy get an ulcer?"

"He's not a little boy anymore, Molly," the Headmaster announced, "He may not look it but he is far from being the age sixteen. He shoulders many burdens and has many horrific events in his past that leaden him with plenty of negative emotions that would make it very easy to procure this kind of an aliment, I should imagine."

"What sort of negative emotions do think caused this?" his Grandmother asked the room in general.

"I'd say it could be any of a vast sort. Anger, grief, sadness, guilt..." Dumbledore answered.

A sniff was heard, though Harry couldn't tell who it came from. Silence dominated for a moment before Madame Pomfrey began explaining the extent of his illness.

"The ulcer is roughly the size of a snitch. It's very well developed so it has to be about two months old. My guess is that he's only truly felt the pain of it for a month though.'

"Wouldn't he have had trouble eating if his stomach was hurting all that time?" Molly asked. No one ever questioned where Ron got his constant food train tracked-mind from.

"Yes. Harry has always been malnourished. Right now it has reached an all time low. He's had a growth spurt that must have stripped him of any nutrients his body had. Couple that with the fact that he hasn't seemed to eaten much of anything for at least a month and the fact that I found evidence of lots of coffee and a trace of straight alcohol in his system..."

"How on earth would Harry have gotten a hold on alcohol? He's not of age?" Mrs. Weasley nearly shouted indignantly before the others reminded her to keep her voice down because Harry was still asleep.

"Molly, it is VERY possible for a teenager to get a hold of the stuff. Harry is very cunning and sneaky. S-Sirius and James were able to get it in our youth, so it's probable." Remus said softly.

"I would say he had to have obtained before he got to Privet Drive as there were guards watching the house. They never saw him come outside, really." Dumbledore added.

Harry suppressed a snort, as he knew he had successfully pulled one over on the Order not to mention the Headmaster of the school that knew everything. Of course he'd never tell them that it had been Fred and George who smuggled it to him through a parcel.

"Could Dursley have had it in stock?" McGonagall questioned thoughtfully.

This time Remus snorted. "There was enough padlocks on Harry's bedroom door to keep a mountain troll from escaping, the last time I was there. I doubt very much that if he had it in the house, Harry could or would have nicked it."

Harry mentally winced as he heard Remus confess his lock down last summer to the room. That was one more thing for them to pity him for.

"What else seems to be wrong with Mr. Potter?" McGonagall asked the nurse.

"He's sleep deprived. Really Albus, you admitted to having been alone with him for over an hour the night before. How could you not have noticed the bags under his eyes? He's as pale as day!"

It seemed the Headmaster was just as affected by Pomfrey as the rest of the world for he said nothing to being subjected to her lecture. Harry almost felt bad for having gotten Dumbledore into trouble. It wasn't his that he didn't know that Harry was a metamorphmagus who altered the purple lines underneath his eyes and white clammy skin.

"Do you suspect the stomach pains to be the cause?" Molly asked in shock at the thought of her adopted son being in pain all throughout the day.

"I don't know what to blame. It will be up to Mr. Potter to determine why he hasn't been sleeping more than an hour or two per day. When he wakes he has a some stout healing to do." Pomfrey stated.

He heard collective sighs around the room as the adults present tried to solve the puzzle that was Harry's life and health. Inwardly, Harry wondered if his stomach would ever cease it's endless burning and stinging.

The call to sleep was very strong lying in his bed like that. He knew to avoid sleep he'd have to get up and move about, but the adults weren't leaving. After five more minuets Harry decided not to procrastinate and to face it like a man. He faked a deep intake of breath and rolled over onto his back. He rubbed his eyes and reached for his glasses. He quickly sat up and rubbed his eyes before putting his glasses on, avoiding to "take note" of the people in the room with him.

He felt oddly hot and yet he was freezing. Only then did he notice that he was wearing nothing but the boxers he had dressed himself in the morning of his birthday. He turned his wrist so that the scar was out of sight and tilted his head downward. He placed his hands over his features with the pretense of sleepily scrubbing it. Focusing hard, Harry screwed up his mind and face in order to concentrate on camouflaging the scars on his back and wrist into smooth matching skin that claimed most of his limbs.

Nothing was said for a moment, ensuring that they hadn't seen him alter the appearance of his skin. He finally looked up and saw that he'd been right about the voices that he'd heard before he "awoke". Remus was slumped into a chair to the right of him. At the foot of his bed, Molly Weasley, Minerva McGonagall, Poppy Pomfrey, and Albus Dumbledore were perched. They all looked a tad bit anxious, to Harry.

"How are you feeling, Harry?" Remus asked him. His voice seemed rushed, and calmly devoid of emotion.

The green eyed boy looked over at him and decided, judging by the look on his face, that he was masking any feelings he had at the moment.

"I'm fine," Harry lied. He knew that he wasn't supposed to have heard their conversation so he needed to act as if he hadn't heard it. If he hadn't heard it, he would have proceeded to keep up his façade of perfect health. He was, however, aware that they knew he was lying but Harry assumed it was better to have them know he was still concealing his pain rather than let them know that he'd over heard their discussion.

The adults, excluding Dumbledore, all seemed to be taken aback that Harry could be in pain and still have the strength to hide it when they knew. But they didn't know that he knew they knew. Therefore he was subjected to listening to Madame Pomfrey re-explain his ulcer and what might have caused it and that he needed to sleep, and to let his stomach calm down from the night before, before it could be properly healed. All of this was done with much poking and prodding from the school nurse all the while Remus was sympathizing with him, not at his ulcer but at having to deal with a Madame Pomfrey in over protection mode.

"Do you have any questions, Mr. Potter?" The nurse had, by the time she asked the question; already gone through his malnourishment, sleep deprivation, the hole in his stomach, and the fact that he appeared normal (according the rest of the household) until he had retched up all the food he had managed to keep down on the night of his birthday twice.

"Madame Pomfrey, we see each other much too often for you to call me that. Shouldn't we be on first name terms by now? I mean, these little rendezvous have got to stop. At least until school starts back up, anyway!"

Harry flashed a slow cheeky grin up at the flustered nurse, whose face was brighter than Trelawney claimed Mars to be when she tried to tell him that it was his death day.

She stuttered dumbly for a moment. Harry knew he had taken her for surprise with that incentive joke, but there was a purpose for doing it.

"Have someone fetch me if you start to feel worse," was all she said as she fled the room, her face burning in embarrassment.

When the door had closed behind her, McGonagall was the first to burst out laughing. It was a very odd thing to witness. The stern witch, who always seemed to be frowning at any sort of fun, thought it was funny. He's only been aiming to misdirect the question she had asked him into an area of conversation that was free of his own health.

Remus and Dumbledore were chuckling merrily along with his Grandmother. Molly seemed to be resisting the urge to laugh, but was smiling.

"I don't believe I have EVER seen Poppy so flustered in my entire life!" the Headmistress managed to choke out. Even Harry couldn't help but smile as well.

As he sat back up from the slight examination, Harry pushed back the blankets that were covering his legs. The cool air enveloped the clammy skin on his legs in relief. He rubbed a hand over his chin as he considered what the people present thought of his health.

He didn't get much further than that as his hand reached a slight shadow on his face. He knew it wasn't very visible but he could feel that he needed to shave. It had been almost a week since he'd shaved last. He passed his hand over his jaw line, successfully irritating the stubbly prickles of hair on his chin.

Remus was looking at him thoughtfully. "Well, Harry, I believe you'll want to wash up before you have to go back to sleep, right?"

Dumbledore and McGonagall, and Molly walked over to the door and left, leaving instructions to ask for them if he needed anything. Harry shook his head as he knew that he'd have to take that type of treatment until he could convince everyone that he was fine.

When they left, Harry stood up but quickly sat down as his head began swimming. Remus was there in as instant. After the dizziness had cleared, the elder man helped Harry up and walk over to his trunk where he gave Remus instructions to get which toiletries and pajamas.

Slowly the two made it to the bathroom and Remus said he would be right outside the door if he needed anything or started to feel sick. Harry had only rolled his eyes before shutting the door. He wasn't sure whether he felt more pleased that Remus still cared enough for him to wait on him, or annoyed at being privately watched so closely.

The lukewarm water felt good to Harry. He took his time cleaning, as he didn't have much of a choice. One quick movement set him back by two minutes. He shaved in the shower, not wanting to make a mess in the sink. It was hard without a mirror, but he managed. The act was calming.

'I wonder if I could "shave" with my metamorphmagi skills?'

Well, the next time he needed to shave, he made a mental note to attempt it.

He dried off and changed into a crisp white tee shirt and cotton pajama pants that were a red plaid. Before he stepped out of the bathroom, he consulted the mirror and nearly jumped. There were dark smudges under his eyes and he seemed paler than he could remember. The only thing he could figure was that when he passed out, he subconscious reverted back to his normal state as he did when he slept. The others had seen his face though so fixing it now was no good. He did make sure that his scars were blended in well, before opening the door to find Remus asleep sitting against the wall opposite the bathroom.

The sight made Harry laugh. Startled, Remus jerked awake. He seemed to stare at Harry a moment before realizing what had happened. He smiled sheepishly at Harry before standing up stiffly and escorting him back to his room.

"You need to go to sleep now," Remus said as he helped Harry into bed, ignoring his protests.

"I'm not tired," Harry lied.

Remus surveyed him for a moment. He gently pushed Harry over so that he was in the very center of the bed, and sat down next to him.

"You ARE tired, you just don't want to be. Harry... you need to sleep. If you don't...well you'll end up worse than you are now. I can't give you any dreamless sleep as your stomach is still quite jumbled." He glanced over at Harry and put his arm around the raven-haired boy's shoulders.

"Look, I know there must be a more valid reason for you to be avoiding sleep so ardently. After...after...well it's always hard, in my experience, to sleep peacefully after the death of a loved one.

Harry shuddered as he realized what Lupin, who was always the intuitive one, was getting at. He ducked his head and turned away. Remus would have none of that, however.

He was quickly pulled into a strong hug. Remus had wrapped his arms around Harry, forcing his head onto his shoulder. Being held tightly like that felt good. It arose a strong emotion within Harry. Eventually, Harry gave in and brought his arms up to hug Remus back. Encouraged, Remus pulled Harry into his lap as he leaned back across the headboard of Harry's bed.

The part of Harry that grew up with the Dursley's told him that he was being weak. Letting outsiders see him hurting. The half that was raised in the wizarding world knew better than to think that Remus would think any less of him. Never the less, all of Harry was comforted by Remus's action of caring. To put it plainly, Harry was very tired mentally and physically. He didn't have the strength or will power at that moment to continue arguing with his inner voices. He decided instead to just do what he wanted. And so, he gave in to the layer of warmth that was around him.

It was comfortable being held by someone who seemed to care. It felt so good that Harry allowed Remus to rub circles into his back and run a hand through his hair soothingly. Harry felt that he could not stay awake any longer as his eyes drooped and he fell asleep against Remus.

When Harry opened his eyes again it was starting to get dark outside. He thought he was alone until he noticed Remus slumped in a chair next to him. He put his glasses on and shook Remus once. He started awake and noticed that Harry was awake. The man must have been awake most of the night if he was as tired as Harry was.

"How are you feeling? Don't you dare say fine!" Remus said.

Harry snapped his mouth closed and swallowed the word he had been about to utter.

"Here, I need you to take some potions. Madame Pomfrey thought it best to let you sleep naturally for a bit longer before we drug you."

Remus was busy at the nightstand selecting the proper vials of potions that appeared to be freshly brewed.

"This is a nausea potion. It's to keep anything from upsetting your stomach."

When that was swallowed and Harry's stomach felt like it was coated with a thick layer of protective rubber, Remus handed him another bottle.

"That's to heal the hole in your stomach."

Since he wasn't supposed to have heard the conversation earlier that morning, Harry raised an eyebrow up to let Remus think he had no idea about his condition.

"Harry you have an ulcer. Some of your...err...feelings have been eating away at your stomach lining. That's what an ulcer is, basically; an unneeded hole in you stomach." Remus said kindly as he took a seat next where Harry on the bed where he was lying propped up on pillows. "That's why it hurts to eat anything and probably to think about anything that causes you distress."

Looking away, Harry decided that it made a lot of sense. It did usually hurt most after eating, thinking, or nightmares. He downed the potion that was supposed to heal his stomach. The healing was added to the pain slightly as it sealed the ulcer. Harry did his best not to grimace. He was so lost in keeping his face straight that he didn't notice Remus holding hand or that he was gripping it tightly.

Just when the gut wrenching healing potion was calming down in his abdomen, Remus handed him yet another.

"This is a nutrient potion. Hope you like the flavor because between Molly, Minerva and Poppy you're going to be taking one everyday for the rest of summer if not longer."

Harry treated the potion like his muggle alcohol and threw it back. The taste was disgusting, like rotted wood. This time he couldn't help but gag dramatically and clutch his throat.

Remus chuckled and patted Harry on the back, who was expecting, now that he was awake, a long speech on why he had concealed his illness, or how he obtained alcohol but none came. Instead Remus stood up and walked over to the side of the bed that he was lying nearest to.

He said nothing but stood up as Remus placed a hand on his back and helped him walk on shaky legs to the bathroom that he had thrown up in almost twenty-four hours earlier.

It was when he came out and Remus tried to escort him back to his room, that they were at odds.

"Remus, I should go downstairs and talk to Hermione, Ron, and Ginny. I'm sure nothing's changed since last summer when we were told nothing of what was going on. I think I should tell them what's wrong with my stomach." Harry insisted. In truth, he didn't want to tell them anything about his pain, but did want to get out of his bed and this seemed to be his best bet.

"You're not even supposed to be out of bed, Harry! Poppy's going to be after my blood if she finds out!"

"Well, then I will tell her I placed you under a confundous charm and forced you to believe that I was completely healed. Besides, that potion seems to have worked. I AM healed. I don't see why I can't speak to my friends for a few moments. It's not like I asked to play a rousing game of chess or anything." Harry said sarcastically.

"Fine, but you deal with Pomfrey when the time comes. You know as well as I do that your ulcer was not the only thing you were suffering from," Remus whispered.

"What are you talking about Pro- Remus?"

"I mean, you have dreams that keep you from wanting to sleep. Not to mention that since you had a hole in your stomach, you've not eaten anything and are severely sick from lack of nutrition and sleep deprivation!" he said in a loud whisper.

"Oh-" Harry said simply. There was no denying it. He remembered how Remus had gotten him to sleep earlier.

In a normal voice, Remus asked, "What are you going to tell them?"

For a moment Harry panicked that the amber-eyed man was referring to the prophecy, but then remembered that he didn't know. "Um...maybe that there's a desegregated hole that burnt itself into my stomach lining."

A soft chuckle came from Remus, who was still standing behind him with one hand on his back and the other around his upper arm as they descended the stairs. Normally, Harry would have protested at the procedure but he knew that he needed Remus's help. Besides that, Harry thought it was helping Remus to think he was helping Harry.

In the sitting room were Ginny, Ron, and Hermione. All were sitting nearby each other. Hermione had a book in her lap but was not reading. Fred and George were sitting on the coach staring into space. Ron stood up abruptly from his armchair and began pacing. He hadn't been completely sure until then about whether or not the adults of the house had seen fit to tell the kids what was going on. Then again, they probably thought it Harry personal business to tell them or not.

It was Ginny who spotted Harry and shrieked "Harry!"

She ran up to hug him fiercely but paused when she noticed Remus was helping him walk. Harry held his arms open in admittance. She rushed into them and nearly made him lose his balance. When she pulled away, a crying Hermione filled them just as the adults, who had been conversing in the drawing room, entered to see what had caused Ginny to yell his name.

Hermione pulled away, apologizing for crying on his shirt.

"Harry! What are you doing out of bed, dear?" Mrs. Weasley admonished, giving Remus a pointed look that told Harry she was not speaking him despite the fact that she used his name.

"It's my fault Mrs. Wea-"

"Molly"

"Right, well it's my fault. I forced Remus to help me down here." Harry said firmly.

With that he walked as strongly as he could over to the couch and dropped exhaustedly into the open seat next to Fred and George. Some of the quiver in his limbs must have shown because the room was staring at him questionably. Thankfully, Remus got the adults to follow him back into the drawing room to finish their conversations, calling to Harry to let him know if he needed anything at all.

When they were alone, Harry turned back to his friends and noticed they were staring at him oddly.

"You look terrible, Mate!" Ron said bluntly.

Despite the statement, Harry grinned slightly, "Thanks, Mate."

It was probably true. He hadn't been able to morph away the shadows under his eyes. He had no choice but to allow his pale face complete with purplish blue smudges to be seen.

Nobody said anything for a moment or two. Then Hermione spoke up.

"What's wrong, Harry?"

With a sigh, Harry started explaining. "Basically, I have, well did have an ulcer in my stomach."

"An ulcer?! Harry, that's really serious!" Hermione claimed. Harry could tell she had an itch to go research them in the library.

"Actually, it's already been healed. I took a potion to fix not to long ago," he said nonchalantly.

Ron looked dumbfounded, like Crabbe when asked to answer a question in transfiguration. "Erm...what's an ulcer exactly?"

Knowing that his girl best friend would explain, Harry budged up a bit so that Ginny could sit down rather than stand behind the couch, making him nervous.

"An ulcer usually occurs when a person develops from an excessive amount of negative emotions or thoughts that eat away at their host's conscious. It makes them sick and their stomach acid will start eating a hole into its interior lining."

(A/N: I am NOT a genius here. Please just accept what I have said about ulcers to be true, even if it's wrong. The math/science part of my brain is not as pronounced as the reading/writing and literature comprehension side is.)

Silence rang for a moment. Harry could feel their eyes on him, begging him to explain as none of them wanted to make him angry by asking the wrong question. With a sigh, Harry launched into detail.

"Remus said that it could have been cause by feeling guilty, depressed, or angry and bottling it up," he shook his head so they might be persuaded to think that he didn't believe that was the reason.

"Harry, did Madame Pomfrey say how large the ulcer was?" Ginny asked cautiously.

"Um, she guesses the same as a snitch-"

"A SNITCH! Harry, for it to be snitch sized it had to have been growing for at least a month or two which means you've known something was wrong and didn't say anything! Ulcers practically prevent a person from eating due to the pains and aches." Hermione shouted at him. He briefly wondered if his foresight at knowing that Hermione would reprimand him for hiding it could be considered seer material.

"Yes, well it is my body and it is within my own private rights to keep a few dull pains to myself" Harry retorted. But the pains had not been dull.

This time it was Ron who stopped the impeding feud. "Whatever the details are, Harry's ulcer had been healed and he'll be better in a few days, right?"

Harry brought his eyes to meet Ron's. He seemed very innocent to Harry; believing that everything would automatically fix it's self and be back normality.

Before he could contemplate what to say to that, Fred (he thought) inquired, "If he's gonna be alright, why did Professor Lupin have to help him walk?"

Hermione would have given Ron a triumphant look for being right had it not meant that there was more wrong with Harry's body and health.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Look, I'm just a little tired. I threw up my guts yesterday night..."

"Yes, but Harry-"

"Hermione, he's sick! Save the lectures for when he's well enough to properly ignore you!" Ron said annoyed.

She had stopped patronizing Harry to glare at Ron who was not paying attention to her stares in the least.

"Good to see youngsters enjoying theirs summers, isn't it Fred?" said George, elbowing his twin who laughed in agreement.

"Honestly. How did you get a hold of alcohol, Harry" Hermione demanded bossily.

"That, my dear Hermione, is a secret that I will not reveal." Harry said secretively

She snorted uncharacteristically. "Just please tell me you didn't break any laws to get it," she pleaded hopefully.

"The only official law I broke was drinking it while I was too young."

She nodded her head and let it drop for the time being.

There was an awkward tense moment. It seemed they were trying to process the extent of Harry's health without pitying him or embarrassing him, which he was grateful for. Instead they began talking about trivial things.

Remus came back shortly and half carried Harry up to his room as he was too tired and too spent to exert himself much more. He placed him in his bed and handed him a vial of what Harry knew to dreamless sleep. Before he could swallow it, Remus hugged him again.

It took less time for Harry to relax into the hug this time. He felt safe and loved when Remus hugged him like this. It was almost as if someone cared for him. With a pang Harry was reminded of Sirius.

"Harry, you and I have many things to discuss, but later. Right now you need to sleep peacefully. Before you do, I want you to know that I am so sorry for the way you life has been. I wish I could make the hurt go away, but I can't. I am here for you if you ever need anything. I care a lot about you, you know?"

Harry only nodded. His throat felt tight and his heart felt heavy as he missed Sirius.

"Thanks, Moony."

Remus smiled at him and brushed the hair back from his face he help him settle into the blankets and then tipped the vial of dreamless sleep enough to Harry to swallow it and fall asleep dreamlessly.