Disclaimer: J.K. owns it all
When Nightmares Are A Good Thing
Chapter 20: A Serious Will
A few days went by in Grimmauld Place without much content. As they passed, Harry's health seemed to improve enough that he was allowed to go about his day normally, albeit he still had to take a nutrient potion with every humongous meal that he was forced to eat. Harry also realized that during the course of his "illness" he had shied away from his exercises. He slowly had to work at building himself back up again without anyone catching him. Though his well-being was no longer grave or worrying, Molly and Remus especially made it clear that they were still concerned about his physical condition as well as his mental psyche.
Throughout the past few days, Ron had continued to work his way through half of the first sack while Harry had managed to read and even reply to some of the more intellectual letters in between reading a book he had found in the Black library on animagus transformations.
It had turned out to be a very informative piece of literature. Harry pretty much figured that he could most like master the transformations by Christmas. Problem was that he didn't want to do it alone. Even though he knew how dangerous they were, Harry felt that it wouldn't be right if he didn't cop Hermione, Ron, Ginny, and Neville into.
Why Neville, Harry didn't know. He had been thinking that he wanted to include Ginny when he suddenly felt the urge to share it with Neville. The more he thought about it the more he came to think that his subconscious was trying to get closer to Neville after hearing the prophesy. Harry also felt that it might give Neville a confidence boost, being able to change into an animal uniquely him. That and the fact that very few people in the world could do an animagus transformation properly let alone do it illegally.
The only problem was finding away around Hermione, the wet blanket. Hermione's logic was the one thing that kept Ron and Harry from following through with all of their plans. True, it usually saved them from making some big mistakes but if they wanted to do this before Christmas Ron, Hermione, and Neville had to somehow read that book as well as the one that Fred and George had sent him without anyone else in the world knowing.
An opportunity presented itself exactly a week after Harry's birthday. Ron was diligently sorting through Harry's fan mail in the Black's library while Hermione helped Ginny work on her Defense Against the Dark Arts essay. Ron had tried to explain that they didn't have to do the homework since they would be receiving a new teacher at the start of term. A look from Hermione banished the red head back to his work while mumbling something about doing his essay later.
Of course, it took Ginny only half an hour to finish it with help from "the brightest witch of her age". It was then that Harry seized his chance. He silently performed a spell to efficiently lock the doors as well as sound proof them.
When Hermione set down her quill with a satisfied nod, Ginny began rolling up the essay. Harry casually walked over to the bookshelf and began searching for the place he had positioned the two animagi books.
He paused with his fingertip on the spine of the first of the two. "Hermione?" Harry called over his shoulder.
"Hmm?" Hermione answered having already began reading a new book.
"Have you read this book before? It looks quite interesting." The raven-haired boy had to reframe from sniggering as Hermione instantly marked the page she was on and all but bolted over to him at the notion that he had found a book that she had not read.
She reached her own finger to trace along the spine before her face contorted into an expression that Harry thought to be a mixture of confusement and curiosity.
"No, I don't believe I have. Actually I know I haven't or I would have made you and Ron read it as well."
This time Harry was the one confused. He had been sure that Hermione would not be suggesting the very thing that he was.
"You mean you also think we should…"
"Yes, if you mean we should learn how to be animagi. It would be an incredible asset to possess, don't you think?"
Harry sputtered while trying to regain his senses.
"So… I take it you were expecting to have to dupe me into this?" Hermione smiled evilly.
"Well, yeah! I mean you are talking about learning to become illegal animagi, aren't you?"
"Well we certainly aren't going to register with the ministry." Hermione actually spat the word "ministry" out as if were something foul for a moment Harry was strongly reminded of Snape and the way he said the word "Potter".
After a moment of looking at each other, Harry finally said, "So I can count you in?"
The smile she gave was all he needed to know. They were shaking hands when Harry noticed that Ginny and Ron had made their way over to the couple out of curiosity.
"What about you, Ron, Ginny? Can I count you two in?"
Ron's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "In on what, exactly?"
"Becoming illegal animagi," Hermione grinned.
Ginny's accidentally squealed in excitement as Ron gaped at the their female best friend.
"Harry are you sure this is Hermione? I mean what if she got replaced by a deatheater or something?"
Hermione laughed, Harry even smiled at the thought of a deatheater taking Hermione's place so that they could urge Harry and Ron not to do their homework as a plan of Voldemort's.
It ended up being agreed that Hermione would read the book, as she was the quickest out of the three that still needed to read it. Ron would read it next because he feared he might lose interest in reading if he had to wait on Ginny to read the book as well.
After dinner that night, Harry went directly to his room looking for a bit of privacy that he had been denied as of late what with everyone and their hippogriff checking in on his health every few seconds.
In his room Harry perused yet another book on hexes and curses that he had found in the Black's library. It proved to be nothing more than a list of spells stating their incantation, wand movement, and properties. Harry used a duplication spell on the book to make himself a copy before placing the original book on his dresser so that he could remember to return it to the library, hopefully unnoticed. If nobody knew he was studying spells excessively no one could possibly guess that he was also practicing magic.
Next he looked over his books that included apparation and port keys. The portkey spell was easy enough to understand and say but it required great concentration. Harry took a piece of balled up parchment and thought about his bedroom in Privet Drive. He focused very hard on the settings and details of his room while saying the incantation, "Portus". He was about to test it but decided that he'd better wait to learn to apparate first. Portkeys to Harry were still a bit uncomfortable to use, especially and experimental one that could take him somewhere he didn't know or couldn't escape from. Fear crept inside Harry as he thought of the situation he would be in if he accidentally portkeyed himself right underneath Voldemort's nose. Of course, after some more thinking, it would be the same situation with apparating. No one would know where he had gone if he couldn't apparate or portkey his way back.
Realization that he would have to tell someone about his secret of practicing wandless magic was not pleasant. He obviously was not about to tell Snape, McGonagall, Dumbledore, or the Weasley. The best choice seemed to Fred and George but Harry was reluctant to rely on them so much. Bill and Charlie were in the Order so Harry felt it would be placing them in the middle of a loyalty test, as was the same with Tonks. The adults simply wouldn't allow it. The only probable solution was to tell Ron, Hermione, and Ginny.
His first thought on that was to keep it a secret, but then Harry realized (thanks to a pang of guilt) that that was exactly what Dumbledore had done to himself… kept secrets. Perhaps, when the time was right he'd let them in on everything. They probably would not understand how he felt or what he had to do but…They still deserved to know just as he had way back when he had asked Dumbledore in first year. If only Sirius were here, he would understand. He had been very empathetic when Harry had told him about his vision of Mr. Weasley.
With a sigh Harry dropped to his floor with caution to do his sit ups and push-ups. It was surprising just how unfit he had become from a week of being ill.
Sleep came when Harry's head hit the pillow. However, sometime in the early morning a dream overtook Harry as if he were in some sort of a virtual reality game. Swirling colors died down as soon as he "landed". Immediately the boy looked around at his new surroundings to find them vaguely familiar. White surrounded him in a flurry of expansiveness. A figure was approaching him from his left. Harry swiveled around to see whom it was and was somewhat surprised to find that it was his Godfather.
In a backwards daze of déjà vu, Sirius whispered, "Harry?"
"Sirius?"
Neither of them said much of anything for a while. Both just stared at the other, not really believing that the other was real.
Finally Harry threw his hands up in the air having come to a frustrating conclusion.
"Alright, I know you are a figment of my imagination but why are you just standing here acting like you don't know me. Shouldn't you yell at me and be angry for how I got you killed?"
The Sirius that was in front of him sputtered in indignation as if he couldn't believe what Harry had said.
"What do you mean, 'figment of your imagination'? I'm the real one. Aren't you something that I dreamed?"
Another moment of staring ensued. Finally Sirius spoke out loud.
"If you think your dreaming and so do I, is it possible that we're both dreaming?"
Harry shook his head and backed away ever so slightly. "N-no. It's not possible. Y-yoou're dead! I mean, you can't be dreaming with me right, are you?"
Whether Sirius was indeed dreaming himself into Harry's dream or not, he never got to find out. Just as Sirius was opening his mouth in reply, Harry was shook awake by Remus.
"Harry, are you okay? You were tossing a bit?"
Harry nodded that he was okay and sat up in bed, squinting his eyes against the evidence of morning. The dream was still as fresh in his mind as his remaining questions. What had happened? Was it real or was he only dreaming something that he subconsciously wanted?
Remus accepted Harry's answer with little doubt as the werewolf stood up from his sitting position on the edge of Harry's bed.
"Go ahead and get dressed for breakfast. Dumbledore said he needed everyone to gather after dinner for… Sirius's will.
A large knot formed in Harry's throat that he couldn't quiet swallow down. Icy hot tentacles seemed to reach out and wrap tight around his neck, teasing him with the sensation of almost being strangled to death.
"Fine," Harry managed to choke out, sounding far from normal but close enough that Remus only gave him an apprehensive look before nodding his head once and exiting his room.
The messy haired boy took his time in stretching and exercising before performing a cleaning spell on himself.
Clothes choice proved to be more difficult today as he was unsure what would be appropriate. Harry pulled on a pair of his khaki trousers, belt, and boots. Watching the color of the belt morph was very amusing to Harry.
'The thing's that amuse my poor mind!'
The shirt color was the hard part. Anything in a bright hue seemed to be a horrible thing to wear to the will reading of his parent's best friend. All dark would make him appear to be depressed and would draw attention to his sadness. He surely was not up to hours of what he privately referred to as "Molly sitting" since that's what he had to do. Whenever she was trying to comfort him, he always ended up either trying to stay away from her mollycoddling or tried to cheer her up by proving just how "fine he was".
Eventually he decided that one of his charcoal gray t-shirts would be fine because he paired it khaki colored pants. He ran his hands through his hair in an automatic way of combing it, leaving it possibly messier than ever before.
The breakfast table was full of the entire household and the arrived order members despite the fact that it was very early indeed. Ron, who was barely awake, was still able to push his fork around and hold it up to his face- eating plenty of extra helpings but a slower pace than ever before.
Not much was said as they all chewed on. Even though it was earlier, between Mrs. Weasley and Remus, Harry's nutrient potion was not forgotten. Though, this time, Harry could not manage to take it without making a face.
Shortly after came the arrival of Albus Dumbledore with Minerva McGonagall and Severus Snape in tow. Who only smiled softly at the constructive teasing that Harry was currently receiving over the expression that he had made only moments before.
"Well, I believe that we should now go over Mr. Black's will so that our Ministry workers can be off to work!"
Harry stood to help Molly, Remus, Tonks, Ginny and Hermione clear the breakfast remains from the table.
Dumbledore began far to soon for Harry likings. After conjuring up a comfortable chair to sit in- an exact replica of the one he had created during Harry's hearing- he sat down and set a beautiful wooden box down at the head of the table.
The box was made out of a dark red-colored wood with intricate designs and what looked like ancient runes. Harry, who was "coincidentally" in the seat nearest to the head of the table on Dumbledore's right side.
"We are here to read the unofficial last will and testimony of Sirius Black. As always, the Order of the Phoenix allows its members to create their last wishes to be acted upon after their death." Dumbledore spoke clearly in his whisper-like voice that captivated everyone present.
Slowly Dumbledore turned the box around so that everyone at the table a considerably better view of what was inside. On top were about a dozen pieces of parchment. Dumbledore unfolded the first. He glanced at Harry over the top before passing it on to him.
Nervously, Harry looked down to see that it was a letter addressed to him from his Godfather. Harry's eye flicked up across the table to see Remus receive one as well as Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred and George, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Tonks, McGonagall, Dumbledore and even Snape. After they were all distributed there were only two parchments left. In a silent agreement, those who had received a personal letter began to read.
Harry unfolded his letter and did the same.
Dear Harry, 7/22/95
I suppose this is a letter to say goodbye. Dumbledore has reinstated the Order of the Phoenix so I whether it is by his order or mine; I have decided to write you a letter.
I'm not really sure what to say. It has almost been a month since Voldemort's rebirth and almost a month since I last saw you. Right now you're at the Dursley's being treated who knows how bad… Since this letter will only be read after my death I don't mind sharing virtually everything.
I was scared, Harry. Really, truly, deeply, and sincerely scared when things went wrong in that maze. I nearly went insane watching from Hagrid's cabin while you worked your way to the center of it. I knew. I had a bad feeling before you even entered the maze. I also felt it on Halloween, 1981. You survived, though. They say you're good at that, hence the phrase "The-Boy-Who-Lived". I don't know what I'd do if you weren't the Boy-Who-Lived. You've kept me sane in more ways than you can ever imagine. Not a day went by in Azkaban when I didn't think of you and long to take care of you. I lived on with false hope that someday the Ministry would realize their mistake and set me free with a full pardon so that I could give you what Voldemort took away.
I guess I should have known better. Besides, I did finally get to see you. Like I said earlier, you're at the Dursley's but I count the days till Dumbledore gives in and let's you come to where I'm at.
This is probably the part where I provide some valuable advice that will help you learn to live a better life… Well, seeing as I am fresh out of good advice, I'll just share a few facts that I haven't yet told you at this point in time. You might actually know some of it by the time I die but right now, in the summer of 1995, you don't and I would regret kicking the bucket without leaving some of these things for you to find out.
First off, there is a prophecy made about you and Voldemort. I do not know all of it but I know some. Harry… you've been fated against that son of ---
Harry suppressed a laugh as he read over the last sentence and found a word had been censored out of it. Even though the word was blurry Harry had a pretty good idea what it was underneath the haze.
. Anyway, Dumbledore knows it all but won't tell you. He's afraid that you'll be weighed down by it. If you ask me, I think you could have handled it in your first year although I didn't know you then nor was Voldemort rebirthed… I guess that's what Moony calls a moot point?
Don't let it get you down. We all have a fate as well as a destiny; yours just seems a little extravagant. In reality, there is most likely someone out there who has it just as bad. The only difference is that your role is obvious and a conscious one at that. Wouldn't it be great if you didn't have to know about things you had to do but could just do them without being any the wiser? I suppose this is rather rich coming from me, the Marauder, to Harry, the taker downer of Voldemort but I feel that even though I never had a prophecy made about me, I had a role. I went to Azkaban for eleven undeserving years. I stood up for my friends and gave the best protection I could. I failed, yes, but I tried. Oh Harry did I try! But I failed and now I live everyday with the guilt of getting two of my best friends murdered. What's more is you have to live with consequences of my actions. I never should have suggested using Peter, that rat!… I'm diverging from the topic, aren't I.
The next thing I should say is that, if I've croaked, I don't want any sappy depressing thoughts. I want a good honest to Merlin prank performed in my honor and I want it to be pulled of on the toughest person at Hogwarts to prank… Dumbledore or McGonagall. Albus is the hardest person to prank, Harry. He doesn't embarrass and he takes all the fun out of the prank by enjoying it even if you did pull it off correctly. McGonagall always gets angry when you get her. The madder she is the better the prank. If you can't manage one of those (though I suspect you can as you're the son of James, the pupil of Remus, and the godson of the best marauder of all, me!) you could always use Snape or Filch. Go for Snape only if you're certain he can't trace it back to you. I don't want you to get any unnecessary detentions because that would give him all the mickey. Pranks are a good stress reliever, Harry. Trust me. I'd know.
On to a much lighter note, you're bound to marry a redhead. No, honestly! James did! So did your Grandfather. Potter men seem to like the fire. I don't get how or why but there's something about them that attracts the Potters. So, if you've noticed any certain young ladies with red hair, make sure you give it your full consideration. I had a girl at one point in my life Harry. I didn't pay as much attention to her as I should. I liked her well enough but I was too worried about my reputation to do or say anything. I wanted to play it cool. I suppose I played cool for far to long because before I knew it… Don't let that happen to you Harry. Love is something that you truly can't live without. You might be alive, but you can't live without it.
Don't morn for me. I'm either pulling pranks with James and getting slapped for it by Lily, or I'm watching over you. This I solemnly swear to you. I made a wizard's pact before you were even born that I would love and protect you will all of me that I possess. I've tried hard, I really have. I might not have succeeded but I've strived so hard. I hope you and James can understand that. It's not good enough, I know but maybe it is.
Harry, I'm so proud of you that I don't even know how to write it. Everything you do just screams James and Lily, yet you're you. I may tell you a hundred times that you look just like James or that you have your mother's eyes but there's something about you that sets you apart from everything else. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know. You're so giving and selfless. Harry you inspire me to be better than I am. I used to think only Moony could make me feel like that when he pointed out something I'd done wrong. Every time I look at you I feel like if I were better then maybe you could have it easier or maybe be happier. I guess I wouldn't be me if that were true but still I wonder how I could improve. I feel like I have since I met you. When I saw you anything and everything I had became yours at your birth, even my heart. I love you, Harry. I know I haven't told you this yet but I intend to in the future. I don't know why I haven't said anything yet. I guess I'm afraid of your reaction. I don't want to replace James's place in the world. Nobody could ever do that, not even you. I just want to be there for you. I suppose I can't now that I'm dead but…at the moment I do and I will in the after life. Just know that I love you, Harry and not because you're the boy who loved. Not because I'm James's best friend but because of who you are.
When James and Lily told me that you were going to be born, I was excited. The best news was that I would get to be your Godfather. I remember being so excited when I heard the news. I was going to be someone special in you life. That honor went to me. I was, and still am, so proud to be able to say that I'm Harry Potter's Godfather. Yes, of course you'd have to be nutters not to be. You being famous and all most people would be proud just to simply say they've shook your hand but… not me. Maybe I'm selfish but that's just not enough for me.
When I was a child, my parents never really loved me. Sure they took care and they provided but never loved. I always had what I needed and even what I wanted but I never had attention. I used that to my advantage by playing jokes and pranks. From the best I can tell, you know exactly how I feel. I never wanted so badly when I was a child to be held and loved as much I wish now to be able to hold and love YOU! I suppose if you're reading this I'm dead so that's not much but a hollow yearning that will never be able to do for you.
Well, I suppose that's all I need to tell you at this point in my life. Since I'm apparently dead I want you to know that I don't want any morning. I would never wish what I went through after James and Lily's deaths on anyone. If you start to be happy don't stop simply because you think it would be a bad thing to do after I've died. Instead, make sure you laugh a little more heartily for me.
I love you, Harry.
For Always and Beyond,
Padfoot, A.K.A. Sirius Orion Black
Harry looked up from the letter to see that everyone else except for him and Remus had been finished with their letters for some time. The letter addressed to the Order members had even been passed around to all and read by all. There seemed to be a tense silence coursing through the air, as the room's occupants were unsure as to the appropriate action to take.
The letter had touched Harry deep inside. It was almost as if Sirius had known what Harry needed to hear. He couldn't help but wonder if the letters that he had written in the case of his death would be as helpful.
Dumbledore interrupted any thought that Harry was about to have by clearing his throat. Everyone looked to the head of the table in anticipation of what came next.
"Ah, well, since we are all ready I shall continue on to read the actual will…"
"I, Sirius Orion Black, of a somewhat sound mind and a delightfully firm body do hereby declare my last will and testament."
Dumbledore paused in the reading for a moment to allow slight chuckle that occurred before continuing.
"All of my possessions are to be distributed as claimed below and my last wishes are most certainly to be fulfilled on the account that I'm an awesome guy and everyone will miss me so much that they'll all be hopping around to grant my dying wish. Wait, scratch that. If you're reading this then I'm already dead…. The same theory applies though, right? Assuming that I didn't get to make sure my last wishes were fulfilled before I kicked the bucket. Whatever the case, I want them fulfilled!"
Once again, Dumbledore paused for the room to laugh at the casual yet hilarious way that Sirius wrote his will. Strangely enough, the letter seemed to reek of Sirius's style. Every word that Dumbledore read, Harry could just picture Sirius himself saying it down to the expressions he would have on his face.
"My vault is to be divided according: One fourth of the monies are to be to Harry James Potter. Another fourth is to be given to Remus Jonathan Lupin. The second fourth is to be divided evenly between Molly and Arthur Weasley and Nymphadora Tonks while the last fourth of the monies in my vault shall be divided into sixteenths. Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, and the twins; Gred and Forge Weasley shall each receive one of these sixteenths. Anything in the vaults that is not money is left for Remus to decide what to do with."
Everyone laughed gaily at "Gred and Forge" while shifting in their seats. Molly and Arthur Weasley were holding onto each tightly after hearing that they were left money, which from Harry assessment of Sirius's house, was most likely a lot of money.
"The possessions that I specifically state are to be given to the person listed. Anything trivial, not listed, or is something that I could care less about, is to be given either Harry or Remus, whomever wants it. It makes no difference to me if it's not listed in this will.
Grimmauld Place is to be possessed in a co-ownership by Remus Lupin and Harry Potter. The deed to my parent's getaway house in Ireland (I honestly know nothing about it except that I own whatever and wherever it is) I leave to Moony. My flat in London I leave to my Godson, Harry however I caution him that everything in it has been there since I "moved on to Azkaban". All of my personal belongings belong to Harry although I think Remus is welcome to request certain items from Harry should he feel the need to. My journal and my flying motorcycle, should it still exist, is to be given to Harry. The motorcycle is only to be given once he has purchased a helmet to wear while riding it."
"Honestly!" Mrs. Weasley interrupted. "Giving a dangerous flying bicycle to a child who doesn't even know how to operate it! As if a helmet will keep poor Harry safe!"
Harry fought the urge to remind Mrs. Weasley that he was not a child. Dumbledore merely smiled as if he and Harry had shared a thought and continued.
"And lastly, my most prized and important possession. I want it understood that this is my final and most important request… or would this be a wish? No, it's a request cause I'm dead. Right, on to business. Harry James Potter is to be given to Remus Lupin as far as all God fatherly aspects go. I know the law won't allow it in any way but in private life, if anything, Remus is now (now as in when you read the word "now" that I wrote before these parenthesis) Harry's Godfather. If I can't be there for Harry then I know for sure that Remus (should he still live by the time that this letter is read…or by the time I die) will take care of Harry for me. Harry, I also know that you'll take care of Moony for me, right? Thanks, kiddo.
Seriously,
Sirius Orion Black
P.S. On the case that I'm dead, can I cash in on a second last wish? There's a question that's been bugging me since I was a first year that I wish to be answered. Could someone figure out for me if pumpkin juice with ice is iced pumpkin juice or is it merely pumpkin juice with ice? Make sure you guys figure it out 'cause James and I will be waiting for an answer the next time I see you!
P.P.S. Should anyone else that I've named in my will be unable to collect I leave it up to Remus, Harry and/or Dumbledore to decide what to do with whatever I left them.
Not much else was said after that. Some matters were discussed but Harry didn't really feel like hearing. He sat there at the table for an appropriate amount of time before silently getting up and slipping out the door to head up to his room for some privacy and with the intension of destruction proofing his letter.
Apparently his leave was noticed. Harry was allowed almost thirty minutes alone in his/Sirius's room to think before Ron, Hermione and Ginny showed up. After Harry answered the door and saw his friends on the threshold, saying nothing and nor asking for anything, Harry knew it was time. He had to tell his friends about the prophecy. The more he thought about it the more he felt like he was keeping a secret from them. If one of their deaths had been foreseen and they kept it from him all the way until they died, he would be very upset indeed. It was now or never, although never was very tempting.
With one last look down the hallway, Harry opened the door as wide as it would go in invitation. The three teens took no hesitation in stepping inside and finding a place to sit or lounge about in Harry's room.
Harry took a deep breath as he shut the door. He turned around to see his friend's looking at him as if simply waiting for him to say whatever it was that they knew he would say. Wordlessly and wandlessly, Harry cast a locking and silencing wards around his bedroom. When he was certain they were secure he added a warning ward to both ends of the hallway to signify when someone was coming near his room.
Hermione's mouth formed a wide 'O' while Ron and Ginny gasped at the realization that Harry had cast wandless magic. The time was now. Harry would tell his friends about the prophecy regarding himself and the thing that called himself the Dark Lord.