Prank Calls

Ring, ring…ring, ring

:Hello, who is speaking please:

"The pizza man."

:Um…the pizza man:

"Yes, the pizza man."

:Awesome! I was wanting something to eat:

"I'm sorry to say that the workers are going on strike and all the local food places will be shut for a short time, I am sorry for this inconvenience."

:WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALL THE LOCAL FOOD PLACES:

"I'm sorry if this is an inconvenience, but there is nothing we can do."

:INCONVENIENCE? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! I WANT FOOD AND I WANT IT NOW:

"Look you little Govnosos, but I can't do anything about it, so just run along to your fucking mother and cry, kapish?"

:No! I want everything to be sorted out, and I want it to be sorted out NOW:

"Man, and I got told I was spoit…no wait…I am!"

:Huh:

"Buh bye."

Zzz

:Ring, ring…ring, ring…:

"La, lala, lala…hum de-dum, de-dum…"

:Hello:

"Hello, I'd like to talk to you about a set of red emails I have received from a number of people from your team. I'd like to stop this fuck in a calm manner."

:Umm…of course, what is it they have said, and who are you exactly:

"I don't think the second question is relevant, but all of your team members."

:Really, I will have to talk to them about it, what is it they said again:

"A number of harsh insults, in many different languages."

:If they are in different languages, how do you know what they mean:

"I'm not a moronic fish head like you, I do know what an insult is Zasranec."

"Excuse me!"

"You're excused, but why do you want to go, you said we could discuss this and sort it out Viyebnutsa!"

:I'm sorry, I don't speak that language, but if it is what they have been saying, I know which person it is, I think that language is Russian, yes:

"That's Russian, but this ain't: Nek ti zeni mesto mleka iz dojki curila kiselina! That's Serbian, I'm learning!"

zzz

"Hmm…who next…no…just did Mr. D…done…done…no…refuse…man I'm running out of ideas…hmm, maybe…"

:music is played:

"Damned machiens…"

:Hello, Chief here.:

"Hey, I was wondering something…"

:Yes:

"Are you Petookh opooscheny, or was that just a rumor?"

:I'm sorry, I don't understand what you said, repeat it in English please.:

"Are. You. A. raped. male. prison. Bitch. Or. Was. It. A. rumor?"

:…is that neccercery?…:

"Yea, I wanna know the truth!"

:I don't answer such nonsense:

"I'll take that as a yes."

:Why you-:Beep beep beep:

"I never knew he had it in him!"

zzz

Kitty-cat: At last, I never thought I'd get any ideas, I swear, for someone like me its not often I run out of ideas for this stuff! Hee, Hee, that reminds me, I need to run from my friend tomorrow, I think she's still angry at me 'accidentally' doing all that mean stuff to her (pushed her in the pool, kicked her of the bed, tipped her out the canoe, the list goes on.