Three days. It had been three days since that day that she was first taken to live with Lord Sesshomaru, Jaken, and Rin. It had been three days and they had not stopped traveling. Hanako wished to just stay in one place for just one night, or at least rest for a little while. She had continuous uncomfortable nights sharing Aun's back with Rin, while his big steps kept her awake. She felt like she was about to pass out. She rinsed her face in the river she was now standing at.
She stared at her reflection in the water. She despised so much, but no one more than herself. She splashed the image away, halfway hoping to see another, but alas, her reflection was the same when the water returned still.
Seeing herself reminded her of olden days…
Hanako was lying on the floor. They were all around her, laughing at her, spitting at her, touching her in places that were not meant to be touched. She pulled the blanket over her, crying at what was happening, but they pulled it away. The noise of them playing "rock, paper, scissors" on who gets to be first was drowned out by her own sobs. Why did this have to happen to her…?She laid in the fetal position. It was happening again. She was beginning to lose control of her mind. She was beginning to fall prey to this dark memory that she kept secret in the back of her mind. But once in a while (more like everyday) the secret crept out, and tormented her already broken soul…
One, large, fat man pinned her to the floor, her lord's vassal. He was too heavy and she could not move. His hands were at her throat so she could not scream. Laughter was heard in the background as the man laid down into her and…
She began to weep. Weeping because she could not forget. She wanted to forget. She wanted to forget all of these painful memories that haunted her every day and every night. She wanted whatever had happened to her when she forgot everything the day she was enslaved to happen again. She wanted to run away. She couldn't handle the emotional burden in her heart anymore. She could never love, only hate. She was going to be sick.
She bent over to throw up, but nothing would come out. She wanted to throw up all of the pain she harbored, all of the misery, all of the memories. She wanted all of them gone…
She stuck her own two fingers down her throat and made herself throw up.
She did is again.
And again.
She threw up until her stomach was empty. The sickness inside of her was gone, and her mind was so dazed that she could not remember any more vivid memories.
She had been doing this everyday she could remember.
As her thoughts cleared, she stared at the mess she made; quite disgusting, yet necessary. She had also forgotten that she lived with others now, and they would most likely come and see it all over the ground. She quickly took dirt from all over and buried it. Hopefully, no one would find it there.
Her throat hurt so she took long sips of water from the river. She now felt somewhat clean, even though she knew she was forever tainted, but no one else had to know…
Right?
Rin approached Hanako as she was drinking from the river. "Lord Sesshomaru says that we're leaving, Hanako-chan."
Hanako jumped. She was not expected someone to be watching. "R- Rin? How long were you there!" Hanako looked quickly and nervously at the dirt that covered up her secret. "I just came," Rin said, "Why? What were you doing here?" Hanako looked guilty. She knew a child like Rin would not understand what was really happening to her. No one would.
"Oh… I was just taking a bath," she said with a small fake smile on her face. She did not want to worry Rin
"Okay then!" Rin said smiling. "We should go now!"
Hanako and Rin went to Aun, climbed on his back, and once again were off on another journey.
Hanako recalled asking Rin why they traveled so often. She had said "It is because Lord Sesshomaru is looking for Naraku so he can kill him. He has been looking for him for a while now but we still haven't found him."
She wondered why they didn't just give up. Hanako was exhausted but never once did she complain.
Sesshomaru glanced around at Hanako and Rin, who were both not as cheerful as usual (not like he cared). Rin looked bored and Hanako looked sick, her already pale skin even paler than ever, and her long hair straggly and unhealthy. Rin too looked like she had a cold.
He turned around again. "Why don't we… stop somewhere for a while?"
Jaken looked up at him. "But Lord Sesshomaru, we have just only started going again. Do you not want to find Naraku?" Sesshomaru turned to Hanako and Rin once more, and both looked at him much too tired to be shocked. Jaken looked at them too. I see… he thought. He understood that they were both women and did not have the powers of a demon, but he wished they were not with them to always hold them back. He sighed.
They stopped in a meadow. Hanako and Rin got off of Aun to go look around at where they would most likely stay the night. Hanako wanted to sleep so badly, but she knew she couldn't for she might be needed. She automatically went to go look for a source of food for Rin. Rin grabbed her arm.
"Hanako-chan should sleep." She said, "Rin-chan hogged Aun all the nights. I'm sorry."
Hanako thanked Rin and went off to sleep under a tree. She closed her eyes and sleep claimed her in only a moment.
It was too dark to see and she was running; running away from him and all of his men. They were chasing after her with a knife in their hands, and they wanted her dead. She tripped over a rot from a large tree hat was sticking out of the ground. Her leg hurt so much. She could not move.
They came for her and found her there, hiding behind the root. Her lord smiled at her; a pleasant approachable looking face. Was he to have mercy on her?
Of course not. His face soon twisted into a look so evil it didn't even look human. He took the knife and stabbed her already broken leg. She let out a cry of pain.
He stabbed the knife all the way through her leg until it stuck into the ground. It was pinned there. If she even tried to escape, her leg would be ripped apart.
There was nowhere to run…
He began removing her kimono and…
She awakened, terrified of what she had been seeing. She touched the scar on her leg. It hurt so much at that moment. Even though the wound was from so long ago, her body still kept the pain. She began to sweat until even the grass around her was wet. Her conscience then again came back, and she remembered again that she was underneath the tree where she had decided to sleep. That was in the morning. It was getting dark now. How long had she been sleeping for?
A dream… she thought, Only a dream…
Her nightmares of all those nights and mornings had been occurring more and more often. She remembered it all again. More and more she recalled everyday…
She was going to be sick.
More and more memories entered her mind. It never dawned on her how much of a problem this was becoming. She remembered her previous lord's usual commands. His most often one:
"Entertain me, my dear Hanako. Strip."
How she had despised every waking moment of her life whenever she had to do that… it was so degrading. There was nothing she could ever do about it. She was only a slave, and she had to obey her lord, whomever it may be…
She went over behind a tree to throw up again, but she heard someone coming up behind her. She turned around. It was Master Jaken.
"Good." He said, "You are awake. Lord Sesshomaru requests you" he turned and walked away. Surprised, Hanako followed. Somehow, hearing his name calmed her, knowing that he wasn't like that to her. He barely made her work at all. She was never even beaten.
Then so why was it she could not forget the past? Everything was okay now…right?
Sesshomaru sat on a rock staring up at the moon, which could only barely be seen since the sun was not done setting. He turned around to see her there. Jaken walked over to Sesshomaru.
"You requested me?" she asked.
"Yes I did." He said. He looked away from her and back at the moon. "I'm bored." He said. "Entertain me."
The words dropped down on her like the weight of the world.
No… not him too! She had thought that maybe she was safe, a few fleeting moments of desperation went by. Her fists were clenched. She couldn't bare it. She was going to die.
"I said entertain me. Just standing there is not aiding to my request." Sesshomaru looked at her, almost daring her to disobey him again.
Hanako gritted her teeth. This was her life. It hopefully will be over with soon.
She undid the bow on the back of her frock and let her clothes hang on her. Then, little by little, she began to daintily remove her clothing; starting from the top. She let her shoulders show.
Sesshomaru realized what she was doing. He ran up to her and closed her dress back up, sweating slightly, a displeased look on his face. Hanako looked at him confused. Isn't this what he wanted?
"That…is not…what I meant…" he said, almost embarrassed that she even thought that he even wanted to see that.
Her face turned bright red. She was so embarrassed that she couldn't even look at him. "I'm so sorry Lord Sesshomaru!" she began to bow.
He rolled his eyes. "Shut up Hanako." He said, "You are annoying me. I do not want to hear your apologies." He looked down at her once more. She was crying, weeping silently.
He had made her cry?
His heart softened the smallest bit but he ignored it. "I'm still bored. You are not helping. Should I get someone else since you are not worthy of me?"
She looked up at him. The saddest face he'd ever seen. "I-I'm sorry… but what am I supposed to do?" she didn't know why she was crying. The tears just needed to come out. She had been so afraid then that Sesshomaru was going to be like her other lord.
He impatiently sat back on the rock not answering her.
She could only think of one thing:
She began to sing again. Her unearthly, high-pitched voice moving through the wind and almost seemed to be settling on the stars. The wind blew her hair from behind her back.
She sang with her hands both to her heart. Sesshomaru and Jaken watched silently until the song ended. They still said nothing. Words could not describe her song.
"Was it… that bad?" she turned bright red again. She almost wanted to walk away but didn't. Something wouldn't let her.
"Fine" Sesshomaru said. He waved his hand at her. "You may sit."
She sat down on the ground.
"Lord Sesshomaru, may I ask how long we will be traveling for?" she asked.
"Until I find and defeat Naraku." He answered, his voice sounding colder.
A sudden chill filled the air.
Sesshomaru looked over towards the woods. There was no doubt about it: a demon. He stood up breathing in the air. By what he could tell, it was a very weak demon. "Hanako, go take care of the demon in the woods" he commanded. Hanako looked at him with worry all over her face. She had never really fought a demon before. He knew that too, but he was just curious to see if she could live up to what her aura portrayed her as.
She stood up and began to go into the forest. Before she left, she took a knife that she had left near the fire that she had used for sharpening a spear. She went into the woods cautiously, with nothing but fear on her mind.
"Lord Sesshomaru, don't you think you should've sent me to defeat the demon instead of that weak girl?" Jaken asked. Sesshomaru spoke completely carefree, "She'll be fine". He wouldn't admit it, but even he was slightly worried, and slightly regretted letting her go of on her own.
The forest was dark and the trees covered everything around her. She could sense the demon getting closer and closer to her. She kept the knife close to her, her only source of protection. She wanted to run back to Lord Sesshomaru. She was terrified.
She heard a noise and a giant centipede demon leaped out from the bushes. It struck her down and she bashed violently at it with the knife, causing it to bleed and fall to the ground. She didn't even know how she did that. As soon as the demon was dead, she began to notice the ominous quiet all around her. It was too quiet. She new someone was there. "Hello?" she tried to sound strong even though her heart was pumping halfway out of her chest.
She began walking back toward where Sesshomaru was waiting, but something hit her over the head, causing her to fall down. She couldn't move. She was stunned.
She felt someone's hands tighten around her shoulders. Someone flipped her around.
She saw herself staring face to face with her old lord.
"I've finally found you, at such long last." He said.
Sesshomaru sat on the rock, Jaken still next to him. Jaken was peering into the forest where Hanako had entered. "Eh… Lord Sesshomaru? It has been a while. Shouldn't she be back by now?" Sesshomaru looked at the forest and then at Jaken. "You are worried for her Jaken?" "N-No she just hasn't come out yet. Do you think she is hurt?" Sesshomaru's face was once again blank. "If there was any bloodshed, I would smell it."
But the worry never left the back of his mind.
Hanako was tied up in the woods, her old lord and his men drinking and celebrating all around. She hated them. They disgusted her, the way they all stared at her, and the way they all acted kind to her, but she could see the hatred and pure evil in their faces. The way they all looked as they deflowered her. She began to become angry, her face down and twitching. They had taken her again, and she had been weak and did not fight back.
She still had the knife. She had hidden it in her dress when no one was looking. Barely being able to move her hand since it was tied up, she got hold of the knife. She began to pull it out but accidentally cut her own skin. Blood dripped out of her side but she did not scream, so she would not draw attention. She felt suddenly determined to get free. This was a whole new feeling.
She knew that there were actual others waiting for her. She would be strong. But unfortunately it was too late. The men we gathering around her, each with lecherous smiles across their faces. She whimpered quietly. It was all over now. Lord Sesshomaru… she thought before her mind went blank, please help me…
Sesshomaru's head turned quickly toward the forest. He smelled it: blood. Hanako's blood. His heart stopped. He felt a cold rush of blood. Something had happened. He was worried and he did not know why.
He got up. He ran as fast as he could, almost flying over the ground. Where was she? His heart was racing now. Hanako… if something happened to you I… what am I thinking? He stopped this thought from completing itself. He could not understand why he felt this way… especially about his own slave.
He ran and ran , still unable to locate her. He looked everywhere all around and there was no sign of her. Until he began to pick up her scent… from deeper in the woods. He ran deeper to find the most shocking thing he had ever seen in his life.
Hanako's white frock had been cast aside on a tree. There she was, her face completely blank, quivering, and all wrapped up in a large brown blanket. She looked dead. There were mortal men about, playing rocks, paper, scissors for who knows why. He watched confused until the winner began to climb on top of her.
Now he understood what was going on.
He flew over to her and the man and decapitated him right on the spot. Hanako still lay there, completely dead; her conscience mind was gone. The other men took their weapons. "A DEMON" they shouted! "DESTROY IT!" Hanako's old lord retreated. He would never loose his life. Sesshomaru gave them all one killing stare and they all stopped immediately. "RETREAT MEN!" one shouted. With that, they were gone, leaving the traumatized Hanako behind, still wrapped up in a blanket. She would not move. She didn't even know he was there yet.
He looked down at her. "Hanako, who are those fools?" Hanako did not respond.
Jaken came running into the scene like a raging idiot. "Lord Sesshomaru! What on earth is going…" he stopped and saw Hanako in the blanket, "Oh…"
Sesshomaru bent down. "Why were they doing that to you?" Hanako still did not respond. Her worst nightmare had just come true. Her head was about to split in half. "Don't" she said in a half-dead voice, "Go away." "No." he said, "What is going on Hanako? I believe there is something you need to tell me."
A man… another one… kill him… stay away from me!Those were the only thoughts she was thinking now.
The dead expression on her face twisted into a devilish anger. She took the knife that she still had with her in the blanket.
She gripped it tighter than she ever gripped anything before. All of her hatred and pain focusing in on her hand which slowly brought up the knife from underneath…
She stabbed him… straight in the chest.
"I said… go away." Her voice was not her own. She was possessed by something.
Blood poured out of Sesshomaru's chest as he stared at her in complete horror.
Jaken gasped at the sight of the slave even daring to stab Lord Sesshomaru.
What is going on!