Sesshomaru clenched his chest. He new however that he would not die; a simple stab could never kill a demon as powerful as him. The bleeding soon ceased.
Jaken hit Hanako with his staff. "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!" he yelled at her. Hanako blinked a few times and her normal consciences came back. She stared in horror at the bloody knife she held in her hand. Then she looked at Sesshomaru with his chest bleeding.
She remembered it all. The men coming back. Stabbing him out of complete fear and anger.
Now she was about to break down. She had no idea how big of a problem this had all become… no idea at all…
She began to sob. "I'm so sorry lord Sesshomaru… I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to… I am so sorry…" she sobbed for long moments, groveling to him. She was not herself. She couldn't keep this all to herself anymore.
Sesshomaru looked at the sobbing girl with an expression of amusement. "Enlighten me, Hanako," he began, "What is it that made you assault me?"
It was all getting worse for her now; the pain all over the inside of her body. She began to sweat blood.
Sweating blood… Sesshomaru thought, a condition that only happens to those who are under great amounts of pain and stress… The amused look left his face, and now he showed a much softer expression. Something here was not right. "What happened to you?" He couldn't ignore it anymore. He was completely concerned for her well being. He was concerned for another. This was a first for him.
He remembered back to what Jaken had said the day he had purchased her, or taken really…
"By the looks of her she has been badly mistreated, and who knows what sort of diseases she carries! Her lord probably cast her away because she was unfaithful and disobedient."
Hanako has been mistreated?
He looked over to her. She was still rolled up in the brown blanket, crying her eyes out. He reached for her arm to help her up but she flinched and hid herself completely inside the blanket. "Please don't look at me. I don't want you to see me like this."
"What more is there left to see? I believe I've seen it all… but I don't believe I know it all." Hanako peeked her head out from the blanket. "Huh?"
He sat down in front of her, as if he was waiting to be amused by something. "Tell me everything Hanako. It has to do with those men, doesn't it?" From getting to know Hanako better, he understood that her and human men do not get along well.
"I can't, Lord Sesshomaru. I can't ever say it," she said quietly. She had stopped crying now. She had no more tears left to cry.
Jaken came up next to his lord, increasingly intrigued by Hanako's secret.
"Remember your place," he said, "You are a slave, and you do what I command you to do. And now I command you to tell me everything. I don't care, I'm just curious." But he did care. He couldn't even begin to imagine, after what he just saw, what other things had probably have happened to her in previous times.
"It was all my fault… all my fault… I didn't fight back. And I didn't run away." She began with a dark, morbid sounding voice. He could tell just by listening to her that she was recalling something horrible.
"I didn't know what was going on…" she cringed while speaking, her voice growing quieter and quieter with each word until she was whispering, "I wasn't even ready yet! I was still a virgin!"
Those words made Sesshomaru's head spin around to look at her. What had she just said? Is this true? Could her previous lord possibly have…?
"Hanako… what are you saying…?" he asked, almost unable to speak.
The answer was all over her face. The shameful look of pure misery and hatred, regrets and pain.
"Jaken" Sesshomaru called, "Leave us."
"B-but why?" Jaken didn't even care about Hanako. He just wanted to hear the rest of her tragic story.
"Leave now Jaken. This is much more serious than I thought." He waved his hand at him in order to dismiss him.
The selfish and disappointed Jaken left, confused at why it was almost as if Sesshomaru actually cared for the girl, and wanted to help her.
Sesshomaru took one long gaze at Hanako, whose face was still wet from tears, her eyes glittering. "Just what sort of things did they do to you?" he asked, his voice suddenly different from before. It was now more soothing, and calm. Hanako looked away from him. "I'm sorry, but that I can never repeat." She shivered slightly, shaking away the pain.
"I order you to repeat it." Sesshomaru said, his voice returning to normal. He too had noticed the change of his actions toward the girl. Why did she make him feel this way? Why did he actually even care…?
Because what happened to her wasn't right.
She told him everything; including every little detail she could possible think of. She had no idea this entire time how badly she wanted to tell someone, how badly she wanted to cry for help.
Every word that Hanako spoke only disgusted him more and more. The expression on his face only grew more and more shocked. The things that these samurai men had done to her, he was sure no one else could have ever thought of. She even told him about her throwing up problem that only shocked him even more.
"Have you ever been with child?"
She was silent. Taking a deep breath, she said the words that had long plagued her.
"Yes."
"You have a child?" Now he was even more shocked. Hanako did not seem like the type to just abandon a child, or the type to be a mother.
She was once again silent, her tears coming back to her eyes. "I-I've had five miscarriages, a-and one premature birth…" she wept again, remembering the darkest of her memories. "She was born a month early… but she seemed okay. It was my fault she died!" She brought her hands to her heart, remembering her daughter's face. Smiling slightly, she continued:
"I had to give birth by myself, no one would help me. It was dark and I was alone and afraid, but I knew I'd be okay. She was a little girl, my daughter. I had named her Koryu. It was the first night she spent alive in this cruel world…" her smile faded. "I-it was cold… and she was crying. My lord kicked us out of his manor because she was loud." Now she bowed her head in shame. "I did whatever I could to keep her warm. We were high up in the mountains and it was snowing… but she didn't survive…!" She buried her head in her hands. "But I did! I survived! I should've been the one who died! Not Koryu! She was just a newborn child!"
Hanako had been a mother? Sesshomaru thought, and her child froze to death in the cold… Sesshomaru understood the connection between a mother and her child. If the child was to die, the mother usually never was the same again. It was amazing how Hanako even still managed to lead a normal life… or somewhat normal at least. It was amazing how she didn't just curl up and die.
"Didn't you despise it?" he asked, his voice softer again, "The child I mean… since the father was one of those men?" he realized how badly he felt and tried to once again conceal it.
"Never! It wasn't her fault!" she looked at him angrily, appalled that he would even assume that she would despise her own child. "I'm sorry lord Sesshomaru. I didn't mean to bother you with my petty problems…" she wiped her eyes. "But I just can't stand this! I can't even stand the thought of men!"
Sesshomaru turned away from her. He couldn't bear to look at her pathetic looking face anymore. "Hanako… you do know that not everyone is like that…" He shook his head. He had no idea that she had been so troubled. She had the wrong idea about the entire situation. None of it was her fault. He didn't know how to console her. He knew that the only thing that would comfort her was a long embrace, but that he could not give to her.
The scent of blood came from behind him. He spun around to see Hanako staring at her own slit wrist. He snorted. He couldn't stand it when people did this kind of thing. "Fool. Suicide will get you nowhere." He took the sash off of his armor. He bent down and wrapped it around her arm to stop the bleeding. She flinched at his touch, not allowing him to tie it the rest of the way. He backed away from her. "I'm sorry," she said, "No one can touch me anymore…" He ignored her and tied the rest of the sash, despite how much she was shivering. The sash was so tight that she thought that she'd loose her circulation (even though that might be good since she wanted to die anyway). "I don't want to go on living any longer…" she said meekly. "I'm insane aren't I? This whole this has made me insane! No one can even touch me without me flinching!"
Sesshomaru recalled when he had first approached her and had tried to help her up. She had flinched and hid herself even more underneath the blanket. He knew he had some sort of responsibility over her, her being his slave. Could he assist her in any way?
But also because she was his slave, he had the right to just leave her there with all of her miseries. It was something that he normally would not want to put up with, and yet he strangely felt compelled to stay with the girl. He looked down into her big, innocent pair of golden eyes. At that moment, his heart softened.
Sesshomaru rolled his eyes, not showing his change of heart. He did not show it, but it pained him so to know that she wanted to end her own life.
She quivered. "You may leave if you wish," she stated, looking away from him. All of the embarrassment of him knowing her deepest secrets dawned on her. Him, being her lord, did not need to know such personal things. It was not like he even cared anyway. She was just a slave.
He turned back to her, an annoyed expression on his face. "Get your facts straight!" he yelled, walking over to her. He slammed his hand down on her shoulder. "None of this was your fault, you fool! It was theirs; they're the ones responsible! You were the victim; you have nothing to be guilty about!" he paused, lowering his voice so it would not look like he was scolding her. "Your child's death wasn't your fault either. You did all you could to keep it alive. That man was the one who cast you out of the manor anyway…" She stared up at him. She was completely shocked at the fact that he was actually trying to help her, but also…
He saw how shocked she was. "What!" he said, "What is it?"
"You are touching my shoulder…" she said quietly, "and I did not flinch…"
He looked down at his hand on her shoulder. He had done it without knowing when he was yelling at her. He did not recall her flinching. Why was this?
She lifted up her own hand to touch his. "I guess…it is okay sometimes… to be touched…" She closed her eyes. Was she getting better? She smiled a warm smile at him, beaming brighter than the sun. He looked back at her. He had never been this close to her before. She looked rather pretty, despite her sickly pale skin, and the dark circles around her eyes. Not to mention her straggly hair.
They sat there examining each other; each one of their minds completely blank.
What the hell am I doing? He thought. He took his hand away and stood. His heart was beating faster and faster. He put his hand over his chest, completely confused. Why was he thinking thoughts like that at a time like this? He shook them away.
"Get changed." He commanded, his voice shaking slightly, "I am going to show you something." He sat down on a rock, his back to her. "Go"
On command, she got her frock that had been cast aside on the tree and put it on. She smoothed her hair down and walked up towards him. "What are you going to show me lord Sesshomaru?" she asked, slightly curious. He picked up one of the men's garments that had been left behind. He smelled it; determined to remember the scent. He sniffed the open air around him; finding a trail of the scent leading to his left. "Climb on my back," he said, "We are traveling."
Hanako awkwardly climbed on his back and he took off. They were going very fast, Sesshomaru following the trail of the scent that was on the garment.
She thought back to what he had said to her before:
"You were the victim; you have nothing to be guilty about!"
"Your child's death wasn't your fault either. You did all you could to keep it alive."
They were probably not meant to affect much, and probably said cold-heartedly, but even so… they had a lot of power. She could cherish them forever.
She clung tighter to her lord, her arms around his neck so she could keep herself on him. She let her head rest on his back. He was warm, and his swift movements and the wind around them soothed her. She cuddled closer to him. From now on, she was to devote her entire life to him. He had saved her from herself.
She believed it was that day when she developed a particular liking for him. She wanted to be at his side… always…forever…
He stopped suddenly at a clearing.
Hanako lifted her head. She saw the men gathered around a fire drinking rum. She shivered and cuddled even closer to him in fear. Why had he taken her here? Was he to betray her?
He set her down slowly, putting her delicate body onto the ground. It was so strange. He did not want to put her down. He had liked how her body had fir perfectly onto his. He turned to her. "Wait here. I will only be but a moment. But watch." He walked into the clearing over towards the men. They all twisted their heads over to stare at him. One shouted out. "IT'S THE DEMON FROM BEFORE!" They all got up in a panic and began to retreat. Sesshomaru let the poison gather in his talons, and with one swift movement of his arm, he struck them. They were all dead at once. One still remained, running away into the bushes. He was dressed in more expensive clothes and armor. He was the leader, the one who was most likely Hanako's old lord; the one who had raped her. He chased after him, grabbing him and bringing him back to Hanako. The man cowered in fear.
Hanako backed away from him. Just the sight of him terrified her. Sesshomaru threw him down at Hanako's feet and stepped on him. She froze and did not move.
"Look at him. This is the one you feared. This fool right here is the one you cried about."
Hanako stared at him, her hatred steaming.
Sesshomaru stomped on his head, causing his neck to break. The deed was done. He was dead. "Now you can live in peace, free of his captivity." He said completely carefree.
Hanako looked down at her old lord's corpse lying dead on the ground, and then to the carnage around her. All of them…dead…gone…away from her life. Lord Sesshomaru had given her a revenge of some sort. But wasn't it a bit overdone? Why had he cared anyway? She said nothing to him, knowing it was a rare act of some sort of twisted kindness; one of the few she would ever see towards her (or so she thought) and did not want to tell him that she was not completely pleased. No one deserved to die. She almost felt badly for them…
She gave him a weak smile of satisfaction. He nodded to her and started walking away. "Let us go back," he said, "So you can… clean yourself off…"
Her face was expressionless. She had expected him to leave her. She had expected him to not want someone as tainted as herself behind him as his slave. How was it that he accepted her…?
"Are you coming?" he said turning to her. He saw her smiling at him, her face completely lit up. She happily ran up to him. "Yes, Lord Sesshomaru!" she said. He ignored the warm feeling in his heart and began to walk back, her following behind him. "Lord Sesshomaru?" she called. He turned to her once more to see her smiling up at him. "What is it?"
"Thank you"