Disclaimer: I do NOT own these characters in any way, shape, or form. If I did I'd be Jonathan Larson, which I am not. So yeah...
Notes: Definitely post-RENT. Mark's not the only one in Roger's life, and Mark finds out the truth. Don't ask me where this came from. I was a bit depressed earlier, and when I get depressed I listen to NIN, and while listening to this song, I swear I heard Mark telling me I HAD to write it. Believe you me, he was PISSED! The song is first so you get the jist of it, followed by the story. It's short. PS... go hear the song. xD (This song could also be for Mark/Maureen). Go to the LJ community (underscore)rentfic for the song. Since songfics are no longer allowed, I didn't wanna put the song. It's not a songfic per sé, but it goes with the song That's What I Get from NIN (Nine Inch Nails for those who don't know).
That's What I Get
I gave him everything he ever wanted, even if it meant giving up something I didn't want to give up. I sacrificed everything for him. EVERYTHING… even my life.
The signs were all there. He flashed me that smile, that, if-I-stare-at-it-too-long-I-might-melt-into-a-pool-of-goo smile. He was sweet to me. He knew exactly what to say, and how to say it; He told me I was cute. I've never had a guy tell me I was cute. It was… strange at first, but he seemed a little on the odd side so I never gave it a second thought.
He came to me in the middle of the night; crawled into my bed and started kissing me. I didn't know what to do, what to say, but I let it happen. It was awkward at first, but kissed him back. It… felt right, which frightened me, but I loved it. I wanted it. I realized that all his flirting had made me blush; it made me feel special. No one had ever done that for me. I gave into him that night while he whispered promises into my ear.
I gave myself to him, and he took it, for a little while. Always knew how to get me to do anything he ever wanted, and I'd do it, no questions asked. And if I did ask questions he'd hush me, and tell me not to worry about it.
I took care of him when he needed me most, and was always there for him even if he didn't want me there. Things kept changing. First one girl, then another; He'd tell me he was scared to be with me so I told him it was all right. I told him to have his girlfriends… if anything, to save face. We still met behind closed doors, and walls with no ears, but it became scarce. One girl died, then the other… leaving us to be together again.
And we were together… for a little while. It was the best; no, I can't say it was the best time of my life, but it was a trying time. He kept pushing me away from him. Saying things like, "I can't right now," or, "maybe later…" I got 'maybe later' often. Then it turned into, "I don't feel well," which in turn made me want to take care of him, and make sure he wasn't getting any sicker.
Then there was a huge turnaround on his part. He became the man I wanted, the man that showered me with love, and caring, and understanding. He showed me how to truly pleasure him, and I did it, and he loved it. I told him I'd never leave him, and he told me forever.
Then I found out… he was only doing it because he was feeling guilty. I wasn't the only one. He told me I was the only one, but he'd been lying to me. He'd been lying to me the entire time. Every time he told me, "I love you", I believed him. I believed every fucking word out of his lying mouth.
How could I have been so stupid? How could I have been so fucking blind? He made me believe it all. He made me think everything we had was real, was true. But they were all lies. LIES! It had all been so perfect… I trusted him.
That's what I get.