Title: Making Conversation
Author: Su Freund
E-mail: See bio
Website: www ficwithfins com (insert . instead of spaces in the address)
Category: Romance
Content Level: Age 13+ An adult only version of this story is posted on my site at the above address.
Content Warnings: Sexual situations and minor use of mild language
Pairings: Jack & Sam
Season: 8/9
Spoilers: Threads and S8 in general, plus references to S9 spoiler rumours
Summary: Alone at the cabin, Jack and Sam spend some quality time together
Sequel/Series Info: Sequel to Conversation Interrupted
Status: Complete
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2005 Su Freund
Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net
Author's Note: Eternal thanks are due to my wonderful beta reader, Bonnie, for correcting me when I erred and her everlasting patience. On my site, a wonderful book cover illustrates this fic, made by Fulinn28 from a photo manipulation of Jack and Sam by Jodie Marie and can be seen at the above address.
Making ConversationWhen they entered the bedroom, he stopped and placed his hands on her cheeks, stooping for a kiss. His hands shook as he nuzzled her neck, biting her shoulder and nibbling her earlobe, his breath like a whisper in her ear. Sam shivered with anticipation, and fear, and she could sense his trepidation because she felt it too.
She was so nervous that it was tempting to push him away and run, despite her feelings of love and desire. The urge was difficult to stop but it even harder to pull herself away from him. The feel of him so close, touching her in a way that had always been forbidden to them, made her slightly giddy.
They both felt vulnerable, fearful of expectations and disappointments, or that they might not be able to face each other afterwards. Tentatively, her hand wandered under his shirt, stroking his back.
"Sam, you're shaking."
"So are you."
"I didn't think… I'd be this nervous." He confessed, biting his lip as if he needed to use some kind of gesture to confirm it.
This response surprised Sam. As before, he was exposing his vulnerability in a way she had never anticipated. She expected macho, witty maleness, and she got that too, but also so much more. It gave her a thrill to have him open up to her, even a little, and a confession of weakness was a lot for Jack O'Neill.
He was a deep, unfathomable man and she knew there was a lot more to him than he allowed most people to see. She would catch the occasional glimpse before he hid behind his public façade, and it was part of what made her love him: knowing it was there, wanting to find it and wishing he would expose it to her. She longed to dig deep and get to know and love every part of him, everything that was right, and everything that was wrong. He was allowing himself to start letting go with her, and she craved that.
For his part, Jack hoped that this was the start of a new life, and a second chance at love, a little happiness and maybe a family, if he was very lucky. There was something about this fresh start that encouraged a need to be as open and honest as he dared, and he was beginning to dare. Sam deserved more than the bitter old man he could become, and with her in his life maybe he could choose a different path to the one he'd foreseen for himself.
"It's okay, Jack, because I'm nervous too." More than nervous; scared stiff - but also thrilled. It was an odd and unsettling sensation that she couldn't recall having before.
"I don't want to let you down." He whispered more to himself perhaps than to her.
"I can't believe that will happen." Sam declared with way more confidence in him than she had in herself.
"No pressure then, huh?" His lips turned up in a wisp of a smile.
"Jack, I don't want to let you down either."
"That seems unlikely. I guess we're both jittery. Come, sit."
He led her to the bed, urging her to sit down, and then sat next to her, arm around her shoulder, hand softly caressing her arm.
"We'll take this real slow, okay?" he asked and she nodded assent.
He started with a gentle and loving kiss, tentative at first but deepening as she responded, and his fingertips softly explored her cheeks, neck and arms. Kissing her face with light pecks around her lips, and jawbone, he worked down to her pale, slender neck. He'd always admired that neck from afar, wanting to nestle into it, and he did so now, moving to her shoulders and then back again, all the while enfolding her safely in his arms, or caressing her hair and back.
Meanwhile, her hand rested on the base of his spine, fingers gently moving until, eventually, she ventured to roam under his shirt again, feeling a little more relaxed. Her other hand fondled his hair and scalp, with an occasional foray to his neck. If they had but known it, they had a mutual admiration for each other's necks.
Kissing her mouth again, his tongue gradually delving inside, he fingered the bare skin under her top and she shuddered. When he stopped the kiss Sam pulled back from him and dared to do what he was building slowly towards, boldly removing her t-shirt. She watched his expression, which showed pleasure mixed with surprise.
Removing her bra with skill, he sat admiring her for a while, softly brushing her skin with his fingers, causing her to shiver with delight.
"Beautiful," he uttered, realising his hand was still shaking and wishing he could calm his nerves.
A long held dream was becoming reality after many years of yearning and he should have been prepared for the anxiety that this moment would bring, but wasn't. He wondered whether he would ever stop feeling this way and whether he wanted to. There was something wonderful and erotic about those feelings, as well as fearful.
In the past he had been a confident lover. With Sam it was different and the difference was a mixture of sexual tension and a depth of feeling he was only just beginning to allow himself to feel, touch and taste. It was both scary and glorious. They had spent years building walls between them. Now, the walls were coming down. He just had to take it slowly, brick by brick, and everything would be alright – he fervently hoped.
Sam could feel his trepidation and placed her hand over his, stroking it gently with her fingertips, trying to still his nerves while continuing to tremble with her own. She lifted it to her mouth, kissing his palm, and then his fingers, and rubbed a thumb over his chin, forcing his eyes to meet hers.
Noticing him swallow hard, as if only now realising the enormity of what they were doing, she smiled by way of encouragement. Jack returned the smile with a sexy crooked one so typical of him, his eyes glistening with emotion that she knew he might never express in words.
"We'll be alright, Jack, won't we?" she asked and he nodded.
"We'll be great, Sam." He replied, with more conviction than he felt inside. That he wanted it to be did not make it so.
This was Jack O'Neill. Oh god, this was real! She wanted him so badly but the reality, her fantasy made real, seemed almost surreal. He was such a sexy, sensual man and he wanted her. Wanted her? Why would he want her? She was so ordinary by comparison. She was just plain Sam Carter; scientist and all round geek. Dull, boring - ordinary. Would she live up to his fantasies about her? Would a man of his way more vast experience find her gauche ?
It was clear that he felt nervous too and she wondered if he had similar fears, suspecting that he did. Maybe not exactly the same ones, but definitely something. This thought allowed her to regain some of her earlier courage and she kissed his chest.
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this for." He said.
"You and me both, Jack."
"You really are beautiful," he said as he surveyed her with a practised eye.
"So you say," she smiled. "You're not so bad yourself, you know."
"Well if you think so, that's what counts." He was smiling but she could see the hint of a blush.
"You're a very sexy man." His blush deepened. "You don't take compliments very well do you, Jack?"
"Not really."
Nervously, he caressed and kissed her, his courage growing along with hers and they both relaxed with each other, adjusting to their new situation. When they were ready, he made love to her, delighted and thrilled by her reactions, and his own, and filled with a sense of peace and total satisfaction.
"Thank you Sam, that was-was amazing." he declared in a whisper.
"For me too." She agreed, snuggling in as close as she could.
"Was it? I wanted it to be."
"It was the best, Jack."
"You don't have to bullshit me," he genuinely needed that affirmation, but not a white lie.
"No bullshit."
She looked up into his eyes and he believed her. A wave of pleasure and self-satisfaction ran through him. He wanted to be the best for her, everything she had ever dreamed. He wanted to bond her with him forever.
They stayed silent for a long time, enjoying the afterglow of sex, clinging together and stoking each other's backs and necks with tenderness brought on by love and friendship rather than lust. Both were replete with a sense of completeness and fulfilment.
"It feels great to be this close to you at last Jack." Sam said, breaking their self imposed silence. "I always wanted this, and more." She ventured.
"More? What does that mean?"
"That I want us to get even closer."
"Is it possible to feel closer to you than I do right now?" he queried.
"I don't know, you tell me."
She was fondling his hair, looking into his dark brown eyes, trying to fathom his feelings.
"I love you Sam, is that what you want to know?"
"It's a start, and it helps." She fondly kissed his lips. "Do you really love me?"
"You doubt it?"
"You've never said it."
"I have now and I mean it Sam. Never doubt it. You are the most important person in my life, you have to know that." He was surprised that she was so uncertain of him. "From the moment you walked into it, I was turned upside down. That attraction grew into… this over the years… something special."
He stopped, unable to express his intent, and returned her brief gentle kiss, running a finger over her cheek.
"I'm not so good with words, Sam. I hoped our lovemaking would show you how I feel. I just want to make you happy."
"I was so scared you didn't feel the same."
"How does anyone know if they feel the same? I know I love you. I know I'm committed to you. I know I've felt that way for so long that I almost don't recall when I first realised it. And I know that the idea of you marrying someone else, of losing you forever, came close to breaking me. I might not be so good at showing this stuff, but I'm feeling it. I wish I'd told you how I felt a long time ago. I wish I'd been free to."
"Oh Jack!" She exclaimed happily, "I wish you had too. I never wanted to cause you pain. I wish I hadn't…"
"Don't regret it, Sam. You needed someone in your life and it couldn't be me. I wanted it to be, but it wasn't possible."
"And it is now?"
"All that matters is now."
"That doesn't answer my question. You're still my CO. It's no more possible than it was before, but I want it to be. What do we do? I don't want the regs to be hanging over our heads, dragging us down. I want this to work, or have a darned good try at it. "
He propped himself up on one elbow, continuing to caress her face and met her gaze
"I want that too. I need to tell you something." He hesitated, biting his bottom lip with uncertainty, and she raised her eyebrows in query, encouraging him to continue. "I'm leaving the SGC."
"What?" her eyes widened in shock and dismay and he continued to caress her reassuringly.
"I'm being re-assed. Don't look at me like that!" She bore an expression of reproach.
"How long have you known?"
"A little while. I was told not to tell, honest, but I had to tell you Sam. Now this has happened how can I not tell you?
"We do this and then you tell me you're leaving?"
"I won't be your CO anymore. That's a good thing, right?"
"Only from a regs point of view. But it also probably means you're leaving Colorado, Jack, leaving me, and that isn't so good. Does it mean that?" She looked disturbed by her thoughts.
"Yes, but Jeez, Sam, you don't think I'd do this – start this - if I didn't intend to continue it, do you? This isn't just a passing affair, or not for me."
"Nor me. So tell me." She demanded.
"Hammond's had enough. He's retiring at last and I'm replacing him as Head of Homeland Security."
"Oh!"
"It's a good career move but maybe not so good for us. I'll be in Washington a lot."
"Oh!"
"Aren't you going to say something else?"
"I don't know what to say."
"I guess it resolves a lot, but also adds a few problems."
"It adds a lot of problems, Jack, and not just for us. What about the SGC? What about Daniel and Teal'c? What about me?"
"Come with me."
"What?" she was stunned.
"We could arrange an assignment for you in Washington. It doesn't have to be permanent."
"Leave the SGC?"
He wondered what she was thinking, whether she was prepared to do that for them, or whether she considered the SGC more important. His own fears started to surface. She said she loved him, but was it enough? Her career was all important to her, and that meant it was important to him too.
"If you don't want to do that, we'll manage. I'll come back to the Springs as often as I can, and you can come visit me in Washington. It won't be forever."
"Are you suggesting I live with you in Washington?" she had to be sure of exactly what he was proposing.
"Yes, but only if that's what you want. I'm not about to do anything to screw with your career, Sam. I don't have to take up the posting. I could retire. Maybe it's time."
"God, my career's important Jack, but I would give it all up to be with you." She confessed.
Sam knew it sounded trite and ridiculous. Where was Sam Carter the strong, determined career woman? But she realised she meant it and it was almost as much of a surprise to her as it was to him. Jack felt a wave of relief wash through him, all doubts about them gone in an instant.
"I love you for who and what you are." He responded, softly stroking her cheek and smiling.
Sam felt her own wave of relief and, despite her thoughts about giving it all up for him, she wondered how she would have reacted if he had said that's what he wanted. She would never have anticipated him wanting that. Jack was no Pete Shannahan, who she suspected would have welcomed such a move on her part, if not openly encouraged it. Jack respected her for being her own woman, for what she did and the person she was.
"I'm not asking you to do that and I never would," Jack continued. "Nor do want you to. I guess it's good to know that you would though."
He lay down beside her again, enfolding her in his arms and squeezing her gently.
"You can't retire." She said.
"Wanna bet? Sam, I love you and that's become the most important thing in my life now. I've given everything to the damned Air Force, to my country, my planet - dammit, the whole freakin' universe! I've already sacrificed too much and it's time I got something for myself, something good. You're something good. A whole lot more than good. You're what I want more than all of the rest."
"Jack O'Neill, your country still needs you!" She declared forcefully. "I don't think either of us should rush to give up the other things that we love. What if we don't work? What if in 6 months time, a year, or whenever, we decide that we aren't enough?"
"You think I would regret having tried? I won't."
"You might."
"You're worth the risk. Let's not start this thing by imagining ways we could break up, okay? There are no certainties in life, Sam, no safe bets."
Those last words startled her, echoing as they did her thoughts months ago about Jack being her safe bet; the excuse that was stopping her getting on with life outside of the SGC. Turns out he was no excuse, but a very good reason.
"I'll come to Washington with you Jack, if we can manage it."
"You will?" he was thrilled. "We can get you a temporary assignment. You can go back to the SGC whenever you want to, or if you're needed. You don't have to give that up."
The prospect of living with Jack in Washington, or anywhere, was both terrifying and exhilarating.
"Okay, we'll work it out." She said, her calm demeanour belying her inner turmoil.
"We could get married." He blurted.
Immediately he regretted those words, not because it wasn't what he wanted, it was and he was certain of it, but fearful that it was too soon, too much too quickly, and that Sam would find the concept overwhelming right now, or even worse, ridiculous. 'Should have waited, Jack,' he thought.
Had he spoiled their special moment, he wondered? She'd only just broken off one engagement and he was asking her to leap into another. 'Fool, Jack!' he berated himself.
"But we don't have to. Whatever you want Sam." He added with haste, heart pattering madly while he waited for a reaction.
"Married?" She responded.
'In for a penny. Can't deny you said it now, Jack, it's too late," he thought.
"It's probably not such a great prospect, and it certainly isn't a romantic way of askin', but one day, maybe? Tomorrow, next year, whenever it feels right for you, if it ever does."
"Married?" She repeated, still stunned by the notion.
"Forget I mentioned it," he said hastily, self-doubt overwhelming him. "Just come to Washington. That's more than enough. We can play it by ear." He hoped his words hadn't put her off the original plan.
"Forget you mentioned it? You propose to a woman and then ask her to forget you mentioned it? Jack, it's not the sort of proposition a woman forgets easily."
"Forget I ever said it. Please Sam. I know it's way too soon and I should never have said it." He was filled with foreboding, thinking he'd totally screwed it all up. 'Jeez Jack you couldn't just keep your mouth shut and leave it alone.'
Sam picked up on his misgivings and knew they were not his own but what he believed were hers. He still did not understand her depth of feeling for him and this should not have surprised her. Jack could be brash, seemingly cocky and over confident, but she knew him better. Inside, he was self-effacing, modest and, in some ways, not entirely confident of himself, despite all outward appearances.
Only when you got to know him better did this become obvious. They had known each other for so long and been through too much together for it to have escaped Sam's attention, however much he might have tried to hide it.
"You think I haven't fantasised about becoming Mrs O'Neill one day, Jack?" She asked and he looked at her with astonishment. "Believe me, I have. Way too many times than is good for me. Even when I was planning the wedding with Pete I was thinking it should be you." That shocked but pleased him.
"Poor Pete," Jack said, "he never stood a chance. I wish I'd known. All that jealously, pain and frustration. I wish we'd both been more courageous."
"Me too."
She kissed him and then pushed him back, extricating herself from his embrace, and moving to sit astride his thighs.
"One day I want to be Mrs O'Neill, Jack, and fulfil that fantasy, but it probably is too soon. Let's try that living together in Washington thing first, huh?"
He nodded and smiled, stroking her thighs, relief flooding through him once again. It seemed he hadn't spoiled it after all. Sam leaned down to kiss him, her breasts brushing against his chest and making him shiver. Slowly, she proceeded to seduce him, taking control and exploring him as she had wanted to earlier.
They spent most of the day in bed, wanting to maintain that feeling of mental and physical proximity. Jack got up to get food and drink, bringing it back to bed with him, and they fed each other seductively, which turned into a silly food fight, followed by more lovemaking.
Later, they bathed together, deciding they really should get up and dressed for dinner, even if the boys hadn't returned. Jack still suspected that they would not see their friends again until the following afternoon and blessed them for their thoughtfulness. They didn't hear from them but didn't worry. Getting a decent cell phone signal could be tricky around these parts, and they didn't know where Daniel and Teal'c had ended up going.
When they finally realised for sure that their old team-mates would not return, it left them free to sleep in the same bed for the first time, something they both wanted more than they had even imagined. If Daniel and Teal'c had returned they might have felt restrained, but they didn't.
Maybe by the next evening they would be happy to confess to their friends and acknowledge their relationship openly, it would become obvious to them quickly enough, but for now they were happy that they did not have to. It was good to be alone and free to do as they pleased.
They did not want to part, constantly feeling the urge to touch each other lovingly, demonstrating their newfound love, and certainly they wanted to spend as many nights together as they could. This was nothing to do with sex and everything to do with love, and their long years of being unable to be demonstrative, or be together.
This first ever night was one they would never forget. They were too tired to make love, and didn't want to. What they wanted was to sleep peacefully in each other's arms, contemplating and dreaming about a future together, and this is exactly what they did. Tomorrow, they'd go fishing.
The End