Shadows of Light

"Today you will be brewing the Pervian potion. Can anyone tell me the main use for this potion, or have you all conveniently forgotten your summer assignment?" His sneer was directed at the Gryffindors and is heart almost stopped when his gaze swung to Potter who had his hand in the air.

"Potter can you not control your bodily functions until after my lesson has finished?" The Slytherins sniggered but the boy just smiled slightly and kept his hand in the air. He sighed before asking.

"Yes Potter."

"Sir the Pervian potion, when ingested, causes the drinkers skin to change colour depending on it's strength, it is mainly used by wizards wishing to camouflage into the background without casting an invisibility charm." Did he just wink at him?

What he had said was true, but he couldn't give the boy points, it would be reputational suicide, not to mention what would happen when young Mr Malfoy reported home. But hadn't the boy described the effects of the potion as well as the usage. He hadn't asked for that.

Now he was certain it had been a wink.

"While it is obvious that you have been receiving lectures from Miss Granger, you failed to listen to the question carefully. 5 points from Gryffindor for giving more information then necessary. You would be wise to remember that the least information given the better. Now moving on, the ingredient list is on the board, the ingredients are in the cupboards, begin."

There he had done it; he'd taken points but given useful advice at the same time. Sure he'd been trying to do that for years, but this time it actually seemed to have worked. Obviously Potter was genuine in his gratitude for helping his Godfather.

Just as he was reaching to begin marking some papers, before stalking around the class, an explosion to his right drew his attention and he sighed to himself.
"Mr Longbottom clear that up immediately, and 5 points from Gryffindor for your carelessness."

It would seem that some people were simply beyond his help.

It was a week later before he saw him again.

He'd been busy catching up on all he had missed as a fugitive and Snape had been busy with teaching, but he was already seated when Sirius arrived late for the Order meeting. Sitting in the free chair beside Snape, he was met with a raised eyebrow and a spreading smirk.

Let the games begin.

"And we thought you had forgotten about us while you relished in your freedom. I had such high hopes."

"Like I could forget you, Snape. What with your charming personality and all, it would be hopeless to even try."

Everyone but Albus was watching them with trepidation, but before any more could be said the old wizard spoke, his eyes twinkling brightly at the two of them, before addressing the rest of the order.

"Now that we are all here, I would first like to take the time to officially congratulate Sirius on justice finally made." There was loud agreement at this, but Snape was unusually silent, glaring daggers at the purple robed wizard that stood in front of them. Sirius didn't understand the reaction until a question reached his ears.

"Did you find out who it was yet Sirius?" It was Molly Weasley that spoke, and he felt more than saw Snape tense beside him. So he still didn't want to be known, he could live with that, after all he did owe him quite a lot.

"Well actually..." he paused as Snape lowered his head in resignation, his hair falling like a black curtain around his face, and he began to shrink away trying to disappear into the background.
"No," he finished.

Snape's head shot up so fast he was sure the wizard would have whiplash. He met his questioning gaze with a wide smile and hoped to convey the reasons behind his answer with the look. At Snape's barely detectable nod, he knew that he had been successful.

The majority of the meeting passed with little new information until it was Snape's turn to present his 'findings' and then it got a little more exciting, in a morbid way.

"The Dark Lord is getting stronger. He has decided a night for announcing his 'return to power' but will not say as of yet when it is. He has announced that he will stage a full attack on the night, and that the setting will be Hogwarts, and as such he will summon me away 2 days before the attack occurs. He wants all the Death Eaters with him for the attack." He paused as the whispering voices got louder nearly drowning out his own.

It was Moody that spoke up first, directing his question at the Headmaster without even so much as glancing in the Potions Master's direction. And his question was the same as always.

"How can we know that what he says is truth, that he hasn't just fed us a load of lies so he has an escape route to run back to his Master?"

Sirius watched as Snape's long fingers curled into fists, and then uncurled stiffly as he visibly brought himself under control. He admired the willpower of the wizard, he was tempted to hex the retired Auror himself and it was only Snape's false calmness that stopped him.

"I assure you his information is true. But if you need further proof, I am sure Severus will agree to retelling it under veritaserum." Albus's voice was cold even if his words were not.

"How would we know the stuff works, he's the one that makes it?"

"We could always try it on you." It was the voice he reserved for when he caught students out after hours, and it had the same affect on most here as it did on the students, unfortunately it seemed to have the opposite effect on the paranoid wizard. He looked positively irate now, no longer concerned for the truth behind Snape's information, but wanting to settle an old score he still couldn't accept as over.

"You're no saint Snape. We all know what you are. Once a Death Eater always a Death Eater I say. You've done nothing to prove any different." He seemed to have conveniently forgotten the many attacks on muggles and wizards alike that were prevented because of prior knowledge of the events, and the many wizards that were being closely watched by several in the Ministry because their status as Death Eater had been revealed to them and Sirius knew that reminding him of that wouldn't help, there was only one thing that might, and as he saw both men going for their wands he reacted as though on reflex.

"He saved me." The words had the desired affect as both men stilled in their movements and turned towards him with very different expressions, sadly so did the remainder of the order, and while Snape looked like he had taken a curse to the stomach, everyone else was looking at him questioningly. He saw the resignation in Snape's eyes as they slipped closed slowly, but when he opened them again it was gone, replaced by determination.

"If you will excuse me, I am finished here and I have other things to occupy my time." He turned to leave and Sirius shouted after him, stilling his movements yet again.

"Wait. They need to know this." He looked back at him with a look that said 'It won't make a difference.' But he returned to his seat. A growing scowl clouding his features.

Sirius lifted his gaze off him and looked out at the sea of confused faces.

Albus's smile was all the encouragement he needed and he repeated the same story he had told Harry, Ron and Hermione, including the things Snape had added himself.

When he finished the room fell into silence and for a moment the intense looks every member had made him regret opening his mouth and he was close to apologising to Snape yet again when Molly rose from her chair beside her husband and approached the still scowling Snape. He glared as she got closer, but it didn't faze her at all.

As she stepped into his personal space he stood, his whole body tense, ready for the insult or slap that would come. What he wasn't ready for were the surprisingly strong arms that embraced him and drew him close to her. He didn't return the embrace but his body did begin to relax as he became accustomed to the foreign action.

She drew back slowly; as if aware that this was the first hug he had had in a little less than 3 decades. She smiled at him then. Before turning to face the stunned audience.

"I would think that that is reason enough to trust him. I shudder to think what You-Know-Who would do to him if he found out." She sounded genuinely concerned, and he hadn't the heart to tell her.

Sirius went back to Hogwarts with Snape and Albus. As they reached the edge of the castle's grounds, he dropped back slightly, now in line with Snape, who had been trailing them all the way. He hadn't spoken since the meeting, and although his features seemed set in a permanent scowl, Sirius was sure he was in shock. Everyone else definitely was. After Molly, many of the other members had either risen to thank him, or agreed that he could now be trusted. Moody had been so stunned to find that Snape had freed his 'bane of existence' that he had remained even quieter than Snape.

"Well that went well." That seemed to break through whatever stupor he had been in, but the only visible change was his scowl deepening.

"Yes, nearly being gripped to death by a Weasley and then being sucked up to by people who wouldn't care less if I died in this war just so long as they know where the attack is. Yes I would have to agree completely with you Black. The only way it could have gone better was if the Dark Lord himself had shown up, then I would have the chance to prove my loyalties to both sides together, it would save me a lot of time." He had spoken low, his voice coated with sarcasm, but lacking his usual bite, by the last sentence the malice was back, and sarcasm replaced by bitterness.

He'd never thought about it like that, but now he realised it must be true. His loyalties were always questioned at every order meeting, and knowing Voldemort, it wouldn't be any different at those meetings either. And suddenly he found himself looking at the wizard beside him with a newfound respect.

He'd always respected him to a certain extent, but his anger and hate had managed to hide that away, now though he could see just how the war would be affecting him. He had chosen his side years before the end of the first war, but was still not trusted by either side. In choosing the light he had turned his back on the people Sirius suspected were the closest to friends Snape had had at school, in order to work under constant suspicion with people that shunned him at every move. He couldn't imagine living like that. Even after his escape when some still suspected him, after the Order were told of his innocence they had immediately accepted and welcomed him in.

No wonder Snape had hated him then, he'd been trying for years to be trusted and Sirius, a convicted murderer, had done it within a few minutes.

He didn't pity him. That would have been unwelcome, but he did understand him better now, he understood the cold tones, the sarcasm, the passive indifference, they were all ways of hiding, because he was sure that no matter how deep Snape buried his feelings, it still hurt him deeper every time he had to prove himself to them.

It was at that moment of understanding that he decided to help Snape. It wasn't his way of returning the favour, but he was starting to see more to the wizard, than the black robes and sharp tongue, and going back to their conversation the night he arrived at the castle, he was sure that they could move on from hate and perhaps become some sort of friends. He wasn't sure why he wanted it, sure it would help Snape, but he wanted it himself. He wanted to get to know him. He had only ever caught glimpses of the real Severus Snape, and now he wanted to see more. He wanted so much, but some of it he still couldn't figure out, so for now he would settle for another conversation without wands being drawn.

They had reached the Entrance Hall now and he saw Snape nod goodnight to them both before turning away to the stairs that led to the Dungeons.

Making his decision, he trailed the Slytherin until he stopped in front of a tall portrait of Slytherin himself, a large black snake curled lazily around his shoulder.

"What do you want Black?" He didn't turn around, but he didn't walk away or hex him either.

"I want to talk to you. You still haven't answered my question." It was a weak shot, but judging by the ridgidness of the Professor's body now, it had hit its mark.

"Very well." And then he did something Sirius had not expected, he spoke the password to his rooms and allowed him access. Surprisingly it wasn't the action that was unexpected, it was the words he had spoken, or more accurately hissed.

"You're a Parselmouth!"

A roll of his eyes and then, "It would seem so, yes." And he motioned stiffly to a comfortable chair beside a roaring fire.

"But you never said. All the time we were at school, and now. Does anyone else know?" Snape still hadn't taken a seat himself and instead he stood beside the fire, the flames reflected in his ebony eyes.

"I was enough of an outcast in school without everyone knowing this, and now, can you truly see this as being a welcome revelation. People still see Parseltongue as being the mark of a Dark Wizard, maybe they're right. Perhaps Potter is just the exception, but even he was viewed with suspicion when his skill was discovered, but for me..." He left the sentence hanging, but Sirius knew what had been unspoken. If anyone else knew they would suspect him even more than they did now.

After a few moments of silence Snape turned and moved to the second chair.

"What are you doing here Black?"

"I just wanted to ask you some questions."

"Don't you know enough about me yet? I can assure you that anything interesting occurred within the heritage you've learnt. What's left is me and that isn't a subject anyone would want to talk about. But if it should answer your question, and I know you have speculated, I do wash my hair, everyday in fact, but you try spending 12 hours a day surrounded by potion fumes and we'll see what your hair looks like." His tone was emotionless and he slumped slightly in his chair, despite his best efforts to the contrary.

A joke and slumping, he must be tired.

"Snape when was the last time you slept?" He bristled at that but his tone remained controlled.

"I didn't realise I had to explain myself to you. But if you must know, with the Order meeting tonight and Death Eater meetings the last few nights I would say that the last time I slept for any amount of time would be about 3 days ago. But it doesn't matter, so ask your questions, at least you'll have the advantage of reflex speed over me should I feel the need to hex you."

Sirius still wasn't sure if he should just leave the man to sleep but he wouldn't get a better chance and the likeliness of getting Snape in a position where he would open up was almost nil. Taking Snape's invitation he asked all the questions he had ever had about him, and added the new questions he had after the recent revelations of Snape's background. After a few minutes they were engaged in comfortable conversation.

"Why did you hate your family?"

"They made me into who I am." Seeing Black's confusion he sighed and elaborated. "They taught me every dark curse they knew before I came to Hogwarts, and we both know how that knowledge helped my school life. When I'd learnt all the spells they could teach they bought me books on the Dark Arts, they wouldn't let me read anything else. Later on, in the summer of my 6th year when the Dark Lord was beginning to rise, they took me to him and I think you can guess how that meeting went. I disowned them then. I came running to Albus and he took me in. He believed that it hadn't been my choice and we worked out a way for me to stay alive but still be on the side of the Light. The next time I went back to the Dark Lord it actually didn't take a lot of Slytherin persuasion to make him believe that although I had walked away from my parents, I was still just as loyal to him as I had been when I took the Mark, which was true just not in the way he assumed. And the rest, as they say, is history."

He wasn't sure why he had said it all. He could easily have given the barest of details and still successfully answered the question, but he didn't want to. He wanted someone to know. He wanted Sirius to know. After all the years of hating him, he had stood up for him in front of the Order and he deserved to know more about the man he was defending. And then there was of course the confusing feelings that swam around his head, and he realised that right now he actually needed to tell Sirius all about it, but he knew enough of himself to know he'd regret it in the morning, when the Golden Trio were spreading it around the rest of the school.

But right now it was just nice to have an evening conversation with anyone, and it had been so long since he had done this with anyone other than the Headmaster that he didn't care that his very private past was the subject.

Sirius didn't speak for a few minutes, his brain sorting out the information he'd been given, while his eyes watched the man sitting in front of him. He'd never seen him look this relaxed. So perhaps for anyone else the way he sat; back still almost ramrod straight, wouldn't be described as relaxed, but for Snape it was. Some of the stress had left his face since they'd been sitting there, which was the complete opposite reaction than he had expected after asking such a personal question.

Confused but still a bit too curious about the wizard he asked another question and was even more surprised by the reaction.

"If you despised your family so much, why didn't you change your name too isn't that what most do, it's what I intended to do?"

And Snape Smiled. He actually smiled, and it didn't look sinister, even if it was a little bitter.

"Well, since, like most pureblood families, most of my relations were all Snape's and the only one that was never connected to the Dark Lord... well I think you'll agree that coming back here for 7th year calling myself; Severus Black, would have got me hexed more times than the average Death Eater meeting."

Sirius just stared at him.

"Black...you mean that you never got that far away from your family because it was my name?" Why the hell did he feel so guilty about that?

"Well yes, at that time that is. But now I think I'm grateful I didn't change it, not having Snape as a last name would have made the appeal at the ministry that much harder to achieve."

He looked down before raising his eyes up to a point just beside Snape's head.

"I never thanked you for that. Or apologised for the things I said to you after." It was the closest to an apology his pride would allow, and Snape seemed to know that.

"I told I didn't need your gratitude Black, and as for the apology, when have we ever apologised for those fights. I think that if we started apologising every time we fought, Molly would have a heart attack, though it would almost be worth it to see the look on Moody's face." The smile turned slightly malicious then as he drifted into the fantasy.

"What happened between you two? I mean I know he's paranoid about everyone and everything, but there's this really weird tension between you." He stopped, wondering if he had gone too far as an unfamiliar look of pain crossed over Snape's features. Suddenly Sirius wondered if the two men had been lovers before. That would explain the hatred the pair had and all the tension. He tried not to think about the jealousy that threatened to overcome him at that thought.

"He was the Auror that killed my parents. It was Albus that stopped him coming after me too, and he's never forgotten that. I think he liked the idea of getting rid of all the Snapes himself."

"I'm sorry." And he was surprised to find he was.

"It wasn't your fault Black. And I got over it a long time ago. Like I said, I'd disowned my parents by then and I'd even stood against them in the battle, even if they didn't know, it's only that bloody Auror's tauntings that get to me anymore, not what he did. He still feels he has a score to settle and he won't be content until I'm gone, either by his hand or the Dark Lord's. I think he'll get his wish pretty soon so there's no need for you to feel sorry about any of it." There was definitely an air of finality to the words so Black moved on quickly, not dwelling on the odd sadness he felt when he realised the truth in Snape's words. The man really wasn't expecting to live through this war. True none of them had complete certainty that they would survive, but they at least had some degree of hope. Snape had resigned himself to his fate and had no hope at all for his own survival.

"Why'd you do it?" Well that wasn't very specific, and from Snape's raised eyebrow he didn't think so either.

"Why do you spy? We always thought it was some sort of way to redeem yourself because of all the things you'd done before you realised the error of your ways, but since they weren't your ways..." He paused, and then began again. "Look, I know we're not friends, and I know you probably still hate me, but I really am grateful for what you did for me and what you've been doing for the Order and for Harry, and I just want to try to understand you a little better. I think I want us to be friends." He added sheepishly, looking away from Snape and into the flames in the fireplace.

When no sound came for what seemed like hours, Sirius collected all his Gryffindor bravery and turned to once again face Snape. Grey met black and he couldn't draw his gaze away. Snape still didn't speak, and he looked as he had after Molly's impromptu hug. Finally, Snape shifted his eyes to the floor and spoke in a voice close to a whisper, sounding to Sirius like the boy they had taunted mercilessly.

"No one's ever asked to be my friend before." He seemed to shake himself then, and Sirius sat too stunned to move when those eyes once again sought out his own, burning with anger and no small amount of hurt.

"Is this another joke Black?" He spat the name, the words coming out so close to hisses that Sirius wasn't sure they weren't in Parseltongue. "Get Snivillus to talk about his past and then hit him where it hurts. Well I think you've done it Black, congratulations, now you can report back to Lupin and your little friends and tell them you've succeeded in your attempts and when you decide it's time to try to kill me again, make sure you keep Potter out of the way. I should have died the first time; I wouldn't want to disappoint you by being saved by a Potter a second time."

He was shaking now, but not completely from rage. How could he have fallen for that? He was supposed to be stronger than that. He should have seen through the caring words, through the lies. He was spy for Merlin's sake. But it had felt so good to speak to someone. To have someone that actually gave a damn about him. It had clouded his judgement and he was paying for it now. But damn it, it'd felt so good. He wanted to shout some more, he wanted to throw things at Black, he wanted to curl up in a ball and cry like he'd only done once before, he wanted someone to hold him like Molly had, and tell him it'd all be ok. But it wasn't ok. It never would be, and pretty soon Black was going to do just as he'd said and it was going to get so much worse.

All the anger left him and he lent forward in his chair, head in his hands, resting his elbows on his knees, his hair falling like a veil across his face as he fought to regain the tight control he usually had on his emotions, struggling to re-erect the walls he'd allowed to fall.

He flinched when he felt a warm weight rest on his shoulder, but he didn't have the strength to pull away.

Sirius sat in shock at the sudden outburst. He hadn't thought when he'd spoken that Snape would think like that, but he realised belatedly that he would have reacted similarly had it been him in Snape's position. He was contemplating leaving the raging wizard alone before he found himself under the care of Poppy, when Snape's shoulders sagged and his head fell low to his hands, disappearing behind his hair. He couldn't leave now. Not when they had been so close. Not when just seeing him like this caused Sirius to want to hex everyone that had hurt him, himself included. He'd vowed to help Snape, and he was going to do just that, regardless of whether his sudden interest in Snape's welfare sprung from deeper, previously well-hidden feelings.

He moved slowly over to the sunken figure and after a short pause he rested his hand on Snape's shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. He half expected to be thrown across the room, and he flinched in tandem with Snape but he didn't remove his hand, instead he slipped to his knees beside the chair and using his free hand he reached through the black hair and caught him beneath the chin, raising and turning his head so Snape had no option but to look him in the eyes as he spoke, wondering where he was getting the courage and words from. The lost look in the normally strong dark eyes tore at him but he pushed forward, knowing he had to get this right or else he would make everything so much worse.

"I was an idiot. I was a foolish teenager that didn't think of the consequences of his actions but I didn't want to kill you Sna...Severus. I've never wanted you dead, ever. I might have thought it when we'd fight, but I didn't mean it then and I don't mean it now, if nothing else you have to believe that." When he received a small nod into the hand that still held Severus's chin he continued, feeling more confident now. "I meant what I said Sev, I want us to be friends, I think maybe," he paused again before gulping and continuing knowing there was going to be no other time to say this, "I want to be more than friends." He stopped again, his heart beating so loud against his chest he was sure the whole castle could hear, and he waited.

He watched the lost look go from Snape's eyes, he saw understanding, shock and dawning flash across them and then he saw something else, and he didn't want to name it in case it turned out to be wrong, he wanted to be able to deny everything to himself when it all fell down around him, as was inevitable. But he couldn't deny it when he felt something soft press gingerly against his lips and before it could pull away, he tightened his grip on Snape's shoulder and released his chin, drawing him closer, his now free hand finding its way to the long black hair, his lips pressing back vigorously.

His heart almost stopped when he felt Severus's tongue press against his lips and he parted them with a groan, his own tongue coming alive. He shivered when their tongues met, and he pulled Severus even closer, until he was kneeling on the floor with him. He felt hands on his back and his muscles jumped at the touch. They trailed across his spine, one coming to rest against the small of his back, the other finding its place in his hair by the nape of his neck.

Their tongues fought for dominance in an intense kiss, surprisingly gentle in nature, until their need for air forced them apart. Panting as Snape pulled away to catch his breath, Sirius watched him; horror clutching as he waited for Snape to realise what he'd done and reject him. His heart stilled when slender fingers moved to brush against his cheek, closely followed by warm lips. He bit back a whine as the lips left him and Snape pulled them both to their feet. He kissed him again, more passionately, and when they pulled back he could clearly see the lines of exhaustion marring Severus's face.

Clutching Severus's hand in his own he pulled the man to the door, realising that he needed to leave, but not wanting to make it seem like the rejection it certainly wasn't.

He turned to him as the door swung open and pulled him into a kiss.

"You need sleep and if I stay much longer I don't think you'd get any anytime soon." He said as they pulled apart.

Severus merely nodded, still quite shocked at what was happening, but enjoying it too much to question it.

Sirius was almost at the end of the dungeon corridor when Severus's smooth voice reached him.

"Black, don't call me Sev."

He was more than a little apprehensive as he approached the doors to the Great Hall. Not only was it the first time he'd gone to breakfast here since his schooldays, but it was the first time he would see Severus since that night 2 days before.

Had it been any other time he would have suspected Severus of avoiding him, but it had been the weekend, and with what was being, optimistically, called 'the final battle' drawing closer he knew that all the Professors were busy devising plans of defence to ensure the safety of the children as much as possible. It had been decided after much argument, Remus had said, that the children were to remain at Hogwarts, much to Snape's anger, it appeared he wanted the students as far away as possible, regardless of the implications if the entire castle were evacuated the minute Severus was summoned.

He himself had spent the weekend catching up with Harry, Ron and Hermione, and doing all the things he had waited almost 15 years to do. He learnt that Harry had been receiving extra defence lessons with Remus and now Snape at Harry's insistence, which had apparently surprised everyone but the headmaster, on top of the extra defence the 5th through to 7th years were already doing.

The castle was preparing for battle and unfortunately it was going to need the help of these mere children to survive it. There was to be another Order meeting that night, and all plans would be brought together, everyone having been given tasks to complete. Thankfully neither side had asked for assistance from 'non-wizards', having dragons and trolls to contend with would have complicated things far more.

It seemed as though Voldemort didn't expect much from his attack. The usage of all his Death Eaters was for nothing more than show, and from Severus's accounts his strength hadn't returned fully since his rebirth, and it was solely because of frustration and his servants' anxiousness to wreak havoc that he was going to attack Hogwarts.

At least they would have the element of surprise. Surely Voldemort wouldn't arrive expecting to see Aurors and full grown, trained witches and wizards instead of terrified children.

He wasn't sure what was to happen to Severus during the attack, and quite honestly it scared him. Hopefully it'd be sorted at the meeting, because he found that he really needed to know.

Taking a calming breath, he pushed the doors open, wishing for the hundredth time that he had left early for breakfast.

As soon as the doors swung open, all nervousness left him. The room erupted into cheers and he found himself grinning like a Cheshire cat at them. He made his way up to the Staff table, pausing once on the way to ruffle his Godson's unruly hair. There were two empty seats at the table. The usual beside Snape, and the one he presumed was reserved for him, beside Flitwick. All the Professors were beaming at him; Albus's eyes looked like they were about to twinkle out of their sockets.

The only Professor not grinning at him was Snape, but having known the man for some time, he knew that the sneer directed at him was false.

In a move that surprised everyone, including the students, Sirius took the seat beside Severus. Severus's hand stopped halfway to his mouth and the toast he was holding hung slightly limp. Leaning over slightly, he spoke with his voice no louder than a whisper and as smooth as silk.

"My, my Black, defending me in front of the Order, sitting next to me at breakfast, if you keep this up they'll think I have you under Imperius." Before he could sit up straight again Sirius answered back, his grin becoming mischievous.

"Just wait until they see me kissing you senseless in the corridor."

Snape's face showed no evidence that he'd heard him, but Sirius swore there was more colour in his cheeks for the rest of the morning.

End of Part Three