DESTROYED
Chapter 5
SUMMARY: Angel's been brutally assaulted and is close to death… Collins is out looking for him…
Angel is discovered in the alley way.
Roger and Mark have a talk…
Benny offers Collins some help… and the two form an unlikely alliance.
(Note: It kinda does get a little sappy, so just warning you lol)
WITH COLLINS – 11:00 AM
"You can't find him anywhere?" Julia's voice echoed concern through the receiver of the pay phone. Collins stared at the ground and kicked at the dirt… he had been searching for Angel for four hours and there was still no sign of him, which was odd considering he had checked all of the places he knew his ex lover would go… all the places that he knew the entire group frequented.
"Collins?"
"I'm here," he spoke up and checked over his shoulders. It was a beautiful, clear, warm Saturday morning… he closed his eyes and smiled when he remembered all those Saturday mornings when he would wake up in his apartment and look down to see an Angel… his Angel… lying in his arms, with a soft look on his face – one of peace. Collins mourned the loss of those days due to his own stupidity… his foolishness… deep down he knew he could go to Angel with any problem, but instead he turned to booze and Samuel – and it cost him everything in his life that mattered to him.
"You okay?" Julia asked. She had arrived home only twenty minutes ago, after first stopping off at her parent's house to have breakfast… if her professor wanted her to get back to her normal life, it wasn't about to happen. Not after what she had seen and been through with them all… it was kind of – entrancing. There was something about the whole situation that she found extraordinarily interesting, but only if she explored it at a relative distance. She had set up a doctor's appointment for later that afternoon so she could be tested for AIDS… she was sure she didn't have it, but for her absolute peace of mind, she wanted to have 100 clarity.
"I'm fine," he sighed and leaned against the phone booth. "I don't know what the hell he's done, you know? I looked everywhere I know—"
"Maybe because he doesn't wanna be found," Julia commented. "Maybe you should get one of your friends to help. Or better yet, let them go find him. I doubt he'll open up to you."
"Julia, drop the attitude, he could be hurt!"
"Well," she leaned back in her chair and put her feet up on the footrest in front of her. "From what you told me, I seriously doubt that…"
"Julia!" Collins growled. "Look," he continued to look around him as he spoke. "I gotta go… I'll call you later…"
"You sure you don't need me there?"
"Yeah. Call you later." He placed the phone back on the receiver and stepped away from the phone booth and wondered what to do next. As angry as Angel was at him, he couldn't imagine Angel running off and at least not calling the others. Take a deep breath; he started walking down the street towards Avenue A, determined to not give up the search… he made a promise to Angel once that he'd never let anything bad happen to him, and he was gonna keep it. Even if Angel attacked him again and never forgave him, Collins wasn't about to let him go without telling him what he needed to hear.
"Collins!"
He turned around and saw Benny standing there… wow. It had been about six months since they had last crossed paths, and from what Collins had heard, things were the same as usual between Benny and the group.
Collins sighed and walked over to the yuppie, who was standing just outside the entrance to the loft, apparently on his way to see Mark and Roger for some reason. He smiled at him and shoved his hands in his pockets casually, but Benny extended his hand in a friendly fashion, so Collins reluctantly extended his own and shook his hand.
"Hey Benny."
"How you been?"
"Fucked."
"So I've heard," Benny smiled sympathetically – he didn't know the exact details of what happened, but from what little details he had been able to squeeze out of Mark, it was extremely nasty. He never would've suspected that Tom Collins, the ever loyal, warm and charming friend and lover would ever have the balls to cheat on the love of his life, especially with an ex boyfriend. But who was he to judge? He betrayed his friends for a girl and wealth, so he really wasn't in a position to mock or scorn Collins, or reprimand him for exploring what he defined as human nature. "It's been a while…"
"Yeah…" Collins fidgeted, wanting to get away from Benny as quickly as possible. "I just… came back to take care of a couple of things is all."
Benny raised an eyebrow. "With Angel?"
"No. Well… I had a convention to attend to… I didn't expect to be here…"
"Hey, I didn't say anything…" Benny held up his hands in a defensive position, sensing that Collins was a little too tense at the moment.
"Yeah, but I know what you're thinking… don't say it."
"What's your issue?"
"Fuck you."
"Hey, hey, hey! Play nice…"
"Why are you here, Benny?"
"I could ask you the same thing…"
"I told you why."
Benny chuckled and adjusted his suit jacket – he looked like he was on his way to a meeting or whatever. "Bullshit. It may have been a while, Tom, but I still know you… how's Angel taking your return?"
"Not good. He ran off last night… can't find him anywhere… I'm worried. Not that you care."
Benny frowned and approached him. "On the contrary. Why wouldn't I care?"
Collins scoffed and bit his lip. "Because you're Benny. Since when did you give a damn what happens to any of us?"
"That's not fair…"
"Neither is what you tried to do to us last year. Trying to evict Mark and Roger? You looking for some sort of concession Benny, you're talking to the wrong guy. Now excuse me, I gotta find Angel…" he walked past Benny, 'accidentally' knocking his shoulder as he walked by. Benny turned around and watched Collins walk away, and rubbed his shoulder.
"He misses you, you know…" he called out and just as he expected him to, Collins stopped in his tracks. He paused a moment before turning around to glare at the nosy son of a bitch who turned his back on them…
"What?" needless to say, curiosity and surprise is what made him stop. Benny nodded and casually strolled up to him.
"He does… everyday."
"And how would you know?"
"I've seen him. I've talked to him. Believe it or not I still talk to and hang withthe little people."
"That surprises me Benny… seeing you back here in the trenches," Collins snapped. "Didn't know your type still socialized with the poor."
"And I didn't know you would be so willing to walk away from your lover," Benny hit a very sore nerve with that one, and Collins came so close to knocking him to the ground. He just really wasn't in the mood for Benny's shit anymore. "But then again – it seems like we both didn't know each other as well as we thought."
"Yeah," Collins hissed. "I think you're right." He turned to leave again, but Benny grabbed his shoulder and forced him to turn around.
"Look…" he sighed. "Do you need help finding Angel?"
Collins stepped back and glared at him, suspiciously. "What? You're offering to help? Don't you have better things to do?"
"Yeah, I do," Benny stated, arrogantly. "But it just so happens, when you disappeared three months ago it was assumed you abandoned your apartment. On your lease you name Angel as your next of kin, and I need the rent from him!"
Collins laughed with bitterness… there's no way Benny would help him out of the kindness of his heart, so he was expecting some sort of ulterior motive, and it really didn't surprise him that something like this would be the reason. But then he stopped. Rent? Angel?
Collins frowned. "Angel still has the apartment?"
Benny nodded. "Yeah. Paid up two months upfront, but now I need this month's rent but I haven't been able to find him."
Collins leaned against the building, confused… He didn't expect Angel to still be living at their apartment, in a building not too far away that was also owned by Benny's father in law. He didn't expect it, and also he didn't think that Angel would be still willing to live there given the history they shared…
"I offered to let him rent out another place for half the rent," Benny continued, seemingly confused too. "But, uh…" he shook his head, thinking hard and obviously trying to wrap his mind around it. He shrugged. "Angel refused. Didn't say why… but he just… refuses to leave. I assume it's because of some intangible thing he has with the place. Something to do with you."
Collins' head snapped in his direction and Benny smiled, charmingly. "He doesn't need to say it, Tom. The fact that he won't say it not withstanding, he won't let go of that place… it's his last link to you. Or whatever. I don't know… Mark probably knows more."
Fuck… Collins thought. This was intense shit, and even reassuring to know that Angel still, if anything, had trouble letting go of what they had.
"Why did you offer him another place?" Collins asked. "Didn't think you to take pity on the scum like us."
Benny laughed again and patted Collins' shoulder. "Come on… you honestly think I'm that heartless?"
"Hell yes!"
"Really?"
"YES!"
Benny frowned. Damn…
"Well," he continued. "I don't know… if it was anyone else I doubt I would've been as generous… but I guess," his eyes and the tone of his voice softened, and somehow, Collins could see part of the old Benny scratching through – the old Benny being the man who they (Roger, Mark, Maureen, and him) used to share the loft with and struggle with the rent. "I just thought," he struggled with the words, and he looked up so that his eyes met Collins'. "We have a history," he finally said. "All of us. That's not something you can easily forget…"
Collins smiled weakly. Yep, there was still the old Benjamin Coffin buried in him, somewhere… not much, but he was there…
Standing up straight, Collins pulled his coat tighter around him. "I guess I could use the help…"
The two exchanged smiles, in a moment that reminisced old times between them. Once upon a time they had been the closest of friends, and Benny was right. It wasn't something that any of them could easily forget.
10 MINUTES LATER
Benny walked alongside Collins after having parked his Range Rover in a safer place than where he had left it. Despite the moment they shared, Benny still winced at the thought of bohemians and junkies being in close proximity to his precious, and expensive, car.
The two walked through the backstreets off the main road, not really saying much except when making an active attempt to check a place out for any sign of Angel. But Collins did explain to him what had gone down the night before, and needless to say, Benny remained cool, calm, and collected, though a part of him couldn't help but wish he had been there.
"Wow…" he muttered. "That's nasty."
"You're tellin' me…" Collins agreed, stepping over a tipped over garbage can.
"So this Julia girl convinced you to try fixing things with Angel?"
"Yep."
"She convinced you it was worth a shot?"
"Yep."
"And you really thought it would work?"
"Yep."
Benny scoffed in disbelief. Collins wasn't usually that stupid, nor that brave… "She must be one hell of a girl."
Collins shrugged, his eyes still focused on the ground for some reason, like he was ashamed to be seen with Benny – like he thought he would be viewed of more of a traitor to their community than he already was.
"Mark seems to think so."
"Mark?"
"Uh-huh."
"No shit? Mark's actually got a thing for a girl other than Maureen?"
Collins rolled his eyes. "I don't think it's a 'thing', exactly. He was a little jumpy when I told him that she was going back to Mass, though."
Benny smiled, slyly. The idea that Mark would actually pursue someone other than his lost love Maureen Johnson was a feat in itself…
"Never would've guessed," he replied. "This girl hot?"
Collins looked up at him, dumbfounded. "You're asking me?"
"You know what I mean."
The professor shrugged. "For a girl, yeah, she's pretty cute. Don't think she's Mark's type though…"
"Why's that?"
"College chick."
"Ahh… so you brought your student here of all places?"
"Hey, like I said, there was a convention for university students and professors. I get along with her okay; she doesn't treat me like a freak."
The two of them began walking towards an alleyway that connected to Avenue A, unaware of what lay in store for them, and continued their idle chit chat. Why life had to be so fucking complicated, was beyond Collins' comprehension… though Benny was doing very well in his own life, there was some part of him that remained connected to the spirit of bohemia – and Collins couldn't fault him, nor hate him, for that.
He felt the gentle breeze against his dark skin, and it was very cooling… refreshing… he stepped over some garbage, and could see where the junkies had been hanging out. Empty syringes, used condoms, condom packets were mingled in with decaying garbage – to any normal, respectable person would be disgusted with the environment, especially someone in Benny's class… but neither of them were affected because it was their world. As gross as it seems, for the entire group, it was their home. None of them could imagine living anywhere else… all they knew was the East Village, and beyond that they rarely ventured into other areas of New York.
As uncharacteristic as it was for Benny to be down so willing to help, walking in alleyways searching for a tenant, he really needed the rent and besides… if anyone could find the flamboyant drag queen, it was Collins. He followed closely behind the MIT professor, and saw that the alleyway led back to the main road, which was maybe two hundred yards away.
"Fuck," he muttered, carefully stepping over garbage cans and other debris, not wanting to get anything on him. "How can people live like this?"
"You lived like us once, man," Collins muttered. "For some people it's all they have… it's not easy to escape…"
"Whatever."
"Whatever" Collins mocked, already annoyed by him and really wondering why he agreed to let Benny be present. They continued down the alleyway, expecting to find what they had been finding through the whole way – nothing.
Suddenly, in the distance, Collins heard something… something move. He stopped.
"Stop," he instructed, and gestured for Benny to remain still. Silence.
"Are you crazy?"
"That's beside the point," Collins shot back, and then started walking again. Maybe he just wanted to find Angel so badly that he was actually beginning to hear things… but then, he heard it again and once again stopped.
"Collins, I—"
"Shut the fuck up," Collins hissed. The sound was coming from straight ahead, so he began to jog down the alleyway, searching for the source of the odd sounds. As he got closer, he recognized the sounds as someone moaning. Oh shit… he thought, hoping to God that it wasn't Angel… he didn't know why he was so scared – he knew Angel could take care of himself and would never knowingly put himself in dangerous situations, but… a gut feeling told Collins that something wasn't right. That something bad had happened. Something only true love could really define.
It was then that he saw him… Collins froze when he saw the barely moving body of Angel Schunard, half naked and totally covered in bloody, lying in a pile of garbage. He fell back against the wall, shocked, and not wanting to believe what he was seeing…
"Oh no…" he muttered and burst into tears, and ran to Angel and dropped to his knees. Angel's eyes were closed, but he was conscious, barely, and his face and torso was covered in blood… the wounds on his face gapped open and were filled with dirt and sweat, infecting the wounds and causing them to swell and turn a deep purple and blue colouring… Collins could see the knife wounds, and that Angel's hands were cuffed behind his back…
He could hear faint, indistinct, inconsistent and shallow gasps for breath; for life, and Collins looked at his chest to see the deep bruising that was sustained from Samuel's constant kicking's… his ribs were visibly broken and Angel was virtually recognizable. Benny stood a few feet away, shocked and not moving…
"ANGEL!" Collins screamed, sobbing hysterically. There was nothing that even suggested that Angel could hear him, or even knew he was there… and his lover pulled him into his arms, holding him and crying over his body. He was momentarily shocked at how cold the young drag queen was, and through his tears he began kissing him… blood was everywhere. Blood covered Angel's body, his clothes, the area around him, and now was staining Collins…
"Oh God," Collins choked up, panicking, and feeling for any signs of life. "Come on, baby… oh God, Angel, baby I'm so sorry," he sobbed, and he rested his head on Angel's shoulder… when he looked up, Benny gasped to see blood now dripped down Collins' face and the anguish that was in the man's eyes was unforgettable – an image to not be forgotten.
"Benny! 911!" Collins screamed at him, and it took a few moments for the words to click with Benny's brain, and he took off running down the alley way to find the pay phone. Collins looked at his love lying in his arms, bleeding and probably dying, and his worst fears were confirmed… Angel had never stood a chance as he was physically bound, and was half-naked. It dawned on Collins what had probably happened, and he looked down to see blood on or around Angel's leggings, particularly near the groin area… he felt the boy's thigh and found a knife wound… but upon feeling the blood, he also felt another sticky substance, and when he realized what it was, Collins let out another blood curling sob. Angel had been beaten and raped, and had spent probably the whole night out here bleeding to death, and he was really on death's doorstep
"Baby," he cried and placed his fingers on Angel's bleeding and cut lip. "Baby, I'm sorry… come on, wake up."
He obviously would get no response, and he then moved his body so he could lay his love on the ground so he could be more comfortable, but kept his arm around him. Collins removed his coat and placed it over Angel, cuddling him and whispering and pleading for him to wake up – to live. Angel made very insignificant movements, but they were enough for Collins to hold onto hope that he would live as he didn't know the significant of his wounds. Angel's head wounds were the most concerning, so Collins Placed his hand to the worst looking one, even though the blood flow had almost stopped… Angel had lost a lot of blood, and the only thing that kept him clinging to life was love…
Collins grew wearily from the intensity of his pain, and rubbed Angel's stomach and tried to physically, emotionally, and spiritually will him back to life.
"Baby… Angel… I'm sorry," he cried, and held the bleeding man close to him, though he was sure he couldn't hear him. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry about everything… I love you… I love you so much… I'm sorry for what I did; I'm sorry it took me so long to come back… I'm sorry… baby, don't leave me… please…" his words stung his heart so greatly that he felt as if he was about to pass out. He wouldn't let himself, for fear of waking up to find Angel dead…
He pressed his coat onto the knife wounds further, stopping any further blood loss, which even though was a lot, had happened slowly, so Angel had survived the knife attacks. Collins then took out a handkerchief from his pocket and gently began to wipe some of the blood from Angel's face, and it took his breath away when he could see some of his beautiful features reappear from under the horrifying mask of blood and ripped skin and soft tissue. A small smile spread across his lips and he leaned down and kissed Angel tenderly on the lips, though knew he wouldn't get a response… a kiss of life at it's most defined moment…
He then cried further, and kept repeating his lover's name and prayed for just one more chance, one more time for Angel's deep chocolate eyes to open so he could look into them and declare his love to him once again. That's all he wanted.
A lover's worst fears is to realize that the one person they love could die in a sudden and very violent way… but for that fear to be realized and on the foundation of such hateful words that Angel screamed at him, it just made the pain ten times greater. He didn't want Angel to die with them on bad terms… peace.
"Come on," Collins growled, directing his anger towards God just as Angel had done earlier that morning. "I've never asked you for anything before… don't deny me him… don't deny me his love… please…" he choked up again. "After everything, you owe me this…" He looked behind him and saw that Benny still hadn't returned yet. Seeing Angel lying there, initially, Collins had felt himself die right there and then… and then he saw his finger's moving, and then there was slight hope. But there wouldn't be much left if Benny didn't get his ass back here with the medics, and the amount of blood loss was absolutely astounding…
Angel's eyes started to flutter… they opened and he saw someone leaning over him. The mixture of numbness and pain in different parts of his body prevented him from reacting from the fear of Samuel's return, but…
As his vision became clearer, a familiar face came into focus.
"C… Collins…?" he whispered, before going into a coughing fit. Collins looked down and was shocked to see Angel was awake and looking up with him in understandable pain and confusion.
"Angel!" he cried, kissing him. "My Angel…" he smiled through his tears. "You've come back…"
But Angel didn't return the smile, and one tear rolled out of the side of his eye… he didn't blink… he didn't do anything except stare up at his lover, quivering and shaking from pain.
"I…" he stuttered and Collins grimaced as he saw the amount of pain that Angel was in – and all he wanted to do was absorb that pain himself and let Angel be free of it. "I… I'm sorry…" he managed to get out, his voice cracking. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I—"
"Shhh…" Collins comforted and now tried to be strong and comforting. It was hard to be reassuring when you had the perspective of seeing all the blood of your lover spilled across the ground. He stroked Angel's cheek and kissed his forehead. "Don't speak. I'm the one who should be sorry baby; I'll never forgive myself… I love you…"
Angel coughed and struggled to breathe, but he managed to keep talking. "I never hated you, honey," he whispered and with his good arm, managed to weakly reach up and touch Collins' face. His skin was soft and warm… comforting and smooth… like it had always been. "I loved you forever… I still do… I," he stopped when he started coughing. "I just wanted you to know that…"
"No, I do... I know..." Collins choked up when realizing that Angel sounded like he was giving a deathbed statement. "Baby, Benny's calling 911, you keep hanging on…"
In his arms, Collins felt Angel started to shake more and so he held onto him tighter and applied more pressure to his wounds. Angel wanted to tell him that it was Samuel, but he didn't have the heart to upset Collins anymore than he always was… besides morphine, he just wanted Collins to be there, holding him. Whether he would live or die, neither of them knew… but at least I can say this… neither of them could deny their love any longer. Any anger Angel had was now long gone.
WITH MARK, ROGER, AND EVERYONE
BANG, BANG, BANG
Roger slammed the door opened and saw probably his least favourite person in the world standing there. Instead of speaking, he just stared blankly at Benny and waited for that yuppie scum to speak… but there something not right. Benny was standing their, with a glazed, wild panicked look in his eyes and he desperately looked like he needed to get laid or something. Maybe Muffy had finally kicked his ass out or something… one could only hope.
"Guys, something's gone down," he said while trying to catch his breath. Maureen crossed her arms over her chest and smiled out of the corner of her mouth – Benny was sweating and looked like he had just run a mile. In his suit? And now he was here asking for their help?
"Aww the lap dog's been kicked out?" she said in a patronizing tone. "What happened? Muffy got tired of your bullshit, too?"
Benny ignored her and grabbed Roger's jacket… Mark, Mimi, and Joanne who had been in the kitchen, came closer to see what was going on.
"I'm not fucking kidding," he breathed. "It's Angel. He's in trouble."
10 HOURS LATER – HOSPITAL
The heart monitor was the only sound that told him that Angel still lived, lingering between pain and relief; life and death; this world and the next. In many ways, as Collins sat at this bedside just staring at the unconscious angel in front of him… shortly after the medics arrived, Angel had lost consciousness and Collins refused to leave his side – but after arriving, Angel had to be taken into the OR and so he had no choice. A few hours later, the surgeon had come out to tell them that the surgery had been successful, and that Angel suffered a dislocated shoulder, five broken ribs, a broken leg, a broken nose, a severe concussion, and several nasty cuts to his body and two stab wounds… all of it had been hard to swallow for them all, and Mimi and Mark had to stay at Collins' side as he broke down when he knew the full extent of Angel's injuries… but even more so when another doctor came to tell them that Angel had indeed been raped, very severely… Collins just lost it and broke down in tears, sobbing for them to forgive him and renewing his vow to never leave Angel again. Mimi was also one of the most emotional of all seven of them (yes, Benny had joined them and offered to pay for Angel's medical expenses and even a private room for him when he would leave the Intensive Care Unit- it was the first time all eight of them had been in the same place together for a long time. Too bad it was under such horrific circumstances). Angel had to have surgery on the wound to his stomach, and also to put pins into his leg to help heal the bone, but otherwise he would be okay, physically. But that provided little comfort to Collins, who could not rid himself of the guilt, and wasn't sure that he wanted to… a part of him wanted to punish him self for a long time, knowing full well that he didn't deserve Angel's love. He could only imagine the horrors that his lover's attacker had inflicted in the most brutal manner that was possible without killing him, and every time he remembered seeing Angel lying in the alley way for the first time, he would lose all self control.
When the rest of them had realized what happened, and went to see Angel… Mimi and Maureen couldn't hold their tears back as they went to Angel but had to be restrained to give him space. Even Roger and Mark were both feeling the pain of potentially losing their friend, Joanne and Benny were also affected… no one escaped unscathed, so to speak. Mimi had broken down in the alleyway, sobbing deeply, and even to some extent blaming Collins for coming back and for causing Angel to run away… she needed someone to blame right away, as was her way of dealing with the emotional toll the situation had, and Collins was the logical one to lay it all out on. Roger had held onto her, kissing and cuddling her, comforting her as much as he could, but there was only so much he could say and do. He couldn't lie to her and say that everything was gonna be okay, because all indications at the pointed to Angel's agonizing and untimely death. It wasn't until the doctor came back into the waiting room with a smile widening across his face that, for the first time, they could all release their grips they had on their own hearts, and Collins had sunk to the floor; to his knees, and thanked God for bringing his angel back to him. He was still covered in dirt and Angel's blood, and upon being told that the Angel was HIV positive, the doctor began to insist that Collins get tested. But then they revealed he had it to, and they had received odd and even dirty looks from other staff and patients… but Collins didn't have a care in the world…
Collins held Angel's hand in his own, kissing it every so often and holding it against his own face, smiling at the warmth that had returned to it. Even though the doctor said that he should physically recover, because of the brutality of the crime that had taken place, the police had to be called, against Collins' will. He'd find whoever did it and would kill the son of a bitch himself, and besides, the cops who showed up looked entirely disinterested, as if they had better things to do than to investigate the brutal assault and rape of an East Village drag queen… and who knew what the emotional state Angel would be in when he awoke, but Collins wanted to keep him as calm as possible. So as quickly as he could, he got rid of the cops…
"Don't hold your breath for them to get back to you…" Roger muttered, ever the cynic that he was.
But all he was just glad that the Almighty had given him a second and probably last chance to make things right… there had to be a reason for all this, whatever that reason was, he didn't care.
Collins had to have been sitting there for a good two hours, and hadn't left that seat. Even though his friends offered to take him to get some food, he refused to leave Angel's bedside, and refused to leave him. Period.
"You need to eat, honey," Maureen reasoned, hugging him tenderly. It was the first time she called Collins 'honey' like she sometimes used to, in a long time… after everything he's put them all through, they were still accepting of him and willing to bring him back into their world, one that Collins wasn't even sure he had escaped. And he wasn't sure he could ever be happy anywhere else, with any other people, except these seven (Yes, even Benny – the guy did have his moments at times).
"Not hungry," he replied, stretching his arms and muscles and yawned.
"You're tired," Mark observed through his camera… it was his contention that the good and bad times should be documented. It wouldn't be too long before they would be separated by death; by AIDS. Being one of the few survivors of the group, he wanted to capture as much as he could for those who remained…
"I'll live."
"Collins…"
"Guys…" Collins had looked at them all. "I left him once… and it almost killed us both… not now. Not again."
And that was the last of that conversation… no one could force him to eat or drink, but they remained cautious to his needs. But no one left. No one wanted to miss the moment when Angel would wake up.
True as his body was tired, Collins didn't want to sleep and he wasn't going to let himself…
He placed a tender, sweet kiss on each of Angel's fingers – his skin was soft, warm… a total contrast to how he looked earlier this morning. The blood and cuts had been cleared up, and Angel had received antibiotics to treat the infections to his wounds which the large one on his forehead and received 18 stitches, and the one at the back of his head received 21 stitches. He also had to have stitches to other cuts on his body; his chest was wrapped in a heavy bandage so his broken ribs would remain still so that they could set and be mended. The doctors had fixed his dislocated arm and his broken leg… everything that would physically heal on it's own… the stab wounds were slightly more different, but neither of them had struck any major arteries or vital organs… All in all, Angel had been cleaned up and now he looked, to Collins, beautiful – peaceful. A fallen Angel he was, but he resembled, physically, the old Angel Dumott Schunard. With all the blood and dirt cleared off his face, the colour returned to Angel's skin and the warmth began to flow through his veins – the first stages of recovery.
Collins gently stroked Angel's face and inspected him carefully… curiously…
MEANWHILE, WITH ROGER AND MARK
Roger and Mark walked down the hallway after telling the others that they wanted to go get some coffee, and offered to get them something… neither of them knew quite what to say to each other, except that they felt bad for not helping to find Angel. Maybe if he had been found earlier, his injuries wouldn't have been as serious as they were now – and the only comfort they had was from the knowledge that Angel would make a full physical recovery.
"I can't believe he was fucking raped…" Roger muttered, staring at the ground with his hands in his pockets as they walked.
"Yeah," Mark concurred. "I wonder if…" he trailed off, but Roger turned his head to look at him.
"What?"
Mark hesitated and fidgeted with his camera which he had turned off – a sensible decision to be made.
"If whoever did it knows Angel has AIDS… or if Angel told him…"
"Wouldn't you tell your attacker that you have AIDS?" Roger scoffed, arguing his point in the hypothetical question. He wouldn't. If someone was going to attack him like what happened with Angel (which was doubtful considering Roger wasn't exactly light or weaker like Angel), then he wouldn't tell the person… he would leave them with a constant reminder of their crime… AIDS… early death.
"I dunno," Mark admitted. "But this is Angel we're talkin' about. Even after everything that went down with Collins, he still can't bring himself to hurt anyone… I'm thinking he woulda said something."
The two of them decided not to wait for the elevator and started down the stairs to the cafeteria.
"Fuck I hate hospitals," Roger changed the subject. It was true that Angel probably would've at least tried to tell his attacker of the disease that was running through his veins. Angel's spirit may have been broken, but there's no way he lost all of his old self… he could never hurt another soul, even if that soul was trying to kill him. Angel was a true angel from God because he never wished harm on anyone, but after these past hellacious months, nothing was certain with him anymore."They remind me of the last time we were here…" he was referring to the time when Mimi's illness almost had taken her into death, but by some miracle she had live – but Roger's detesting of hospitals just grew from there.
With Mark, it was different… he didn't hate hospitals, he just hated what could happen within its walls… the risk of death was about as much as the chance of life, and that was a risk that was just too high in his mind.
With each step down the stairs he took, Mark felt increasingly guilty for the way things panned out…when Collins left, none of them went after him or tried to keep their family together. They just assumed that he didn't want them in his life anymore, and tried to respect that wish… the fact that he had cheated on the love of his life was enough to tell both Mark and Roger that their friend had changed, and not to their liking. But maybe if they had intervened, maybe something's could've turned out differently and Angel wouldn't be laying half-dead in that ICU bed on life support.
"Mark?" Roger studied his friend who appeared lost in his own thoughts. "You okay, man?"
"Our friend was just attacked and raped in an alleyway, fuck no, I'm not okay," Mark unintentionally snapped, and Roger was slightly taken aback by his attitude.
"Whoa…" he backed up, defensively. "Chill, man. There's nothin' we could've done… you didn't do anything wrong…"
"That's just it!" Mark cried out, frustrated and they reached the ground level to the hospital. "We didn't do anything!"
"Like there's anything we could've done," Roger insisted and gestured in the direction of the cafeteria. As horrible as he felt, he was, if anything, the voice of reason out of them two… and what he was saying was true. Angel and Collins never really asked for any of their help – their interference – when it came to their relationship, and often enough had kept the happenings in their relationship as private as possible, even from their friends. "Angel and Collins didn't want our help, there's—"
"They're our friends, Rog." Mark interrupted. "It doesn't make me feel any better to think that Angel almost died because we didn't do something to keep them from falling apart. It's like 1989 all over again… all this shit starting up… and it's not like the cops are gonna do anything…"
They entered the cafeteria and looked around for somewhere to sit… after finding a corner table; Roger leaned against the wall and put his feet up on the spare seat next him. Mark put his camera equipment on the table and ran his fingers through his hair and looked around him. Families and single visitors sat at their respective tables, talking quietly, and as he imagined, no one had any look of comfort on their faces – nor distress.
"Would you be feeling as bad if it were the other way around?" Roger asked, curiously, yet casually. For him, Mark's guilt only spoke to him on one thing… the fact that Mark would remain and be on his own once the virus consumed him, Mimi, Angel, and Collins. Maureen and Joanne had their own life together, and Benny was, well… Benny… and Mark would be left by himself. Roger didn't need to be a shrink to know why the guilt was there, after all they had been friends for years… and often enough, Mark detached himself from the happenings in and around their group; ever the outsider – ever the quiet one with the camera, trying to record other people's lives and keep them close because he had no one to share his own with. So his only alternative was to record other people's lives… and that was fine by him, to an extent… but the fact that he would be left alone while those around him that he cared about would die before their prime – it hurt. So he hid in his work. Roger wasn't stupid or blind to it…
"What!" Mark seemed slightly offended by that notion.
"I mean… would you be reacting this badly if Angel had cheated on Collins?"
Mark hesitated in his response… in all honesty he probably wouldn't have reacted so negatively… he didn't know why…
"I…" he stammered. "I have no idea."
"Mark, Collins made his own choice… he has to live with the consequences, and all that crap…"
"I get it, man… but he's our buddy, and…" he sighed. "I don't know… Angel's done a lot for us. He breathed a lot of life back into us all, you know? He just doesn't seem—"
"You mean, him getting hurt by Collins will kill him… and us, too?"
Mark shrugged, down casting his eyes sadly. "I know that sounds screwed up, but—"
"Nah," Roger smiled. "You're right… you think they'll get back together?"
"Who knows…?"
The two men sat there for another ten or so minutes, thinking about what they had just discussed… it was true that Angel brought a lot of joy and love into their lives, and if his spirit could be killed, what did that mean for the rest of them? And if Collins and Angel couldn't make their relationship work… what hope was there for the rest of them, again? They always had the perfect, loving relationship that was envied so greatly, yet could rarely be matched – maybe that's what was so difficult for Mark to understand, because it had been so long since he felt the warmth of a lover's breath on his neck at night, or to feel the embrace of love or the tenderness of a kiss… maybe he had distanced himself for too long.
"Well at least some thing has come out of this shit…" Roger broke his thoughts.
"Hmm?"
He shrugged. "Collins can't leave again… he can't…"
BACK WITH COLLINS AND ANGEL – 10 MINUTES LATER
It's not like he expected anything to change… the doctor wasn't able to give an estimated time that Angel would wake up, and he was still not in the clear from anything. All they could do now, even though the prognosis was excellent, was wait and hope that everything turns out as predicted.
Collins stretched his leg out in front of him and stood up to get the blood circulating through his lower extremities again, and looked at the clock on the wall. 9:07P PM. Great. He hadn't gotten any sleep in close to thirty hours, and now he was dead tired… but he was determined not to fall asleep, for fear of missing the exact moment when Angel's eyes opened.
He sat down and rested his head in the palm of his hands. Okay, he thought, closing his eyes and leaning back against the chair. Just resting my eyes… not sleepin'… fuck! Damn it! Stay awake! But alas, when it came to the laws of nature versus one man's will power, the former would always emerge victorious and in the end, Collins' will power was no match for the desire to just close his lids and drift off into his subconscious for maybe even a moment's peace. "Sleep…" he told himself softly. Fuck it, he needed to regain his energy – maybe a quick nap would suffice to provide him with enough energy for a little while.
Only moments after closing his eyes did his mind began to shut down, and sleep overtook him… his resistance to stop it was nothing but a futile effort, and he started to doze off. Meanwhile, as sleep consumed his body and mind, on the bed someone else began to stir. A small moan marked the first sign of coming back to the mortal realm of Angel Schunard, since his arrival.
Angel's senses were overwhelmed for a brief moment as he was forced to become adjusted to his new surroundings. His eyes fluttered for a moment, but before they opened he could smell the intensity of anesthetics and morphine… his ears caught the solitary sound of a constant beep from next to him… and as his eyelids slowly parted, the light became bright and more distinct.
Fuck… he thought.
His eyes needed time to adjust the sudden change in lighting dynamics, but slowly the focus started to become clearer. He was in the hospital, and immediately the events (as best as he could remember) of the previous night came flooding back to the forefront of his mind like a tidal wave. The beatings… the rape… Collins cradling him in his arms…
Collins. Collins? Angel started looking around for any sign of his lover, and quickly relaxed a little when he saw him asleep in the chair next to him. The surroundings were new, yet relaxing… he was alive… he was given a second chance…
"Oh God," he choked up, and looked down when he felt something touching his hand – Collins' hand was locked with his, in a firm but comfortable grasp. Angel smiled and bit his lip in confusion, not knowing what to do or who to call. He wasn't in any pain, and he saw that his leg was in a cast in traction; his right arm was also mobilized, his torso was wrapped in bandages, and his face was also covered in bandages and there were IV tubes and running in and out of his body.
This is shitty… was the only thing he thought and he tried to move, but failed miserably. Like I said, he wasn't in pain – the morphine took nice care of that, its just that he lacked the energy. He knew he had lost a lot of blood that night, and he was lucky to be alive – to set things right with Collins, at least.
Sighing, frustrated, he gave up and relaxed against his pillows and turned his attention to the sleeping man beside his bed… Collins had taken a huge risk coming back, and yet he did anyway. As much as he felt he couldn't trust him, the love that shone from his eyes onto the endearing and very beautifully sculptured body that was Thomas Collins, was undeniable.
With a shaking hand, Angel slowly reached across to touch his arm, but stopped just short of it… Collins looked like he hadn't slept in days, and he actually looked at peace… he obviously had welcomed sleep, or at least his body did, because Collins was out like a light – he always had been a deep sleeper, but now he just looked totally out of the mortal world . A small smirk played across his lips and the temptation to wake up him was getting too much to resist, but he did…
"Let the baby have his bottle…" he whispered to himself, licking his lips to bring moisture back to them. He didn't wake him up, even though he wanted to… well, he want to do many things to him, in every nasty and kinky way possible… but he forced himself to put the dirty thoughts out of his mind. Blinking a couple more times to fully adjust to the light, Angel's mind was spinning with memories of what happened, and the look in Collins' eyes when he found him. Still staring at the beautiful man, Angel just wanted to kiss him so much.
He weakly turned his head sideways to get a more comfortable position to just keep staring at the man he pledged his love and life to… and he smiled weakly, just thinking. That's all he could do – think about the love he had for him. Angel's soft expression did not hide anything… no anger or fear… no spite… just love… and his thoughts reflected his love, in true Angel style...
Damn he's fucking hot!
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I tried to keep Angel's character as true as possible, so I hope you enjoyed it. Please review.
In the next chapter: Collins and Angel reaffirm their love. Collins enlists Roger and Mark to help him track down who attacked his beloved Angel. Mimi and Angel have a very sweet moment.