DESTROYED
Chapter 7
SUMMARY: In this chapter, the confrontation continues between Collins and Samuel; Roger finds out who attacked Angel.
"What?" Samuel acted innocent and casually strolled up to him, with his hands in his pockets. But seeing Collins leaned against the wall as he was, he had the instant desire to jump him right there and then… but he decided, wisely, to play this out slowly.
"I'm here visiting –" he paused. "A friend… that's all." He gave Collins his most charming smile, but found that it remained ineffective against him. The professor just glared at him and he could see the pain in his eyes… a part of Samuel flinched and wondered if Collins suspected him in what happened with Angel. He let his eyes explore the physical being that was encapsulated in beauty and almost perfect physical condition of a man who looked so normal, yet underneath such a first impression, was the brooding and very abnormal person that was Tom Collins. But it was in all his physical and mental glory that had first attracted Samuel to him, in which he Collins would forever feel would be his one fatal flaw. Lust over took reason. Lust led to comfort, which Samuel probably mistook for passion and love, and so began the dangerous game he started to play without Collins' knowledge, an endless game of cat and mouse which could turn deadly should the possessive and even obsessive Samuel Michaels fail to attain what he wants.
"Look man, stay the hell away from me," Collins challenged, his eyes a blazing red. "I want nothing to do, and got nothing to say to you."
"Oooh, I love it when you get angry…" Sam teased and stepped closer to him, seductively, and so Collins instinctively took a step back – Sam was nothing but trouble for him, he knew, and he also knew of the dangerous dislike Sam had for Angel, too… yet, being overcome with anger at the sight of him, he failed to make the seemingly obvious connection at that point. After having backed him up against the wall, Samuel smiled, thinking that this was how it should be… but he was still curious as to why Collins was here, assuming that Angel hadn't died when he knifed him.
"So, uh, why are you here?" he asked the obvious question and leaned against the wall next to Collins, who immediately shifted his position to stand away from the blood-sucking leech.
"None of your damn business!"
"I just worry about you is all, darling," Sam assured him. "You're lookin' kind of stressed there…" he tried moving closer, but this time Collins physically pushed him away, knowing that Sam wasn't going to get the subtle hints… You may wonder as to why Collins wasn't beating the shit out of him right there and then, and suffice to say, it was mainly out of guilt. As much as he hated Sam, and really wanted to shove his head through the thick brick wall of the hospital, he couldn't actually blame him for everything that happened and he still wasn't aware of what Sam had done to Angel – that he was in fact the one who attacked and raped him – and he still felt guilt. Sam had propositioned him in the club one evening, and Collins accepted. That was it.
"Fuck you, Sam. We're over with!" He snapped. "You and I are nothing; we always were…"
"Hey, hey, hey!" Sam smiled and raised his hands up defensively. "No need to get upset, baby. I understand you're hurting right now… what's up?"
"Angel was attacked. And raped," Collins' eyes narrowed and darkened. "And he barely survived and is hanging onto his life… because of me. So yeah, I'm pissed off, and am actually looking for someone to take my frustrations out on, so if you don't get the hell away from me I will beat the shit outta you!"
Samuel relaxed a little more when he realized that Angel had said nothing of who attacked him, which was probably a smart move… but now he had confirmation that Angel was still alive, so he debated whether or not it should stay that way. I'd have to be a fucking idiot to go after him now… his mind reasoned with him. He won't say anything… to protect Collins, he won't say anything…
But the risk was now forefront in his mind, and Collins was still getting more edgy, and more ready to snap. He reached out to touch Collins' arm, but the older man grabbed his wrist and sharply twisted his arm… Sam yelped and was slammed up against the wall, in much the same fashion he had done to Angel the night before. Collin stepped up behind him so closely, that his breath caused the hairs at the back of Sam's neck to stand up, which actually he found quite a turn on.
"You son of a bitch!" Collins hissed, using his bigger physical stature to keep Sam against the wall, and he began to struggle under the force of the pressure he was applying.
"I realize what I did to Angel, and it almost killed us both… you and I have nothing, you are nothing. I love Angel, and I'm damn sure never gonna leave him again. I almost lost everything once. Not again. You understand?"
"Collins, baby, I—"
"No!" He growled. "No 'Collins, baby' nothing! You're gonna leave me and Angel alone, get it? I never wanna see your face again. You understanding me?"
Sam gritted his teeth when Collins applied more pressure to his arm, which was already in a physically painful position behind his back, but he didn't want to relent… he wasn't prepared to give Collins up without a fight.
"But I lo—"
"Don't say love, please don't say love… Say it and I'll snap your neck!"
Sam managed a weak smile at that thought. "No," he defied. "You don't have the guts, Tom… you know you could never take a human life…" but he was cut short when Collins pulled his arm further, almost dislocating his shoulder in the process.
"You really wanna be tempting fate right now, Sammy?" Collins asked. "My best friend, my lover, is lying in that hospital bed fighting for his life in agonizing pain. I'm not who I used to be; you can't walk all over me anymore… I love Angel. I'll say it as long as it takes for it to get through to you… You and I are NOTHING! There is nothing I wouldn't do for him, and if it means sending you to the ER sucking air through a tube, then so be it… but you will not come between us again…"
"Argh!" Sam whimpered and bit his lip, and starting sweating from the intensity of the situation, and not in a good way. To hear Collins spew such hateful words at him was only to deepen his hatred of Angel further, and his desire to finish the bitch off for good, even if it meant he didn't get Collins… at least Angel wouldn't have the satisfaction of him either. What good is love if one of the lovers is dead? But again, he knew the risks of trying to get Angel again now were much higher and the drag queen would be more willing to talk if he knew he, or his lover or friends, would be in potential harm.
"Okay, okay!" he yelled, conceding defeat for now. "Okay, we're done, I'll leave you alone!"
It pained him greatly to verbally place a restraining order on him self to stay away from the man he loved, but the physical pressure Collins held against him threatened to cause him to pass out. He finally felt the pressure ease off him and the other man backed off and walked away without so much as a second glance, and he turned to face him, leaning against the wall panting and sweating, gripping at his shoulder and rubbing it in attempts to get the circulation flowing again to kill the pain.
"Fuck…" he muttered and slid down to the ground with his back against the wall as Collins' brisk walk created more distance between them.
"Hey!" he called after him, but he still didn't stop. "I didn't force you to cheat!". That did. Collins stopped dead in his track and turned around, shocked to hear Samuel's very obvious attempt to bait him… and you know what? He was more than willing to take the bait as he wanted just one excuse to make Sam bleed… one excuse was all he wanted, and now he had it.
"Don't tell me we didn't have something, Tom!"
That was it… the final straw that broke the camel's back and Collins stormed back over to him and towered over Sam… and instantly Sam regretted challenging him, for his emotional distress was enough to send him over the edge, for sure…
Collins reached down and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, dragging him up with relative ease.
"Once upon a time," he calmly said. "There were two men… who never had the joy of experiencing love… and then they found each other…" he dictated his words in a 'storybook' connotation, before smirking.
"You were merely a compensation for what I lacked at the time."
"And that was?"
"My Angel." Without having thrown a punch, much to the surprise of them both, Collins let him go and maturely, and wisely, decided to walk away. As each step he took distanced himself further from his past, Collins wondered why he just hadn't killed him right there and then, though we all know that isn't the type of person Collins is. Generally, though all the bad shit that went down had tested his limits, he was still the same loyal, warm, gentle man that he always had been… no aspect of his personality had changed drastically. However, even now, it had to be pondered as to why he wouldn't have let human nature taken over, but in essence a part of him was glad he was just able to walk away. And if only he had seen the scowl on Samuel's face as he continued to walk away, it just would've given him even greater self-satisfaction.
MEANWHILE, WITH ROGER AND ANGEL…
Angel had convinced Mimi to find Roger and for them to talk about what was happening, which she did… if there was really only one person who could convince Mimi to do anything that she normally wouldn't otherwise do, or think to do, on her own, it was Angel. The voice of an angel; the voice of reason; the voice of love, fun and life… even after being nearly beaten to death, his instinctive ness to continue breathe life into this group of bohemians who had accepted and loved him as any other member of their 'family', was just natural. Now, Roger was at his side in his turn to visit, and he was determined to be there for Angel and not the other way around… though it was something easier set in theory than actually put into practice, as Angel was always the one who saw light at the end of the tunnel and knew how to keep everyone happy and entertained.
And now, for Roger to see him lying there so defenseless, it did hurt… it cut deep, even for him… who would've ever thought something like this could happen to someone so pure and good? And he knew it all happened because Collins had come back into the picture, and despite Angel's apparent spark from having him back in their world, Roger wasn't entirely sure it was the best situation for any of them.
Angel watched the television with a look of sudden confusion… watching these boring day time soaps provided him with a little insight into why people like him were so misunderstood – honestly, it was like someone entering a foreign country and trying to learn the new language and culture from square one… all it was, was confusing and just overwhelming.
"I don't get it," he scrunched up his face, as best he could, in disgust, and Roger stifled a small laugh, amused at Angel's apparent confused predicament.
"Yeah? I don't think any of us do," he replied and picked up a magazine. He was also there to keep Angel company while Collins went off to think on his own for a while…"Fucking pretentious bullshit I can live without…"
"No, I mean that shirt!" Angel responded, tilting his head to see the object of his focus in a better way."It looks at least ten years old! With that Armani suit? What were they thinking, dammit? So not even in the same league…"
Roger burst out laughing and saw Angel's serious expression, and he seemed genuinely confused about an apparent crime of fashion that had been committed. Turning the television on had been a great distraction from everything for him, although he knew that Roger wanted to talk to him about this also. The problem was, he wasn't going to say anything… because if he did, if he thought about it, if he allowed himself to explain to Roger what happened as he did with Mimi… he would lose any little self control he had left.
Angel narrowed his eyes and shook his head, and Roger could see that he was silently thinking up ways he could improve the fashion on the show, disregarding the crappy storylines and the show's surrounding of the rich and powerful – complete opposites to them, hence the idea that it was like speaking and studying a foreign language.
"I like her shoes, though…" Angel muttered, to no one in particular, and accepted the straw that protruded from the side of a cup of water that Roger was offering him. With his mouth momentarily distracted by the rush of the cool life substance that ran down his throat, his eyes remained fixed on the small television set.
The two characters were arguing over some nonsense about the lady sleeping her husband's brother and becoming pregnant or whatever – those usual nonsensical, over-the-top, and repetitive story lines that barely ignited interest, only longevity of the show.
"What do people see in this?" Roger wondered, as Angel indicated he was done with the water, and he put the cup on the side table.
"Money. Power. Sex. Family. Hey, I got two out of four, not bad…" Angel grinned at this realization and weakly scratched the side of his face. Roger raised an eyebrow and folded his arms over his chest, leaning back in the chair."Maybe I can get a part on the show!"
"What two things are they?"
"Sex and family," Angel immediately replied. "I got you all... you guys are my family…"
"And the sex?"
"Oh I'll have that too, as soon as I get out of this fucking bed! I'm sure Collins would gladly oblige…"
Roger rolled his eyes and rested his hands on top of his head, flicking strands of his longish dirty blonde hair out of the way of his eyes.
"So you still want him?"
"I still got trust issues with him, but hell yeah I still want him... I love him, you know? And I have ideas of what I'm gonna do to him, like—" but Roger held up his hand and made a disgusted face.
"Dude, stop! No more!" he protested, not particularly keen on learning Angel's twisted sexual desires with Collins... it was pretty common knowledge that those two were more likely to be more open to experimenting, especially Angel… so the very thought made him shudder, and just wanted to leave the issue at that – if Angel could regain the love and trust that once bonded him with Collins, then so be it."Really, I don't need to know!"
"Suit yourself," Angel shrugged, nonchalantly, and then smirked and looked at him with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes."But you should know… a lot of the stuff we do were ideas we got from Mimi."
"What!"
"Yeah… she's actually a lot more dirty than I thought. Just warning you! But then again… I gave ideas to her, too. So don't kill me if she tries anything new, it won't hurt you," he paused and thought about that for another second, before adding, "… Well… except maybe the—"
"Okay, stop!" Roger intervened, quickly, not liking the embarrassing direction this conversation was going. Angel didn't seem disturbed at all about it, but then again, he's a HIV + drag queen who is pretty much one of the , if not the, most quirkiest people he had ever met and wasn't shy about who he was, including his interest in exploring new options, to put it politely. "Angel can we please stop talking about my sex life?"
"We're not. We're talking about Mimi's."
"Yeah," Roger scoffed and flipped the magazine open. "And her sex life is pretty much the same as mine, so stop. Now." He was slightly disturbed at how much Angel knew about the intimate details between him and Mimi… and he made a mental note to talk to her about it later. He knew those two were close, but honestly, their sex lives? Didn't they have more important things like shoes and fashion to talk about?
"Fine," Angel smiled and bit his lip. "But," he added. "From what Mimi's told me, you got nothing to worry about, Rog."
"ANGEL!"
"Okay!" he teased. "I'm sorry… sorry!" he let the subject drop… he knew full well how defensive Roger could be, and he didn't want to cause anymore problems for Mimi, with him, so he just dropped the issue completely."Remind me again why I ever brought it up?"
"I dunno," Roger shrugged. "You were complaining about the fashion on T.V…" it seemed a very strange segue from talking about fashion, to their sex lives, but with Angel, even on morphine, anything was possible.
"Oh yeah! I'd so rock their world… I'd do better."
"I'm sure you would."
"I would!"
"I believe you!" Roger laughed and shook his head. "But I doubt they'd know what they'd be in for."
"You better believe it." Angel yawned and could feel fatigue setting in quickly again… all the medication were really starting to take a hold of him again, and his eyes starting dropping. He began to wonder where Collins was, wanting for him to be at his side, even for a little protection… but unfortunately, when he thought of Collins, the events of the night before; of Samuel, came to him. Blinking away tears, he took a deep breath and settled himself into a comfortable position where he'd be able to get a decent night sleep, as the time read it was coming close to midnight.
The confusion of not knowing what to feel, or what was appropriate for him to feel, had died down a little and now it was like he was on an emotional rollercoaster – one minute he'd be just glad to be alive and with his friends, and the next thing he knew, memories, fear, and trauma turned him into an emotional wreck… and now, it was the latter… for once Samuel's image took over his mind, it was hard for him to relinquish it – for the sheer terror of what happened still rung clearly inside him. And Samuel was right. He would feel him; the touch of him – the taste of his kisses; every single part of his body that Samuel had violated would forever hold the scars to what really happened that night, and it scared the hell out of Angel to know that every time he would look in a mirror, he'd be reminded of that night. An endless grip on his psyche that wouldn't let go.
"You okay, Ang?" Rog sat up straight and put the magazine to his side, pulling the chair closer to the bed when he saw that Angel had grown quiet and distant. He was told to expect something like this, by Collins and the nurse who was on duty."Need anything?"
"Nope," Angel smiled, tense, but ended up gripping the side of the bed, not from pain, but as a stress relief… he didn't want to cry anymore. He didn't want to scream, or shout, or curse; he didn't want to have to face something that terrified him to death… the one person who tried to rip his life to shreds almost succeeded – he probably would've if it were a complete stranger who attacked him – but Samuel wanted to torture him and enjoy the moment. He wanted to punish Angel not for his own purposes, but because he legitimately felt Angel had wronged him… and so he wanted to punish him, until he got it through to him just how much he had destroyed what Sam thought he had with Collins.
"Hey, man…" Roger tried his best to understand… but how do you try talk to a rape victim on their level? He couldn't say that he understood, because that was a blatant and patronizing lie. He couldn't say that things would be okay, because there was a strong chance that the next few months would be just as, if not more, difficult for Angel to deal with… and the horrific memories were what he had to carry with him for the rest of his life.
"Wanna talk about it?"
"No," Angel firmly replied and wiped his eyes on his hospital gown. "I just," he sighed. "I'm tired." He finally admitted his physical deterioration and exhaustion, and Roger nodded.
"That's cool, Ang… you sleep all you want."
"Roger?" Angel's voice turned from strong-willed and full of attitude, to one of weakness… innocence… a child's naivety mingled with his fear.
"Yeah?"
"Will, um… will you stay? Until Collins gets back?"
"Sure, Ang. I won't go anywhere."
"Thanks."
"No problem."
Angel closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, and he heard Roger relaxing in the chair and the ruffling of pages as he sort to distract himself. It was only seconds later when Angel began to drift off under the influence of the hospital-induced drugs, and a pleasant, even euphoric feeling spread through his veins, and it was in those moments when he's lingering between the conscious and subconscious worlds, where he felt most at peace… most at rest.
10 MINUTES LATER
With the volume on mute, Roger casually flicked through the television channels in a state of complete boredom. A few minutes earlier, the rest of the group came into the room to see how Angel was doing… it was late, so they reluctantly left to go back to the loft, and Roger agreed to stay with Angel until Collins came back. None of them were comfortable with leaving the two of them alone, but it was time they really had no choice. Things were getting complicated as time went on… and those two just needed the time to sort through things on their own.
He sighed and looked out of the partially open door that connected Angel's private ICU room (thanks to Benny)… it was dark except for a few hall lights and ones that were stationed at the nurses desk. And it was quite. Ten minutes was a long time in a hospital; it can be the difference between life and death… and here it was no different. Since it was late anyway, there wasn't any more or less activity going on since, really, when they arrived at the hospital. But since Angel was sleeping, seemingly very well, and the others had decided to retreat back to the loft for the night (there was no use all of them losing sleep when they all weren't actually allowed to see him at once, and Angel was constantly drifting in and out of sleep).
Roger turned the page of the old, worn and torn magazine – not really paying any attention to the content, but more so he was just thinking… about Mimi; about what she said. Her emotional and physical problems not withstanding, her concerns could be described as legitimate ones.
But he came back to reality when he heard some soft mumble coming from Angel, and he looked up thinking that Angel was awake, uncomfortable, in pain, or whatever.
"Angel?" he stood up and leaned over him… but to his confusion, Angel remained sleeping.
Don't start talking in your sleep, Ang, he thought and sat back down. The last thing he wanted was Angel to start going off and talking about Collins in his sleep where he wasn't aware, or in control of what he was saying. Knowing Angel, he had Collins on the brain… that, or clothes, or whatever…
He kept watching to see what would happen next, and saw Angel move his head, slightly, already dreaming. He mumbled, incoherently, again so Roger leaned forward and strained to hear if he could make out what was being said – why was it so hard? There were no other sounds other than the heart monitor and breathing machine…
"No…" was the first word he could make out. Angel sounded in distress, but Roger did not dare wake him. "Fuck…"
He winced at the possibilities of what Angel was talking about in his sleep… some were sorta bad… the others were just plain nasty. So, finally, before letting it get any further, Roger placed his hand on Angel's good shoulder and thought about gently waking him up to find out what was going on inside that strange and slightly twisted mind of his, but before he could, Angel's muscles started to tense up and he started whimpering.
"Get off…" he mumbled, and initially Roger let go of his shoulder and stepped back, thinking he had awaken and was upset or whatever. "Stop…"
It took a second for him to realize that it wasn't him Angel was talking to, or about, and so he sat next to him on the bed and just listened… maybe this was something Collins should be hearing, too. Roger realized that Angel was reliving the night before… the night he was attacked…
"Angel," he softly, verbally, tried to wake him and grimaced at having to be the one to do this to him. "Angel? Wake up…"
But he got no response, and Angel continued to cry distress from his inner subconscious. "Stop… please… no… you don't get it! Fuck!"
Collins never told him that Angel talks in his sleep before, so maybe this was the first time… people who've been exposed to a major and/or personal trauma often enough experience sleep disruptions, including deprivation of sleep and restless nights.
"God no…" he sobbed a little louder, and Roger held his hand and looked around desperately for some help. This wasn't something any nurse or doctor could fix – maybe a shrink. And God knows how much they cost per the hour. So instead of doing anything, Roger decided to wait it out and hear what happened… if Angel wouldn't share his trauma, willingly, then maybe his unconscious would reveal the details and he wouldn't even know. "I love him… stop! Samuel! No!"
Roger's jaw dropped when he heard that name, and yes he knew who it was… he and Collins had been friends for a long time, and Samuel, for the better part of a year, had been a prominent part of their lives. And of course, what happened three months ago he had found out from Collins that it had been Samuel who took advantage of Collins' depressed condition. None of them… him, Mark, Maureen, or even Benny had never gotten along with him, and found him possessive and basically a total bitch. Samuel Michaels. He went out of his way to alienate Collins from his friends, and just alienate them by himself…
Luckily, Mark and Roger had talked to Collins and somehow got through to him, especially when confronted with the ultimatum – get rid of Sammy, or leave… and he had woken up to what the reality with his now former lover was.
To hear Angel crying out Sam's name like he was scared to death; like he was begging for his life… it led to only one conclusion. He stood up.
"I'll fucking kill him."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: in the next chapter, Roger decides to give Angel the option of telling Collins the truth, and Samuel realizes that his attack on Angel exposed him to AIDS, and so now he's out for revenge. Roger confides in Mark, and they confront Samuel.
(Note: Some of what's happening in the next chapter was supposed to be done in this one, but I've decided to try cut back on the lengthy chapters)