Destroyed
Chapter 11
SUMMARY: Collins confides in a friend; Samuel gets official confirmation of his worst fears, and then a twist arises…; he and Julian storm the hospital only to be confronted by Roger and Mark, which turns violent.
NOTE: Thanks for all the reviews! Don't worry, I have all your points taken into consideration… this chapter will answer all those questions.
And yes, I am fully aware of the two names of the original characters, Julia and Julian… this is purely coincidental and has no relevance to the story. Julian was a set character from the beginning, and Julia is based on my friend who wanted in on the story.
Collins sat on the bench just outside the hospital's main entrance and stared around at the half-full parking lot, just waiting for his friend to show up. It was now a little after two o'clock in the afternoon; Mimi and Maureen were still with Angel and he could only imagine what those three were getting up to. He also called Roger at the loft and was told that he and Mark were on their way; Collins also called Joanne and she said she'd be there in a few hours, but… it was really a time when he needed his friends – well, Angel probably needed them more, but Collins couldn't help but feel he needed to have someone be strong for him, even just for a while. So he made another call. And now he was just waiting for her to show up and just have someone to talk to – someone from the outside. To the rest of the world, it was him and his friends who were the outsiders who never really fitted in with society, but to them they were 'us'. They were 'together'. The rest of the world, to them, was the outsiders and there was a worldly gap between the two sides – a gap of misunderstandings and fear, and ridicule and uncertainty. But now, Collins needed someone from not of their community to just listen to him for a while and that was hard… to find someone who would just listen and not judge.
He picked up a stick off the ground and just began to play with it idly in his hands, with his thoughts miles away, deep into his mind where he couldn't be disturbed. So much had gone down in the past few days, and it seemed to have aged him over night… but it wasn't like Collins cared at that moment. He had his Angel back, but not in the way he hoped things would turn out – he would've rather that Angel hated him forever if it meant keeping that none of this had to happen. Collins would've rather the whole world hate him and punish him, rather than forcing Angel to face such torment and punishment for no other reason than because he was Collins' lover. And Samuel? Oh boy… Collins wanted him dead… if and when he saw him next, despite what he had promised his Angel, there was no doubt as to what he would do to him…
Now, Collins as we know him isn't the violent sort… but to hurt Angel was to destroy all the niceness and self control he had in him. Angel was his love; his life… and there was nothing that could be done to change what happened, but there was something that could be done about the future. Angel came so close to dying… and when Collins had seen him lying in the alleyway for that first time – unrecognizable and all that blood… all that blood… if ever a thousand hearts broke at the same time in the world, it was at that site. The world came so close to losing, in Collins' mind, the only heavenly angel who graced the mortals with his presence – that was so painful to have to live with. And knowing he was the one responsible for it? Guilt was a powerful force that could break even the hardest of souls should it be given the opportunity…
"Collins?"
Finally, something – or someone – was able to break him from the depths of his own self-torture and let the light of reality shine into his eyes and he looked up and smiled at who he saw walking towards him. He stood up.
"Hey, Julia." Collins opened his arms and she gladly obliged him a hug. The young college student was dressed in jeans and a plain t-shirt and sneakers, with her blonde hair pulled into a high ponytail. The perfect-looking college student. Julia returned the smile and had a warm, comforting glint in her eyes… just what Collins needed at the moment.
"Two days and you can't even live without me?" she teased and greatly lightened the dark atmosphere that accompanied everyone who was in or around hospitals. Collins laughed weakly.
"What can I say?" he lightly taunted back. "Just can't get enough of that wit."
"How's Angel?"
"He's, um…" Collins hesitated and quickly glanced around before looking back at her. "He's doing okay… I think he's feeling a little better…"
Julia seemed a little taken back by that comment. "What? Physically or emotionally?"
"Both, I guess…"
"After what he went through?" she asked, surprised and they started walking away from the main entrance of the hospital that led to reception, in the direction of a small, local park that wasn't too far away.
"He's not really thinking about it," Collins explained and they stopped on the edge of the sidewalk to make sure the road was clear before crossing it. "He's enjoying himself with Mimi and Maureen… they brought him new clothes and stuff to play with, so that should occupy him for awhile."
"Well, that'd do it for me… but still… he's gonna have to deal with it sooner or later."
"I know. And he is. Just, in his own way."
"And what way is that?" she continued to question and they started crossing the street. Over the past few weeks as she and Professor Collins became closer, not only had she notice changes in his behavior for the negative, but she had also noticed some positive ones too… like he wasn't pretending to be someone he wasn't. And he seemed a lot more attentive to what really mattered to him… knowledge… students… life… in his classes, he started to teach about how computer-age philosophy could and would impact their future lives, including with personal relationships… love. All Julia could hope for was that he wouldn't resort to how he used to be – in self denial and a lot more reserved.
"He has his moments," Collins candidly told her, and opened the gate to park; stepping aside like a gentleman to let her in first, and the followed closely behind. "He cries… he got hysterical a couple of times… and he told me who it was…"
"No kidding!"
"Nope…"
"Who?"
"Long story, Julia… I'll tell you later… it was an ex-boyfriend of mine."
"Fuck…"
"Yep."
Julia's shock and confusion mixed with her sudden desire to know these people more… including Mark. She had been thinking about all of them over the weekend, and couldn't concentrate on her own work or family or friends long enough to dispel all the questions she wanted to have answered. So, when Collins called and asked her to get to New York, as soon as possible, she was more than happy to agree.
"Angel is up and down all over the place," Collins continued, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Emotionally, he's a wreck…"
"Couldn't expect him to be other way; I don't blame him…" Julia agreed. "But maybe it seems having you with him is helping him through it. He isn't in denial?"
"No. He doesn't deny it. He just doesn't wanna deal with it yet. And to be honest, I don't wanna ask him to… not yet…"
"Fair enough." Julia let the topic slide as she could see it was starting to get at him, with all the questions and stuff. Collins needed someone to listen and that's what she was intending to do, but it was hard not to try give him some advice as he was clearly lost. A few minutes later, they found a bench and both sat down to talk.
"So what happens now?"
Sadly, Collins shrugged and had a touch of desperation in his eyes. "It's only a matter of time…"
"For what?"
"Until Sam finds out that Angel has AIDS…"
Julian leaned back against the bench and crossed her legs. There was something else that was bugging her… something gnawing at the back of her mind and she couldn't get rid of it. If this Sam person had really been Collins' ex boyfriend, then…
"Couldn't he have gotten it from you?" she blurted out, kind of without thinking, and understandably shocking her professor.
"What!"
"The AIDS… I mean, I'm guessing he's the one you were talking about; your ex lover, right?"
"Right…"
"And you have AIDS… you've had it for years… so…"
Thinking that as a possibility, as bad as it sounds, Collins hoped that something like that was the case… that if Sam did have the disease, that he'd have gotten it from him, instead of Angel. Angel didn't need anymore stress and trouble and he was in no position to defend himself, so any reasoning on Collins' part was that he wanted to take full responsibility for what was to come over the next few days.
"We used protection," he explained. "All the time. We both knew the risks, at least… I did."
"Did he know you had it?"
"No."
"Oh man…"
"I know, Julia!" Collins interrupted, exasperated. "Fuck this… I know I screwed up again; I know I should've told him!"
"Then why didn't you!" she was slightly pissed at the notion that he wouldn't reveal his sickness even to someone who, she assumed he had an active sexual relationship with. "Professor, I think that's something that should've been considered…"
"Like I said, we used protection. I made sure of that. Even before I knew I had it, I always used it," Collins now found himself in a defensive position, and rightly so. He knew how bad it looked to someone who didn't live the life he and his friends led – it looked like one of promiscuity, random anonymous sex in a world swimming with AIDS infected men and women who were junked up on drugs and alcohol. He hoped that Julia wouldn't fall into that school of thought, and knew she was a lot smarter than that… but he could understand her anger.
"So how did you get it?"
"One time. One time without protection. The guy didn't tell me he was infected, though I doubt he knew either… it was random… a one night stand… but I doubt he knew."
"How could you tell?"
"The way he was talking about people with it. With disgust; contempt. Anyway, the timeline fit after I got tested, which my sister insisted upon after she found out about it. Look," he turned to her. "I know I should've told Sam… it was stupid not to, but right now, all I can think about is Angel lying in that bed with tubes running through his body which are the ONLY things keeping him alive!" Collins was practically yelling now, releasing his anger, pain, guilt and frustrations all at once. Yet all the same, Julia didn't flinch… it had to come to this before anyone could move on. He was carrying a very heavy load and it was hard to not get angry with the world, with God, with anyone who he could remotely tie the blame with.
"So…" she softly thought aloud. "You don't think he could get it from you?"
"No." Collins replied, calmer, and wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his coat. "But anything's possible. That's why I hate being away from Angel… whatever happens, Sam will find out one way or the other… and he'll see fit to blame Angel. Sam's not the kind of person to sit back – he won't let it go until he punishes someone for it."
WITH SAMUEL AND JULIAN
"So you think you've been exposed to AIDS?" the doctor verbally confirmed what he was hearing from the two men sitting in his office. Whether they were lovers or not was a concern of his, but unfortunately, it was important to note Samuel Michaels' sexual history and any other ways he could've been exposed. The white-haired doctor sat behind his desk with a pen in his hand, ready to ask the questions he had to… but by first impressions of these two men, he couldn't help but be a little wary of them, or how either would react to the news should the test be positive.
"Oh, I know he has," the companion who only identified himself as 'Julian', spoke rather forcefully. "The damn idiot went and fucked a guy who has AIDS…"
"And you," the doctor looked at Sam. "Didn't use protection? Didn't know he has the illness?"
"Would I be sitting here talking to you if I did?" Sam growled, clasping his hands in his lap and rubbing them together nervously. He hated anything to do with doctors, hospitals, and blood tests… "Just give me the damn test and – let's just get on with it!" the intimidation he was giving the doctor did not go by unnoticed, and the doctor shifted uncomfortably in his seats. They looked like the type drug dealers, except about ten times more pissed off, and so he wasn't about to prolong Sam's self-torture. But right now, there wasn't much he could do… it took up to three months for the virus to show up on any test, and as much as that sucked… the man would have to live with his fear until the right time.
"Unfortunately it's not as simple as that, Mr. Michaels," he informed them. "Testing for HIV is an inherently complicated process. The virus does not show up on any tests for at least the first six or seven weeks after exposure—"
"WHAT!" Sam and Julian both screamed in unison, and Sam got to his feet and started pacing the room in a crazed and slightly threatening manner. He then leaned across the desk and grabbed the doctor by the collar of his white coat, startling the old man. "Tell me you didn't just say that…" he hissed. "TELL ME!"
"Sam," Julian pulled him back. "Come on, man… let the dude go…"
"Uh…. I, um…" the doctor stammered and nervously adjusted his glasses. "I am sorry, sir, but there is no other way and…" he kept telling Sam of the reasons why the testing was so complicated and why the illness wasn't showing up on the tests, and explained more about what the disease is and does to the body. Meanwhile, Julian sat back, thinking… something wasn't right and an idea began to form in his head… Sam really hadn't admitted, nor, to his understanding, explored the nature of his sexuality at least not seriously, until he met and 'fell in love' with Collins. If Angel and Collins are in fact lovers, then…
"Test him anyway." Julian instructed, interrupting the arguing going on between the doctor and Sam. It had been three months since Sam and Collins last had sex, so there was now a reason to test him straight away…
"Excuse me?" the doctor looked at him, confused. "The virus won't—"
"I know, I know… it won't show up on the test… just do it anyway."
Sam frowned at him. "What are you—"
"Trust me, bro…" Julian interrupted, in a reassuring tone of voice. "Doc? Can you do the test right away?"
"Well, I… yes. Yes I can, but I don't know what it would prove…"
"Just do it."
The doctor hesitated a few moments before realizing that he wasn't about to defy the will of two dangerous looking men. So while he pulled out a pair of rubber gloves to prepare to draw blood, Julian and Sam turned to face each other, with Sam giving him a look that told him to explain what he just done.
"What the fuck was that about!" he demanded to know, out of earshot of the doctor. "What—"
"When's the last time you and Collins had sex?" Julian knew the answer to that question, but he wanted the idea to form in Sam's mind too. He couldn't believe how his friend could be so, well… stupid… as to not realize the obvious connection. Slowly, after a few minutes, Sam's eyes widened when it dawned on him what Julian was thinking… Collins would never be so reckless as to sleep with someone with AIDS without protection, and by his understanding of their relationship, Sam knew Angel wouldn't keep it a secret from the college professor.
"Holy shi—"
"Yeah," Julian nodded his head. "That's what I'm thinking."
"No… there's no way! Collins may hate me, but he certainly would've told me if he had AIDS…"
"Wake up, Sam!" Julian said. "You totally almost killed off his lover, not to mention almost kinda destroyed his life! I don't think he really believes he as any obligation to you—"
"But I know him," tears formed in Sam's eyes and he bit his lip. It was certainly a possibility that Collins could have AIDS, and if he did, that he could've passed it to him. And Julian was right,he had no obligation to him and had every reason to hate him and make him suffer, slowly, for the rest of his life. But there was something about the 'wise' professor that just told him that he would've said something. "I know Collins. He's not the kind of person who'd hide this, I know that much!"
"Yeah well, what is it you told me he said? He said he's not the same person anymore? That should give you a hint, man! You tried to bump off the love of his life, after raping him and beating him into almost a bloody coma! I think you've pushed him past the point of rational thought, my friend…" Julian looked past Sam to see the doctor preparing a syringe to draw blood. The thing with Sam is that he's still in love with Collins and hated to think that his ex boyfriend would do anything to intentionally hurt him. Call it denial if you will, but it's that thought that kept giving Sam a good night's sleep.
"I just… he wouldn't!" Sam desperately tried to convince himself, more so than his friend. "He doesn't…"
"Look, I assume he had a pretty active sex life with Angel, who I know has AIDS, and It's better to be safe than sorry, so just do it!" Julian insisted just as the doctor turned around.
"Okay," he interrupted them. "Mr. Michaels, if you could please take a seat," he gestured to the specialized chair next to him. Reluctantly, Sam moved over to the chair and sat down, glaring menacingly at Julian who he blamed for putting the thought in his head. Could Collins really be capable of such vindictiveness and recklessness? Well, Julian was right when he told him that Collins was well beyond rationalizing and acting in a logical, concise, and responsible manner – so anything was possible.
The doctor wrapped a pressure tape around the top of his arm to maintain a high blood pressure in the patient's arms, and then tapped the crease of his arm to make sure the pressure was appropriate, and then he gently wiped it with clean gauze to sterilize the area. The doctor then picked up the syringe and Sam gulped when he saw it sparkle under the bright light of the doctor's office and he looked over at Julian, who just smirked at his friend's obvious discomfort – though he couldn't understand why, since Sam was a junkie who was hooked on heroin. Sam just felt nervous when it was someone else holding the needle, that's probably the reason why… but still, it was funny all the same.
The doctor then inserted the needle into his vein and began the process of drawing blood, and all was quite for the few seconds it took for the syringe to completely fill with blood. He then removed the needle and covered the spot with a band-aid and then took the vile of blood and placed it on a tray, just to the side and removed his gloves.
"How long will it take?" Sam queried, standing up and slowly exercised his arm to get the blood flowing through it properly again.
"A couple of days," the doctor replied. "Make another appointment with my receptionist and I'll put a mark of expediency on your blood. HIV tests usually take first priority anyway, but I'll let you know in a couple of days."
"Fine, fine," Julian mumbled and opened the door. "Just hurry it up."
He and Sam exited the doctor's office, with Sam being completely lost in his own thoughts… if the tests came back positive, it means that he's been infected for a while, and there was only one person who could be responsible for it. That was a fact that could not be disputed, and it was crushing him… despite the fact that he's a completely evil man who knew no bounds when it came to corrupting as many people – kids – as possible, Sam was now left completely vulnerable and it was a sympathetic situation for anyone to be in. The fear of not knowing was worse than actually knowing… it was a natural human reaction for someone to fear what or who they do not understand and don't know… in an effort of self preservation, people often are reluctant to engage in any activity that they are unfamiliar with, especially with people who they don't know, or who they thought they knew. Needless to say, if this test came back positive… people were going to bleed. If not Sam, then Julian would make sure of it.
"You ok, Sam?" Julian as, genuinely concerned, as they stepped into the elevator. He pushed the ground floor button and the elevator doors closed behind them, with Sam seemingly out of reality. He didn't think it was remotely possible like something like this could happen to him, and it went back to the fact that he had yet to really embrace his sexuality… he flaunted it, but didn't embrace it, and therefore he wasn't prepared to accept the consequences of his high risk behavior. "Sammy?"
Sam didn't look at him, and just stared at the floor… what was there to say? Something deep inside him told him that the virus was crawling its way through his veins and there was nothing that could be done about it. AIDS was – and is – an epidemic, soon to be turned pandemic. And now, he was just another statistic, hurt by the one person whom he had loved more than any other; someone for whom he'd give everything for… it wasn't possible! Now, there was nothing left for him to really live for… Sammy had always held out hope that Collins would come back to him, but once he hooked up with Angel – and Sam saw the love in his eyes he had for that drag queen – it was like someone had taken a sledgehammer to his heart. But of course, we're getting ahead of ourselves here as they had yet to get the test results back, however… he just could feel it in his blood. In his body. His own body was going to start attacking itself and be left vulnerable to even the simplest of disease…
"Sam? I'm sorry…" Julian did feel partly responsible for the depression his friend now found himself in, and it was worrying. Yes, Julian was concerned for Sam's wellbeing – but only usually felt it at 1/8th of a time… more so he was concerned for the welfare of their business dealings, especially with Randy. They needed Randy, and Randy needed them, so it was definitely a 'walking on eggshells' kind of relationship between them… they needed Randy's connection, and he needed their money and supplies. If Sam's personal issues began to threaten that, Julian would put a gun to his head, himself, and pull the trigger without question. As horrible as that sounds, that's what it was like for them growing up on the street – but still, Julian felt bad for Sam; it must've been hard to virtually find out that your life has been cut short by twenty or thirty years, or whatever. But then again, they were all hooked on drugs so if the AIDS didn't kill him, sooner or later his body was going to turn on him anyway and just stop working.
"Sam? Snap out of it…" Julian clicked his fingers in front of Sam's face, effectively 'snapping' him back to reality and Sam finally looked up just as the elevator doors opened.
"Hmm?"
"You okay?"
"Just dandy," he replied sarcastically. "Doin' just fine! Let's just get out of here…"
2 DAYS LATER – THE HOSPITAL
Julia had to return to Massachusetts to continue studying for her exams, and had stopped by to say hello to Angel who did remember her, before she left. Two days had passed with relative ease, and each hour that passed he seemed to regaining more and more strength… the dizziness had stopped, and although the pain from his chest, leg, and shoulder was still there, it had significantly subsided. It had now been four and a half days since the attack and Angel's emotional welfare also seemed to be holding up – and of course, Collins was there all that time, gladly obliging him all the cuddles and kisses he could want. Mark had visited a couple more times, and naturally brought his camera along to film, which Angel really didn't mind (although Collins did). All in all, everything had been calm, despite Angel having another couple of breakdowns which he needed to relinquish any emotions that had been built up… and for now, all thoughts of Samuel and fear had been pushed out of their minds.
Now, Collins was asleep on the empty bed next to Angel's, while Angel was being filmed by Mark that he would use for the new film he was making. Mark loved recording the lives of his friends, even the bad times, because there would soon come a time when half of them would be gone, all devoured by the ravaging forces that the virus hit them with… none of them talked about it, but they all knew it was coming. Mark made it his prerogative to document it all; not wanting to waste a minute. The outsider had been brought into his friends lives, and would stay there whether he wanted to or not.
Angel relaxed against his two pillows, chewing a mint and absent-mindedly staring at the television where another day time soap opera was playing out its boring storylines to the bored and the housewives. Mark was fiddling with his camera once more, extremely annoyed as it kept getting jammed – he was about ready to throw the whole damn thing out of the window.
"Shit!" he muttered and turned his head to get a better look at what was causing the problem, and Angel looked over at him, curiously.
"Want me to try?" he offered, half-heartedly, knowing the answer.
"Hell no," Mark replied, glancing up. "You gotta be kidding… you're about as technical as… as…" he struggled to find the appropriate word. "Joanne!" he finally managed to get out, remembering back to the year before when Maureen was protesting and had fired him to let her girlfriend, Joanne Jefferson, take over. Needless to say, she wasn't exactly 'hands on' and almost blew up some of the equipment, and Maureen had to call Mark to get him to help out. Angel was about as much use with technology as Joanne was, and so Mark knew that the second he would get his hands on it, he'd probably throw it out the window or against the wall.
"That's cold," Angel stuck his tongue out at his friend, who just returned the gesture. "And mean!"
Mark didn't respond and continued playing with his camera, while every now and then looking up at the television to see if anything interesting was going on. Not only were hospitals creepy, but they were also very dull as well – he didn't know how Angel was managing to contain himself in such a bland environment, considering that Angel is not a very bland person.
But everything was still quite with exception for the soft droning of the television, and the machines surrounding him. Angel looked over to his love and saw Collins still sleeping, somewhat restlessly, but better than he had been for days and there was a look of semi-contentment on his face. That was better than nothing.
"Too quite," Angel commented, feeling extremely bored and finally Mark placed his camera aside and stretched for a bit, yawning, as if silently concurring with Angel's statement. "Maaark!" he whined. "Honey can you get me soda? Or something?"
"Uhh… isn't the point of you being here so you can rest? And not get jacked up on sugar?" Mark counted, reasonably, and slumped down in the chair with no intention of moving. Despite it being in the early afternoon, he found himself being tired for some reason… maybe it's because of what's been happening recently that's not allowed him to sleep well – and the fact that hospitals are so dull its hard not to fall asleep. Angel just did his usual pouting of the lips and looking very damsel-in-distress to try and get his way… it worked quite well on Collins and most other guys he dated… would it work on a straight guy, though? But Mark just rolled his eyes and gave him a look that said 'Sorry, I'm not Collins', and Angel turned away from him, sulking… not childishly, but disappointed. In all fairness, Mark was right… Angel's personality was already high enough without drugs or sugar, and his liveliness he exuberated was more than enough to compensate any dreary surroundings… but this was beyond boring, even for him.
"Hey, if I gotta be stuck in this bed, at least give me something to do!" Angel responded and glanced over at Collins, who was still sleeping. "And obviously since I can't do him at the moment, I need something to compensate…"
"Aww, Angel! Don't!" Mark stopped him before he could go any further. Angel flaunted his sexuality and wasn't ashamed of it… and often enough he made it public news, like a compulsion, which in most part was okay but just slightly disturbing. Obviously, the boredom was overwhelming from the young guy who was so used to jumping around and being so energetic, and now he was forced into confinement by his own body… with a little help from Samuel. Mark didn't even want to imagine what his friend was thinking of at the moment, with his lover lying on the other bed, sleeping. "What is it with you talking about your sex life?"
Angel smiled. "Its non existent at the moment, and I'm merely trying to keep my mind focused on getting better. It's therapeutic."
"I bet it is…" Mark leaned forward and picked up an empty cup which he had noticed had fallen on the floor, and placed it on the side table. "Where the hell is everyone else, anyway?" he tried to see out of the door, which was partially open, but wasn't bothered to move and actually go see if they were out there or not. There was still a restriction on the number of people who were allowed in to visit Angel at any one time, and it had been a while since any of the others showed up… but there wasn't any concern, at least not on Angel's part, as he picked up his make-up bag from the table and opened it, pulling out some nail polish and a small compact mirror.
"Roger's with Mimi back at the loft; Joanne's working; Maureen's flirting with a nurse downstairs; Benny… fuck Benny… umm… and yeah…" Angel seemed unfazed by Mark's question and he usually made it his business to know everything about everyone at any given time, so it came no surprise to Mark when Angel startled listing off where everyone else was. Except for Benny, of course. But all Mark could do was laugh weakly and shake his head in disbelief in how quickly Angel's old, beautiful personality had returned despite what had happened. And there was no other way but to associate that indisputable fact with anything else but Collins' return… Angel felt safest with him, despite the trust issues. But Mark was still cautious. Who knows what's gonna happen over the course of the next few days… weeks… months?
"Maureen's at it again?"
"What, you think she stopped?"
"Umm… yeah?"
"Mark you gotta crawl out from under that rock, sweetie," Angel giggled and carefully undid the lid of the nail polish bottle, trying not to spill it. A beautiful deep red colour that could easily be mistaken for blood if he wasn't careful…
"Hey!" the amateur filmmaker started to protest. "I do not—"
"Oh Markie," Angel rolled his eyes and gave an empathetic sigh. "Poor, poor Markie… Maureen's still got you wrapped around her little manicured finger, I see."
"I am not –"
"Hey, I understand!" Angel reassured him, smiling weakly and blinking, trying to keep his strength up so he didn't make a mistake with his nail polish… there was nothing wrong that screwing up applying make-up and accessories, at least not to Angel. However, even though the morphine levels had decreased a little, he still found himself very tired and weak at some points. "Trust me baby, I'm a little weakling too! I mean, you see how I totally went back with my honey? Oh my God… very pathetic for my standards. But love does that, I guess…"
"So why you goin' after me!"
"Well, your situation and mine are completely different."
Mark sat back in his seat and folded his arms over his chest, wanting to hear a good explanation for this. "Oh yeah? Explain…"
"I can't," Angel replied, still undaunted. "I don't understand the science of it. Just trust me. Different."
"Do you ever stop, Angel?" Mark asked in a more amused tone of voice than curious.
"Stop what?"
Mark just shook his head. "Never mind…"
"Markie, things are different now. And things are going to be different soon, too. You'll see!" Angel's trademark cryptic remarks and off-the-wall comments did confuse and amuse a lot of people, no one more especially than his friends. But everything he did say had a meaning; his own special meaning that undeniably made him who he was… and why everyone loved him so much… and why Collins fell in love with him in the first place.
"And you're sure about that?"
"Oh for sure. See? Things are changing," Angel gestured to the man sleeping on the bed, and then to his own injuries… it seemed strange that someone who was raped and almost beaten to death could already have such an outlook on life, and maybe it was Collins being there that helped him through it… but all Angel knew was that he was done with crying… he's alive. And had the best friends; and his lover is trying to regain his trust, which will take time. But Angel was right… things were changing. "Sometimes for good; sometimes for bad, but they're always changing! It'll all come good in the end…"
"After what happened to you, you believe that?" Mark found it hard to believe. Angel pursed his lips.
"After what happened? I have to."
Then, both of them heard rustling in the bed next to them and looked over to see Collins beginning to stir. Angel struggled to pull him self into a sitting position, so Mark stood up and adjusted the pillows carefully as to not put any pressure on the multiple broken ribs Angel had sustained during the assault, as well as making sure that his plastered up shoulder which was causing the most pain. Angel muttered a 'thank you' as Mark gently helped him lay back down and be comfortable. Meanwhile, Collins groaned and rubbed at his eyes; the sudden change in lighting dimensions caused him to cover his face for a brief moment before he finally forced himself to open his eyes, and waited a few moments for his eyes to fully adjust.
"Rise and shine, gorgeous," a familiar, soft, and beautiful voice floated through the air; and just by the sound of Angel's voice, Collins couldn't help but smile and he turned his head to see his love sitting up, smiling brightly. Next to him, Mark was standing there looking somewhat confused for some reason, but he shook himself out of it.
"Hey, Collins," he greeted the sleepy professor, who in turn, sat up on the edge of the hospital bed and looked up at the clock. 1:54 PM. Great. Collins stood up and slowly made his way to Angel's bed side and sat down and kissed him… it was more of a programmed action now than it was of conscious thought, but it didn't mean that each time was any less meaningful or purposeful.
"Hey Mark," he returned the greeting and the faced Angel. "And how you doing?" he asked his injured angel.
"Better and better. And now that you're awake…" Angel said that last part very flirtatiously, and licked his lips; a mischievous gleam in his eyes. He started tugging at the bottom of Collins' shirt, sending very obvious non-verbal signals as to what he wanted to do… the thing was, he was so used to getting his way, and needless to say that he and Collins shared a very strong, healthy, physical relationship… well, it's like depriving a baby of his bottle. And he was just hungry to get his man back into bed that he was really just willing to disregard the fact that he was covered in bruises, bandages, and plasters that were keeping him breathing. Mark took this as his cue to leave.
"I'll leave you lovebirds alone," he said with a tiny hint of wistfulness. Still, he couldn't believe how willing Angel was to forgive and forget what Collins had done; but then again, having a near death experience and almost leaving so many things unsaid… tragedy can reunite even the most distant, broken of relationships. And that can't be a bad thing, right? Mark picked up his backpack and camera and reached the door before turning around. "I'm gonna call Roger to see when he's gonna get his ass back here. Need anything?"
"Oh I can think of a few things…" Angel teased, but directed his comment to Collins. What a one track mind…
"You don't have to go Mark," Collins looked away from Angel for a moment to see his friend still standing in the doorway.
"Um, hell no. I don't think I wanna see this, but thanks anyway!" Mark retorted.
"We're not gonna do anything, man…"
"Collins!" Angel protested, only to be hushed when Collins placed his index finger to his lips.
"You sure you don't wanna hang here for a bit?" a part of Collins feared that he'd lose all control unless someone was here to stop him. Three months apart had done a lot to them both, apparently…
"No, it's cool. Like I said - gotta call Roger. I'll check in on you later, Ang, k?"
"Alright Markie, see you later hun!"
"And quit calling me Markie!"
"Markie! Markie!" Angel giggled and stuck his tongue out, childishly. If this was his way of dealing with the trauma, and that was fine… but there would be no avoiding it as soon as he was physically up to leaving the hospital. All eight of the friends (yes, including Benny) wanted Samuel's blood for what happened, and if the legal justice way didn't work… then maybe street justice would…
Mark left and closed the door behind him and started walking to the elevator, leaving Angel and Collins alone. Two familiar questions ran through his head... ones he had asked himself before…
How did we get here? Why am I the witness?
JULIAN AND SAMUEL
Sam stared out over the Hudson River… just staring… not hearing anything; not seeing anything. Everything in his life had fallen apart and nothing would ever be the same… Collins left him and found a new love… he and Angel were now back together, or at least on the path to being back together (and after what happened, if that's not true love, I don't know what is)… and now, Sam had just found out that he has in fact contracted the HIV virus, and that could only mean one thins… if the results have turned up on this test, that must mean he's had the virus for at least three months. And it had been just over three months since he and Collins last shared a bed, and hadn't used protection… therefore, the transfer of the virus could only have come from the man whom Sam had loved more than anything in the world – and now wanted to kill with his bare hands. Julian stood next to him, not knowing what to say. After all, this was the man with whom he had been friends with for over twenty years, and despite their problems, he wasn't about to turn his back on him. Julian was probably more filled with rage and desire for revenge than Samuel was, who was just plain shocked at how all this could happen to him. That line of thought is a bit stupid, really, considering he was a junkie who liked to share his needles with fellow junkies, but still – he didn't think it could happen to him.
It was now 2:15 in the afternoon, three hours after Sam had received the news from the doctor that the test came back positive. Samuel Michaels had become another statistic in the rapidly rising rate of HIV/AIDS sufferers, which was tragic for anyone really… but now he had confirmation that his life was cut short for real, whether he continued his lifestyle or not.
Julian had been there with him the entire time, and it was a very emotional scene when Sam got the tragic news – he broke down in tears and was sobbing hysterically as his friend had to physically help him out of the clinic, with his first, new prescription of AZT. As much as he is worthy of hatred and being impaled on Satan's pitchfork and left to burn over an open fire (or something like that!), it was a very sympathetic situation… no one deserves AIDS, not even those who are the human picture of evil. None of Sam's plans for the future were relevant anymore, and yes he did have his own plans… but how could he try to pursue them when life as he knew it could stop at anytime? The moment his heart would finally stop beating was not at all confined to a time limit and that was the most frustrating thing of all! Now he knows he's gonna die before he's supposed to, but unfortunately the AZT doesn't come with a label telling you when it's officially gonna stop performing the necessary functions its supposed to, to delay death and prolong life… it doesn't say when you're time is up. Damn those feeble labels. Not enough damn information.
"So…" Julian attempted to make conversation, not knowing the emotional stability (or instability) of his friend. "How you holding up, man?"
Understandably, he didn't get a response, but instead, after what seemed like ages of standing at the river's edge, Sam turned 180 degrees and started walking… he had one purpose in mind…
"Sam!" he heard Julian call after him, but he remained determined in his goal. There was only one place where he would stop, and that would be his destination… at the local hospital.
TWENTY MINUTES LATER
"Mark!"
Mark turned around and saw Roger, with Mimi, walking towards him. Ahh, another happy couple – their arms around each other, as if protecting one another from all the elements of the world that could harm them or pull them apart in some way. Mark had just left one happy couple in that hospital room, and it kinda sucked to have to face another happy couple. Mimi came bounding up to him, all cheery and chirpy, and leapt into his arms, almost knocking him to the ground, but Mark managed to maintain his balance and he returned the hug.
"Hey Mims, hey Roger," he greeted them both and pulled away from her to face them both.
"How's our Angel?" Mimi asked of Angel, which is what she did first up all the time. Mimi was concerned because she knew she couldn't provide the comfort that Angel needed, and to an extent, not even Collins could do that… and it killed her to see her friend in such agony. Mimi had fallen into her own hole of self pity that rarely had she allowed herself to become emotionally attached to as many people as she had, and to suffer the pain that she did when someone she loves is in trouble. These were completely new feelings for her, in an overall completely new situation and thus experience for her. "She doing any better?"
"Well, when Collins woke up Angel was already starting to undress him with his eyes," Mark told her. "So I think he's gonna live. However, I don't think Collins will once Ang is done with him – I could see the fear in his eyes. I think he wanted me to stay up there to make sure Angel didn't go insane…"
Roger burst out laughing at the thought of that, and they all had to put up with Angel's complete whining about the lack of physical satisfaction he was getting, as he wasn't used to it. Now that Collins back, maybe this could finally keep him quiet about his sexual fantasies.
"Well as long as it shuts him up, I say let him do whatever the fuck he wants to Collins."
"Oh I think he's gonna," Mimi chimed in, adjusting the bag that was slung over her right shoulder. "Do you think it's safe to leave Collins up there with him… alone?"
"He deserves all the punishment Angel can give him," Roger told her, smirking. "Anyway, Mimi, you staying?"
"I can't," she replied, apologetically. "Benny turned my fucking heat off again so I'm about to go beat his ass… sure you don't wanna come, baby?" she flirted and kissed Roger's neck.
"As much as I'd love to see you beat the shit outta Benny, I think I'll hang here for a bit," Roger replied, fully trusting her. Last year, he discovered that Mimi and Benny had been a couple at one stage, and that she had slept with him during the time she and Roger were in the process of getting together. Once Roger found out, he exploded and dumped her right there and then, and lost a lot of trust in her… his then fragile spirit was at risk at being crushed again, and he couldn't afford that… not after what happened with April. But, finally, the two made amends and she was able to regain Roger's trust in her and their relationship has blossomed ever since. Now, he had no trouble with the 'trust' issue.
"Mark?" Mimi turned to him. "Come on! It'll so rock, we can tag-team him!"
"Uh…" he stammered in response. "No thanks, Mims. I think you can handle him good."
She shrugged, in a not-caring type of way and gave Roger a quick kiss on the lips before stepping away from them and started walking away in the direction of the loft. "Seeya guys!" she called over her shoulders, not looking back, and skipped away in her usual chirpy way. Mark turned to Roger.
"How can she always be so happy?"
"Who the hell knows?"
"No wonder she and Angel get along so well."
"No shit."
Roger and Mark had been roommates for a few years and they knew each other more than any about else from the group, and rarely did they turn on each other in times of trouble… Now that Roger had Mimi though, she had moved in, and it was definitely uncomfortable for Mark, kind of like the 'third wheel' syndrome. But things settled down until all this shit with Collins and Angel started… now the professor and drag queen were relying on their friends a lot more, and things were getting more complicated.
They sat down on a nearby bench for a while, just talking and hanging out like they used to, and it was quite refreshing…
"Has Angel said anything else about our good friend, Sammy?" Roger asked. "I mean… does he remember anything?"
"If he does, he's not sharing it… or showing it…"
"Man, he's been all over the place."
Mark reached behind his head and clasped his hands at the back of his neck and stretched out his muscles, feeling the tingling sensation as blood pumped faster through his veins to every part of his body. It was a warm afternoon yet again, and he particularly enjoyed this time of year… just before summer hit, and there was those few lingering moments where a chill would send shivers down a person's spine. To document it all was Mark's passion, for then he didn't have to come out from behind the lens and actually live it himself… but he was content with that.
But the serenity and peacefulness that existed in their world, when they were left alone, was about to be shattered when across the street, two men came around the corner, out of eye sight from them both. Samuel stood on the edge of sidewalk and impatiently waited for the cars to get out his way… he didn't know what he was gonna do. He didn't know how he was gonna do it. But he know who he was gonna do it to… Collins deserved to rot just as much as Angel did now, and he would put them both through hell for what they did to him. Becoming more agitated with every second passing that kept him from his goal, Sam started cursing under his breath and as Julian stepped up beside him, one could only imagine the thoughts that were going through his mind…
The traffic cleared momentarily, and Sam seized the moment and hastily crossed the road. Julian licked his lips and looked around the surroundings and tried to make sense of what was going to happen – Sam wasn't so mentally unhinged that he'd try and hurt them in the hospital, would he?
Julian looked over at the hospital, letting his eyes scan the perimeters for anything that could potentially inhibit Sam's emotional rampage (soon to be physical rampage if he had his way)… he saw nothing and no one of particular interest, but that doesn't mean that good ol' Sammy didn't. Sam came to a complete stop so quickly that his friend almost barreled into him, and Julian grabbed onto Sam's arm to keep from falling over, but again his friend didn't notice, and continued to stare at something.
"What is it, bro?" Julian asked and looked to see what had stopped Sam dead in his tracks. Two men who were sitting on a bench, talking, didn't seem really noteworthy to him, but the look on Sam's face told him that this was something of great significance. "Who are they?"
"Mark Cohen and Roger Davis." Sam replied, unflinching.
"Who!"
"Mark and Roger… Collins' two best friends…" Sam seemed to have calm down just a little, and that was more frightening than if he really did go off the deep end. "They've always hated me…"
"Control yourself, buddy. Middle of the day, public… don't do anything stupid."
"I just found out I have death infecting my blood and every cell in my body, Julian!" Sam growled. "Self control isn't really the most prominent thing on my mind right now."
"Just chill, okay?"
"Fuck you."
"I'll ignore that…"
"Whatever."
Sam started in the direction of the main hospital entrance in which his journey would bring him within very close contact with the two men that, in his mind, poisoned Collins against him and destroyed their relationship. If there was ever a moment in which Sam would lose his temper and get violent, this was it… he hated them more than he hated Angel, and that was saying something.
Out of the corner of his eye, Roger saw two people approaching them, and human instinct made him give a quick, yet non-interested glance in their direction, however, when he saw a familiar face come into focus, his heart skipped a few beats… in fact, it almost stop.
"Fuck," he muttered and reached over and lightly shoved Mark's shoulder, as he was writing something in his notebook. Mark looked up.
"What!"
"We have company…"
"Wh--?" Mark was about to ask who he was talking about, but stopped, mid-sentence, when he followed Roger's gaze and saw who in fact had struck such a nervous tone in Roger's voice. "Oh shit…"
They both stood up at the same time and their eyes met Sam's and his friend's… the confrontation was shocking, yet inevitable, and a physical outburst might very well come to fruition… the wild look on Sam's face was enough to tell them that he was beyond pissed.
"Sam, you fucking-" Roger spat at him and started towards him, but was held back by Mark. Julian didn't do the same with Sam, however, and Collins' former boyfriend stormed over to Roger and curled his fist so tight, it quickly becoming white and discoloured from cutting off the blood flow to the tips of his fingers. Without saying a word, Sam took no time to hesitate and he swung at Roger, his fist connected with his jaw. Following a sudden yelp in pain, Roger stumbled backwards, knocking into Mark and sending them both to the floor.
"SHIT!" Mark cried in shock and pushed Roger off of him. Both of the young bohemians were now on the ground and Sam and Julian were standing over them. Rather than being smug, or making some smart ass comment, Sam remained silent, and as quick as lightning he reached into the inside of his jacket and pulled out a gun, pointing directly at Mark's head. It was broad daylight, but there was no one around, and it was very likely they would be caught… but Sam was way too pissed to care. Julian then reached out and forced Sam to lower his arm, and was greeted by a harsh shove to his chest…
"What thehell is wrong with you!" Julian hissed and wrestled the gun out of his friend's hand, taking control of it and hiding it from sight. But Sam's focus remained completely on Mark and Roger who were struggling from the shock of just seeing Sam now, let alone being physically assaulted by him.
"Where is he?" Sam demanded, not caring who answered, as long as he got one. Roger simply responded by trying to stand, but was soon countered when Sam's foot met his rib cage, once again sending him to the ground in temporary agony. Sam reached down and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, as he gasped and grunted for breath. "Don't make me ask you again, asshole!"
"Who!" Roger managed to cough out, though having a good idea of who he wanted. "I'm not giving you directions so you can finish Angel… fuck you!" his resistance was met by another kick to his torso and he let out a cry of pain, as Julian kept Mark at bay. Finally, Roger managed to struggle to his feet and pushed Sam off of him, before helping Mark up. Feeling the blood trickling from his lower lip, Roger's expression was dark and it was obvious that all he wanted to do was tear Sam apart.
"Collins!" Sam yelled. "Where is he?" he reached into his pocket, since Julian had taken the gun from him, and pulled out a knife just so that Mark and Roger could see that he was serious.
"He doesn't wanna see you," Mark interjected. "I thought he made that clear…"
The side of Sam's mouth twitched… every instinct in his body; every pulsating desire was overwhelmed by anger and there was nothing that was stopping him from unleashing his anger on them, but Julian's voice of reason remained in his head, and this was neither the time nor place to tear at their vital organs with the pocket knife, the same pocket knife that he had used on Angel. As the blade glistened in the sunlight, it drew Mark's gaze and his heart started beating harder against his ribcage when he could see specks of a dry, dark red substance was covering much of it. Angel's blood…
"You almost destroyed Angel!" Roger growled darkly and took two steps up to challenge Sam, but again, Mark held him back… this was beyond dangerous now, and the murderous gleam in Sam's eyes told him just enough to know that Roger's volatile temper had to be kept in check, whether or not by force… he had to be kept in control. "You almost killed him! You raped him, you tortured him," he eyes were now ablaze… the rage that was visible could not compare to what he was feeling. Mark remained somewhat cooler, though more shaken, and stood a couple of feet behind Roger.
Sam and Roger were standing eye to eye…
"He deserved every second of it," Sam whispered, and started smirking a bit. "He destroyed it all…"
"You raped him. Stabbed him. Beat him almost to death. Broke his body… but he still has Collins," Roger taunted back. "He still has his love. And he still has his spirit. That's something you'll never be able to take away…"
Julian was all for beating the shit out of them, but in the cowardly fashion, he preferred to do it out of sight and out of mind from where they were now. He also preferred to jump his potential 'victims' from behind and restrain them, making it easier to control the situation. He and Sam were all about control, no matter how evil or cowardly it seemed. But right now, it was like nothing else existed between Sam and Roger and things were just heating up.
"I found out today… I have AIDS…" Sam explained bitterly. Roger's already swelling jaw dropped in shock and Mark raised an eyebrow… both were thinking the same thing, that it couldn't have happened to a more deserving person. He knew as well as his infected friends that there was no possible for test results to come back so quickly, if in fact Samuel suspected Angel gave it to him, unless…
"I know your friend Angel has AIDS," Julian furthered the explanation, trying to intimidate them as he cracked his knuckles. "And given the circumstances of Angel's and Sam's little encounter on Friday night, I advised him to get tested."
"Wait," Roger interrupted. "There is no way the virus can show up on the test in two days…"
"Shut the fuck up for a minute," Julian told him. "We were just getting to that bit…"
Sam leaned against a light post, still playing with the knife in his hands, wanting Roger and Mark to see it the entire time, as well as the blood. "The doctor told us that AIDS won't show up on the test, but my good friend Julian here, who knows people who know people who've had encounters with a drag queen by the name of 'Angel', actually put that fried brain of his to good use. He knew all about my history with Collins, and that Collins is Angel's lover. Since Collins and I had our little encounter three months ago… Julian made the suggestion that I get tested anyway…"
"And low and behold," Julian took over, smiling at the stunned expressions on Roger's and Mark's faces. "His test came up positive. Now, Sammy here has been a friend of mine, a close friend of mine since we were kids, but that not withstanding, he also happens to hold all the supplies we need, including the cash, for us to conduct our business…" he started to circle the two younger men who were too caught up in the shellshock of this news to really react. "And when his personal business starts to affect him when it comes to business, I get pissed. And right now we're in the middle of a real big deal that's about to go down in the next couple of weeks. Now… how the hell could Sam have gotten AIDS and have it show up on a test after only three fucking days…?"
Roger shrugged, but Mark made the connection for him. "… Collins infected you!"
"Bravo, Mark!" Sam patronized him. "Now, if you'll excuse me while I go gut the son of a bitch, and—"
"Like hell you are!" Roger finally was free enough to lunge at Sam, but before he got to him, Sam held out the knife and waved it in front of him, effectively holding off his would-be attacker. Roger glanced between him and the knife, breathing deeply… blood dropped off his chin and onto his shirt – good thing. "So Collins gave you the virus? Fuck that, this ain't about him…"
"Oh? Enlighten me, Mr. Davis. What the hell do you think this is about!"
"You. You and your fucked up life – you always like to think you weren't like us… that you weren't scum! You flaunted your homosexuality, drug use, and gun running schemes like an addiction and nothing more. You never admitted to yourself that it's your life, that's why you can't deal with it now!" Roger snapped and continued to let the blood floor. He didn't want to bait Sam or Julian, but he wasn't scared to if he was forced into that position. He looked at Sam, and then touched some of his own blood with his finger, and then extended his arm towards him.
"Here. See? This is what you got running through your veins now. AIDS. 'The virus'. Death. Yeah, I got it too. So does my girlfriend. So does half the fucking junkies in the East Village. You want to live fast, and not die young… you figured if you didn't accept it as your life, you wouldn't have to accept the bad shit that goes down with it. Well tough shit, man… pretty soon you're gonna be dead, just like me… like Angel, like Collins… it's your life. We never liked you because you almost dragged our friend down into the fucking ditch where you belong. And we don't give a shit what you do with your life," not fearing the knife any long, Roger stepped forward and back Sam against the light post again… both Julian and Mark stood there, dumbfounded at what the struggling musician was saying.
"And how do I know this? Because… you came here, wanting to… gut… your 'one true love' as you would say. And you're no different then the rest of us, with or without the AIDS. Fucking delude yourself all you want, but that ain't ever gonna change…" Roger then turned his back to Sam (dangerous move, of course) and walked away, gesturing for Mark to follow, which he did… for some reason, this was more of Roger's fight, or at least he knew what to say better than Mark did… and for some reason, both Sam and Julian remained speechless as their fellow bohemians walked away, having apparently won this battle.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Okay, sorry for the long chapter and please review! So Roger and Mark walk away from the potentially explosive situation between them and Samuel and Julian. In the next chapter, Julia returns and talks with Mark… they get to know each other better. Angel finally opens up to Collins about all he could remember from the night he was attacked. Might throw some other stuff in, depending on how the chapter pans out.
Please review and let me know as to whether or not I should continue!