Title: Coin Toss

Author: LLW

Rating: K

Summary: Doubts of his actions start to seep into his head, and it takes all the willpower within him, to resist; to bite down the fear and second guessing from flowing forth and enveloping him.

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS. There the obvious has been stated.

Author's Note: For Sammie, who through our talks was my inspiration for this piece.

The night is darker and colder than he had earlier anticipated when he had left his house and his boat. He feels slightly chilled from the strong breeze pulling at his coat but not so much for it to be considered a hindrance. This is the second time he's been here in the space of 3 hours; the watch on his wrist reads 10:38.

Overhead the street lamps fall around his figure every once in a while when he ventures through the circular pools on his way to the destination intended. As he makes his way across the street to stand in front of her apartment building he notes the absence of light on path, and for a time briefly wonders the dangers of such an absence. Therefore a mental reminder is made to take that up with the council, an act more for her safety then anyone else's. He looks up and spots her window, acknowledges the light peeping through her thick curtains, the brief shadow moving within and knows she must be occupied and still very much awake.

For the longest time he had sat in his car, watching that same light, hoping it would go out and thus give him an acceptable reason to drive off once again into the night like he had done earlier tonight and every other night for the pass few months. It had taken two cups of coffee, and an hour and ten minutes later before he emerged from his car, to stand beside the tree opposite her apartment complex; ten minutes longer than he had designated himself once he had stopped the car. Now with his hands shoved deep into his coat pockets, and with a breath that clearly resembles mist, he makes the trek up to her door, thankful that her apartment is three floors up.

On his way towards her door, he notices that the walls on either side of him are painted dull beige, which is slightly peeling in certain places to expose the graffiti that it was intended to cover up. He has to compliment whoever was responsible for this minor act of dignity, as flawed as it may be, the effort is there and he acknowledges it. He's been around way too many apartment complexes where bold black scrawled across the walls are what he would usually come to expect; that paint, and paint only on walls seems to be a foreign occurrence in his everyday life.

It isn't long before he reaches her floor, passing doors without really noticing the closing proximity between his position and her door. For a moment he hesitates, turns, and then takes a step down ready to go back the way he came from. Doubts of his actions start to seep into his head, and it takes all the willpower within him, to resist; to bite down the fear and second guessing from flowing forth and enveloping him. Momentarily surprising himself he changes direction, once again facing forward towards her door. At this very moment he wishes for a strong black coffee in his hand, and with the knowledge that coffee could only be a single knock away he ploughs on, ignoring the little voice of uncertainty incessantly whispering in his ears. Coffee always made things better for him; it was his chocolate.

The walk to her door, although only a few feet, feels much longer to him than it rightfully is. Once in front of her door, he stands oddly and just stares at every inch of the polished white wood surface; the somewhat tarnished handle, the gold plated number that is just the slightest bit off centre, and even the little peeling of the white paint along the right hand corner of the door. His attempt at distraction though soon grows tiresome, and anxiousness starts to creep up into his stomach. He can't stand out here all night and he knows it. It's now or never, and he comes to realise that at this moment he hates the sentiment it holds.

Still unsure of himself, Gibbs reaches into his pant pocket, grabs hold of a coin and brings it forth. The coin feels heavy resting on the palm of his hand; the weight of implication falling solidly over him. Closing his hand firmly he moves the coin to rest in between his thumb and forefinger lightly running the pads of his finger and thumb along the embossed surface. The glint of light reflected off the metal surface seems so magical that maybe the world he is living in isn't real at all. It isn't long before his grade eleven physics kicks in though, and what he thought was supernatural only a minute ago, seems so normal now.

Positioning the coin, he utters a single word. A flip, a flash of sliver slicing the air and his fingers wrap firmly around the cool metal disc. There is a little bit of fear in him as he turns the coin over on his left hand, his right stays positioned on top of his left covering up the result that could very well change the foundations of a relationship that he has come to value these past few years.

Taking a deep breath, he lifts his hand and looks at the image that stares back at him. Before the flip he decided that whether he accepted it or not, he intended to follow through with whatever outcome the coin dictated and now was the time to act. Placing the coin, back in its point of origin, he then brings his hand an inch away from hitting wood. He pauses, thinks over his situation then allows his knuckles to strike the wood firmly, in rapid succession. His breath is held, and a tinge of regret, mingled with fear, hits him. Shaking it off, he decides now is not the time. Shuffling is heard on the other side of the door, before it swings open and the light from within falls upon him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As Kate Todd walks into the bullpen she notices a white envelope propped neatly on her desk, her name scrawled in a familiar writing. Curiously she walks over, puts her things down and sits in her chair, pulling her letter opener out of her top drawer. Sliding the blade through the top she sees two items within. The first being a single folded sheet of paper, the second oddly enough to her, a small twenty cent piece. Placing the coin on her desk she opens the note and reads:

Katie,

For whenever a hard decision needs to be made.

-G

And as she places the note down, she stares confusedly at his desk, wishing he was there so she could question him, unaware that a few feet away he is standing watching her with a small wistful smirk on his face.

END

AN2: Sorry for the long, long wait. Comments and constructive criticisms always welcome. Thanks for reading.