"I'm Not Quite Dead Yet"
by Neesie-pie

It had been a week since Oscar Goldman's funeral, but for Jaime the passage of time had done nothing to ease the pain that still resonated deep within her. Losing Oscar had shaken her whole world, and even returning home to the familiarity and security of Ojai was of little comfort to her.

The early morning light found her seated in Helen and Jim's kitchen, arms folded on the counter, chin resting on them, talking quietly with Helen about the funeral service. A look of great sadness colored Jaime's features. Helen loved the young woman like a daughter; it troubled her to see Jaime in such pain, even though she knew that Jaime's feelings for Oscar had been much deeper than Jaime realized and that this loss would be extremely difficult for her. For the past week she had tried to help Jaime work through her grief, sometimes listening late into the night as Jaime tearfully tried to quiet a sorrow that would not be silenced.

Jaime's left ring finger still bore the diamond ring from Oscar's letter; she had gotten it sized upon her return to Ojai. This final token of his affection meant more to her than anything else she possessed. It was also a painful reminder of all of the things she had allowed to go unsaid and unacknowledged between them – the fact that she was as much in love with him as he was with her, that to really have become Mrs. Oscar Goldman and build a life and a family with him would have been her greatest joy. It shamed her to realize that it took his death to make her admit the truth.

The ringing of the telephone interrupted their conversation. Helen answered it and quickly passed the receiver to the woman on the other side of the counter.

"Hello Jaime? It's Rudy…" His voice sounded stressed, but Jaime attributed that to the aftermath of Oscar's death. "I have something to tell you, but I think you'd better be sitting down first."

The remark puzzled her. "What is it, Rudy?"

"You are not going to believe this - Oscar's alive!"

"What!" He was right - she could not believe what she had heard. Perhaps her bionic ear was playing tricks on her.

"He's alive, Jaime. He wasn't killed in the explosion – he wasn't even on the plane!"

She heard his words but could not make sense of them. "What are you saying, Rudy?"

The doctor patiently repeated himself, "Oscar's alive, Jaime – I just spoke to him an hour ago. He was going to call you himself, but he thought that might be too much of a shock."

"But – but what about the DNA they found?"

"His luggage had already been loaded on the plane – that's probably what they found, DNA from a hairbrush or something like that. He's alive, Jaime, and on his way back to the office. He went into hiding when he realized what had happened – he couldn't contact us for fear of giving away his location. It turns out he had no idea everybody thought he was dead."

As the shock of the news subsided, Jaime's stunned expression gave way to tears of joy, "I – I can't believe it!"

"I know - we were pretty taken aback here as well." The voice paused, then continued, "I, uh, took the liberty of ordering up a plane for you at the base – if you can leave in the next few hours you should arrive shortly after he gets here."

"Are you kidding? I'll leave right now!"

Rudy was well aware that Oscar and Jaime cared for each other far more than either of them were able to acknowledge, and now couldn't help but chuckle at her eagerness, "Easy, Jaime, easy – we've all been through a lot these past couple weeks, Oscar included, so let's just take it nice and slow."

Jaime smiled at the doctor's unceasing concern for everyone's well being. Almost as an afterthought she asked, "Have you told Steve yet?"

"Yes, I just got off the phone with him. He's going with me to pick Oscar up." The joy in Rudy's voice at the return of his friend was unmistakable.

"Just the two of you?"

"Oh no - you don't think Hansen would go for that do you? A whole squad of NSB goons is going with us."

The mention of the National Security Bureau brought to mind a sinister thought as visions of robots and imposters flashed through Jaime's head. Her tone was suddenly grave, "Rudy – do we know that it's really him?"

Rudy laughed, "It's really him, Jaime. The doctors at Rhein-Main Air Base took a DNA sample – perfect match."

Jaime quickly filled Helen in on the news. Fighting the urge to immediately jump in her car and drive to the base, Jaime instead made herself to go back to the carriage house, take a shower, pack a few things. Her heart pounding and her thoughts racing a mile a minute, she tried to force herself to be calm. The mantra she had recited at the funeral, Be still my soul, took on a whole new meaning now. She picked out her favorite dress, a deeply cut wrap that brought out her hazel eyes. A few changes of clothes in a small suitcase and she was ready to go. The last thing she grabbed on her way out the door was Oscar's letter from her nightstand.

-----------------------------------------

Although a strong tailwind made the flight time shorter than usual, for Jaime it still seemed to take forever. As she tried in vain to pass the time, her thoughts automatically turned to that which had consumed her for the past two weeks: Oscar Goldman. She had always brushed away questions about their relationship by saying that he was like a father to her, but deep down she knew that her feelings for him were very different. And now, as though in answer to her prayers, it seemed she had been given a second chance -- what would she say to him?