NOW BACK TO OUR SHOW

Naruto: Kiss me, I'm missing a toe!

Sakura: Welcome back to "A Ninja X-mas". You know, the smell of frozen snow always brings back the memories of when I was a little Sakura, in the choir!

(Music begins; Sakura and Sasuke "sing")

Sakura: Deck the halls with boughs of holly,

Sasuke: Gabba gabba hey, gabba gabba gabba hey.

Sakura: That's not how it goes!

Sasuke: Yes it is.

Sakura: Oh. (pause) Naruto, start the tape over.

Naruto: (rewinds tape to start of song)

Sakura: Deck the halls with boughs of holly,

Sasuke: Gabba hey, gabba gabba hey hey hey.

Sakura: 'Tis the season to be jolly,

Sasuke: Gabba hey, gabba gabba hey hey hey.

Sakura: Don we now our gay apparel,

Sasuke: Gabba hey, gabba hey, click click click hey.

Sakura: Troll the ancient Yuletide carol,

Sasuke: Gabba gabba hey, gabba hey hey hey.

Sakura: Don we now our gay apparel,

Sasuke: Gabba hey, gabba hey, gabba gabba hey hey.

Sakura: Troll the ancient Yuletide carol,

Sasuke: Gabba gabba hey, gabba hey hey hey,
Gabba gabba hey, hey hey hey hey!

Naruto: (watching Santa drive by on motorcycle) See the blazing Yule before us.

Sasuke: Gabba hey, gabba gabba hey hey hey.

Sakura: Strike the harp and join the chorus,

Sasuke: Gabba gabba hey, gabba gabba hey hey.

Kakashi: Follow me in merry measure, (flies through ceiling)

Sasuke: Gabba hey, gabba hey, gabba gabba hey hey.

Kakashi: While I tell of Yuletide treasure, (out in space)

Sasuke: Gabba gabba hey, gabba hey hey hey.

(Kakashi falls back to the ground with a crash)

Sasuke: Gab-ba hey, gabba hey hey.

Sakura: Don we now our gay apparel,

Sasuke: Gabba hey, gabba hey, gabba gabba hey hey.

Sakura: Don we now our gay apparel,

Sasuke: Gabba hey, gabba hey, gabba gabba hey hey.

Sakura: Don we now our gay apparel,

Sasuke: Gabba gabba hey, gabba hey gabba hey,
Gabba gabba hey, hey hey hey hey!

Kakashi: That just didn't sound right.

Naruto: Click!

Kakashi: Ehhh... X-mas is a warm time, a warm time of togetherness and family, of love and happiness. Y'know, that reminds me of the time Sasuke was beaten like a defenseless little baby by his big brother! Heh heh heh heh...

(Sasuke glares most hatefully at him)

Kakashi: Here they are - my most evil and hideous of enemies, Orochimaru, Kabuto, Itachi...

Sasuke: (hisses)

Sakura: Sasuke, that's not very X-masy...

Kakashi:...Haku, and Zabuza! They're here to sing "The 12 Days of X-mas"!

All: On the first day of X-mas,
my true love gave to me,

Haku: Hi, my name is Haku!

All: On the second day of X-mas,
my true love gave to me,

Zabuza: Two plus eight is ten,

Haku: Hi, my name is Haku!

All: On the third day of X-mas,
my true love gave to me,

Itachi: Three reruns of "What's Happening,"

Zabuza: Two plus eight is ten,

Haku: Hi, my name is Haku!

All: On the fourth day of X-mas,
my true love gave to me,

Kabuto: Four quesadillas,

Itachi: Three reruns of "What's Happening,"

Zabuza: Two plus eight is ten,

Haku: Hi, my name is Haku!

All: On the fifth day of X-mas,
my true love gave to me,

Orochimaru: Leonard Nimoy sings!

Kabuto: Four quesadillas,

Itachi: Three reruns of "What's Happening,"

Zabuza: Two plus eight is ten,

Haku: Hi, my name is Haku!

Kakashi: Enough! That was pitiful.

Naruto: Click click click.

Kakashi: Here's another show while Sakura bakes us some X-mas goodies. (sniff sniff) What's that smell, Sakura?

Sakura: It's your butt roasting over an open fire.

Kakashi: Oh. Watch the show, I've got a goose to cook. Ow, ow, ow!

(He runs off, his ass ablaze… leaving the kids with their enemies.)

(Silence)

Itachi: Y'know, X-mas just wouldn't be X-mas without Sasuke doing the Dance of the Candy Canes for us.

Sasuke: WHAT!

Itachi: Come on Sasuke, it's Auntie Mei's favorite!

Sasuke: Uggghhhhuuuccck…

Itachi: Well, how about Jingle Bells?

Sasuke: No way in hell.

Naruto: Okay! One two three four! (band starts playing) Hello Cleveland! Anarchy in Jingle Bell Land! Yowwwww!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, yeah, alright!
Jingle, jingle, jingle bells, yeah, wa-wow!

Sasuke: God save the Queen!

Naruto: Yeah yeah yeah!

Sasuke: She ain't a human being!

Naruto: Click click click click click click click!

Sakura: Hee hee hee!

Sasuke: Alright! Thank you...

Kevin Meaney: (appears for 0.5 seconds, looking puzzled)

Sasuke: Jingle bells, jingle bells, clickin' all the way,
I bought some clickin' jingle bells for cheap at Pick 'n Pay.

Naruto: Jingle bells, eh, er, um... click click click click,
Don we now our gay apparel! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah yeah yeah!

Sakura: Bring it on home, boys!

Sasuke: Jingle jingle jingle jingle jingle bells!

Naruto: Yowwwww! Good night, San Diego! You cats are beautiful!

(Roaring applause)

Naruto: Well, that's it. Thanks for watching! See you next X-mas! Peace on Earth and good will towards men, women, and whatever Haku is.

(Haku stares)

All: We wish you a Happy Birthday,
We wish you a Happy Birthday,
We wish you a Happy Birthday,
and a Happy Birthday!

Zabuza: We wish you a Happy Birthday,
We wish you a Happy Birthday,
We... man, this is fucked...

Haku: We wish you a happy merry,
Merry merry happy birthmas,
We wish you a X-mas birthday,
and… Naruto's days are now numbered.

Kabuto: Now bring us some figgy pudding,
Now bring us some figgy pudding,
Now bring us some figgy pudding,
and bring some right here.

Orochimaru: A Happy Birthday, to you and your kin,
we wish you a Happy Birthday and a Happy click click!

Itachi: Good tidings to you,
And all of your flesh,
We wish you some figgy pudding,
and a nice Halloween!

Kakashi: We wish you a merry birthmas, and a X-mas New Year!

Naruto: A Ninja X-mas has been brought to you by... by some things... right, right over there... and, uh... Goodnight, everybody! Hey, uhh.. Haku, whatcha doing with those needles - OW!