Living The Dream- Chapter One- Scaring The Locals- Ammie's POV
Disclaimer: Pity, we don't own PotC, if we did, the movie would include Jack falling in love with both of us... :( Then he would eat cookies. I like cookies.
Ammie sat mindlessly in front of the television screen. Usually, watching the telephone wasn't that captivating, but today, Ammie's friend, Josie, was over for one sole purpose, to watch Pirates of the Caribbean. Or rather- Captain Jack Sparrow.
"Josie, pass the Root Beer!" I spastically ordered as I watched Josie enter the room with the popcorn she had wanted.
I had told her before, I don't respect the whole authority thing and this wasn't an exception. I had to be in charge! Besides, that's what Sparrow's do and I, Captain Ammie Sparrow, was in fact a certified Sparrow! I smiled broadly with the mental picture of Jack smirking in my mind.
"Yes, almighty squacker." She said throwing a root beer at my head. It connected hard. "Squacker?" I asked. "WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL OSTRICHES WOULD YOU CALL ME THAT!""Cause you squack a lot! LOOK! IT'S JACK MY MAN!" Josie said throwing herself at the TV "He knows he wants me."
"He's MINE!"
"That's what you think! Let's split him in half!"
"Okay." I looked at Josie and at the same time we shouted. "I GET THE WAIST AND UP!"
"There is only one way to settle this." Josie said.
"You mean..." I gasped.
"Yes...whoever eats the most cookies my grandma made will get his upper half."
"Fine." I agreed. Josie's grandma made the hardest and worst cookies ever. We were in for something.
"Are you ready?" She asked me.
"Bring it on!" I grabbed a handful of cookies and we were off.
As I shoved a couple cookies into my mouth, I nearly gagged.
"BLOODY HELL!" I yelled at Josie between cookies, "WHAT ARE THESE MADE OF?"
Josie looked up at me with a inquisitive look.
"Peanut Butter and Bologna, why?" she answered.
"WOOT! I LOVE THESE!" she joked sarcastically.
Josie looked over to me as if I was a freak, which I was.
These would be great with Sunkist, you know." Amber added as she finished her sixth cookie.
However, Josie could see my distress. Josie reached over her pile of cookies and poked my nose, making me spit out all of the contents of my packed mouth.
"HA! I HAVE WON! MUAHAHAHAHAH! VICTORY IS MINE!" Josie shouted running over to the TV "See Jack, that nasty lady won't hurt you anymore." Suddenly, the shot went from Jack to Barbossa and Josie screamed. I laughed.
"Sucker! Look's like Jack doesn't want you!" I told her. She scowled. I helped her up and we both sat on the couch drinking our root beers and eating popcorn.
"God, I want to sock Elizabeth in the face." Josie announced standing up. "Jack? Jack Sparrow!" She added imitating Liz. "YES LIZ JACK NOW SHUT THE HELL UP YOU WHINER!" She screamed at the TV.
"You are crazy." I informed her.
"I know." She smiled plopping herself next to me. She knocked all the popcorn on the floor in the process.
"LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" I shouted jumping up.
"Sorry...it's not my fault that I, Josie SPARROW, haven't learned to be more careful." She said as I shoved a broom in her hand.
"Clean." I demanded.
"FINE!" She said. "Squacker." She added under her breath. I went to the cupboard and tried to grab the dust pan but it was far away. I leaned over on my tip toes, trying not to fall down the stairs and kill myself.
"AMMIE! I AM DONE!" Josie shouted.
"JOSIE...NO..." I screeched but it was too late she had pulled open the door and walked into me and we both fell to our doom.
"Josie?" I asked assuring she was still alive.
"Mhmm." was all I heard, but it was enough, Josie was alive and I had a new idea.
"You know, we could always split Jack down the center. I call left side!" I hyperactively noted.
Josie jumped up.
"That's bloody perfect, AMMIE!" she said.
"I know!" was all I could say, though it was pretty spazzy, "Let's go finish watching PotC"
"Zat is ze best idea I haff heard" Josie noted before walking back into the Rec Room where they watched all of their happy movies (mostly Pirates of the Caribbean.).
When they got back into the room, Ammie simpered mischievously.
"JACK!" I hollered at the TV. The Television wasn't working properly; it was all fuzzy and crackly!
"AMMIE! FIX IT!" yelled Josie. She was sitting only about 2 feet away from me.
I stood up quickly and staggered, in a way similar to Jack's, to the television. I jokingly looked back at Josie and looked around in a Jack like manner before poking the television.
"BLOODY LOBSTERS!" I screamed as my finger disappeared, "Josie- HAVE I GONE MAD!"
Josie stood up and walked towards the television, she poked it in the save way. Her hand disappeared as well.
...o0o...
"WHERE ARE WE!" Josie screamed, shielding the sun from her eyes.
"On the beach?" Ammie answered.
"This is no normal beach." Josie told her. "HOLY RUM GODS! This the beach..."
"I just said that."
"PORT ROYAL' BEACH!" Josie and Ammie looked at each other and screamed in delight. Immediately the stopped and looked at each other.
"We shall never speak of this girly moment for the rest of our lives. Savvy?" Josie said.
"Savvy!" Ammie said mocking Captain Jack Sparrow. "Now, where can we find us a handsome, charming..."
"Roguish, psychotic, Jack Sparrow?" They both pondered on this thought and Ammie yelled.
"THE DOCKS!"
"Brilliant Ammie. So very smart."
"I know."
"At least one of us is smart." Josie murmured. "I have nothing in me noggin." She hit her head and it sounded hollow.
"Woah." Ammie whispered.
"I know, it's so cool."
"You wish." Josie and Ammie began walking around when they noticed that they were wearing their clothes from 2005.
Josie was had on her 'Soon to be Mrs. Sparrow' shirt, Black jeans and her red and white K-Swiss. While I was wearing my 'I -heart- Captain Jack Sparrow!' t-shirt, Jeans, and Converse. My shirt even had a picture of Jack on it!
"We need clothes." Josie stated looking around.
"Thanks for the tips." Ammie muttered.
"There is no way in hell, that I am going to wear a dress." Josie said eyes wide and staring at a lady walking by her in a big, poofy dress.
"Likewise man." Ammie replied looking around. "Look, I want to wear something like that." She pointed over to two men about their size. Josie got a mischievous look in her eye and walked over to the men.
"Josie!" Ammie yelled. "What are you doing? DONT GET US IN TROUBLE." Josie just shook her hand at me and continued to walk up to the men. Problem: JosieTrouble. AmmieNo Trouble.
"Ello gentlemen." Josie began trying to sound British. She sounded like Jack Sparrow mixed with Shakespeare. "Could ye escort me ta tha alleyway down yonder. I dropped me...um, kercheif?"
"Certainly miss." The man said. They both grabbed Josie's hands and pulled her into the alleyway. I waited a moment and looked around nervously.
"'EY! What are ye doing! Stop it..." The man yelled.
"What have ye done to me friend?" The other guy shouted in annoyance. Soon, I heard something which sounded like wood; connect with something else which I imagined was a skull. After a moment Josie came out of the alley and threw the clothes at my feet.
"Way to go, mate" I muttered in an almost perfect Jack Sparrow voice as I picked up the smelly clothing, "You jus' fergot one very important thing, I'm Captain Ammie Sparrow, and old men smell badly"
Josie shrugged realizing the flaw in her plan.
"Worked until now." she murmured.
I rolled my eyes in frustration and began to lazily walk towards the docks. We could board the Pearl, Hide in Jack's Cabin, Watch him chan-No! Bad Ammie! No perverted thoughts now!
"Hey Josie, I have an idea" snickered Ammie as a sparkle went off in her hazel eyes as it always did when she was up to something.
"We can board the Pearl, Steal nice, not smelly clothing from AnaMaria or Jack, and see the o0ber hot pirate" I said to Josie loudly.
Josie nodded in shock, not from Ammie's idea, but from spotting the Pearl.
I literally jumped up and down at this sight.
"Jack!" Josie and I squealed in unison.
"I call dibbs on the left side!" Ammie yelled happily.
"RIGHT!" called Josie using her few brain cells to confuse Ammie.
"Huh?" I asked with lots of confusion.
"I WANT THE RIGHT SIDE OF HIM!" she hollered.
"Eek!" I screamed, "Yet another moment needing erasing"
"SWISH!" we both yelled in harmony to 'erase' the memory.
"I'm going to poke the BLACK PEARL FIRST!" I shrieked as I gleefully ran towards the Pearl stopping when a seemingly familiar figure blocked my path.
"AHH! IT'S NORRINGTON!" Josie screeched hding behind me. "Man, he is ober-ugly."
"Oh yeah." Norrington looked at Josie and me and was about to talk when Josie rambled on.
"This must mean that this ship is not the pearl but the dauntless! NO! I WANT ME WITTLE PEARLY!"
"Ladies, may I ask who you are?"
"You may not." I told him.
"And why not?"
"Cause she said not." Josie replied.
"Ohh...good one." I told her. She had confused Norrington.
"I don't have time for this." He said impatiently running to the docks were I saw a very familiar pirate leaning over a familiar LUCKY girl.
"ITS JACK!" Josie yelled. Jack looked up and gave us both his charming and seductive smile. Josie pretended to faint and I almost squealed in joy.
"Ammie, we are acting like fan girls." She said opening one eye.
"AH!" I shouted letting go of her and causing her to fall to the floor. "We are...opps, sorry."
"You better be."
"Now, we have business to attend to." I said helping her up and walking over to the crowd with her.
"...a compass that doesn't point north." Norrington said snapping the compass shut. Jack just stood there silently cursing the commodore.
"And I half expected it to be made of wood." Norrington told Jack. Jack just gave him a half smile.
"Dude, this isn't Peter Pan! There are no WOODED SWORDS!" Josie shouted.
"Righto!" I agreed. The crowd parted and Jack took us both in.
"Who are ye beautiful lasses?" Jack asked smiling at Josie and then at me.
"I'm Amber and this is..."
"My name is Josie but if you value life and limb you'll call me JO!" She told him.
"O' course...Jo." Josie blushed and crept back beside me. "And ye lass...do ye have a nickname?"
"Captain Ammie Spa...I mean, Ammie." Josie chuckled and I elbowed her in the back.
"Those are strange names to be sure, loves" Jack muttered pointlessly.
I shrugged, "I should say so."
Josie shot me a look as to say, "Shut it". I didn't.
"So, Captain Sparrow, can you help us?" asked Josie in her most Jack-less British accent.
"With wha'?" he asked apparently with confusion.
"We want to work on your ship, Captain" I said butting in. I could tell that wasn't exactly what Josie had been thinking, but she would get over herself.
"If ye hadn't noticed I am no where near me ship at tha moment."
"Oh yeah...I knew something BIG was missing." Josie said looking around. I rolled my eyes.
"But when I get me Pearl back..." Jack said glaring at Norrington. "And mark me words I will...surely we can find room aboard for two young women such as yourselves" he explained using his totally hot and customary hand gestures.
He continued, "And on tha' note, you my want to consider some less revealing clothes for around the crew, savvy?"
"Aye, savvy" Josie and I muttered at the same time. We glanced at each other with death glares, the real Captain Jack Sparrow couldn't be split in two, and now that we knew so, we were going to be more competitive.
"ENOUGH!" James shouted making Josie and I stop glaring at each other. "Who are ye both?"
"I believe we just established that!" Josie told him. I heard Jack laugh and I could feel a twinge of jealously.
"Indeed."
"Is that all you ever say man? I mean, it's bad enough you scare the hell out of Josie but UPDATE YOUR VOCABULARY!" Jack laughed even more. Josie-1 Ammie-1. I was catching up very fast.
"Gillette, fetch 3 pairs of irons." Josie and I looked at each other.
"Ams...did he just say 'irons?" Josie asked me.
"Aye, he did." I muttered watching Gillette advance upon us.
"Well, it was lovely chatting with you all but I think we will be going now!" Josie shouted grabbing my arm and we ran for our lives. "WAIT! JACK! I NEED JACK! I BREATH JACK..." Josie tried to turn around but I hit her in the face and scolded her.
"LATER! We will find him later just run!" I pulled her into the town. Many were staring at us, woman looking at us in disgust and men looking at us eagerly.
"OVER HERE!" Gillette screamed. Josie and I ran faster. Being the faster runner I sped in front of Josie and looked for a place to hide. I saw an open door and jumped into it. I waited for Josie to run by and finally she came and halted in front of the door.
"Now where did the squacker go?" She asked scratching her head. I snorted and pulled her into the room.
"RAPE! RAPE!"
"Shut up it's me!" I told her.
"Oh hello my dear friend."
"Why did you glare at me on the docks?" I asked her all of a sudden.
"I don't know maybe because you glared at me."
"Oh yeah...you realize that when we get around Jack we go evil on each others asses right?"
"I wouldn't know...I was to busy planning a way to get him to be mine!"
"You are hopeless." I rolled my eyes.
"So I've been told."
"Who's there?" Came a voice from the door. Josie and I slowly turned around and sighed. It was only Will.
"WILL?" Josie said. "Aren't you suppose to be at...I mean, how are you?" He looked at us suspiciously.
"How did you know my name?" He asked walking up to Josie.
"Um...I asked Elizabeth?" His eyes lit up at the sound of her name.
"Oh...well, nice to meet you..."
"Josie...call me Jo. And this is my friend, Ammie."
"Hello Ammie." Will said kissing my hand then he kissed Josie's. We both blushed. Now, Jack is way hotter than Will and both Josie and I knew that but Will was also hot but neither of us was going to give up Jack for Will.
One of us was going to have him, one way or another.
This has been a production of Captain Ammie (Captain-Ammie) and Captain Josie (CaptainDuckula)! wh00ties! Sorry Josie, I just had to put this up today! Forgive me? (laughs) I know you will, even if I have to bribe you with Ducks.
Thanks for reading, now I order you to reveiw!
Homie Pirates Out!