A/N: A BIG thankies to DarkRiku'sGirlfriend for being my first reviewer on this site ever! -hands pancake- this chapter is for you and my other friends who are not on this site but would like to see it! Keep reviewing ok! Three reviews will get a new chapter because there is no point in writing this fic if I can't share it and nobody wants to read it.

Warning: Some language (mostly English, heh just kidding) and maybe some grammar mistakes. If you see any please tell me. Thanks.

Disclaimer:

Apheria: I'm finally in possession of pancakes! Yay!

Vergil: -shifty eyes-

Apheria: Erm but unfortunately I have not concurred the world -YET- and therefore I do not own Devil May Cry... or Dante... Or Trish... Or Mundus and I thank god that I don't own Jester... There, I think that's it.

Vergil: Say it.

Apheria: -cries-

Vergil: Say IT!

Apheria: It?

Vergil: -draws Yamato-

Apheria -gulp- Fine. I don't own Vergil either.

The wonders of Saturday

By Apheria

Chapter two: P.M.S, Marionettes and sticky notes

It was a cold winter morning and Trish was in a right-royal shitty. She had woken up with a slight disturbance in her stomach and had locked herself in the bathroom for over an hour. In fact she had slammed the bathroom door right in Dante's nose when he had tried to comfort her and now he looked like Pinocchio with silver hair. The only difference was that Dante was a real boy. Or half of one at least.

"And STAY out!" was the last thing the Dante heard before the realisation that she had broken his nose set in.

"That's women for you little brother. Always slamming doors on the ones who annoy them the most."(1) Vergil walked into the hallway with amusement dancing all over his smirking face.

"Ha-ha. Bery funny Berge. It's not lige I bid anyfing wong! Geeze." Dante said although his speech was impaired by his nose. "Why is she so shitty anyway?"

Vergil took a while to register what his brother had just said but then finally replied "It's a girl thing."

Dante shrugged and went to go clean himself up for blood had run down onto his already red coat while Vergil relaxed and read the morning paper. Dante returned from cleaning his nose and was fully healed now. "Good thing about Sparda's blood I guess..." he muttered to himself as he lit the fire.

Ten minutes or so later Trish came storming down the hallway, yanked the paper out of Vergil's hands and waved her hand dismissively as angry protests came from behind her.

"Where the HELL is my coffee Dante? You know I need my morning fix!"

Dante was on the verge of cowering in fear. Sure he was a demon hunter, half devil, half human and besides that he could kick any demon that came within ten meters of him into outer space but even HE was afraid of an angry Trish, I mean look at what she had just done to him!

"Ye - yes Sir! I - I mean ye - yes Trr - ish." Dante quickly made her coffee and then ran like hell back to his room leaving Vergil and Trish alone in silence.

Trish drank her coffee and read the stolen newspaper then stomped up to her room. Vergil heard whimpering coming from Dante's room.

"Verge. Ve - Verge. Can - can you come up here for a mi - minute?"

Vergil sighed in annoyance but just as he was about to protest Dante added "please?"

"What is it Dante?" Vergil muttered as he walked over to Dante. Dante quickly pushed Vergil inside and declared that he was holding a big meeting (consisting of two people) to try and make Trish anti-shitty.

"If you would just let me expla-" Vergil was cut off by the pacing steps of Dante. He turned to his brother.

"Maybe she ate some crab-apples ha! get it? crab-apples..." Vergil just glared, unamused. "Ok... maybe not crab-apples. What about aliens!"

"For fuck sake Dante! It's not frickn' crab-apples or aliens! Trish just has a simple dose of P.M.S!"

"P.M.S? What's that Verge?" Vergil slapped his forehead.

"It's the attitude women get when the have their period you idiot!"

"Period? Is Trish back at high school?" Vergil was about to draw his Yamato to silence the stupidity of his brother when there was a crash in the room of Devil May Cry.

"What the hell?" Dante and Vergil said in unison as they rushed out to the so called reception room. There were about thirty or so Marionettes piling through the doorway and about ten that were already in trying to trash the place.

"Oh no you don't you little shit!" Dante pulled out Ebony and Ivory and made one marionette that looked like it had an I.Q of negative fifty percent eat lead. Dante then proceeded to draw the Rebellion and brought it down on another marionette that was biting the pool table.

On the other side of the room Vergil was having a ball. The marionettes that even tried to get near Vergil were turned to firewood. In fact there was at least a meter radius where all there was were pieces of hacked up wood. Vergil looked over to Dante and saw that he had finished with all of the marionettes bar one. It was a Bloody Mary and it must of held something of importance if Dante hadn't already cleaned the floor with it.

"Hey Verge, look what this piece of kindling has for us." He handed Vergil a pink sticky note...

To the damned kin of Sparda,

It is I the great Mundus. I have come to announce in this note that I will soon rule all things that you treasure! Yes. Tremble... I can taste the fear... By sundown in one week this unintelligible dimension will be mine! So prepare for your new God!

Dante was looking over his brothers shoulder while trying to read it. "Why one week?" He looked back to where the Bloody Mary was supposed to be begging for it's life but it was gone. There was another piece of paper left though.

P.S: I hear Trish is in a bit of a mood so I have put plans back a little.

It looked like there was something scribbled out but none of the twins could read it.

"What a fuckwit." Dante exclaimed.

"Wise though." Vergil said as he cleaned up the rest of the scattered wood demons. "Shit!"

"Hmm? What's your problem now Vergil?" Dante asked trying to get a better look at a kneeling Vergil.

"None of your business." he muttered.

Dante spied the splinter in Vergil's finger and laughed as he fuelled the dying fire with the remaining wood.

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(1): In this fic, Vergil is classed more as the older, more sophisticated brother and Dante more as the younger, less mature brother.

A/N: That was so fun... again! No Jester in this and very little Trish as well but they will have their parts to play all in due time!

Apheria: I'm so pleased at how this is turning out! -smiles-

Dante: Yeah I got to kick some ass this time!

Vergil: And if I'm not mistaken you also got your "ass" kicked as well little brother.

Dante: Grrr -sulks in a random corner-

Apheria: Err... On with the next chapter! And if anyone has ideas let me know in your reviews ok!

Dante: Run it's Trish!

Vergil: -throughs himself into the fire while Dante throughs himself into the trash compactor-

Trish: Ok...