A/N: This was intended to be a Christmas fic but was a little delayed because of unforseen events on my behalf. Please excuse this.
Warning: Strong church themes in here so if you are Christian some parts could/may offend you. If you are offended easily, do not read past this point. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Some language content. You know the drill.
Disclaimer: The only thing that I own in this fic is the story and the plot. However, I do not own the characters. They belong to Capcom.
Vergil and Dante: We don't belong to anyone!
Jester: You can belong to me you sexy little Devil boys. -licks his lips-
Vergil and Dante: Capcoms good.
The wonders of Saturday
By Apheria
Chapter three: We're going where?
A week had passed and Trish was back to normal. (Vergil thought Mundus still didn't have the guts to show up). The winter had gotten colder and Christmas was nearing. Although the city was as busy as it has ever been the Sparda residence on the other hand was dull. And I mean dull. The only movement was probably the quick flutter of the weekly newspaper in the breeze of the open window or Dante falling down the stairs. After the steady rhythm of Dante falling literally head over heals down the stairs he came to a crashing halt near the dining table. Trish came running out of her room in a dressing gown to see what the noise was about and when she saw Dante lying at the bottom of the stairs she muttered something like "for Sparda's sake" and went to help Dante.
Vergil, who had been woken up by the noise, stormed out of his room, looked around to see what had made it, saw Dante at the bottom of the stairs and mentally slapped his forehead. And we're supposed to be twins. Twins... right.
"Ouch. My head... I'm hungry." Dante stood up and headed towards the kitchen. Trish gave a little huff of annoyance. Here she was worried that Dante had done something to hurt himself and it turns out he was just hungry. She didn't even receive a "thanks Trish" or "I'm okay" just an idiotic, "I'm hungry". Bloody hybrids! Ungrateful spawn...
So Dante plodded over to the kitchen and as he rounded the corner he saw the shiniest, biggest most flashiest and over decorated Christmas tree ever. Now Dante was the type to scream like a little girl and run up and start licking the tree... and that's exactly what he did, but anyway, that's beside the point. So after he had finished his yearly ritual, he turned to Trish who was eyeing him like a nurse did when she was about to stick a huge syringe into someone.
"So... Can I have my presents? Huh? Pweeaaaaaseeeee!" Trish just looked at him and Vergil snarled.
"Wait a sec... How come Vergil has more presents than me? That's not fair!" Dante stuck his bottom lip out and pouted.
"Well Dante, do you remember what happened last year? You got more presents than Vergil and you acted like an ungrateful ass! So this year you both got the same."
"Look girly, I'm no mathematician," Vergil smirked at this remark, "... But he's got six presents. SIX! And I've only got four! By my count that's like... three more than me!" Dante shouted.
"Well Vergil and I decided you can have your other two presents after we attend church this year." Trish hardly finished the 'r' in year before the twins started to argue.
"WHAT!" They cried in unison.
"Well," Trish started, "I've decided we should attend church so you can both learn the true meaning of Christmas." she paused, "Right Verge?"
"Hahahahahaaaa... Fuck no."
"Yeah! They have like demon sensors in there! We'll all be fried alive!"
"You're both going. No "fucks" or excuses. You're going."
Dante took this into account. "That must mean you're going too."
"Yep."
Vergil looked at her like she was speaking an alien language. "You do realise you're a demon too."
"Yep."
"And you're not worried because...?"
She winked at the twins, "Now now. I'm a lady."
They both gave up. "She's finally cracked it. She's gone mental." Dante muttered in response.
"Fool. There's no way I'm going to church. No way." Vergil placed a hand on Yamato as if expecting a fight.
"Oh you'll go alright." She walked out to the little garage they had behind Devil May Cry, opened the back entrance door and there, sitting in the middle of the garage in all its glory was a brand new red motorbike.
"My precioussssss..." Dante went cross-eyed just looking at it.
"Merry Christmas Dante." Trish smiled at her masterpiece. "But conditions are you must go to church to get it."
"No." Dante whined, "I don't wana go!"
"You leave me no choice then." She walked up to the bike and slowly lowered her fingernail to the paintwork. Just ever so slowly so that Dante could get the picture. When nothing was said she scraped her nail down the side a little. She had got the reaction she wanted.
"NOOOO! Okay! Okay! I'll go!" Dante whimpered. "Just don't hurt it!"
"Hmpf. So you got Dante to go. Big deal. I won't be won over like the fool he is." Vergil crossed his arms in annoyance. "Nothing could get me to go. Nothing."
Trish just smiled. "We'll see..."
Trish took them back into the house, practically having to pry Dante away from his present, and lead them to her room. There she pulled out a little box and told Vergil to open it.
"... Jesus woman, wrap it up like damned Mundus is gon- Holy shit!"
Trish giggled and Dante was trying to see what had made Vergil react like he had. A smirk of pure evil crossed his face as he pulled out the other half of his amulet. Dante's half.
Dante reached for his neck. It was bare. How did Trish steal his amulet?
"What! You gave him that for Christmas Trish! You do know if he gets that we wont be having another Christmas... EVER!"
Trish just put a finger to her lips and whispered in Dante's ear, "I know what I'm doing."
"You better... Or we're all dead."
The smile had now faded from Vergil's face. "So what. It's just an amulet. It's worthless to me."
"Oh it is, is it? Well then you won't mind if i take it then and give it back to it's owner then?" She snatched the amulet before Vergil could, but she didn't give it back to Dante just yet.
"Hm. See if I care." So Trish turned to Dante.
"Um. Sorry I stole it Dante. It's rightfully yours so well, here."
Vergil's eye twitched, "Fine! Fine! It's mine though. I'll go to fucking church then! But the amulet's mine." The last part of mine almost sounded like a hiss. Obsessive.
"Come on Verge, how bad can church be anyway?" Dante added to the following silence.
It was settled. On the following Sunday they would go to church. Much to the twins dislike.
The dreaded Sunday came around much faster than the twins had expected, or wanted. Trish rounded them both into the car, which was hard work considering they're the sons of Sparda, and although she was getting them to go to church, she could not get them to change their clothes. Even that was too much of a task for her.
When they found the parks they got out of the car. Many people were giving confused looks at Dante and especially Vergil, for he was equipped with Yamato. (Trish had convinced Dante to leave his weapons at home but trying to make Vergil do the same had turned into mission impossible). The twins, for the first time in their life, looked positively nervous. Dante was sweating like he was in a sauna and Vergil was acting paranoid and doing the whole "lets shoot quick glances everywhere in case someone tries to kill me with a crucifix" look. Trish walked up to a couple dressed in deep blue and black. They either seemed to know her or they were just acting friendly.
"Good morning Sarah, Rob. How are you?" She bowed respectively to the man and woman.
"Oh hello Patricia! Long time no see!"
Dante giggled "Hehehe... Patricia..."
"You're an idiot." Vergil didn't see the joke.
Once Trish or "Patricia" had finished talking to her friends she and the twins moved into the church to find a seat. Just as things were going smoothly (and people had stopped looking at them weirdly because it seemed that they knew someone) they walked through the door.
"Gah! My feet burn! Help!" The soles of Dante's shoes where scorched and the church smelt like rubber. The same happened to Vergil. He shot a menacing glare at Trish.
"New boots better be under that damn tree or you're dead."
She gulped, "I'll find you something. I hope..."
When they had taken their seats, a few renewed looks and burnt soles later, the church had calmed down. Then the Priest came out.
(A/N: Bare with me here I don't know what happens ok? I don't go to church so sue me.)
"Welcome everyone here today. We all know that next Sunday is Christmas, the wonderful time to celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ."
"Jesus Christ is right..." Vergil muttered under his breath.
The Priest continued, "Now today's Reading comes from a magazine I found in a hedge..."
Loud snoring erupted from where Dante was sitting.
Trish nudged Dante, "Wake up. Dante wake up!"
"Huh? Oh yeah. What's happening?"
"The Priest just finished the Reading."
"The wha?"
"... Never mind."
"Alright then."
The Priest then put the magazine down and returned to the front of the Church. "Now the time has come to rid our souls of our sins. Please come forth anyone who would like to confess anything."
Dante was the first to sand up. Trish sank lower into her seat. I have just made the biggest mistake of my life...
"Yes young man, what would you like to confess?"
Dante seemed a bit nervous, "Um well... I had a really great imagination once... but I sold it for pizza..." Everyone sighed sympathetically.
"May God watch over you young man. Thank you for sharing that with us." He looked out to everyone again, "Anyone else?"
Vergil then stood up. Trish sank lower. Please not Vergil...
"And you sir?"
Vergil snorted, "I tried to kill this idiot next to me."
The Priest looked at Vergil, "That's nothing to confess, you're doing God a favour." He turned back to the crowd. "If there are no more confessions, let us get on with the cleansing."
Dante and Vergil looked at each other, "Cleansing?"
"I'm not liking this Verge."
"Neither."
The Priest brought a cross from his robes and walked down the isle. "Now all of Satan's spawn be gone!"
Dante burst into flames and Vergil's Yamato broke in half. At that Very moment, a small hole appeared in the church floor and got bigger... and bigger... The Jester's ugly head popped through.
"We've made it! Muahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!" Then he placed a hand on the church floorboards and they burnt a hole right through his hand.
"OW OW OW OW OW! Damn this miscalculation! Master won't be affected by this human building though!" Then he spied Vergil and Dante, "OoOoOoOoOoh! The sexy little devil boys are here too! It's Jester's lucky day!"
At that point, Mundus's head poked through the hole in the floor and pointed at Dante. "You!" With a sudden crack, the floorboards gave way and Jester and Mundus were left clinging to the edge of the tunnel. Dante ran up to the hole and noticing he had no weapons, he pulls off one of his boots and throws it at Mundus. Lucky for Mundus, Dante has a really bad aim and instead of hitting Mundus, it hit Jester in the face making him lose his grip and sending him all the way back to hell. Dante then ripped off his other boot, leaving him bootless and burning his feet, and threw it at Mundus's eyes. This time it reached it's target and Mundus followed after Jester. The boot then rebounded and hit Dante back in the head. What a graceful way to win against the Prince of darkness and his sidekick.
"I'll be baaaaaaaaaaaack!" Mundus's voice echoed all over the church.
"Yeah. And so will we." Dante exclaimed.
When church was over, the Priest actually said thank you to the Devil twins and gave them both a mini-crucifix to keep them safe. Dante promptly dropped it accidentally, for the crucifix burnt him, into the church proceeds jar and when he went to retrieve it got his hand stuck in the jar.
Vergil was muttering profanities at Dante and Trish had to give a cheque to the Priest for the amount of money Dante had become stuck to.
When they were in the car, it was Vergil who broke the silence. "So... When can I have my amulet?"
Trish looked at him though the rear view mirror. "You better ask Dante. It is his amulet after all."
"TRISH!"
To be continued...
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Thanks a lot to every one who reads and pancakes for every one who reviews! Come on guys! Lots of people are reading this but only a few are reviewing! Remember 3 reviews gets a new chapter! I'm thinking of putting it up too.
Notes: This fic is going up to a "m" rating because of all the swearing. I hope ya'll don't mind now!
Dante and Vergil: -opening presents-
Dante: Yeah! I got a new coat! Thanks Verge!
Vergil: Sure...
Dante: -Hands present to Vergil-
Vergil: New hair gel... alright! Hey and it's the best brand, Spiky Locks... -silence- This stuff costs a fortune... What did you do to it?
Dante: Nothing Verge! Come on! It's Christmas after all.
Vergil: ... -puts in hair and his hands get stuck to his head. If looks could kill Dante would be six feet under and still going-
Dante: MUAHAHAHA! Try kicking my ass like that!
Trish: Heh it's like a really bad version of heads, shoulders, knees and toes.
Dante: -Pulls out a camera- Merry Christmas Verge!