Disclaimer: If I were J.K. Rowling, I'd be British...and it would make a lot more sense that I spell the words colour and favourite the way I do.

Chapter One: The Inspiration

It'd almost become their token greeting.

"Good morning, Lily-my-only. The sun is shining, will you go out with me, and Professor Flitwick says to meet with him before lunch."

"I'm trying to study Potter, it's been raining all morning, I don't date slime, I already talked to Professor Flitwick and stop stealing my bacon."

And so on.

'Telling a Lily' had become synonymous with announcing something embarrassing, usually by screaming "I LOVE YOU!" between Herbology and Potions.

To put it simply, James Potter had asked LilyEvans to go out with him 532,698 times. (Remus Lupin, James' oldest friend, had kept careful count ever since the first time: when on the Hogwarts Express first year Lily had beaten Snivellus to the last cauldron cake. James had immediately fell to one knee and proposed.)

Sirius Black found the entire situation entirely too amusing.

"Prongs, ol' chum," he said, using his codename for James, "I don't see why you don't simply go out with one of the hundreds of other girls in this school. At least 98 of them are willing to overlook that you're a stupid wanker because of your good looks. I don't see why it has to be li'l Ms. Know-It-All. She's such a boring loser."

"Sirius...you're a moron, you know that?" said Lupin in a bored voice, not even looking up from his book. Even Peter Pettigrew, who was unusually slow on the uptake, could tell that Sirius had said the wrong thing.

"Take it back, Padfoot," said James in a low, dangerous voice.

"Like hell I will," he retorted, "You need to realize now that the idea of Lily dating you is a joke." It wasn't until it was too late that he noticed James' wand against his temple.

"Alethioral Inebriatius," James intoned, then casually went back to the 9th love poem he'd written this week while Sirius, with a happy grin on his face, ran downstairs to tell everyone about Mr. Fluffy, his stuffed dog.

"The Drunken Confession Charm, James?" asked Remus mildly, "Seems a little harsh, don't you think?"

"He asked for it, Moony. Now, how does this sound? 'Your hair is as red as the sunrise, your eyes the deep green of the sea, Lily Evans I know that you've said 'no' before, but PLEASE won't you go out with me?'"

"I honestly don't think the 'sensitive' tactic is going to work any better this time then it did in third year."

"But girls are supposed to love sensitive guys!" James whined. "What did you think, Wormtail?"

"I thought it was brilliant, Prongs! Really clever, rhyming 'sea' and 'me' like that!" but James was already ignoring him.

"Darn it, Moony. I've tried everything!" From downstairs, they could vaguely hear Sirius earnestly confessing his undying devotion to American muggle soap operas. "Sirius is right: the idea of Lily dating me is a joke."

He dejectedly drew a little heart around the name Lily. Quiet fell in the seventh year Griffindor boys' dorm until...

"Wait, that's it!"

"What's it?" asked Remus, rolling up his Arithmancy essay. Black stormed into the room.

"James Potter, I'm going to KILL–"

"Shut up, Padfoot," said James, impatiently cutting off his best friend's outraged spluttering. "I've just figured out why Lily won't go out with me!"

"'Cause you're a prat?" grumbled Sirius, but James ignored him.

"After all, it can't be argued that I'm irresistible. The only possible reason she is able to withstand my charms is because I must not have been my normal irresistible self around her. I keep trying to be sensitive, or studious, or show-offish, or standoffish..."

"Well then, who IS the real you?" asked Lupin, interrupting what could be a long tirade...after all, James had tried everything.

"You're my best mates, you tell me."

"You have no idea, do you?" asked Remus.

James hung his head. "No."

Sirius rolled his eyes and dug some Licorice Wands out of his candy stash. "I mean, I have this sort of vague idea," continued James as Sirius ripped off the wrapper of a cherry-flavoured one, "The time I feel most relaxed and normal is when I'm–" At this point, James was cut off by a large popping sound, accompanied by Sirius' head turning into a rather large cherry. The room filled with laughter: Remus' quiet chuckles, Peter's nervous giggles, and James' full bodied laughs, between which he forced out the words "pulling...pranks!"

After Sirius' head had turned back, (though his hair was still a bright red,) and he had subsequently beaten James over the head with Peter's Potions essay, ('Hey! Watch it, Padfoot! Y'might tear it!' 'I'm doin' you a favour, Wormtail, you'll probably get more points if the Professor can't read what you wrote!), everyone had calmed down enough to consider what James had said. It was true that the only time James was more natural than he was in the midst of a prank was when he was flying, and give Lily's extreme hatred of heights, it was unlikely that he'd be able to get her on a broomstick in order to ask her out.

"So...what? Are you gonna make her a Marauder, Prongs?" asked Sirius with disgust.

"Yeah! Are you James?" asked Peter, with enthusiasm.

"Of course not!" said James, looking appalled at the idea.

"Good. I don't think Lily would approve," commented Remus, "At least you have some common sense. So what is it you intend to do?"

"Prank her."

"I see I spoke too soon," said Remus dryly.