Chapter 19 – "Erica, How Old Are You?"
Erica and Myrtle drove up to Wildwind's main gate, completely unaware of the bizarre afternoon that lay before them.
"It's still early," Erica was saying, "the Estate Sale won't start for half an hour. We'll probably be the first ones there."
"But dollars to donuts we won't be the last!" Myrtle said, looking back at the caravan of cars that was following them. "Looks like Edmund's Estate Sale is a hit!"
"Your buddies are full of it!" Opal was telling Edmund in no uncertain terms. "Nobody but nobody knows Erica's real age." She frowned. "How are you supposed to have wheedled it out of her? Some Alien Voodoo?"
"I have no idea," Edmund said, sensing with a sinking heart that they were all about to learn more about Alien Voodoo first-hand.
"What I don't understand," Lily said, "is why a trigger was necessary. If the time machine is set to explode, why would there be a trigger?"
"It was a failsafe device," Edmund recalled, the memory coming back to him unexpectedly. "Just in case somebody turned off the machine. The keyword restarts and accelerates the countdown by remote control. Once the Galioscians know the trigger, they won't need to find the time machine. They'll pull the trigger and matter and antimatter will crash into each other."
"How will they pull the trigger?" Stuart asked.
Edmund knew. "All they have to do is repeat Erica's real age three times."
"So why haven't they done it?" Maria exploded. "Why spend all this time torturing us if all it takes to make everything go BOOM is the keyword they already know?"
"They don't know it," Edmund reasoned. "They know what it is. It's Erica's real age. I must have written that much in my diary. But they can't know the actual number, or else they would have used it already."
"Edmund, you're remembering things!" Brooke exclaimed.
"Some things," Edmund agreed. "But not what or where the time machine is. And not Erica's real age."
Opal could contain herself no longer. "Why in the wide weird world was that contraption set to blow up in the first place? Why travel in a time machine that's a time bomb?"
To his utter amazement, Edmund knew the answer. "It was supposed to explode. That was my mission in Pine Valley!"
None of them could believe their ears. "Edmund, Darling, you came here to destroy all material reality?" Marian asked to make sure.
"I was supposed to," Edmund knew. "I meant to. That was the plan." He looked at Brooke. "But then something happened."
"You met me!" Maria prompted him.
"Not exactly," Edmund said, his gaze never leaving Brooke.
"Why would the Galioscians want to destroy everything?" Stuart asked, completely baffled.
"That isn't what ALL Galioscians want," Edmund was sure. "Just this crew." He frowned. "And me. I was one of them." He wrinkled his ghostly brow. "But that changed. Everything changed."
"When you met me!" Maria reprompted him.
"Give it up, Mom," Maddie urged.
Erica and Myrtle were driving past the Mausoleum, on their way to the Main House.
"I still haven't been able to get in touch with Opal," Erica was saying.
"Maybe we'll see her there," Myrtle hoped.
"How do you think these critters plan to find out Erica's real age?" Opal was asking the other ghosts.
"We'll ask her," Zetz informed them all. He was in the form of Maria Santos Grey.
"You'll ask her?" the real Maria's ghost asked tonelessly.
"Erica will tell us," Zift replied. He was in the form of Brooke English.
"Why would Erica ever tell you her age?" the real Brooke's ghost asked tonelessly.
"She won't have a choice, anymore than the Writers had a choice when we ordered them to kill off Edmund," Zartz explained. He was in the form of Lily Montgomery. "We're simply irresistible."
"Why do you look like Brooke, Maria and me?" the real Lily's ghost confronted them.
"How could there be an Estate Sale without Maria and Brooke?" Zift-Brooke and Zetz-Maria answered together. "And we need there to be an Estate Sale so we can find out the trigger and end all of this nonsense!"
"By 'all of this nonsense', you mean all material reality?" Stuart checked.
"Damn straight," the Galioscians answered together.
"But why do you look like me?" Lily asked Zartz-Lily. "There can be an Estate Sale without me."
"Well, I had to pick somebody to be," Zartz-Lily told her, "and everyone knows I like you the best!"
"You shut up!" Sam burst out just as Erica rang the front doorbell.
"He's jealous of me!" Zartz-Lily exclaimed. "Lily, I think the boy is in love!"
If ghosts could blush, Sam would have.
"Thank you, Sam," Lily thanked him. "When all of this is over, maybe you and I can be boyfriend and girlfriend."
Zetz-Maria laughed out loud. "When all of this is over, Lily, you and Sam will be cosmic dust!"
The bell rang again. Ghosts and Galioscians scrambled out of the Main Ballroom.
"You'll never pull this off, guys," Edmund warned.
"You're whistling in the dark, Ziggy," Zift-Brooke told him, going to the door
"Ziggy?" the other ghosts hooted.
"My real name," Edmund admitted.
"I like it," Brooke decided. "But I like Edmund better!"
They exchanged smiles.
"Brooke!" Erica greeted Zift-Brooke. "How nice! I was expecting Maria to open the door!"
"I got there first," Zift-Brooke said.
"You always got there first," Erica said sympathetically. "A lot of good it did you!"
It was nearly noon, and others had begun to arrive. One by one and two by two, Pine Valley's leading citizens walked through Wildwind's front door, stopped to console Zetz-Maria and Zift-Brooke, and then drifted into the Main Ballroom.
"Oh me, oh my," Opal marveled at the passing parade. "You sure drew the A-List, Edmund!"
"Vultures," Maria commented, staring at the line of her friends and neighbors as they passed.
"Myrtle, why don't you go inside the Main Ballroom and sit down while I have a private word with Erica," Zetz-Maria suggested, anxious to get Erica alone.
"See you inside," Myrtle complied, only mildly insulted.
"Erica, before we go in, there's something I must know," Zetz-Maria told her.
"You made all the wrong choices," Erica replied, guessing incorrectly that Maria wanted to know why her life had come to this.
"No, that's not what Maria means," Zift-Brooke clarified.
"Shouldn't we be going in?" Erica asked, noticing Adam, Di(xie) and JR entering the Main Ballroom, followed closely by Babe, Jamie and Amanda.
"I miss Uncle Stuart," JR was confiding to Adam at that moment. "Has he been written out?"
"Stuart, Darling, they're talking about you!" Marian called over to him.
"Not to my knowledge," Adam replied stiffly. His latest falling out with his twin was still a sore point. "He shouldn't have sided with Tad over us! Without my help, I bet he and that overage hussy he married have gone broke by now."
"Adam, you never change!" Di(xie) exclaimed. "Stuart is your brother! And he loves you more than anything!"
"Lady, exactly who ARE you?" Adam asked archly.
"Holding a grudge is what Adam does best," Stuart observed sadly.
"Mama should be here any second," Babe was saying, under the impression that anyone cared. "Tad was supposed to pick her up, but his nephew Sam never came home last night and they're out with Derick, Jackson, Reggie and Aidan looking high and low. Lily never came home either, so they think they're together somewhere."
At that moment Babe spied Zartz-Lily.
"Well, I guess they're wrong! Lily, I think you'd better call home! Your Dad is crazy-worried! Where's Sam?"
"Present," Sam said miserably, knowing nobody alive could hear him.
"I should have called my Dad like Edmund told me to," Lily sighed. "I didn't mean for him to get crazy-worried."
"I should have called my Dad," Zartz-Lily sighed, knowing an appropriate line when he heard one. "I didn't mean for him to get crazy-worried."
"Lily, don't you dare talk to that babynapping tramp!" Erica instructed Zartz-Lily.
"That would be me," Babe told Zartz-Lily.
"Babydoll," Krystal called out as she led Jackson, Reggie, Aidan, Derrick and Tad through the front door, "don't you dare put yourself down on account of that played-out past-her-prime prima donna!"
Erica stiffened. "I beg your pardon?"
"Erica," Zift-Brooke said, trying to regain her attention, "before we go in, I need you to tell me how old you are."
Erica stiffened some more. "I beg your pardon?"
Ryan and Greenlee had come in and made their way to Zetz-Maria to offer their sympathy.
"How are the kids holding up?" Greenlee asked, not seeing them.
"They're dead," Zetz-Maria answered truthfully. "Excuse me, Greenlee. Erica, how old are you?"
Erica twitched.
"Dead tired!" Zift Brooke amended at once. "Maria let them sleep in. Erica, how old are you?"
Erica squinted
"Galioscians are good liars," Lily said to Sam.
"Tell me about it," Sam said, looking at Edmund. "Ziggy had me fooled for years!"
Meanwhile Jack had made his way through the crowd and reached Zartz-Lily.
"Lily, where have you been all night?" he demanded, grabbing her into a frantic paternal embrace. "Why didn't you call me?"
"I was here all night," Zartz-Lily answered uneasily. "I'm sorry, I should have called. I don't like touching, remember? I don't like hugging either. Erica, how old are you?"
Erica swayed.
"Girlfriend, keep your lips zipped!" Opal called to her even though she knew her best friend couldn't hear her. Then an idea struck her. "Edmund, I mean Ziggy, you're a Galioscian! Can't you do the same Voodoo to Erica that your friends are doing? Only in an opposite direction, if you get my drift?"
"They're not my friends anymore," Edmund made clear. "And please don't call me Ziggy!"
"Edmund, can you make Erica keep quiet about her age?" Lily asked for them all.
"I'm not as Galioscian as I used to be," Edmund explained. "But I'll do my best!"
"I tried calling here, but Maria, your phone is disconnected!" Jack was continuing, after releasing Zartz-Lily from his paternal embrace.
"My phone is disconnected?" Zetz-Maria asked, not really caring. "Erica, how old are you?"
Erica swayed again.
"Stay strong, Erica!" Edmund shouted, straining with every bit of his being to keep her from spilling the beans. "Resist them!"
"Erica, how old are you?" Zartz-Lily, Zift-Brooke and Zetz-Maria asked in unison.
"Erica, don't tell!" Edmund shouted.
Erica's eyes crossed.
"Mother, are you all right?" Kendall cried out, concerned. From the doorway, she had seen Erica sway and rushed to her side.
"I feel so strange," Erica reported. "Is the room spinning?"
"Not right now," Opal said to the other ghosts. "But she should have been here at dawn!"
"Zach, get her a chair!" Kendall ordered.
"Erica, how old are you?" Zartz-Lily, Zift-Brooke and Zetz-Maria repeated in unison.
"Why are you asking her that?" a furious Kendall demanded. "No wonder she's dizzy!"
From the Main Ballroom, Zach brought out an antique Queen Anne Chair, tastefully upholstered in red brocade. It was, of course, to be auctioned off as part of the Estate Sale.
"Oh, thank you!" Erica breathed, sinking down into it.
Edmund couldn't believe his eyes.
"It's the chair!" he cried out, his voice rising and his arms flailing in excitement. "It's the chair! The chair is the time machine!"
"ERICA, HOW OLD ARE YOU?"
Erica fainted.
Has Edmund found the time machine? Are the Galioscians about to find out the trigger? Is all material reality about to go BOOM? Lots of chapters, lots of surprises still to come! Please read on! Your review is welcome!