Title: "The Persian Campaign"
Author: BalianswordChapter: 6, "Honesty and Sincerity"
A/N: Okay, its time for the sensual and passionate sex chapter. It's not only long overdue, but it has been requested. I hope that you enjoy. Remember, for those of you reading and not reviewing, it only takes a minute to win over my heart.
0
0
0
He let himself fall to the ground. His back sunk into the grass and he stared up at the night sky. It wasn't the peak of night yet but the blanket of blackness was still speckled with bright white stars. There was something comforting in the stars. He'd always found it so. It had to do with the fact that they would never change. They'd stay the same, hold no grudges, and in a sense they would always be there for you. Even when Alexander was not.
"Why did you lie," he whispered quietly. It was barely even escaping his lips, which from dehydration were cracking, but he couldn't find the strength to even run his tongue over them. After a moment he heard the slightest movement as Cassander turned his head next to him. His dark tresses soaked in the dew of the grass. The blades of grass had been perfectly molded to his head, for he'd been here for some time. Silently he stared at Hephaestion, stared at the profile of his luxurious face, and thought once again of kissing him.
That was going to be his demise, he had decided. He couldn't help but think of anything else. He recalled every breath they had taken, every touch of Hephaestion's soft expert lips against his. He could remember the way he smelled, the way his hair rested on the pillow, and the way he'd euphorically let a smile spread across his lips. Cassander could remember it all, and it was like a nightmare now. He couldn't sleep without forcing himself awake, finding himself panting heavily, erected in an area he shouldn't be.
He knew what lie Hephaestion was questioning. But there were so many lies he'd told him over the years. Each one was terribly painful now as he looked at the way Hephaestion breathed in a small breath of air. He'd hated him, and he did even now, but for reasons that were not reasonable to amount to hatred. He hated him because he wasn't with him, because in Pella he should have told him things he'd only thought, and in his procrastination Alexander had gotten to him first. He should have hated Alexander but found himself hating Hephaestion for being so beautiful, for emitting the aura that he did. He hated him for that.
He hated him for never noticing how he felt. He'd hidden his feelings, like Hephaestion so often did, but his eyes were not as giving. Whereas he could see what Hephaestion felt in those cerulean depths, his dark eyes hid his secrets, and no one cared to try to hunt for them. Cassander looked at him now, saw the pain walled inside of Hephaestion even now, and wanted so badly to comfort him. He couldn't let himself do that though, for it would be his demise.
For all of these years he'd managed not to love, not to care for others, thinking only of himself. There had been no woman that could bend his will like so many other men. He'd never lain with a woman long after doing what he'd set out to do for her, making her quake beneath him, because there was no reason to past that. Giving his heart to another would mean that he'd have to loose a part of himself that he wasn't willing to give. He couldn't let someone have his heart, because that gave another control over him, and he didn't want to be controlled like Hephaestion was by Alexander.
That's why he would not let Hephaestion touch him. If he touched him it would break him. He knew, knew all along that it was Hephaestion that he'd wanted. It was Hephaestion he desired above all others and he couldn't figure it out. It wasn't even his body that attracted him, but it had sadly come down to that in the last month. It was his pureness, the part of him that Cassander wanted to shield from the world. He didn't want any others to take advantage of Hephaestion as Alexander did. If Hephaestion touched him, it would make it all real, everything that Cassander tried to write off as a dream.
He didn't know how to answer Hephaestion because he didn't know how much he knew. He couldn't know much though. He'd probably been caught by one of the other generals and taken to Alexander. It was something Parmenion had told him to do, but he hadn't. He couldn't deliver him into the clutches of death and pain again. It wasn't fair. What he'd learned from Alexander could only be that he'd hit him, not Cassander, and he hadn't fallen like Cassander had told others he did. He hadn't lied to the others, or Hephaestion, to keep Alexander safe. He'd done it to keep Hephaestion from being embarrassed perhaps, but it was more to keep him believing. If he lost hope, as he'd been doing for months for it showed in his eyes, then there would be nothing left of him.
Cassander let a small breath of air escape his lungs and he then turned away from Hephaestion. He stared up at the stars, still hating them. He'd found it easy to hate. It kept him from loving, which only protected him. He thought back to the words of his father, telling him as a child that he must be close to the king. He was supposed to be where Hephaestion was now, in Alexander's heart. Antipiter could have never known that Hephaestion, returned from Athens, would find his way there first. It wasn't his fault though. Alexander had chosen him.
Still, he would have been a better match with Alexander, or at least at times. He wouldn't protect him in the same way Hephaestion did. He wouldn't have nurtured him, but let him make his mistakes. But he never would have let Alexander walk all over him. He could have fought him. He could have been just as hard as Alexander. Alas, that was why Alexander loved Hephaestion though, for the tenderness the blue eyed man could give him. He didn't want him for his politics of his leadership, those qualities just happened to be a bonus.
What was he supposed to tell him now though? He thought about what he could say to bend his words, making it a lie, but one that Hephaestion would not figure out. It would be wrong though. For some reason he had come to trust Hephaestion, and Hephaestion had put his trust in him. Lying to him would ruin it, even if Hephaestion didn't know of it, Cassander would. He glanced over at him again without turning his head. Hephaestion was patient, hadn't asked anything else of him, but was still silently awaiting an answer. Cassander couldn't have known that Hephaestion had stopped expecting one.
"Because," Cassander breathed out slowly, "the story was better than the reality."
It was. It would have been so much better if Cassander had gotten into a fight with him and hit him. It would have even been better if he'd tripped on the Persian robe he wore. It would make a wonderful laugh at parties later, but it would have been better. Alexander hadn't hit Hephaestion in the face, he'd struck him in the heart.
"There is no glory without suffering," Hephaestion whispered. Cassander glanced over at him once more. Those were the famous words of Philip. He'd spoken them to Alexander, and Alexander now spoke them to others. Hephaestion was the one that had recorded it in his mind though, unlike the others who'd listen once, and forget it later.
"Love isn't glory."
"Then what is it," Hephaestion asked. He found himself glancing over at Cassander. Cassander stared up at the sky though. For a split second Hephaestion thought that he would lean over and kiss him, hold him, show him what it was. But he didn't. Instead he waited for Cassander to answer.
"How should I know," Cassander said bitterly. He hadn't loved, wouldn't love, couldn't love even. It wasn't glorious though. It was more of a curse if he had anything to say about it. Though, even though it was the downfall of many men, he wanted to be cursed before he died. Which wasn't likely to happen if Alexander didn't stop trekking through the world, fighting men on mountain cities, or on the plains of Persia. He took another breath. "It isn't glorious though."
"It can be."
"It doesn't look gratifying through your eyes," Cassander let out before he could stop himself. He paused and glanced over at Hephaestion. It didn't seem to upset him though, for he knew there was a truth in the statement, one which he would have to accept. "I didn't mean that."
"Why did you lie about the rest," Hephaestion asked, not waiting long for silence to come between them. He glanced over at Cassander. The other was staring straight up, trying to avoid the question. Hephaestion could see him trying to act as if he hadn't heard him. But he was also looking for an answer, hoping that Hephaestion wouldn't ask again, but searching for something to say just in case. "You kissed me."
"You asked me to," Cassander replied quietly. He reached up then and ran a hand through his hair, away from his forehead. The stars were beautiful but he was tired of looking at them. He wanted to turn his head and look at Hephaestion but knew that he shouldn't. Especially since Hephaestion was already looking at him. It was a stupid answer to have given the other, that he'd asked. Of course he had, he was drugged, he didn't know any better. Cassander should have been the one to restrain. He should have been able to say no and fight his temptations.
"I know," Hephaestion replied softly though. There was a silence though for some time. Cassander didn't know how to respond to Hephaestion and at the same time Hephaestion didn't feel like saying anything more. He wanted to tell Cassander he wanted to kiss him again, wanted to tell him that he remembered it, the kiss they'd first shared. Even the wine mixed with the foreign drug hadn't been able to erase the feeling and image from his mind. He sat in silence though, waiting for Cassander to speak. But he knew that Cassander wouldn't speak, because he was strong like that.
Cassander didn't need to find his comfort in speaking to others. Hephaestion wondered where he found it, had written Aristotle once and even asked when he mentioned the name. It had been unwise, to ask something like that when there were a hundred other things to tell him of. But Aristotle had written back, the words as clear on the parchment as all the others. Yet Hephaestion seemed to have remembered those words, that answer, more than anything else.
"He finds his comfort in the eyes of his enemy. Whereas Alexander runs from his mother, as you suggest, Cassander has nothing to run from. He has nothing to run to either. That is why he runs my dear Hephaestion. He is a man tormented by having no past and no future. His comfort comes from the field, for there he is just as the rest, fighting for his life. Fighting sooths him, for he knows he can live or die, but cares not which as you describe it. That is why he lays wounded now, but cares not, and refuses help from others. Cassander, my dear boy, finds comfort in the hatred you speak of him having so freely. Whereas you love, he hates. Hephaestion, if there is one thing that I know in all of my years it is this, that love and hate are at times the very same thing."
"Cassander," Hephaestion whispered. "Why didn't you let me touch you."
"It makes it real," he replied after a long silence. He glanced over at Hephaestion, meeting his eyes briefly before averting them. He stared back up at the sky but found himself continuing. "I can't let you touch me, because then I know that you're real. I know that you're there. You wouldn't be a myth anymore."
"I've always been real."
"Not to me. You're the ideal Hephaestion. You're the presence that men search all their lives for. Perfection, molded into the shape of a man, with the wisdom that could surpass the famous Aristotle. You're a myth because you can't be real. I could write now to Greece, tell them that I've found a man that cares not about glory, but about the one that he loves. I can tell them of your looks, of all that you do to protect Alexander from himself, but the same protection drains the life from you. I can tell them you are loyal, where all others will someday fail. I can tell them that you believe in this insanity without question. I would tell them everything about you Hephaestion, and do you know what they would do? They would laugh, and dismiss you as a myth. No soul can be as pure as yours. No man can look richer than Aphrodite in all of her glories. That's why you aren't real, because in this world you can't be real. You are too strong when you should be innocent, to innocent when you should be strong. Your weakness is your strength, and what should make you all the stronger only brings you back down to weakness. You're above men that exist today Hephaestion.
"Let others speak of Alexander the Great," he continued, "in the years to come. Let them talk of him now in Athens, in Macedonia, and in Persia. They say that he can conquer all, except for that joke we had when we were children, that your thighs would conquer him. They'll write his name and speak it as if he were a god. His journey will be considered a myth. But he's just a man. We're all just men, the rest of us, I'm just a man. Yet you are not Hephaestion. You are pure incomparability. There will be many soldiers to follow us when our bones are dust, and there will be a ruler like Alexander, if not his son. There will be one man, brilliant but on the verge of insanity, that will try to have it all. But something will be missing.
"There will never be another Hephaestion. Never again can there be something so pure in this world. You're a mistake you know, your soul should have been that of a god's. But somehow you slipped into the body that lies next to me, and bring light to a place where there is none. The gods won't let that happen again. They won't share ever once more such a divinity with us mortals, because look at what we do to innocent things. Look what Alexander has done to you, and look at what the rest of us have done as well. We have sat by, idle, and let it happen. But still, even defeated, you manage to be ten times that of all the purest men on earth. Even their purity is corrupted, but you are a thousand times the better of them.
"That is why you are not real Hephaestion. Its not because you shouldn't be, or don't deserve to be. You are not real because there cannot exist a man that is as great as you."
Hephaestion stared at him, not knowing what to think. He began to understand it then. Perhaps the reason that Cassander had hated him for so long was because he loved him. Maybe that was why he hated him, or at least had thought he had. He reached over, and placed his hand over Cassander's, which rested on his chest.
"You're touching," Cassander said as he let Hephaestion entwine his fingers with his own. He felt the warmth of Hephaestion's hand pressed against his despite the nip of cold in the night air. Despite the fact that this was only going to make it harder for him to resist Hephaestion he couldn't let go of his hand. He couldn't push him away, at least not now, because he was hurting too. He needed this comfort as much as Hephaestion did.
"I know," Hephaestion said. He then slowly pushed himself up with his other arm and moved closer to Cassander. He slowly leaned over him, staring down into his eyes, and put his hand on his cheek as he dug his elbow into the grass. He then leaned down and pressed his lips to Cassander's, kissing him tenderly, sensing his longing as Cassander tried hard not to kiss him back. Cassander slowly let his hand slide away from Hephaestion's and skim lightly against his arm. He lightly slid upwards, until his palm was at Hephaestion's cheek, his fingers holding him lightly where he was. He didn't want him to come further, to come closer, because he couldn't resist him any longer, but couldn't love him.
Hephaestion, feeling Cassander's body tighten, slowly drew away from him. It was not wise to have kissed him, cornered him, touched him when he didn't want to be touched. Yet it felt so right. Cassander stared up at him, and he reached up with both hands and pulled Hephaestion's hair away from his face. Hephaestion reached up and pulled his hair back as well. He continued to stare at Cassander though, looking for a sign telling him to stop, or to continue. It was answered when Cassander lifted his back from the ground and brought his lips to Hephaestion's. He kissed him boldly, as he did before, sucking his lip between taking all of his mouth with his.
Cassander slid his tongue between Hephaestion's lips, and Hephaestion didn't try to stop him. He let Cassander taste him, delve into his mouth, searching for a treasure it seemed. Cassander bent his knee and pushed himself further off of the ground. He wrapped an arm around Hephaestion's back to support him, kissing him all the while, sucking at his lower lip and then tongue. Hephaestion slowly lowered him back down though, but continued to kiss him, and let Cassander run his tongue over his lower lip.
He fell back lightly against the grass. Hephaestion lowered himself further, letting Cassander comfortable kiss him. Cassander reached over for Hephaestion's left thigh. He lightly dug his fingers into his thigh, bringing Hephaestion's thigh over his right leg. He then, still playing with Hephaestion's lips, raised his leg. His knee lightly pushed into Hephaestion's groin, but he didn't mind, knowing that Cassander only wanted the closeness of him for now. Cassander stifled a moan and then broke away from Hephaestion completely.
"Hephaestion," he said as he fell back, putting a hand over his face, and then brushing his hair back. He looked up at him, and managed to reach up and run a finger over Hephaestion's lower lip, which from his sucking was slightly larger than it had been moments before. "If you come back to my room with me, can you swear nothing will change between us?"
"You can call me a whore anytime you like."Hephaestion smiled softly. "You can talk down to me. You can fight with me in front of the other Companions. You can wish me harm against the next barbarian tribe we face."
"I wouldn't have let them kill you."
"I know," Hephaestion said softly as he ran a hand through Cassander's dark tresses. He met Cassander's lips as he pushed himself up again. This time Cassander just kissed him, taking all of his mouth with his. He did nothing playful, nothing extraordinary, but it was all the better. Hephaestion pulled back, drawing Cassander up with him, till they were both sitting. Cassander then stood, pulling Hephaestion up with him, and pressed his forehead to Hephaestion's. He held him for a moment, lightly breathing upon him with his eyes closed, and then brought his lips back to Hephaestion's. As he kissed him he reached down and let Hephaestion take his hand.
Cassander and Hephaestion were going to close a door on what friendship they had when they began down the hall. Both of them knew it. They knew it deep down, and it still didn't matter. Cassander slowed when he felt Hephaestion's steps slow as they began to pass the grand doors from behind which Alexander threw another dinner feast. Cassander stopped and took a few steps back, and took Hephaestion's hand. He knew that Hephaestion still loved Alexander, and it didn't bother him. Hephaestion would always love Alexander, and Alexander him, but love wasn't glorious. It had a way of changing things. Hephaestion may love Alexander, but Cassander knew he didn't love him, so it didn't matter that Hephaestion had stopped. They weren't meant to be in love, Cassander and Hephaestion, but comforting one another would do.
"Do you want to go in," Cassander asked. If Hephaestion would have said yes he would have followed him in. He wouldn't have held it against him. For how could he, knowing what he did? But Hephaestion merely shook his head lightly, and then turned his eyes back to Cassander. He leaned over, kissing him lightly, and then began to follow him once more.
They entered the room, and Cassander felt a pain grab at his heart as he locked the door. He stared down at his hand for a moment. He knew then that he'd told Hephaestion he couldn't give himself away to love. Yet for some reason he knew that if he were to be in Hephaestion's arms, he would let himself go. Then Hephaestion would know. Instead, he turned and watched as Hephaestion blew various candles around the room out. He left only a few around the bed lit, two on either side, making the light dim but idyllic for what they were about to do. Cassander suddenly felt a fear, a fear to let Hephaestion know how he truly felt, and for himself to admit it fully. But Hephaestion stood in front of the bed, and held out a hand. The simple gesture was enough to calm Cassander's fears.
Cassander came forward and took Hephaestion's hand. Hephaestion then brought his lips to his, kissing him deeply. Hephaestion put a hand on the back of Cassander's thigh and drew him closer, raising his leg slightly as he pulled him against him. Cassander felt Hephaestion's thigh brush his. Hephaestion was stronger, and Cassander secretly liked the idea of that. But when Hephaestion slid his tongue into Cassander's mouth, Cassander fought with him for a moment over dominance, and won. He knew Hephaestion had let him but it didn't matter.
Hephaestion put a hand on Cassander's arched thigh. He pressed his hand against Cassander's thigh, and slid his hand upwards. After a moment, his hand rested at the base of Cassander's thigh. Cassander broke away from Hephaestion's lips and leaned closer. He put a hand at the base of the back of Hephaestion's neck, and the other against his chest. He put his chin on Hephaestion's shoulder and cried out softly, in surprise, as Hephaestion put his hand over the loincloth that covered Cassander's arousal. He didn't move as Hephaestion began to pull the cloth away. Hephaestion put his palm against him, his fingers touching the softer hairs he found, and felt Cassander convulse in passion as it sent shivers through his body.
Cassander turned his head and brought his lips to Hephaestion's neck. But at the same time he couldn't help but reach down and put a hand over Hephaestion's arm above the wrist. He pulled his hand away from him, not wanting him to be so close just yet. Hephaestion shifted himself thought, understanding it seemed. Hephaestion reached up and slowly broke away from Cassander. He then, with Cassander's eyes on him, undid his chifton and pulled it away from his chest. Then he reached closer to Cassander, and slowly pulled away the black cloth that covered him. Cassander let him do this, still worried about Hephaestion touching him though. He'd never get over the unease of that feeling. But Hephaestion was tender and gradually pulled Cassander's clothes away from him.
Cassander watched the dim orange light linger over Hephaestion's tanned chest. He reached out, once again knowing touching him would only make things harder, more real. He came closer, and brought his lips to Hephaestion's while he put both hands on his chest. Hephaestion put his hands behind Cassander, bringing him closer still, until no space came between them. Cassander felt Hephaestion's arousal pressed against his upper thigh, but he knew Hephaestion felt the same thing of him.
"Lay down," Hephaestion whispered into his ear, knowing he may have to order Cassander around here and there. Cassander was ready, he could sense it. He was just too new at this sort of thing to know what to do. He pulled away, met his dark eyes with his own, and stared at Cassander silently. Cassander let out a soft breath of air, and then crawled onto the bed and sprawled out on his back.
"This is wrong," he whispered as Hephaestion followed, leaning over him but not yet going over him with his body. Hephaestion drew back for a moment, his hair draping over Cassander. He put an arm over Cassander's chest and stared at him for a moment. He lightly ran a hand through Cassander's hair, waiting for a moment to see what Cassander would say next. "Hephaestion, I love you."
"I know," Hephaestion whispered as he pressed his lips to Cassander's. Deep down he had always known. Cassander kissed him, playing with his lower lip once more, and then reached back for Hephaestion. He spread Hephaestion's thigh over his and then raised his knee lightly into his groin. Hephaestion let out a breath of air, stifling a moan in the back of his throat, and let Cassander reach behind him. Cassander ran a hand over Hephaestion's buttocks, lightly caressing him before he moved his hand to his back.
Cassander arched his back lightly, and bit at Hephaestion's earlobe. Hephaestion pulled Cassander to him. He held him against his chest, digging his fingers into his back. He held Cassander suspended for before he let him fall back against the bed. He straddled him, bringing his lips to his chest. He ran his fingers over each muscle first, letting it harden, and then ran his tongue over the area before putting his lips to it. Cassander breathed heavily and dug his fingers into Hephaestion's back, gasping as he felt himself quiver slightly. He trembled as Hephaestion ran his delicate fingers over his navel.
Slowly Hephaestion brought his lips to his navel, running his tongue over the soft flesh at first, but then into the small hole. Cassander wreathed as Hephaestion did this, dropping a hand from his back to Hephaestion's head. He wrapped a hand in his hair, hoping it would stop him from going further. Hephaestion understood, and brought his lips back to Cassander's. He knew what he feared.
Hephaestion put his hands on Cassander's arms and quickly rolled off of him. Cassander remained above him, straddling him, his breathing still heavy. Cassander leaned down and pressed his lips to Hephaestion's. He took his entire mouth, holding him in the moment, and then put his forehead to Hephaestion's. He breathed softly for a moment, knowing that he couldn't do it. He wanted Hephaestion to wreathe beneath him, wanted to be able to claim him, but he couldn't.
"Cass," Hephaestion said as he reached up and put a hand on his cheek. Cassander kept his eyes closed. He hated how Hephaestion knew everything. He hated it, but he liked it all the same. Hephaestion then whispered into his ear. "I won't hurt you."
Cassander knew he wouldn't. He knew that Hephaestion would never bring pain to him. Cassander pulled his forehead away from Hephaestion's and found himself at his lips again. He let out a breath against his neck then, biting him softly. It made Hephaestion moan as Cassander nipped at the skin and then sucked at it as he had his lips. Even Hephaestion wreathed beneath Cassander as he brought his kisses to his chest. He sucked at the skin, tasting Hephaestion's sweat mixed with the natural taste of his skin. He nipped playfully at a nipple, then sucked at it for a moment. Hephaestion put a hand in Cassander's hair, his fingers lightly massaging his scalp.
Cassander moved even lower. He put a hand and Hephaestion's left thigh and raised his leg so his knee bent. He then pushed his leg lightly into the sheets, leaned down, and kissed his inner thigh. Hephaestion was breathing heavily, sweat beading over his body. Cassander heard his labored breaths, felt him grabbing for him, but instead gripped the sheets when he couldn't reach him. Cassander sucked lightly at his inner thigh, then at the soft skin just beside his arousal. It was easy, Cassander thought, since he knew already what would please Hephaestion. It wasn't like a woman where you had to worry. For some reason, he just knew.
He then moved his head slightly over, his hair brushing against Hephaestion's thighs, then his hardened form. Cassander took Hephaestion's sacs in his palm and lightly squeezed them, tenderly touching him as Alexander had never the means to do. Hephaestion trembled, and let out a cry of Cassander's name. Cassander heard, but knew he wasn't willing him to stop. Even if he were Cassander wouldn't have been able to do it. He was enveloped in passion. Cassander looked up at Hephaestion, saw the pleasure in his face, then brought his mouth to his arousal. He didn't take him all in the mouth at first. To begin he sucked only at his tip, then moved lower and lower.
"Cassander," Hephaestion cried out. He felt every touch Cassander gave him. He felt his lips around his hardened flesh, lightly sucking, drawing him out of himself. He felt the dark tresses that brushed against him. He felt Cassander's chest against his knee, felt all of his weight against him. He breathed heavily, letting the feeling of euphoria sink in, before he finally came. Cassander didn't withdraw immediately though, as he would have thought. Instead he lipped at him, taking every part of Hephaestion in, before he released him. He then kissed his inner thigh, feeling the warmth and loving it.
He brought his kisses back to Hephaestion's chest, his hands moving one either side of Hephaestion. He dug them into the sheets as he kept himself elevated, only touching Hephaestion's skin lightly here and there as he crawled up his body. Hephaestion bent both knees, and pressed them against either side of Cassander. He reached up as Cassander stared down at him and put a hand to his cheek. Again with his eyes he told him that he would not hurt him. Hephaestion lightly placed a hand on Cassander's hip and urged him to lower himself. Cassander didn't move for a moment, just felt Hephaestion's hand against him, but then did as Hephaestion instructed.
Hephaestion lowered him until he could wrap a leg around him, his thigh pressing into his buttocks. Hephaestion put a hand on Cassander's upper arm and drew him closer. Cassander let out a breath of air, felt himself against Hephaestion's backside, knowing what was bound to happen next. Hephaestion drew him down only a little further and tilted his head back. He put a hand on Cassander's cheek, holding his hair away from his face, and stared at him tenderly for a moment. Cassander's lips parted as he put a hand at Hephaestion's hip and pulled him up slightly. He then slowly slid himself into Hephaestion, letting out a louder gasp than the other as he did so. He squeezed his eyes shut, breathing deeply, until he heard Hephaestion let out a pained moan. He opened his eyes, looked down into Hephaestion's blue eyes, already worried he'd hurt him or done something wrong.
"It's alright," Hephaestion told him as he let out a breath of air. Cassander knew by the look in his cerulean eyes that it was. It was okay, he hadn't hurt him, but he knew he was doing this wrong. Hephaestion smiled softly at him though, not minding, just reaching up again and holding some hair away from Cassander's face. He then took the knee against Cassander's backside, and using it pushed against Cassander, bringing him forward and deeper into him.
"Ah," Cassander gasped out as Hephaestion did this. Hephaestion did it again after a pause though, jolting Cassander forward. Cassander did the third thrust by himself, knowing then the feeling of it. One hand he steadied himself with, grabbing the sheets. The other Hephaestion took with his free hand, holding him tightly as Cassander closed his eyes tightly, trying to deal with this next experience. Cassander let out another cry before saying anything else.
"Hephaestion…" he said between passion filled breaths and light tender thrusts. "I…I can't…I…"
Hephaestion didn't say anything. He just threw his head back as Cassander thrust into him again. He had to bite his lower lip from screaming in pleasure. He knew that screaming would only distract Cassander, scare him perhaps. With his knee he pulled Cassander into him again and this time he felt Cassander getting closer to his climax. He'd do it, Hephaestion didn't doubt it and even if he didn't, it wouldn't matter. He'd already surpassed all of the passion he and Alexander had had in the last two months.
"Ah," Cassander screamed out as with another thrust he came. Suddenly he felt himself weaken. He felt his elbows bend, felt ecstasy spread through his body. He'd done it. He'd given himself completely to Hephaestion. Hephaestion let out a breath he'd tried to hold before Cassander collapsed onto his chest. Cassander breathed heavily into the muscles of Hephaestion's chest, not moving from inside of him. He just lay there, panting, knowing he loved Hephaestion.
Hephaestion ran a hand through Cassander's hair, panting himself as he did so. After a few minutes Cassander drew himself out of him, stretching his legs out. But he did not move from on top of Hephaestion. Instead he kept his head on his chest, breathing heavily still, and lay carefully atop him. Hephaestion wrapped a leg over the back of Cassander's, entwining them, and then let his head fall back again. He closed his eyelids shut for a moment, trying to calm his racing heart.
"This," Cassander said weakly into his chest, his lips grazing the flesh and sending shivers up both of their spines. He didn't say anything after that. He just continued to pant. But Hephaestion knew what he wanted to say and finished for him.
"Doesn't change anything?" He said it as more of a question, as he ran a hand through Cassander's dark tresses. Maybe it didn't. Maybe tomorrow they would go back to being enemies. But he couldn't help but think that this was something they would share again. And if not, he'd remember this moment forever, and compare everything else to it.
"No," Cassander said, eyes still closed, as he began to drift away to sleep. He'd been utterly spent. Had this been a normal circumstance he would have sent Hephaestion away, then slept alone. Not to mention, unfulfilled. But he liked resting atop him, feeling his breathing beneath him, listening for the beat of his heart. He whispered then, just so that Hephaestion could hear him, the rest of his reply. "It changes everything."
There was silence then. Cassander knew that Hephaestion was falling asleep as well, for he was too. They both needed sleep. But he didn't want to awaken alone. He wanted for once to be cursed with love, with Hephaestion's love. Before he fell asleep, he whispered to Hephaestion who was on the verge of sleep as well.
"Don't leave."
"I won't," Hephaestion whispered back as he rested a hand in Cassander's hair, the other on his back. Cassander could sleep peacefully now. He knew that he spoke the truth. For once he could go to sleep in Hephaestion's arms, but now, he didn't know what he would dream about after having him.