Chapter 2: Welcome to The Neitherworld
Lydia ended up sitting on Beetlejuice's couch. She looked around and stood up as a cockroach passed by. Beetlejuice watched her back up and almost ram into a spider web. She ran for the door but Beetlejuice blocked her.
"Hey there Babes" He said smiling. Lydia backed up and he followed her. It was similar to one of those nature shows where the wolf is about ready to kill its prey. A chair popped out of nowhere behind Lydia and she sat down with a gasp. "How about taking a seat. Ok, here's the thing. I'll make myself perfectly clear. You say my name three times and we'll both be home free. You don't say my name three times, then we both stay here. And, believe me, this place really sucks. Know what I'm saying?"
"Take me back" Lydia said. Beetlejuice narrowed his eyes and balled up his hands.
"You ain't going back, kid!" He screamed at her. "Not until you say my name, three times!"
"Fine then" Lydia replied. "At least I don't have to listen to Delia."
"Yeah, she's a real bitch isn't she?" Beetlejuice said suddenly sympathizing with her. "See there's nothing too bad about living here. I got an awesome place here, Babes."
"Yeah, a bug zoo" Lydia replied. Two beetles crawled on the arms of the chair. "Ew!"
After spotting a window, Lydia stood up and approached it. There was a red sun outside. A sharp wind blew through the street. The buildings were all oddly shaped, almost to the point of falling over.
"Well, babes, you're in the Neitherworld. Quite a view, huh?" Beetlejuice replied. Below, on the street, people passed by. People with the looks of dead cows and mutilated bunnies. Lydia wrinkled her nose. "Say it, Lyds."
"What? No! I don't want you out" Lydia replied. Beetlejuice let out a loud 'Argh!' and kicked his wall. Lydia gasped wide-eyed at his reaction. Beetlejuice took a deep breath and tried to smooth his ratted hair back.
"I'm ok….yeah….ok" Beetlejuice said trying to calm himself. "I need to go out. You can stay here or come with me….but I don't promise anything."
Lydia nodded in understanding and followed him out the door. Beetlejuice turned to her and pointed his finger to the camera. It disappeared and Lydia's mouth dropped open.
"My camera!" Lydia yelled. "What did you do with it?"
"If you're seen with that, we could both get stuck here for the next millenium Babes" Beetlejuice replied. "Hey, I've got an idea." Beetlejuice leaned against his house on one arm, trapping Lydia. "You kiss me, guiltless conscious, and I'll let you go."
Lydia's faced turned to one of pure repulsiveness. Beetlejuice just gave her a salacious smile. Lydia pushed past Beetlejuice in a huff. She crossed her arms and waited for Beetlejuice to show her around.
"You're loss Babes. I'm the ghost with the most, and you know it" Beetlejuice replied smugly. He walked past her.
Lydia followed Beetlejuice to a nearby grocery store. The store was obscurely shaped with a neon green sign, reading 'Komkat Grocery'. As they approached the sliding doors, two skeletons exited, followed by a half rotting corpse.
"We're going shopping?" Lydia asked.
"Hey" Beetlejuice riled on her. "I'm hungry and I know you ain't going to eat what I eat."
Lydia nodded and followed him inside. It reminded her of the mall from 'Day of The Dead'. There were various dead people roaming about as if they really had no clue as to why they were there. Beetlejuice headed down isle four, while Lydia remained gawking at the dead. She let out a loud gasp when two kids, who obviously died from a car crash, started touching her as if she wasn't real.
She quickly moved away from them and looked for Beetlejuice. She accidentally bumped into a man, whose head dropped onto the floor.
"Hey!" The head on the floor screamed. "Stupid kid!"
The body felt around for the head until it found it. Then it put it back on and turned to face Lydia.
"Uh, sorry" Lydia said watching the neck of the person in front of her.
"You should be more careful" The man said. He squinted his eyes at her and looked her over. "Are you really……dead?"
Lydia felt a hand on her shoulder.
"Why don't you leave her alone" Beetlejuice said. The person in front of Lydia sneered and went on his way. "No one can find out where you're from. Now, come pick something out."
"Why not?" Lydia asked trying to follow him and not run into anyone.
"It's not something taken lightly to" Beetlejuice replied. "Grab what you can and let's bolt."
"Steal?" Lydia asked.
"Yeah" Beetlejuice said. "Everyone does it; it's just one of those, hush hush type of things."
Lydia rolled her eyes, grabbed what looked edible, and left behind Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice pulled a bag out of his pocket and dumped his things into it as they were walking. He thrust it into Lydia's arms.
"Don't say I never do nothing for ya" Beetlejuice said. Lydia dumped her things into the sack and carried it.
"Where are we going?" Lydia asked as they started heading down a narrow road away from Beetlejuice's house. Beetlejuice smiled.
"A bar" Beetlejuice replied.
"I'm only 17" Lydia said. Beetlejuice shrugged. "What do people call you?" Beetlejuice stopped walking and turned to her.
"What?" Beetlejuice asked. The question had come from nowhere.
"What do people here call you?" Lydia asked. Beetlejuice frowned a little.
"BJ" Beetlejuice replied. "Why?"
"Just curious" Lydia said. A team of dead football players passed by and stared at Lydia as they passed. Lydia stepped closer to Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice sneered at the jocks and placed his arm around Lydia's shoulders.
"Get yer own" Beetlejuice yelled at the passing jocks. He hurried her down the street towards a small, shoddy bar called the Hangman. Before they got to the front door, Beetlejuice looked Lydia over. "Ya can't go in their lookin' like that, babes."
"What?" Lydia asked. She immediately put her hands to her hips. "What's wrong with the way I look?"
Beetlejuice snapped his fingers and Lydia's clothes and make-up changed. Lydia looked down at herself and found herself in a tattered old dress that forced her to have major cleavage. She looked at her skin. It looked deathly grey and pale.
"What did you do!" Lydia shrieked. Beetlejuice pulled her to him by slinging an arm around her shoulders.
"Look babes, if folks found out that you were living, we'd both be in deep shit. Know what I mean?" Beetlejuice said.
"No. What do you mean?" Lydia asked trying to hide the disgust she was feeling.
"You know, I don't even want to go there right now" Beetlejuice replied. "Let's go get a beer."
Beetlejuice dragged her into the bar and right over to a booth where a skeleton and a spider were sitting. The skeleton and the spider both looked unhappy to see Beetlejuice.
"Yo, Jacque, Ginger, this is my new ghoul, Lydia" Beetlejuice said pulling Lydia closer to him and planting a small kiss on her cheek. Lydia groaned and pushed away from him.
"I'm not your ghoul" Lydia protested. The skeleton, Jacque, was in a suit and beret. He tapped the table in an inpatient way.
"Be-atle-joose" Jacque said in a French accent. "Have you no class? Dis petite don' seem to like you."
"Oh please" Beetlejuice said with a smile.
"It's nice to meet you Lydia" Ginger said extending one of her black spidery legs. Lydia let out a small shriek when the black arachnid leg touched her hand. Ginger just laughed and retracted her leg. "Oh I get that all the time."
"It is a pleasure to make the acquaintance of such a beauty, Lydia" Jacque said pulling her hand into his. "Enchante." He bent his head and laid a lipless kiss on the back of her hand. Lydia almost smiled.
"Get yer hands off her, Jacque" Beetlejuice growled. Jacque took his time in letting Lydia's hand go, but when he did he was glad to see the familiar sight of the waitress.
"What'll it be tonight?" The waitress asked. A butter knife was sticking out of her left eye socket, her hair was light purple, and her skin was ghastly blue.
"Gin and toxic" Jacque said. "With lime."
"Bloody….Mary" Ginger said with obvious undertones of wanting someone dead. "BLOODY MARY! BLOODY MARY!"
"Right, a gin and toxic and a bloody mary. And, for you two?" The waitress asked. Beetlejuice leaned back and put his arm around Lydia's shoulders.
"I'll have a beer and she'll have a Man-hate-an" Beetlejuice replied. The waitress looked Lydia up and down then walked away.
"Get your arm off of me" Lydia said when the waitress left. Beetlejuice held up his hands in silent protest, then turned to talk to Jacque and Ginger.
"So, BJ, I hear you couldn't scare a family properly" Jacque said in a chiding tone.
"Shut up, Jacque" Beetlejuice retorted. Ginger placed a leg on Beetlejuice's shoulders.
"It happens to the best of us" Ginger said.
"I scared them pretty damned good" Beetlejuice said. "There was just one that wouldn't scare."
"You're slipping, mon ami" Jacque said in a challenging tone. The waitress stopped by and dropped off their drinks, then quickly left.
"I ain't slippin'. Your slippin'" Beetlejuice said. "I heard that you don't even scare people anymore."
"I've changed, oui" Jacque said. Lydia placed her head on her hand and looked at the rest of the bar. There were a table of dead….models, or at least tall leggy girls, a table of skeletons, and even a table of creatures she couldn't quite place….there was even a tall girl with green skin and blonde hair storming right over to their table.
"BJ" Lydia said lifting her head off her hand. Beetlejuice turned.
"What? I'm…..talking?" Beetlejuice said until he noticed the blonde. "Oh fuck." He plastered on a phony smile and stood up. "Griselda!"
"Bastard!" The chick yelled. There was a loud cracking sound and Beetlejuice was lying across the table. "Who's this?" The blonde indicated Lydia. "Don't come around anymore. Ass."
Beetlejuice picked himself up and sat himself beside Lydia again.
"Real smooth" Lydia replied trying to brush off the spilled drink from her dress.
"Well" Beetlejuice said with a sniff. "I was going to ditch the bitch soon, now that I have you, babes."
Lydia rolled her eyes. She watched as Jacque clapped and his clothes were instantly dry. Ginger made a small, strange sound and was dry. Beetlejuice snapped and his suit was beer-free. Jacque and Ginger looked at her as if she didn't know the words to the most common of songs.
"Be-atle-joose, your ghoul is a little….strange" Jacque said while keeping his eye sockets on Lydia. Beetlejuice looked at Lydia and immediately put his arm around her.
"I've never seen her around before" Ginger said.
"Eh…she's….new" Beetlejuice said. He leaned forward a little. "Look, I think we're going to get outta here. Go back to my place. Know what I mean?" Beetlejuice pushed Lydia out of the booth and kept his arm around her. He squeezed Lydia's shoulder, trying to tell her not to say anything. "I'll catch you two later."
Jacque and Ginger just nodded and watched the two leave.
"You're going to get us into so much trouble!" Beetlejuice screamed as they walked back to his place. Lydia, still clutching the bag of almost edible food, stopped in her tracks. Beetlejuice marched on ahead screaming and cursing. Lydia, who had heard more then enough, just sat down on a bench.
Lydia felt the sweltering cloud of depression hit her like a brick. Here she was in a world that was completely alien to her. The only person she knew was a jerk. Her mind was telling her that she was going to die in this land of the dead and no one would care or even look in her direction when it happened.
Lydia didn't cry. She was too used to this feeling. She just stared blankly at the sky. She moved so she was lying on her back on the bench, looking up at the three strange moons.
"What're you doing?" A familiar voice asked. Beetlejuice's face suddenly appeared over hers. "You gonna stay there all night?"
"Why don't you just kill me and get it over with?" Lydia asked dryly. Beetlejuice just raised an eyebrow as if she was crazy. He pulled her up with ease and started walking her towards his place.
"Look babes, I already told you" Beetlejuice said. "I need you to say my name three, that's three, times." He glanced at her cleavage. "Then, I'll do whatever. You want to be dead, I'll kill you. Consider it a favor from me."
"But?" Lydia asked.
"Look" Beetlejuice said opening his front door. "Death really isn't the best thing, Lyds." He shut the door after she stepped in. "I mean, usually people are sentenced to haunt certain places for a time, and then they have to go through all kinds of bureaucratic bullshit, believe me its hell. Complete hell at first. You might as well just wait, babes."
"Why do you care?" Lydia asked. She moved to sit on his couch. Beetlejuice just looked at her cleavage again and leered at her.
"Babe" Beetlejuice said moving next to her. "Anyone ever tell you that you're enchantingly gothic and would look perfect in a grim coffin?" He leaned in towards her, making her lean back. "What d'ya say I show you my bedroom?"
"Ew! No!" Lydia protested. She started to move to get up, but Beetlejuice blocked her way.
"I have something to show ya" Beetlejuice said in a slimy tone. Lydia shrieked when his face morphed into the grossest, goriest thing she had ever seen. His face changed back instantly and he seemed to like her reaction. "You're makin' me the happiest ghost, toots."
He pulled her in for a quick kiss before being pulled off of her. He looked around and found two people standing in his doorway. Lydia looked thankful for the two being there.
"What's the big fucking idea, Jacque!" Beetlejuice screamed.
"That was no regular scream" Jacque said crossing his arms.
"That was a…a…living scream" Ginger said whispering the last part. Lydia sat upright.
"He kidnapped me" Lydia said pointing to Beetlejuice.
"Mon Dieu!" Jacque said. "Be-atle-joose! 'Ave you gone mad!"