CHAPTER ELEVEN - THE COUCH
Lara looked at Catcher. Nestled in the couch. A blanket over him. Rocking slightly. Mumbling words in a whisper. There was sweat on his brow.
"Mommy?" Lara looked up from him.
"Hey baby," Lara yawned. And rubbed her eyes. As her daughter came forward. Holding her plush cat. Mosey. Stretched and old.
"What are you doing out of bed?"
"I couldn't sleep." Which was an obvious lie. She'd probably been sleeping great.
"Did the doctor hurt him?" She turned to Catcher. Looking at his clammy face.
"No, he just cleaned up his cut. And gave him some medicine."
"Is that what the needle was for?"
Lara nodded.
"I don't like needles. Neither does Catcher."
"Did he tell you that?"
"No, but nobody likes needles. Not even junkies, right? That's why they use those inhalers..."
Lara closed her eyes. "Where did you learn that?"
Agatha was silent. Even when her mom looked at her again.
No doubt. She learned it from John.
Speaking of which. "Do you know where your daddy is?"
Agatha shook her head. "He's not home." She didn't seem mad. Or sad. Or concerned. She just simply shrugged it off. Uncaringly.
Lara. Regretfully. Was beginning to feel the same way.
John was gone so much now. She too had stopped noticing. If he was ever here. Or not.
"Do you still love him?"
It snapped her out of thought.
"Who? Your daddy?"
"Yeah."
"Of course I do, sweetie..."
"I don't." the comment sent Lara back.
"Agatha. That's a horrible thing to say." It came automatically.
"But it's true..."
And Lara knew it was. Even in her own heart. The feeling of love was failing. It had been for six years.
"Go back to bed."
Somehow. Agatha knew that was going to be her reaction. And she accepted it.
"He's drooling mom." Agatha crouched down. Looking at Catcher.
"I know," she turned back to him. And dabbed lightly at the spit. "Go back upstairs and go to sleep, alright?"
"Goodnight mom."
"Goodnight puddin' bear. Kisses." A silly name. Agatha looked warily. Then leaned in. And kissed her mom.
"I love you baby." Lara gave her daughter a big squeeze.
"I love you too."
And she went up the stairs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She heard a groan from the other room. And lifted up her head. Craning her neck. Seeing nothing but paper. Dark. And blue.
She'd fallen asleep. Head on the table. And the paper became stuck to her forehead.
She pulled it off. Smiling at herself. Before there was another groan. Rising on wobbly legs. She went to the door. To see Agatha standing next to Catcher. Still in her pajamas. Still holding her cat. Watching him.
"Agatha?" Lara came up. And put her hands on her shoulders. Kneeling down beside her.
Agatha barely turned back. "He's dreaming."
"Yes he is." Lara kissed the side of her daughter's head. Leaving her lips there. Smelling her soft hair.
"I wonder what he's dreaming about..." her head tilted away. Interested.
"I don't know, but we better let him get some more sleep." She patted her on the bum. Trying to shoo her off. But Agatha only turned.
"Can he stay here mommy?" Lara reached up. And wiped the sleep from Agatha's eyes.
"He has his own home."
"But he's alone there. And he's scared." She frowned.
"How do you know that?"
"He told me."
"When?"
"He's always scared." Agatha turned back to Catcher. "I can tell. He doesn't like being alone. It makes his heart hurt."
"Oh honey," Lara wrapped her in her arms. Hugging her warmly. "He's not alone."
"If he goes away he'll be alone" There were tears in Agatha's eyes. Raw emotion. Unobstructed. "He doesn't have anybody."
Lara felt the heat in her eyes. But held back the companion tears.
"He's the only one that likes me mom. He's my only friend." She said sadly. A tear slipping.
"What about Nikky?"
"Nikky treats me like a baby." Agatha crossed her arms. "I hate her."
"I'm your friend sweetie..." Lara tried. Agatha shook her head.
"You can't be my friend. You're my mom."
Catcher groaned. And shifted on the couch. The dream had him.
"Please mommy," Agatha wiped at her tear. "Please let him stay. He's really nice and he won't do anything bad. Please?"
It seemed silly. Treating him as if he were a pet. But her daughter's words. Made sense. "I have to talk to your dad."
"But dad hates him. He'll say no."
"Agatha, daddy doesn't hate him."
"He does so! Why'd he hurt him then?" she worriedly turned back to Catcher. And quieted down. So as not to wake him. "And why does he stay away all the time?"
Lara couldn't answer that. At least not with anything Agatha would believe.
"Mom? Would you let him stay if it was your pick? All by yourself without daddy?"
"We owe you a trip to the park, don't we?" Lara avenued.
"Don't change the subject. Would you? Would you let him stay?" Damn Agatha's beautiful eyes. So real. Her father's weren't real. Not his. At least. Not anymore.
Lara pulled her closer. And kissed her forehead. "Yes Agatha, I'd let him stay."
Agatha smiled. And watched him. Sleeping fitfully. Blankets clutched about him. Her mother watched him too.
"He makes my heart happy." She said quietly. "I think I love him..."
A silly. Cute. Six year old heart. Kind of love.
As if to answer. Catcher sighed contentedly. His arm coming out. From beneath the blanket. His hand touching the floor.
"Do you love him too mommy?" she asked quietly. Craning her neck.
She wasn't asking about the same kind of love.
Lara thought about it. But never answered.
Lara looked at Catcher. Nestled in the couch. A blanket over him. Rocking slightly. Mumbling words in a whisper. There was sweat on his brow.
"Mommy?" Lara looked up from him.
"Hey baby," Lara yawned. And rubbed her eyes. As her daughter came forward. Holding her plush cat. Mosey. Stretched and old.
"What are you doing out of bed?"
"I couldn't sleep." Which was an obvious lie. She'd probably been sleeping great.
"Did the doctor hurt him?" She turned to Catcher. Looking at his clammy face.
"No, he just cleaned up his cut. And gave him some medicine."
"Is that what the needle was for?"
Lara nodded.
"I don't like needles. Neither does Catcher."
"Did he tell you that?"
"No, but nobody likes needles. Not even junkies, right? That's why they use those inhalers..."
Lara closed her eyes. "Where did you learn that?"
Agatha was silent. Even when her mom looked at her again.
No doubt. She learned it from John.
Speaking of which. "Do you know where your daddy is?"
Agatha shook her head. "He's not home." She didn't seem mad. Or sad. Or concerned. She just simply shrugged it off. Uncaringly.
Lara. Regretfully. Was beginning to feel the same way.
John was gone so much now. She too had stopped noticing. If he was ever here. Or not.
"Do you still love him?"
It snapped her out of thought.
"Who? Your daddy?"
"Yeah."
"Of course I do, sweetie..."
"I don't." the comment sent Lara back.
"Agatha. That's a horrible thing to say." It came automatically.
"But it's true..."
And Lara knew it was. Even in her own heart. The feeling of love was failing. It had been for six years.
"Go back to bed."
Somehow. Agatha knew that was going to be her reaction. And she accepted it.
"He's drooling mom." Agatha crouched down. Looking at Catcher.
"I know," she turned back to him. And dabbed lightly at the spit. "Go back upstairs and go to sleep, alright?"
"Goodnight mom."
"Goodnight puddin' bear. Kisses." A silly name. Agatha looked warily. Then leaned in. And kissed her mom.
"I love you baby." Lara gave her daughter a big squeeze.
"I love you too."
And she went up the stairs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She heard a groan from the other room. And lifted up her head. Craning her neck. Seeing nothing but paper. Dark. And blue.
She'd fallen asleep. Head on the table. And the paper became stuck to her forehead.
She pulled it off. Smiling at herself. Before there was another groan. Rising on wobbly legs. She went to the door. To see Agatha standing next to Catcher. Still in her pajamas. Still holding her cat. Watching him.
"Agatha?" Lara came up. And put her hands on her shoulders. Kneeling down beside her.
Agatha barely turned back. "He's dreaming."
"Yes he is." Lara kissed the side of her daughter's head. Leaving her lips there. Smelling her soft hair.
"I wonder what he's dreaming about..." her head tilted away. Interested.
"I don't know, but we better let him get some more sleep." She patted her on the bum. Trying to shoo her off. But Agatha only turned.
"Can he stay here mommy?" Lara reached up. And wiped the sleep from Agatha's eyes.
"He has his own home."
"But he's alone there. And he's scared." She frowned.
"How do you know that?"
"He told me."
"When?"
"He's always scared." Agatha turned back to Catcher. "I can tell. He doesn't like being alone. It makes his heart hurt."
"Oh honey," Lara wrapped her in her arms. Hugging her warmly. "He's not alone."
"If he goes away he'll be alone" There were tears in Agatha's eyes. Raw emotion. Unobstructed. "He doesn't have anybody."
Lara felt the heat in her eyes. But held back the companion tears.
"He's the only one that likes me mom. He's my only friend." She said sadly. A tear slipping.
"What about Nikky?"
"Nikky treats me like a baby." Agatha crossed her arms. "I hate her."
"I'm your friend sweetie..." Lara tried. Agatha shook her head.
"You can't be my friend. You're my mom."
Catcher groaned. And shifted on the couch. The dream had him.
"Please mommy," Agatha wiped at her tear. "Please let him stay. He's really nice and he won't do anything bad. Please?"
It seemed silly. Treating him as if he were a pet. But her daughter's words. Made sense. "I have to talk to your dad."
"But dad hates him. He'll say no."
"Agatha, daddy doesn't hate him."
"He does so! Why'd he hurt him then?" she worriedly turned back to Catcher. And quieted down. So as not to wake him. "And why does he stay away all the time?"
Lara couldn't answer that. At least not with anything Agatha would believe.
"Mom? Would you let him stay if it was your pick? All by yourself without daddy?"
"We owe you a trip to the park, don't we?" Lara avenued.
"Don't change the subject. Would you? Would you let him stay?" Damn Agatha's beautiful eyes. So real. Her father's weren't real. Not his. At least. Not anymore.
Lara pulled her closer. And kissed her forehead. "Yes Agatha, I'd let him stay."
Agatha smiled. And watched him. Sleeping fitfully. Blankets clutched about him. Her mother watched him too.
"He makes my heart happy." She said quietly. "I think I love him..."
A silly. Cute. Six year old heart. Kind of love.
As if to answer. Catcher sighed contentedly. His arm coming out. From beneath the blanket. His hand touching the floor.
"Do you love him too mommy?" she asked quietly. Craning her neck.
She wasn't asking about the same kind of love.
Lara thought about it. But never answered.