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I don't feel quite right about this chapter….but for need of posting I'm giving it to you. Sorry if it sounds like I wrote it at midnight! (Oh wait…I did…)

Chapter Sixteen

It was too much. She had meant to leave her life behind, but she longed to hear from those she left. Just once.

They thought she was dead. Eric was right, it was odd. She had watched their reactions. She had seen what consumed Gibbs; she had saw Tony's grief.

But Kate really had no idea what they were going through over her.

Her hand passed over the phone. Fornell didn't have to know. Gibbs would keep the secret—and he should know.

He would not like knowing one of his agents was being so carelessly used by the FBI.

Kate almost smiled. For as stubborn and hard core as her boss was, he really cared about his team.

She picked up the receiver. Something was telling her it was wrong to do. But something else told her it should be done. She was spilt between two choices. It only took her an instant to decide.

Kate didn't know why she dialed her own number. For some reason, she now did not want to speak with her boss. She longed to call Tony, but it would be strange. McGee was out of the question. But then, with her luck, it would probably go to a recorded, serious message. "We regret to inform you Special Agent Caitlyn Todd was killed in action. If you wish to speak with another NCIS agent, press 1, followed by the pound sign." She expected to hear.

Instead, a voice that made her heart ache with longing answered. "Special Agent Dinozzo." Kate opened her mouth to speak when she suddenly felt the presence of another soul in the room. Eric Bradshaw almost tackled her, and she let out a startled shriek, which he muffled with his large hand. He was breathing heavily, and Kate could see the fury in his eyes as he slammed the phone down.

"Are you crazy! What were you trying to do!" he growled, shaking her rather roughly.

Kate didn't answer. She knew it had been terribly wrong. She understood how selfish it had been. It would have ruined the whole operation, and compromised the safety of many. Maybe, deep down, its what she wanted. Just for things to be right for her, no matter what it caused others.

But she knew that wasn't true. This was the thing she would do.

Eric Bradshaw loosened his grip on her, his eyes softening as he gazed keenly into her troubled face.

Poor Eric! Kate knew his anger at her selfishness was well deserved. He had watched his fiancée die for her whom he know protected; it was a wonder he could accept her in the first place. He tried, and it was his trying, Kate supposed, that swallowed his grief. Somehow, he had been able to be her friend; her solid rock of support, when he should be blaming her for his Heather's death.

Kate pulled her arms away from Eric, and buried her face in her hands. She did not cry—she would not cry now. She sat still a moment, seeing nothing; and hearing nothing but Agent Bradshaw's breathing

He finally dared to speak, timidly putting a hand on the shoulder of this example of intertwined courage and emotion.

"Kate, listen to me. If Fornell knew about this, you have no idea what he would do. I think I can trust you. This won't happen again, do you understand?" his voice was gently.

Kate nodded. "Eric, I don't think I can do this."

"Yes, you can. You are one of the strongest woman I know, and you can do this." He encouraged, giving her shoulder a friendly pat.

Eric then exited, but Kate knew he was still watching her. Every moment was now chronicled. They still did not trust her.

A lone voice kept coming back into her head. Tony. Although she shouldn't have, she was almost glad she had called. Definitely glad to hear her partner's voice. Perhaps, she thought, Eric was right. After hearing Dinozzo's voice, she could get through this. Or anything.

But there was something different in his voice. It wasn't the sound of the usually friendly, high spirited Anthony Dinozzo. He sounded sedate. Listless.

Was it over her? Kate dared to think it. But then again, it could be that girl—was her name Victoria?—had turned him down.

……………………………………….

Agent Bradshaw laughed. "You know, I don't think your boss himself would recognize you."

Kate frowned, "I think you are right—not that I expect to run into him."

"Well, from what I've heard, he tends to appear when you don't want him around" Eric replied, handing her a wool lined cat that she slipped on.

It was Kate's turn to laugh. "You have no idea, Eric."

Within a few minutes Kate could seethe lights to the classy Italian café. Eric dropped her off at the front, and she walked in.

Kate didn't have to look for Fornell; she knew which seat he occupied. She slipped in the seat across from him, and he pushed a plate of garlic breadsticks towards her.

She leaned towards him whispering. "You can't come down to HQ?" she asked.

Fornell looked uneasy. "I think I'm being followed."

"By Al- Qaeda?"

Who else?" was all Fornell said.

"Did you bring--?"

Fornell interrupted her. "Not here." He casually passed the plate closer, and Kate saw, among the golden sticks, a piece of paper. She took it, and a stick, and suddenly got up. She closed the back door softly behind her, and breather in the night air. She felt another presence, but that didn't surprise her. Of course Bradshaw had one of his men following her.

But it was the glimpse into the face that startled her. McGee!

…………………………

Kate groaned to herself. Tony and she had prided themselves on training McGee so well. Now she cursed them for being so thorough. So far, she couldn't even lose McGee.

Hopefully, he hadn't recognized her. But how else would he know of her? How else, unless they were the ones following Fornell. It made sense now. Bradshaw had been right about Gibbs. He appeared when you most wanted him out of your way.

Kate peered behind her. No sign of the young agent.

Carefully, she took the paper in her hands. It smelled strongly of garlic, but it did contain a legible address. Kate squinted at the road sign. Just two more blocks until the right street.

She found it soon. But a shocking sight kept her from entering. Instead, she reached for her radio and contacted Bradshaw, demanding back-up.

They came, and whisked her off. She could only watch as Bradshaw relayed the information second hand.

"Your boss, Agent Dinozzo, and Agent McGee are all inside," he informed her.

Kate's heart sank. So she had not been successful in losing Tim.

No success. Again, Haswari had escaped the clutches of those who sought him. Kate knew one thing for sure now—the mission she both dreaded and longed for was going to have to be put into action.

………………

She carefully strapped on the ankle holster, pulled on the top, and threw her hair hurriedly back into a ponytail. She then surveyed herself. Kate tilted her head to one side. She looked almost right. There was something missing though. She smiled to herself as she slipped the scalpel into her shoe. Perfect, and how ironic. The very weapon she had once not been able to use against him.

Finally, she was to face him again. And this time it was going to be right.

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