Disclaimer: I don't own anything, so Marvel, matchbox20, all other people that I'm ripping off; please don't sue me, I'm a broke little girl and you'll get, maybe, eight or ten notebooks full of my stories, that's it. I do hope you enjoy though, so here's the next chapter!
A wolverine is an animal that's related to the badger family. They like the cold, they're heavy sleepers and they can fight something fierce. They are predatory and are very protective of their families. Logan, who was also called Wolverine, wasn't very far off from his namesake.
"Why don't you just leave so that I can take care of my daughter? You don't know what she needs, we know how to take care of her and you don't," I heard my mother just outside my door as I was waking from my sleep.
"I don't know what she needs? I know her better than you and I know how to take care of her. What she doesn't need is you here tellin' her what to do," Logan said back.
"She's my daughter,"
"I don't care if she's your daughter, you haven't even talked to her since November and when she called, one of you hung up on her, so it doesn't seem to me like you really care too much about her,"
"How dare you accuse us of not caring about our daughter? You haven't known her for a year yet and you think that you know and care about her more than us?"
"See what you've done? You've got Logan and your mother fighting now. Neither of them actually cares about you; they pity you, because you're crazy. This is how you're going to live the rest of your life; depending on other people to always take care of you, to do everything for you because no one trusts you to be on your own anymore. You're sick and you'll never get better, so why don't you go into the bathroom, fill the sink with water and drown yourself in it, it'll all be much better afterwards," one of the voices said to me.
I stood from my bed and began to frantically search for the bag that Storm had brought me with all of my crosses in it. I was digging through the drawers of the table beside my bed, knocking things down in my search while muttering a prayer.
"Please God forgive me of my evil thoughts," I repeated it over and over before my door finally pushed open and Logan and my mother walked into the room.
"What's wrong?" Logan asked as I continued to look around the small hospital room.
"Where are my crosses?" I asked desperately.
"'Ro put 'em in your bag," he said, picking up my backpack that she had filled with some of my things from home. He pulled out the plastic bag and handed it to me, while trying to guide me back to my bed. I sat down and began adding on more of my necklaces until there were nine of them layered around my neck. "What happened?" he asked.
"They won't stop talking, they want me to try to kill myself again, I don't want to," I said, pulling my legs up to me and rocking back and forth.
He sat down beside me and held me, stopping my rocking. "You're not goin' to, I'm not gonna' let you,"
"I just want them to stop," I said, burying my face into his shoulder.
"They're goin' to; the doctors are workin' on makin' it better," he said, pulling me closer to him and holding me tighter. I wondered just how he always knew what to do to make me feel better. "Shh," he cooed, stroking my hair and kissing my forehead. He held me until I calmed down.
"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I didn't mean to freak out like that,"
"It's alright," he said.
"No it's not, if she doesn't learn to not get so out of control every time she hears voices, then she's going to end up hurting herself again," said my mother.
"I said I wasn't gonna' let her,"
"How? You couldn't even keep her from doing it the first time,"
He let out a low growl. "He was at work that night," I said, lifting my head from his shoulder to look up at her.
"Well, is he just going to quit so that he can keep up with you?"
"No, he's not going to quit his job to keep up with me. I'm not a little kid who needs someone to hold my hand everywhere I go," I said, offended by the fact that she didn't even know what I was going through and yet she thought she could just come in and tell me what I needed to do.
"You need someone who can stay with you at all times until your medicine starts working and you start getting better. He can't do that and still have a job, too,"
"I've taken time off," he said.
"What? No, Logan, you can't take time off from teach just to watch me,"
"I'm not, Chuck's movin' your job from workin' with Jean to helpin' me until school' out, I'm just not gonna' be goin' on any missions for a while,"
"You can't do that, without you there's only-"
"Scooter, Jean and 'Ro and Drake'll probably go out on some if he won't be gone long," he said, interrupting me.
"But they need you,"
"I don't care, 'cause right now, you need me more," he said.
"I needed you before any of this," I said with a light smile. "But thank you."
"This is very sweet and all," she said sarcastically. "But she doesn't need to be working while she's sick; I think she needs to go home,"
"She is gonna' go home,"
"I meant her real home, not that school full of-"
"Don't even say it, we're part of those freaks too, momma and you've already demeaned my decision making abilities, as well as being able to take care of myself, so I would appreciate it if you just didn't add to my list of reasons to be upset with you and daddy right now,"
"We weren't demeaning you; we were telling you the truth and trying to do what's best for you,"
"I'm an adult; I don't need you to tell me what to do anymore,"
"I don't care if you are an adult, you're still my daughter and I want to help you,"
"That's awfully funny considerin' you haven't seen her since Thanksgiving,"
"That's not our fault,"
"Then whose is it?" he asked as the door to my room pushed open.
"Good morning," Scott said cheerily, entering my room. "I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?"
"Yes," said my mother.
"No," I said. "This is my momma, Lauren Jameson, I'm sure you remember her,"
"Yeah, hello Mrs. Jameson, I was just dropping off some breakfast for Layla and Logan, I didn't mean to bother you guys,"
"You're always botherin' us, we get used to it," Logan replied.
I gave him a light smack on the arm. "That's not true and you're not bothering us. Thank you for bringing us breakfast, if I have to eat Jell-O again, I might scream," I said, standing, walking over to him and giving him a hug.
"How are you doing today?" he asked, ending our short embrace and handing me a McDonald's bag.
"Good," I answered.
"No she's not, she broke down only a few minutes ago," my mother corrected.
"Well in comparison, I'm doing good today, I'm sorry that you haven't been here long enough to see a bad day, but this isn't one of them so far," I said, passing the bag Scott had handed me over to Logan, who was still sitting on my bed.
"Well, Jean and I decided we wanted to get you something to help you when you're having a bad day," he said, reaching into the pocket of his leather jacket, pulling out a box and handing it to me. I opened it and inside there was a Celtic cross on a beaded silver chain necklace.
"Oh wow, it's beautiful, thank you,"
"You're welcome; you deserve a little something to make you feel better,"
I fastened it around my neck, my new count of crosses adding up to ten, unless you counted my rosary, which made eleven. "Well, they do, so I really appreciate it,"
"Oh, I ordered your hamburger without mayonnaise and tomatoes, but they left the tomatoes on it, so I'm sorry about that,"
"Don't worry about it; I'll just pick them off,"
"Since when do you not like tomatoes?" my mother asked.
"Since I was like, seven or eight," I said, digging through the bag to find my hamburger. I pulled it out and sat back down on the bed beside Logan.
"But you would always eat them at dinner when you were little,"
"Actually, I would trade them with Ben for his green beans,"
There was a look on her face that I had only seen a couple of times before. It was the one where she realizes that there are people whom she barely knows, who know her own daughter better than her. Both times had happened when pertaining to the school. That had been the third time I had seen it.
"Well, I better go and uh, let you eat. I'll come back again tomorrow," she said, her whole demeanor changing.
"Can I talk to you for a second before you leave?" I asked.
"Yeah,"
"Guys, can you excuse us for a second?" Logan let out an aggravated growl as he stood. "Growl all you want later, go take a walk outside with Summers for a while, go smoke a cigar or something,"
"Yeah, let's go take a stroll," Scott said.
"I don't stroll," Logan growled as they both walked from my room.
"Momma, we seriously need to talk," I said once they left.
"About what?"
"About us, we're falling apart as a family; we have been ever since ya'll found out that I was a mutant. I didn't realize it until I got older, but going to school didn't help us, it just took me out of the picture. After that, I was going to college and worried about everything that was going on with it, then I started working as a nurse and again, I was too busy to notice that I didn't fit in with everyone still. It wasn't until after Ben died that I realized how things really were. I love you guys, and I know that ya'll love me, there's no doubt about that, but I feel that ya'll are ashamed of me because of who I am. I didn't choose to be like this, it's just how I was born. I'm sorry that you don't like, or understand or whatever it is that puts you off about my mutation, but it's me and I'm your daughter, your baby. I know that me being sick scares you, but it's a reality, my reality, one that I've had to deal with sooner than I would have liked. I've talked to the doctors, Dr. Grey and Professor Xavier have talked to them too, and none of them believe that I need twenty-four hour attention devoted to taking care of me or else the Professor would have found someway to have that done. My medicine should start working soon and once it does, I will be perfectly capable of being on my own. I know this has been a hard year for you, it has been for all of us, and this is not making any of it better. I may have flown off the handle at Thanksgiving, I don't know if it seemed as though I were blowing things out of proportion or not, because to me, it didn't seem that way, but it means a lot to me that you and daddy got on a plane and came here to check on me,"
"You told us to leave," she said, wiping away tears.
"I was mad at you. I called not even a week ago to see how you and daddy were and while I was leaving the message, you hung up on me. You haven't spoken to me in months, I've been having to deal with all of this on my own and then the two of you just come in and try telling me what to do and trying to make Logan leave, so yeah, I didn't want you here right then,"
"You're my daughter, I know how to take care of you better than anyone else, that's been my job your whole life and I'm sorry, but I don't believe that that…man, can take care of you,"
"He has been for the past seven months. He's been the only person who's stayed right with me the whole time that I've been here. They've all visited me from the school, but aside from going down the hall every once in a while to get me coffee or something, this is the first time that he's left me since I was admitted and if I hadn't asked him to, he wouldn't have left me just now."
"Does he love you?"
I paused. Had she asked me if I loved him, the answer would have been yes. And even with her asking if he loved me, I still felt it was a big, resounding, yes. However, there were voices telling me that it wasn't love, it was pity, that he didn't care about me the way that I did him and that as soon as I got better, if I ever got better, he would leave me. But I knew better than that.
"Yeah," I said, nodding my head. "He does love me, momma,"
"And you love him, too?"
"More than I've ever learned how to love someone. He's my heartbeat, my every breath, the color in everything that I see. I don't know that I could ever have gotten through all of this without him," I said, letting out a sigh.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why is he all of that for you, why do you love him? You two are complete opposites of each other,"
"I think that we're everything the other one is lacking, so even though we are opposites of each other, we make up for it. He's done a lot and I learn from him. He doesn't tease me when I tell him what I want to do. I know that we're different, but we understand each other and that makes it easy to talk to him, which is why we get along so well,"
"But why are you in love with him?"
"Because I know how not to be," I said. And it was the truth, with all that was in me, I knew it was the truth.
"What do you want me to do?" she asked.
"You can stay here if you and daddy promise not to try and get in the middle of my business,"
"Or?" she asked.
"Or you can go home and when I start getting better, you can come up and see me, but while I'm working through this, I can't have you arguing the whole time, which I know that you will,"
I watched her as she stood there for a moment. At one point in my life, I had thought she was the most intelligent, beautiful and strongest woman in the world, as most children think of their mothers. Then I grew up and began to see her flaws and pick her apart for them. She was smart, sure, but not more so than any other woman her age and I thought she was still pretty, though she was beginning to age and time wasn't going so easy on her. But what seemed to hurt me the most to realize was that she wasn't very strong, as a matter of a fact; she was weak. I had watched her fall apart for weeks, months, after Ben died and I realized that she wasn't invincible, she wasn't immune to pain, she was a mother and she, more so than anyone else, was left vulnerable whenever there was a tragedy in our family. It's hard to accept when our heroes prove to be less than perfect, to show their flaws, because we as people, as humans, search for someone that we can look up to and count on, not matter what. Long ago, my mother and father had been replaced by Ben and when he died, Logan took his place. Though I loved my mother, my twenty-four year old mind knew that she was looking for rest, not a place on a soapbox, but she needed to know that even if someone else was taking care of me, I still needed her. We both needed me to still see her through the eyes of a five year old, but I couldn't. Needing her and admitting it would be like showing her my weakness, that's what I thought, anyway.
"You want us to just leave you alone then?"
"No, I want you to know that I'm an adult, one that you raised to make the decisions that I have, and will, and that whatever I do, I have to live with it,"
She nodded her head. "Okay,"
It was hard to watch her leave. Although I was telling myself that I was an adult, I wanted to be a child again, to run to her and have her comfort me. But what I wanted more than that was for it to work, for her to be able to make me forget it all. I needed her to be able to hold me and tell me that I was going to be okay, but she couldn't and I had to watch her walk away knowing that it was gone, the innocence we take for granite until we grow up and it's gone. I had been grown up for a while, but it hit me hard right then and I felt scared. My life seemed to be swirling out of control all around me, I needed something solid to hold onto and as I stood there crying, he walked through my door. Though my mother could no longer hold me and comfort me, Logan could.
The medicine that I was on had all sorts of side effects, one being that I would burst into tears at any given moment, making it awkward for those who were just wanting to finish their eggs and toast at the breakfast table. Others included being hungry all of the time, getting jittery and restless as well as dizziness and blurred vision. Two weeks after being let out of the hospital, school had let out and most of the students went home for the summer. However, I felt immensely embarrassed by the fact that everyone knew why I had been gone. I wanted nothing more than to have merely been known as the school's nurse and yet within those two weeks, every single one of the students knew that I was crazy.
"What are you lookin' for?" Logan asked, entering my room through my open door.
"I've lost one of my crosses, I can't find it and I need it before I go to the doctor today," I said, pulling the cushion from the chair beside my bed and looking under it before putting it back in place.
"Why do you need that one?"
"Well…technically, I don't, but it's gone and it's driving me crazy,"
"Where were you wearin' it last?"
"I don't even have a clue, there's so many of them that I can't keep up with them anymore,"
"How long's it been gone?"
"A couple or three days, I guess, maybe longer, I don't know. I thought I might have just misplaced it so I waited for a while, trying to see if I couldn't remember where it was, but I didn't, so now I have to look for it," I said, casting him a glance every now and then from over my shoulder as I continued my frantic search.
"Do you want me to help?"
"Uh, no," I said, standing in the center of my room with my hands on my hips, looking around at the mess I had just made. "I'm done, I've looked everywhere and it's not in here." I was nervously tapping my foot, all part of the restless movements as a side effect.
"Is the medicine not keepin' you from needin' them all of the time?" he asked, walking up behind me.
"No, the voices haven't stopped and so until they do, I need them,"
He wrapped his arms around me and I leaned back into his embrace. It was one of the only things that could make me unwind when I was feeling uptight with nerves and he knew it, so he would hold me whenever I needed to just stop and relax.
"It's gonna' start workin' soon," he whispered in my ear.
"I'm just so tired," I said.
"Do you wanna' wait and go out another night, then?"
"What, and miss out on our post doctoral visit attempt to clog my arteries with overly processed fast foot? Not for the world," I joked, turning around to face him.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm tired all of the time, I don't think one night would make much of a difference,"
He held my face with both of his hands, twinning his fingers in my hair. "You need some rest,"
"No, I need some caffeine and I would kill for a chocolate cake,"
"Kill Scooter and I'll get you one," he smirked.
"Funny," I said dryly. "Look, I promise that I'll rest when I get home tonight. I'm going to come up here, take a long bath, then get into bed and sleep through tomorrow afternoon,"
"Sounds like fun, I might join you," he said, a smirk still on his face.
"You are such a jerk," I laughed.
"I was bein' nice, I thought you might need some supervision,"
"Oh, how very thoughtful of you," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. "But I think I'll be okay on my own."
"If you change your mind, I'll be willin' to help,"
"I'm sure you would. You are such a man, is that all you ever think about?"
"I get hungry some times,"
"Oh my word, you are terrible. Am I going to need a chaperone now when we're together or can you, at the very least, behave yourself?"
"I'll do my best to behave myself, can't make any promises though, darlin'," he said, leaning down and kissing me.
"Aw, look, their making out, how sweet!" Bobby said sarcastically as he passed by my open door.
"Bobby shut up and keep walkin'," Rogue said, carrying Joey right behind him. "Sorry guys,"
I laughed. "It's fine, don't worry about it," I said as the continued down the hall. He gave me a small kiss before I fell against his chest, letting out a small whine as I wrapped my arms around him. "I don't want to go to the doctor; I'm tired of seeing them and having to tell them what's going on, it's always the same things over and over,"
"I know, but they gotta' make sure everything's workin' right,"
I let out a sight. "Okay, I've got to get dressed,"
"All right, go on,"
I looked up at him. "You don't give up, do you?" I laughed.
"I thought I could try,"
"Well, I'm afraid that unless you have a ring in your pocket and want to spring for a wedding, that's not going to happen any time soon," I said with a wink.
"What kind of ring?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow.
"I don't care, just so long as it doesn't come out of a quarter machine,"
"I guess I'll have to take back the one I got you, then,"
"You are something else," I said, shaking my head. "Now get out of my room, I have to put on real clothes instead of pajamas so that I can have the doctors assess my sanity,"
"I think you look sexy in your pajamas," he smirked.
I was wearing a pair of navy blue track pants with a gray wife beater.
"Well, you're supposed to, but the last thing I want is my doctors hitting on me, that's more than just a little bit creepy,"
"Alright, you can come get me when you're ready and I'll take you,"
"Okay," I said, giving him a small kiss. "Thank you,"
"Don't worry about it darlin',"
"I love you,"
"You too," he said, giving me a small smile and a wink.
I found it odd that our relationship had been strained in the months between Thanksgiving and right before I was sent to the hospital, because he knew that I was keeping things from him. However, once I told him what I had been terrified for him, and everyone else, to know about me, it seemed to make things better. All he wanted was me to be open with him. I may have been crazy, but at least I was honest about it.