Chapter 18 Name You Haven't Earned

They were late to dinner that night, but luckily they were not the most interesting hold up. Haley and Nathan were late because they arrived on route from the hospital, where she had been for two hours before the doctor decided she was in false labor. Haley had not been thrilled with the discovery; she was ready to be done with pregnancy. Even less thrilling was the decision to go to the family dinner anyway. She grumbled about her stomach not fitting under the table as she took her place between Peyton and Nathan.

"Hey, how are you?" Peyton's question was answered by a glare from the petite brunette.

"I'm over eight months pregnant. How were you when you were eight months pregnant? Oh! That's right! Still skinny!" Peyton tried not to laugh, but Haley was funny in her uncharacteristically bad mood. It was true; she had carried all of her children higher than most women, causing her to have a relatively small stomach through every pregnancy. Haley, on the other hand, had gotten a huge stomach during both pregnancies. That caused her to be on bed rest with Jared because her small frame was under too much stress with the extra weight. They were all surprised that, during this pregnancy, the doctor had not yet suggested the same precaution. At the same time Peyton had been yelling at Lucas earlier that afternoon, Haley had been yelling at Nathan in the hospital. It was his fault, after all. Everything was when his wife was over eight months pregnant.

The Scott brothers were visibly exhausted that day, leaving both of their mothers a bit concerned. Peyton was surprised to see Karen and Keith at the family dinner since it did not happen often. Then she realized that Lucas must have invited them to soften the influence of Dan and Deb. Dinner was nearly over when Peyton noticed that Winifred, who was sitting directly across from her, was trying to get her attention. The little girl obviously wanted to get away from the table, so Peyton nodded her consent. Winifred walked around the table and whispered in her mom's ear.

"I'm gonna go lay down in Uncle Nathan's room."

"Okay. We're going to leave soon, alright?" Winifred was on her way out of the dining room when Dan's voice stopped her.

"Where are you going, Winifred?"

"I'm not very hungry," she answered softly, looking down at the floor.

"That's ridiculous," he said with a scoff. "Your grandmother worked hard on this dinner, and you can eat it. It's rude to leave the table while others are still eating."

"Go on upstairs, Fred. We'll come and get you before we leave," Peyton said in a clearly defiant voice. After she had broken up with Nathan all those years ago, she had promised herself that Dan Scott would never bully her again; that stood for her daughter as well. Winifred looked frightened, but she listened to her mom and headed into the hallway.

"Clearly you haven't instilled in your children any form of polite manners," Dan scoffed. He attacked Peyton most often, knowing that it grated at his illegitimate son more than any direct antagonizing. Lucas was tense, but he didn't want to start a scene, not with the children around or Haley in her current condition.

"Peyton and I don't see a point in forcing a kid to eat when they aren't hungry," Lucas defended.

"I never expected you'd be a strict disciplinarian, not with your upbringing."

"Dan," Deb warned wearily. "Stop it."

"We should probably go," Peyton said softly to Lucas. He stood and motioned for Ryan and Ashton to get up. Peyton picked up Gretchen from her highchair and began ushering the boys to the door while Lucas headed up the stairs to get their older daughter.

"Please don't leave," Deb pleaded. "I'm sorry about Dan—"

"It's not just him," Peyton said, deflated. She was tired of putting on a show for people that she would rather not be spending time with. Granted, she would be comfortable with everyone in the room but Deb and Dan. There was something about the house, though, that caused them all to revert back to the days when Dan held control over most of their lives. "Fred doesn't feel well. We should probably take her home anyway."

"You shouldn't indulge her," Dan said, standing up from the table. "The child's clearly a hypochondriac. I have it on good authority that she's missed one out of every two days since school's been in session."

"That's none of your business," Peyton said in a calm, pinched voice. She was very aware of the fact that she was holding Gretchen and she didn't want to scare the child. "And you have no idea what's going on with Fred."

"What is going on with Fred?" Deb asked softly. Peyton looked up to see that everyone was not standing, listening to the tense conversation. Karen and Deb both looked worried, Nathan and Haley both angered by Dan's behavior and concerned with the newfound mystery. Lucas had returned with an almost-sleeping Fred draped in his arms.

"We have to go," Peyton said quickly, sending apologetic looks to Karen and Haley. She simply couldn't deal with the drama right now; all she wanted to do was go home, put her children to bed, and be alone with her husband. Lucas wasn't exactly sure what had transpired in his absence, but he also wasn't in the state of mind to care. He quietly asked Ashton to open the door and then carried his daughter out to their car, where he laid her in the middle seat. The other three, Gretchen in her car seat included, squished into the back seats while Peyton took the passenger seat and Lucas drove.

"You okay?" Lucas asked as he turned out into the road.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm not worried about me."

"You rarely do," he muttered. She ignored him, looking out instead at the splattering of raindrops that were beginning to land on the windshield. When they arrived back at the house, the rain had begun to descend in torrents, making it difficult to get to the house and remain dry. None of them succeeded.

"Ryan, go and start your brother's bathwater in my bathroom," Peyton said as soon as they'd gotten in the door.

"Mom—" He started to whine in protest, but she stopped him immediately.

"Ryan Nathan Scott, start the water." He sulked away, a bit hurt that his mother had yelled at him and not given him a chance to speak.

"Peyton, I'm gonna run to the store. Do you need anything else?" He was looking at her with a meaningful expression and she knew immediately why he was headed out in the awful weather. She shook her head and Lucas trotted off toward the door. He was gone for less than a minute when Peyton's attention was once again waylaid by one of her sons.

"Mama?" Peyton looked down to see Ashton pulling at her skirt.

"What's up, babe?" She was trying to keep her bad mood in check around her kids, but it was growing increasingly difficult.

"We didn't get to finish our chicken. I think that's what Ryan was gonna say—"

"Okay," Peyton said with a sigh, angry with herself for yelling at the little boy. "We'll find something after your baths, okay?" Ashton nodded and ran down the hall to tell his brother. Balancing Gretchen on her hip, Peyton went into the kitchen and searched for something that would suffice for dinner but not prove too heavy to eat before bed. After the other kids were tucked into bed and she supposed Ashton was asleep, Peyton crept up to the boys' room with a tray containing hot chocolate and cookies.

"Can I come in?" She asked Ryan softly. He opened his eyes a bit, finally giving up the pretense of sleep, and nodded. He sat up in bed and Peyton could see that his book light and sketchpad were under the covers, probably in use until he heard her creeping up the stairs. "I'm sorry I yelled at you," Peyton said gently. She set the tray down on the nightstand and then ruffled his hair as she pulled him into a hug. "I know you probably don't want to hear this, but parents are people too. We make mistakes. Sometimes you probably wish you had different parents, but we really do love you. Even if it doesn't always feel that way."

"You're not too bad," Ryan said abashedly, hiding his face. She could only imagine that there were tears welling in his eyes.

"I love you, my little boy," Peyton said gently as she dropped a kiss on the top of his head. "And don't you forget that." She hugged him tightly before letting go and then standing. Reaching the door, she was about to step into the hall when she heard Ryan call after her.

"Mom?"

"Yeah Ry?"

"I love you too." Peyton smiled and blew him a kiss before closing the door. She was able to make it to her bedroom before breaking down into sobs.

"Hey," Lucas said in surprise when she entered. He had already returned home from the store and said goodnight to his kids but this was his first sighting of his wife since they'd first arrived back from Dan's house. "What happened?" She shook her head and laid down on the bed, burying her face in a throw pillow. "Peyton, what's going on now?"

"It's nothing," she said shakily. "I'm just a horrible mother who yelled at her own son for being hungry. I'm taking out my moods on my kids. I promised myself that I would never do that. What's happening to me Lucas?"

"You're stressed out," Lucas answered gently. He picked her up off the bed and cradled her in his arms, wiping the tears from her face before continuing. "And no one expects you to be perfect. Four kids is a whole lot of kids. And with Fred being sick and Gretchen being—Gretchen, it's no wonder you're overwhelmed."

"What are we gonna do if I'm really pregnant? Five kids is more than four kids."

"It is," Lucas answered seriously.

"I don't know if I can handle that," Peyton said with an accompanying look of horror. Her southern accent, thicker than his own, was more evident than usual when she was panicking. Lucas found it incredibly endearing.

"But we certainly can," he answered.

"Are you gonna be pregnant this time?"

"You know I would if I could."

"No you wouldn't," she said crossly. "It's just something men say because they know it can't come true. I'm the one who has to be pregnant for nine months and go through labor." She whimpered at the thought. "Luke, I'm not doing that again. I love my kids, really I do. But I can't be in labor again. I'm now a wimp. I can't deal with pain—"

"Peyton—" He said her name gently, interrupting her nervous rambling.

"Yeah?"

"Maybe we should find out first if there's anything to worry about." She nodded and allowed him to lead her into the bathroom. Twenty minutes later, they were both happy and only slightly terrified to realize that the Scott family was about to grow by one new member.

The title of this chapter comes from a Nickelback song "Never Again"

"Father's a name you haven't earned yet
You're just a child with a temper"