Chapter 32 Tore the Pages All Away

Lucas had called a pre-season practice that night, leaving his family to have dinner without him. The dinner table was quiet between Peyton, Winifred, Ryan, and Gretchen. Ashton had refused to come to the table, no matter what was offered or threatened.

"May I be excused?" Ryan was the first to gobble up his dinner and attempt to escape the stressful atmosphere. Peyton nodded, barely looking up from her own plate.

That evening she continued to slip into a funk so that when Lucas returned home that night, he was greeted with a scowl and a cold shoulder. She was sitting in the living room, working on a sketch and listening to Green Day. Not terribly appropriate to a family atmosphere, she usually kept that type of music for kid-free evenings. Apparently not that evening. He dropped a kiss on Peyton's head, ignoring her obvious bad mood, and continued through the house to check on his kids. Winifred was being incredibly helpful by putting Gretchen to bed.

"Thanks bug," Lucas said as he poked his head into the nursery.

"Hey dad."

"How was your day?"

"It was okay," Winifred said, shrugging her shoulders as she slipped a warm flannel nightgown over her sister's head. "Is mom all right?"

"She's just in a mood," Lucas said easily, "she'll be fine. Don't worry about it, I'll take care of her. Thank you for helping with Gretchen. I don't know what we'd do without you, Fred." He hugged his oldest daughter and then tickled the baby, warranting a giggle. "Good night, Gretch. Sweet dreams." Ducking out of the room, Lucas walked down the hall and peaked into the boy's room where he found Ryan playing a video game.

"Hey Ry, how's it going?"

"Have you seen mom?" The little boy's voice was sarcastic but Lucas knew it was hiding his worry.

"I'll worry about mom. She'll be fine. She's just not having a good day. What about you?"

"I'm good," the boy said resolutely, shrugging his shoulders.

"Any trouble at school?"

"Nope."

"How's Laura doing?"

"She likes Aunt Haley. And she likes helping with Megs."

"Have you seen your brother?"

"He's hiding in the attic," Ryan said nonchalantly, nodding to the trapdoor that lay on the other side of their doorway. Lucas grimaced and pulled the rope, standing back as the wooden ladder unfolded. The light was already on and as he started up the ladder rungs, he heard a small voice call out.

"I'm not up here."

"I know no one's up here," Lucas said loudly, playing along with the game, "I'm just looking for the big ornament box. I hope I don't find any people up here. Just looking for the ornaments," he spoke loudly and kept his eyes closed as he ascended into the attic. He could feel the cold air as he stepped in and hoped that Ashton hadn't been up there for long.

"Dad, go away," Ashton said meekly, his voice not as convinced as his words would indicate.

"Hey, I'm just looking for a box. What are you doing up here, buddy?"

"Thinking," the little boy said, his voice almost a pout. He didn't like being found.

"Can I help? Sometimes it goes faster when more than one person thinks."

"I don't know if that will work," Ashton said after seriously considering.

"Why don't you come downstairs? It's pretty cold up here," Lucas suggested, after shivering as a draft hit him. "Ashton, please. I need to go talk to your mom. And I can't leave you up here. What are you upset about?"

"I can't go back to school."

"Why not?"

"The other kids make fun of me."

"Buddy, we'll talk about this later. I promise. I need you to not worry about it for right now,okay?And trust me, we're not going to make you do anything you don't want to do, okay?" Ashton nodded his head and walked into his dad's arms, accepting the offered hug. He crept down the ladder, spotted by his father, and quietly slipped into his room. Lucas folded up the ladder and closed off the attic, leaving his sons to play together as he went back down to the main floor to deal with a moody Peyton. Unfortunately, she was already curled up in bed, head under the covers, when he found her. Her refusal to acknowledge him angered Lucas but he eventually settled down, deciding that she would be more willing to talk in the morning. He whispered his good night and pulled his arms around her, determined to be supportive despite her foul mood.

"It's not time," Peyton insisted almost hysterically as Lucas carried her to the car. It was dark outside; too late for stars and too early for the first rays of the sun. She had woken up ten minutes before with unbelievable cramps. Lucas awoke just before she let out an unrecognizable scream.

"It's going to be okay."

"This can't be happening again."

"Calm down. It's going to be okay." It was Lucas's only answer as he deposited her in the passenger seat of his car and ran around to let himself into the driver's side. He looked in the mirror as they pulled away and saw Brooke watching from the living room window. Peyton was fairly quiet during the ride but Lucas could see she was in pain; her face contorted every few minutes and she was gripping the door handle so tightly that he was sure she would break it. He pulled into the emergency parking lot and cut the engine, running around to pick up his wife once more. It wasn't until she was in his arms again; half conscious of what was going on, that he noticed she was bleeding. He ran straight into the emergency room and was surprised to find Jake standing near the entrance, waiting with Peyton's doctor. He knew Jake was on call at the hospital once every week, but he rarely worked in the emergency room.

"Brooke called," Jake explained quickly as he gently took Peyton from Lucas's arms and laid her on a waiting gurney. "Hey Peyt, can you hear me?" Jake had pulled a penlight out of his pocket and was shinning it into Peyton's eyes, which were now closed. She wasn't even slightly as coherent as she had been in the car. Peyton's doctor started giving orders to the nurses standing around them and they all began moving towards one of the exam rooms. Lucas followed but Jake quickly stopped him.

"You can't come Luke." Before he could argue, Jake shook his head. "I'll bring her back to you." Lucas watched in horror as they wheeled her away and out of his sight. He numbly found his way to the waiting room and sat motionlessly for a while, not able to process anything. It was almost two hours after they'd first arrived when Jake came back in and put his hand on Lucas's shoulder.

"She's gonna be okay."

"Thank God," Lucas said in a strained voice. He cleared his throat a few times, trying to fight the sobs that desperately wanted to break to the surface. "The baby?"

"I'm sorry man," he said quietly, mournfully. Lucas nodded, the tears finally coming. He stood up and walked away from Jake, looking up at the ceiling as he paced the otherwise empty room. Stopping by a window, he looking out into the breaking dawn and thought about how unfair a day this way; days weren't supposed to begin with such tragedies.

"Does she know?"

"She'll be sleeping for a while," Jake answered. "Dr. Moira wants to talk to you whenever you're up to it." Lucas nodded. There was so much to say but nothing really mattered at the moment. "You can see her. She won't be awake. But if you want to see her—" Lucas nodded and walked back over to his old friend, who was waiting patiently to lead him to his wife's room. She was sleeping, her hands folded neatly on top of the dark pink blanket that covered her. Lucas sat on the chair next to her bed and took her hand, gently playing with the rings on her left hand. He looked up and realized that her other jewelry had been somehow removed in all the commotion.

"Her necklace…"

"It's right here," Jake assured him from the doorway as he dug into his pocket and removed the heavy bangle bracelet, necklace, and earrings. Lucas took them and placed them on the nightstand; she would probably want them right back on when she awoke.

The title for this chapter comes from a beautiful and incredibly sad song currently sung by Kenny Chesney entitled "Who You'd Be Today."