====MORTAL KOMBAT NAZZA-SPONSORED TOURNAMENT 2====

/Tournament Record Re-Entry/

[Begin Tournament Entry #05]

-Round One Fights Part 2-

'Will someone get that dirty alien out of our stands?' said Shao Kahn.

'Can't we just leave her there?' Goro asked.

'Hell no. Even the birds are scared of her.'

==REPTILE==

'Uh, do you think you should be drinking that much?'

Nightwolf and Reptile were at the bar, celebrating their victories. Such a pity Nightwolf hadn't had one yet.

'Says YOU!' said Reptile. He began singing, much to the dismay of the people in the pub: 'My name is (Bob), My name is (Joe), My name is SONYA BLADE!'

'Man, you *are* drunk!'

Sheeva woke up to find herself naked in the podium. 'Aargh! Some bastard stole my clothes!'

==SONYA==

'Johnny, I have a suprise for you...'

Luckily no one was out on the streets that night (except Kano who was asleep on the sidewalk with a Dragonball Z pog as a substitute for his lense, so he couldn't see the hideousness).

The next day, Shao Kahn's voice was heard over the radio again.

'The next people to fight are...Stryker and Scorpion!'

'Damn, I shouldn't go to the pub every night...If the hangover doesn't kill me, Scorpion will...'

==THE STADIUM==

'Hello, and welcome to the stadium for the latest fight in the Nazza-Sponsored Tournament!'

'What's a Nazza?' wondered half the crowd.

'A soft dri-' Kahn kicked Goro, making him shut up.

'Nazza is this word that we came up with,' said Kahn. 'It's actually a word which means "Not really".'

'It's a soft drink!' shouted the Prince of Jelly, who oddly enough was covered with jam.

'Come on, we know masturbating is fun, but really you didn't have to do it right before the match!' said Goro.

The Prince of Jelly blushed.

'Our contestants for today: Stryker, the guy who knows all of his weapons personally, versus Scorpion, who wears the same clothes as Reptile and Subzero. I know the outfits are all different colours, but really, try something else for once!'

'GET OVER HERE!' shouted Scorpion.

'No, not yet,' said Kahn. 'I now hand you over to Goro, the commentator for this fight.'

'Get ready, get set, go to Coffs Harbour in Australia and see the Big Banana!'

'He does this every time,' said a guy in the audience.

'Why don't you go toss a salad,' said Prince of Jelly.

'Looks like you've already been tossing.'

'BEGIN THE FIGHT!'

Stryker and Scorpion eyed each other.

'Scorpion stings can be deadly,' said Scorpion.

'Nah, YOU THINK?'

Stryker pulled out what he thought was a gun and "firing" it. It was only when the whole stadium laughed that he realised he'd grabbed a grenade instead.

He threw the grenade at Scorpion, and it stayed at Scorpion's feet. For a whole minute. And it didn't explode. 'Hey Stryker! You forgot to pull the pin!' said Scorpion.

'I - I meant to do that on purpose! It's not my fault I have a hangover!'

He ran at Scorpion, jumped and launched a kick. Scorpion grabbed his shoe, and Stryker fell to the ground, with sore shoulders and neck. 'Give me back my shoe!'

'Never!' Stryker kicked, and his shoe hit Scorpion in the face. Stryker jumped back up, and punched Scorpion in the gut.

'Haha!'

He jumped back a few metres, pulled out a grenade and, making sure he pulled the pin this time, threw it at Scorpion, who was still in pain. It exploded, and a grey mist hid Scorpion (or what was left of him) from the viewers in the crowd.

Stryker smiled, as he watch Shao Kahn step up to the microphone, about to announce Stryker as the winner, when the mist cleared away to reveal Scorpion standing there.

'Next time, try using a *real* grenade instead of an itchy bomb!'

'But - but I thought it would work!'

'Duh! I'm wearing this suit, it practically covers every square inch of my body!'

Scorpion stepped back, and continued walking backwards. Stryker was confused for a few seconds, then realised what Scorpion was about to do.

That's right, he pulled out a sandwich.

'Whoops, why'd I do that?' Scorpion dropped the sandwich, and stepped back a few more steps.

Stryker's face was white, his knees shaking. 'GET OVER HERE!' A snake shot out of Scorpion's hand, grabbing onto Stryker. It pulled him over to Scorpion, who uppercutted him. Stryker lay there, twitching from the snake poison.'

'SCORPION IS THE WINNER!'

'Goro, that's my job! It's unfair, you're a meanie!'

'Am not!'

'Am so!'

'Am not!'

'Am so!'

Scorpion looked down on Stryker's twitching body. 'Next time try actually fighting.'

===============SCORECARD===============

Stryker

0-1

Scorpion

1-0

=======================================

Goro walked out into the empty stadium as the sun set, and dragged Stryker out onto the empty street (the resort is closed off because of the tournament).

'Good doggy,' said Shao Kahn. 'You learned a new trick!'

==SHANG TSUNG==

'Jeez, have I been asleep all this time?'

'No,' said Rayden. 'I've been controlling you to do my deeds.'

-Flashback-

'Can I lick the bowl?'

'No. Keep on cleaning the toilet.'

-Back to the Present-

'Gross!' said Shang Tsung.

'Hehehe...'

==SMOKE==

'What's-this-strange-smelly-substance-coming-out-of-my-anal-area?'

==SONYA==

'Hey babe.'

'What the hell are you doing in my house?'

Kano, who stood there with a bottle of beer in his hand, fell on his face, in the middle of the doorway.

Sonya grinned, grabbed the door and began swinging open and closed, squishing Kano in between. 'This is fun!'

==NEXT DAY==

'Welcome to the tournament!' announced Shao Kahn. 'Goro will commentate for this match.'

'Hello Springfield!'

There was silence in the crowd.

'Ahem, this match pits Johnny Cage, the overly arrogant movie-star (heh, in his dreams) against Subzero, who has the same outfit as Scorpion and Reptile! Doesn't it get hot when you're battling?'

'My suit's air-conditioned.'

'Oh. Okay, get ready, get set, GO HAVE A BANANA SMOOTHIE!'

Kahn whacked Goro over the head, and he fell to the ground. 'BEGIN THE MATCH!'

'The master of cool is here to thaw you out!' said Johnny Cage.

'I know you've starred in crappy movies before, but that's the lamest line I've ever heard! Everyone knows *I'm* the master of cool.'

'Technically you're the master of cold,' said Goro.

'Whatever.' Subzero was just about to attack when Cage turned around and slid backwards around him.

'Huh?!? Cage's made some bad movies in his time, but him moonwalking? If he's trying to confuse Subzero, he's succeeding. If he's trying to make himself look like a weirdo, he's succeeding.'

'Master of cool? Sheesh, moonwalking went out of fashion three months before it came out!' Subzero shot out a beam of ice on the ground behind Cage, and he slipped over.

The crowd roared. With laughter.

'He's made a laughing stock out of himself, in true Michael Jackson-style,' said Goro.

Cage stood up, brushed himself off and pulled out a comb, brushing his hair.

'Come on, cut the crap!' said Subzero. He shot another beam of ice at Cage, but he jumped out of the way at the last minute. Err, second.

Cage ran at Subzero, leapt up into the air, and stuck his foot out. Everything froze Matrix-style while Cage pulled out sunglasses and put them on, then un-froze, kicking Subzero in the face.

'Oh no!' cried Subzero, holding his face. 'Now I'll look like you!'

'He hit the deck like a sack of spuds!' cried Goro.

'Yes, he sure did sack the deck like a...spud the sack like a deck of...what did you say?'

'Never mind.'

Subzero got back up, revealing a bleeding nose, and began laughing hysterically.

'Cage is - he's - Johnny's skipping! What a girl!'

Cage continued skipping around Subzero, while dodging beams of ice. Unfortunately, Subzero hit him eventually and he froze on the spot, covered with ice.

Subzero walked up to him calmly, and uppercutted him so far up he thought he was flying. The force was enough to shatter the ice encasing that had surrounded him.

'Haha!' said Cage, as he landed.

Subzero shot at him again, but this time Cage dodged it in a non-weird way. He launched himself into the air, and was about to land on Subzero and win the match, when Subzero moved out of the way and kicked him in the back.

'And Subzero's not down! But Cage is!' said Goro.

'SUBZERO IS THE WINNER!'

'I wasn't cool enough...' said Cage.

'Dude, you weren't cool to begin with!'

N.B: The "hit the deck" joke was taking from the almighty Billy Birmingham, aka The 12th Man! He's great, he's australian, get his CDs now and laugh! WARNING: 12th Man contains Eminem-level swearing and high-level sport references.

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TO BE CONTINUED...