====MORTAL KOMBAT NAZZA-SPONSORED TOURNAMENT 2====

/Tournament Record ReCycled/

[Begin Tournament Entry #06]

-Round One Fights Part 3-

As always, someone was sitting at the pub. This time it happened to be Cage.

'Reptile, do you think I'm cool?'

'Hmmm, you are warm-blooded, so you can't be cool,' said Reptile. 'Only lizards can be cool.'

'Probably not the best person to ask. Stryker, do you think I'm cool?'

'You're the star of those "Cage Tournament" movies, right?'

'Yeah,' said Cage. 'You're the first person who's asked me that!'

'Don't get hyped up,' said Stryker. 'The Cage Tournament trilogy is worse than Lord of the Rings and Back to the Future put together!'

'Awww, I'm really that bad?'

'Only as an actor.'

'I wasn't acting in those movies.'

'Sorry your life is so screwed up, man.'

==SMOKE==

'I-am-going-to-partay-tonight! Partay-tonight! Partay-tonight! Hey!-What-are-you-doing-drinking-all-my-oil?'

The red robot dropped the oil can and ran. Luckily he was so drunk he didn't notice that the garage door was closed.

==NEXT DAY==

'Hmmm, everyone's fought in the tournament except me,' said Kabal. 'And Rayden, and Smoke, and Shang Tsung. And Shao Kahn. And Motaro. And Goro. And Cyrax. And Sektor. And Kitana. And -'

'Jeez, just shut up and get in bed with me,' said Sheeva.

==SMOKE==

'I-need-to-fight-soon-or-I'll -'

'And now, the fighters for the sixth battle!' announced Shao Kahn over the radio. 'It will be...Kabal versus Smoke!'

'Yay! A-fight!'

==THE STADIUM==

'Welcome to this battle on this fine day!' said Goro. 'The sun is shining, the birds are out, perfect weather for a fight -'

Suddenly it began to rain.

'Oh crap!'

'I-am-up-against-my-first-opponent. This-is-exciting!'

'Who programmed you to say this shit, George Lucas?'

'And we have Smoke, the guy who was turned into a robot, up against Kabal, the guy who was severely raped and turned out like he is, looking like the predator -'

'Racist bastard!'

'Get ready, get set, get -' Suddenly Goro was gagged by Shao Kahn.

'I just knew he was gonna say something about bananas!' said Kahn. 'BEGIN THE FIGHT!'

Smoke summed up his opponent. Kabal summed up the size of his balls. They both came to the conclusion that it wasn't so big.

'Come on you stupid robot! Attack me!'

Smoke lunged at Kabal, punching him in the face. Suddenly steam began emptying his mask. 'No! My face! My beautiful face!'

'Haha!' said Smoke. Suddenly he took a blow to the face, and oil leaked out of it. Smoke responded by leaping at him and kicking him in the head.

Kabal fell to the ground. 'You're going down, stupid robot!'

'I-am-not-stupid, I-just-don't-have-a-brain-anymore.'

Kabal jumped back up, and punched Smoke with both hands. Smoke flew back several metres, and crashed onto the ground. Pools of oil leaked out of him.

'It looks as though Smoke isn't getting up,' said Goro. 'I think he's dead.'

'I'm-not-dead-*cough*-I'm-just-not-up-to-fighting-anymore. You-are-a-biased-*cough*-commentator!'

'That's strange,' said Kabal. 'I didn't think robots needed to cough.'

'Oh,' said Goro, 'and now he's coughing up blood...'

'That's oil,' said Kahn.

'I can't help if I'm colour-blind!'

'Hey, stupid robot, you're not faking this are you.'

Smoke lifted up one arm, trying to sit up, but collapsed.

'KABAL IS THE WINNER!'

==================SCORECARDS==================================

Kabal

1-0

Smoke

0-1

==============================================================

Subzero and Scorpion were at the bar discussing things. 'You know what?'

'What?'

'I don't know,' said Scorpion, 'I was asking if you knew.'

'That's helpful.'

'No it isn't! Say, what do you think about Reptile?'

'Don't know,' said Subzero. 'He's okay I guess.'

'You know what I think?'

'You're drunk.'

'No, that's not what I think,' said Scorpion. 'I reckon, Reptile is actually a dinosaur under his costume. Or a reptile of some sort.'

'Don't be stupid,' said Subzero. 'They'd have to have run out of good plots for that to happen.'

==THE NEXT DAY==

'Welcome to the seventh fight of the tournament! Bring out the big guns!'

'As always, I will be commentating for this match,' said Goro. 'We have Shang Tsung, the big ugly freak with the power to transform into anyone at will!'

'I'm not a freak!' shouted Shang Tsung. He then proceeded to dance around the stadium like a monkey.

'Did we mention he's evil?'

'That's right,' said Kahn. 'He's one evil monkey.'

'Tsung used to be Shao Kahn's servant, and he is skilled in the arts of being a wanker -'

Tsung death stared Goro.

'I mean, skilled in the arts of conjurer-ism. Tsung will be facing off against Rayden, the guy who wears the funny hat and white clothes.'

'I can defeat you easily,' said Shang-Tsung.

'Unfortunately, you need skill to win.'

'Get ready, get set, GO! BEGIN THE FIGHT!'

Shang Tsung began concentrating. Rayden stood there, not knowing what was happening, then suddenly Tsung threw his arms forward. A gigantic green psychic ball flew at Rayden, but he didn't dodge it. Instead, he kicked it, and it flew at Shang Tsung exploding in his face.

'Aargh!' screamed Shang Tsung. 'You'll pay for that?'

'Haha! I'm broke!' Rayden stuck his tongue out at Tsung.

Tsung jumped back up, and began punching at Rayden wildy. Rayden blocked every time, and then kneed Tsung, causing him to crouch over in pain.

'I thought you didn't have anything down there to hurt!' said Rayden, sticking his tongue out again.

'You're so immature.'

'Am not!'

'Am so.'

'Am not!'

'Am so.'

'Am not!'

'Am -' Rayden kicked Tsung in the face, then laughed. 'You suck!'

Tsung stood up, and suddenly there wasn't any blood on his face. 'You underestimate fighters too easily.' He was about to swing a punch when Rayden beat him to it.

'Ooh! Rayden's punching Tsung in the face! Again! And again! And again! And again! And again!'

==TEN MINUTES LATER==

'And again! And again! And...Tsung has collapsed! Rayden is the winner!'

'Ahem!' said Shao Kahn. 'Don't steal my line.'

'Well, say it then.'

'RAYDEN IS THE WINNER!'

'When we have a rematch, I'll kill you!' said Tsung, blood pouring out of his face.

'Ooh, just like you did today?'

==================SCORECARDS==================================

Rayden

1-0

Shang Tsung

0-1

==============================================================

N.B. There were NBs on the other two chapters, so I thought there should be one here as well. :P

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NEXT EPISODE: Halfway there. To the end of Round One, I mean. Then there's Round Two, and Round Three, and Round Four...And Round Five...